How long should you wait before getting married?
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
+1
I don't think there's any formula for this. Each situation is different. Go with what's right for you and your significant other.
Frankly, I can see myself getting married to a person a few months after meeting him and being happy with it, but that depends on the type of person he is and how open we are with each other.
Its an individual thing, its different for everyone, but on the side of caution I would give it at least 3-5 years of solid "relationship" time and live together for a good chunk of that time so you can see what it would be like to be together so closely. Make sure that your personalities are consistently complimentary, and its not just the position you find yourself in in life right now that you use to make your choices.
First and foremost, I would agree with waiting to settle down later in your mid-twenties. Although, I am extremely happily married and did so when I was 21 (a year ago from December), it is hard because we are still trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives in the respect of careers, we are both in the Army and you can make your own decisions on how that may or may not help the situation and we are both either INFP or INFJ, or so I assume, and that indecisiveness factor doesn't help. In conclusion, both of you having solid career paths or knowing what you want to do (which can be hard) will help tremendously.
Second, I would also advise that you live together for awhile (5-6 months). This gives you a feel for how responsibilities will be divided between you two, because they may have a different idea of who should do what. For example, I got lucky because she can and enjoys cooking. SCORE!
But if neither of you like to cook, someone may have to learn and that is not easy and can be very demanding as small of a task as it seems. This will incorporate with it growing pains that you will have to endure and resolve.
Hope this helps and good luck!
~Stephen
Second, I would also advise that you live together for awhile (5-6 months). This gives you a feel for how responsibilities will be divided between you two, because they may have a different idea of who should do what. For example, I got lucky because she can and enjoys cooking. SCORE!
But if neither of you like to cook, someone may have to learn and that is not easy and can be very demanding as small of a task as it seems. This will incorporate with it growing pains that you will have to endure and resolve.Hope this helps and good luck!
~Stephen
Well, my husband and I were married only nine months after we met so... lol
It's actually not an easy question for me to answer since prior to marriage I thought I'd want to be with someone at least a year before taking the plunge and since then have come to appreciate the ability to confirm your compatibility with someone through prayer. Sounds weird, I know, but worked for us.
Edited to say that I don't agree that living together is necessary though I do agree that waiting until you're well into your twenties is a good rule of thumb. Not only did my husband and I not live together beforehand we also abstained from sex (mostly, haha!) until then as well and it hasn't taken away from our experience one bit.
+1
First and foremost, I would agree with waiting to settle down later in your mid-twenties. Although, I am extremely happily married and did so when I was 21 (a year ago from December), it is hard because we are still trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives in the respect of careers, we are both in the Army and you can make your own decisions on how that may or may not help the situation and we are both either INFP or INFJ, or so I assume, and that indecisiveness factor doesn't help. In conclusion, both of you having solid career paths or knowing what you want to do (which can be hard) will help tremendously.
Second, I would also advise that you live together for awhile (5-6 months). This gives you a feel for how responsibilities will be divided between you two, because they may have a different idea of who should do what. For example, I got lucky because she can and enjoys cooking. SCORE!
Hope this helps and good luck!
~Stephen
Well said.
I fall along the path of "who says you have to get married" but strangely enough my morals also preclude living together. I'm not saying that I am against marriage but rather it isn't very important to me to be married. I would want the process to be organic. If he wants to get married, he can ask and I can accept. That doesn't make for a timeline. I would however, insist on at least 1 or 2 years of being engaged. I would think you would need the time before you said such vows to another person. The worst thing to be is an oathbreaker and they are called marriage vows for a reason.
I'm not sure I follow. The pet peeve is because you take vows when you get married or that if you break them that makes you an oathbreaker? BTW I am not anti-divorce. Vows can be recinded at any time but most people choose to break them first and rescind as an afterthought.
Yes.
But on a serious note, if you were to read what I put when I gave +1 to your reputation you'd see "I hate oathbreakers!" as the reason for it.
Personally I would say dating for about one and a half years at least, then being engaged for at least six months. But that's a generalization based on my experience; I've been able to figure out how compatible I am with a person on all the important levels by that time. It usually seems to take about a year for the skeletons to come out of the closet.
Mostly it just depends on how long it takes for the couple to be honest with each other about their needs, wants, and how well their life goals match. Some people can do this quickly; others it takes forever...so there can be no real formula.
Mostly it just depends on how long it takes for the couple to be honest with each other about their needs, wants, and how well their life goals match. Some people can do this quickly; others it takes forever...so there can be no real formula.
I agree about economic stability unless one of the partners is permanently disabled. In that case I think it really depends on whether the person with them is willing to be poor all their life or not.