How does love work for Ni/Fe users? | INFJ Forum

How does love work for Ni/Fe users?

Billy

Billy

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Jul 18, 2009
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I was laying in bed with the girl I have been seeing last night, well we have been seeing each other pretty consistently for a month or two but nothing is official although we have had sex a bunch of times...

anyway when she is not around I tend to just focus on my life and I dont think of her much, there are things about her I love an things about her I dislike.

But when she is here with me I am "taken in" by her and I cant help myself. Last night we were laying in bed kissing and stuff as I said and it was VERY emotional all of a sudden for me, I think I was picking up on her state and I had an overwhelming urge to tell her that I loved her. I didn't because I felt deep down that I might not, but when she was kissing me and stuff I wanted to say it, and I felt like I was really in love with her, but I couldn't tell if it was authentic or just me responding to her. I know that she is seriously into me, but I dont think I feel the same. (YET) It takes a long time for me to fall in love with someone and a long time to fall out of love with someone.

Anyway...

I wanted to know if other Ni/Fe types had a similar thing going on in thier noggins when they are in that kind of a situation.

My last girlfriend I told I loved her when I didnt, on the premise that I felt I would love her down the road if we were together long enough, but at the time it was the same exact thing. I feel the emotions of those around me, but its like I have no genuine feelings of my own up front, it takes a long time for them to develop.
 
You could be picking up on her developing love for you, in which case you sounded very compassionate about her. Give it more time to see a pattern of how you truly feel. Time tells everything.
 
Thank God it's not just me. When I can sense someone falling for me, I get the overwhelming feeling that I love them, too (usually it turns out the feeling is fabricated). It makes me feel like a terrible person, because I will tell them I love them -thinking it is true- only later to realize I've led them on.
 
rnd1231 said:
Thank God it's not just me. When I can sense someone falling for me, I get the overwhelming feeling that I love them, too (usually it turns out the feeling is fabricated). It makes me feel like a terrible person, because I will tell them I love them -thinking it is true- only later to realize I've led them on.
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Its horrible to find that realization. I've done that a few times not intentionally, and it really messes things up. Its like it takes me for-ev-er to figure out how I feel about someone I am "seeing" Is it supposed to take 6months+ to find out? I dont know... I think it does for me.
 
solongotgon said:
You could be picking up on her developing love for you, in which case you sounded very compassionate about her. Give it more time to see a pattern of how you truly feel. Time tells everything.
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It was pretty intense feeling... my heart started pounding all hard like. I even said as such and she was feeling my chest and giggling about it and just said im too cute... but deep down on my intuitive level I am saying to myself "this isnt real, this isn't real, you don't feel anything! Don't lie!"
 
Another question, the girl in question is an ENFJ...

Fe based. How do I know she isnt doing the same thing? In which case, who the hells feelings are being felt?
 
To my knowledge, I've never had my feelings foreshadowed by another person's feelings.
 
Billy said:
Its horrible to find that realization. I've done that a few times not intentionally, and it really messes things up. Its like it takes me for-ev-er to figure out how I feel about someone I am "seeing" Is it supposed to take 6months+ to find out? I dont know... I think it does for me.
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Once I've made the verbal commitment of love, I do everything I can to make it true. I just hate the thought of disappointing the other person. In cases in which it's not forced love, I fall quickly and deeply. I don't think it makes you unusual to take awhile to figure out your emotions, though- on the contrary, I think it shows that you don't want to rush into things. You should pride yourself in that. I believe it means you are mature when it comes to relationships. Then again, maybe you will one day find that special someone who makes you fall in love rather quickly. ;)
 
rnd1231 said:
Once I've made the verbal commitment of love, I do everything I can to make it true. I just hate the thought of disappointing the other person. In cases in which it's not forced love, I fall quickly and deeply. I don't think it makes you unusual to take awhile to figure out your emotions, though- on the contrary, I think it shows that you don't want to rush into things. You should pride yourself in that. I believe it means you are mature when it comes to relationships. Then again, maybe you will one day find that special someone who makes you fall in love rather quickly. ;)
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Well I was with someone who didnt match me at all for 8 years and I was very quick to make that commitment against my internal thoughts. And it took 8 years to get out of it.

My urge to rush in and make it all official remains as well, I am much more mature these days about it though and don't just throw caution to the wind. Last time I did that I almost lost my soul.
 
When I fall for someone, I fall for them, hard. They are on my mind quite literally every hour of every day. It's horribly painful to be honest.

I bend over backwards and twist myself into shapes that I didnt even know were possible to make things work. It's something I have to work on.
 
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Wow, this is so alien to me. I can't sense other peoples feelings. Certainly not love.

I find it rather strange that INFJ would have a sexual relationship with anyone within a short period of time considering how long it takes to get to know one on a personal level.

I believe there is a difference between genuine love and sexual needs and urges.

Are you sure your not only using her for your own sexual pleasure?
 
Billy said:
Well I was with someone who didnt match me at all for 8 years and I was very quick to make that commitment against my internal thoughts. And it took 8 years to get out of it.

My urge to rush in and make it all official remains as well, I am much more mature these days about it though and don't just throw caution to the wind. Last time I did that I almost lost my soul.
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It's good that you have matured in that aspect. I could learn from that. I think I may be putting myself in such a situation as we speak.
 
Hotkebab said:
Wow, this is so alien to me. I can't sense other peoples feelings. Certainly not love.

I find it rather strange that INFJ would have a sexual relationship with anyone within a short period of time considering how long it takes to get to know one on a personal level.

I believe there is a difference between genuine love and sexual needs and urges.

Are you sure your not only using her for your own sexual pleasure?
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No more then she is using me for hers... we are pretty intimate, I like to hold her close and stuff and feel the good vibe. I look at sex in a relationship like a necessity... if it doesn't exist and a girl isn't letting me be physically close to her I have a much much harder time to fall in love I think. Or maybe I am wrong and sex complicates things. you might have a point about that.
 
Satya said:
I've never had trouble distinguishing my feelings from another person's feelings.
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Truly? I lose mine all the time and hone in on other peoples. Case in point I was crying like a sissy lad today watching the new version of Christmas Carol thank god I had those insane 3D glasses on so she couldn't see. I didn't even know why I was tearing up, it came from nowhere internal. This happens to me all the time. I cant even look at a baby crying.
 
IndigoSensor said:
When I fall for someone, I fall for them, hard. They are on my mind quite literally every hour of every day. It's horribly painful to be honest.
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Same for me. All or nothing. I never have to think about this.
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IndigoSensor said:
When I fall for someone, I fall for them, hard. They are on my mind quite literally every hour of every day. It's horribly painful to be honest.

I bend over backwards and twist myself into shapes that I didnt even know were possible to make things work. It's something I have to work on.
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It hurts so much, you're right, it IS horribly painful...

my ISTP boyfriend loves me too,,, but I do believe that my feelings for him are stronger and deeper. How do I know this? Because I CAN feel how he feels, and what he feels for me IS love, but his version of love for another, is less concentrated than mine.

He replies to my question sometimes when the moments feel good and comfortable, (like when we are talking over our cigarettes and cigars (yeah, I know, how romantic), that yes, he is willing to do whatever he can to make the relationship work.... and here I am saying that I will do whatever it TAKES to make it work. Yes, I am well experienced in twisting myself into impossible shapes in order for the relationship to have success, too.

To work on it though, feels like a step down for me, somehow. Like I am having to hold my feelings back, in order to not do this, but it seems as though people don't understand this, so I don't usually express it because I feel vulnerable if I'm challenged on my views and feelings. If I am with someone who cannot love me back and treat me with the same adoration and devotion that I treat him with, then I should just do myself a favor, and either get over my "needs" from another, or break it off. I just feel so frikin stuck, because both, seem like not an applicable option for someone with a heart like mine... It's lonely sometimes, to be an INFJ with these feelings around love and relationships.

That's my whine for tonight!
 
I say simply, don't say it, just feel it. If it's real, it will stay. Or you can try what I once did, "I love you, right in this moment." It didn't really work for me, but it was funny for a while.
 
IndigoSensor said:
When I fall for someone, I fall for them, hard. They are on my mind quite literally every hour of every day. It's horribly painful to be honest.

I bend over backwards and twist myself into shapes that I didnt even know were possible to make things work. It's something I have to work on.
Click to expand...

Yes, i do this emotionally as well.
 
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