How does an INFJ show interest? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

How does an INFJ show interest?

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

I try to make subtle eye contact. I tend to stare when I like a girl, so I'm always trying to be discreet, lol. I don't want to come off as a weird guy.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

I honestly don't know when someone's flirting with me. When someone looks my way I assume something is on my shirt or they're looking at someone else, lol.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

Oh yeah. That's why I'm all about subtly. I don't want to be that guy...

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

No. I like knowing, lol.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?

Sometimes.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

I go with the flow. Because you never know if this car might turn around, lol.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

I think I've experienced it, then lost it. So no, never again for me.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

I'm not overly affectionate physically. But I will take the time to do little things to show that I care.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?

Nervous, lol. But I do like the newness of relationships, I feel all excited and everything.

10. Would you ask your date out again?

If I thought the first one went well from both sides.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

I like laid back cool chicks. The type that definitely have more beneath the surface. And can appear to be so many things at once.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

I think I know within the first week whether or not the relationship will go anywhere.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

The staring/grinning, lol. I'm working on toning it down, but some girls are just so..wow.
 
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
"Catch the eye?" If I actually see a women I'm attracted to (very rare) I'll get up and go start a conversation, usually starting by commenting on something in the environment. If I don't, then I'll regret it...yay...

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Refer to Number 1.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I usually end up riding the wave she started while reflecting back the emotion she showed me.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Sure, if she looks good enough. "What's 'good' then?" Well, that depends...

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
This question is too broad. If you refine it, I'll answer.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Going with the flow is so much more fun. Also, the part of me that wants to define the relationship is the insecure part, so I ignore it.
My first relationship was like that, where I felt I needed to define it the entire time. It helped to completely stress me out.
Now that I've thought about it, I guess I do define it by making the first move (especially physically, i.e., how far we can go / holding her back).

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
...depends on what I'm wearing?
Usually though, it's a woman's personality I fall for. If she uses pet names for everyone like "Love" and "Darlin'" and is very flirtatious, then I'm probably hooked right there, so much that she starts looking good.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I basically "train" the other party to get used to living without PDA by never ever doing it. My problem with it is that I feel like I'm trying to show off, and showing off is wrong (using Virtue Ethics). Because PDA is showing off, and showing off is wrong, PDA is wrong. As such, no PDA.
So, non-public displays of affection...private displays of affection, I'm all for. Usually, even with family and friends, no one touches me and I don't touch anyone; I decided young that wasn't for me. However, with a significant other, I'll show gestures of affection, usually dependent on what she's wearing (seriously) or how interested I am at the moment.
Finally, hugs generally annoy me. I hugged my last girlfriend's mother more than I hugged the girlfriend. When her mother asked her if she could hug me, my girlfriend said, "You just don't do that to him." Usually, I'd rather kiss. However, there is a time and a place for everything, and sometimes, a hug is the best fit. In those moments, they're amazing.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I like to think we're all friends, so I try to act like I do with my best friends. ...except, I'm actually flirtatious on a date.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Sure, but not while on a date. Gotta keep her guessing; I'll call later and ask.
Also, I'll be the one asking out here; it'd be weird if she asked me out for another date.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
She should come up and start a flirty conversation. That's hot.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I go with the flow until at some point, it just kinda happens.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Regarding the 'first meeting,' I can't really think of anything. I try to act the same no matter whom I'm talking to, so in theory I don't show anything to an interest that I wouldn't show to anyone else.
In the end though, probably more smiling and flirting...



Holding myself back in the beginning of a relationship. I'm uber-fast paced when it comes to mental/emotional intimacy (but somewhat slower than normal when it comes to sexual intimacy lol). So, I have to be careful how strongly I come on once I decide I really like a person.
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I completely agree with this.
 
How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

Usually I really don't, but if I'm really interested in a person I'll try to use my intellect to impress them. Perhaps I'll start talking about something silly initially, like Chicken Feet Bracelets, but then it will get into a discussion about farming wadges, how animal parts are not used completely in the slaughtering process, etc.

How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
It really depends on their method. If they dress up or something, I'm flattered, but I'm more flattered if they make an effort to send me links to thought-provoking studies or a book they think I might like, perhaps lending me one they think would strike my fancy.

Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I'm direct with relationships. I like to be able to have discussions with a potential partner about where we see the relationship going, what boundaries we have, if it's really worth the bother. I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you can't talk to, and if the person you are dating is unwilling to discuss the relationship and prefers to 'live it' rather than analyze it, I think it will fail. In my style of dating, that relationship would fail.

What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

Absolute bullshit. Love develops, it grows. As a matter of fact my definition of love is different than most views. Love is a state of mind- it is a mental projection. Therefore, it is easy to fall in and out of love depending on that's your current state of mind. Thoughts affect the way we view things, and if we are constantly thinking, I love this person, this person is great, then we do. If we are constantly thinking, I hate this person, I want out of this relationship, then you do. It's all attitude. And as far as 'love' goes, that's a commitment between two people. No, not to be together forever. To support each other. To do what they think is necessary to sustain each other as well as the relationship. And if they see it fit that the relationship be ended, so be it. Now that's love.

What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

I don't particularly have an interest in most of them. I do believe human beings need touch though, and a lot of that is lost in adolescents when parents stop giving hugs, kisses, etc, because of physical maturation. Touch is vital to a relationship, but not the most important thing. I'd rather have someone who I could converse with and overall depend on who might be physically distant and need space of their own, than someone who is needy and clings all over me who requires the utmost amount of affection.

On a first date, how do you usually act?

Well, it depends on how the other person is. I will try to initiate a conversation that will enable us to swap views- a 'get to know each other' conversation. This is why I do not like to go to movies on a date. An activity such as visiting an art gallery, a bookstore [ I especially like bookstores], a coffee shop or any intellectually stimulating place would be ideal. Miniature golfing is definitely not my type of thing. If my original approach has failed [ the conversation dies, the person on the receiving end is really quiet, or we have opposing views and cannot tolerantly discuss them] I will usually get quiet and withdraw myself from the other person, and focus on the activity. In this way, it's nice to have something to do on a date because if the person is boring you have an activity to focus your attention on.

Would you ask your date out again?

If it went well, yes. I would like to know more about this person.
How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I would like to be asked to go to an interesting place, like a poetry reading, or something that the asking person knows I would like. I would not appreciate the question "Will you go out with me?" or, "Want to go on a date?" because I think a lot of people think if you go on a date you are dating, and this is just not so. It is never a question with me if you are dating me. I will discuss it with you if I feel the subject has to come up, and I will never keep someone guessing. I am direct. I like you, or I do not.

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

I talk about them a lot. No, not 'Their eyes are so dreamy....I wonder what they're doing..." It's more of, "Did you hear what so and so said to me the other day? Really, so and so is quite interesting. Their thoughts on things are so different from anyone I've ever met. And So and so is funny too! Not in a stupid, frat-boy type of comedy but a intellectual, really thought out way. And so and so knows so much! Sometimes I feel that so and so knows more than I do, but that's okay, because they like me for who I am and think I'm unique and original!" People know when I like someone. Especially my sister. She's the worst.
 
When I'm interested in someone, I go right after them. I cannot (choose not to, to be specific) stop myself. Once someone catches my eye, it's a pursuit.

Once I unite with someone, I ask myself whether or not they fit into the idea of my "ideal" partner. I desire to share everything with this person (the ideal, aka "soulmate") and to have a completely open connection of the hearts. I want to share all vulnerability with one another; in words, thought, and expression. I desire to have mutual respect and openness that transcends words.
 
first of all, I never EVER show interest (actually, most of the times people thinks I'm interested in someone I don't even notice)

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? - being myself?
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye? - being aloof, shy or just running away
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party? - not that I notice
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you? - NO
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship? - I suck at having physical contact with people. on the other hand, I do appreciate non-akward physical affection by the other person
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person? - dunno, but an introverted way is more attractive to me
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? - I act like I want to dissapear, though people don't notice

 
How do INFJ's express interest in someone?

Hi everyone, I hoping to get some perspective straight from the source as to how INFJ's typically express interest in someone. What kind of sign/signals do you usually give? I've heard that INFJ's typically open up more of their private lives to people they have interest in. Is this true?
 
Terminal Frost said:
Hi everyone, I hoping to get some perspective straight from the source as to how INFJ's typically express interest in someone. What kind of sign/signals do you usually give? I've heard that INFJ's typically open up more of their private lives to people they have interest in. Is this true?
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Well, no one is the same, but what you really want to look for is for them to try to spend time with you ALONE. As in, not hanging out with everyone, that doesn't count.

Yeah, they may open up, but some take longer than others.

One thing to warn you about though, once one "lets you in" (emotionally) they will never let you go.
 
darkstar said:
Well, no one is the same, but what you really want to look for is for them to try to spend time with you ALONE. As in, not hanging out with everyone, that doesn't count.

Yeah, they may open up, but some take longer than others.

One thing to warn you about though, once one "lets you in" (emotionally) they will never let you go.
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BTW, that's very interesting. I was recently in a conversation with a female INFJ and we got to talking about some pretty heavy stuff, and I actually saw her wiping tears from her eyes at one point. That's why I asked about letting people in, because this seemed quite out-of-character from someone who I viewed as emotionally aloof/very private most of the time (though she had been sharing more and more with me gradually). Since this is apparently a sign that an INFJ may feel some kind of connection with you, I'm curious just what exactly that may mean/entail.
 
Terminal Frost said:
BTW, that's very interesting. I was recently in a conversation with a female INFJ and we got to talking about some pretty heavy stuff, and I actually saw her wiping tears from her eyes at one point. That's why I asked about letting people in, because this seemed quite out-of-character from someone who I viewed as emotionally aloof/very private most of the time (though she had been sharing more and more with me gradually). Since this is apparently a sign that an INFJ may feel some kind of connection with you, I'm curious just what exactly that may mean/entail.
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Heh, I don't understand females regardless of personality type. So take my posts with a grain of salt.
 
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
...being the wonderfuly nice person I am ^_^ ...sorta
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
...If they were close to me, my heart is made of softness already, I would repond by melting helplessly
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?...Too much interest no to much time together yes
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you? :< yes
5. Do you take risks in relationships?...risks *thinks* not any that I think that you would be thinking of
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow? Try to define I want permenance.
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"? I am like Jesus I love everyone *thumbs up*
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship? Hugs are wonderful, I don't much care for bought things though, rather I like bying things for beloved people normally
9. On a first date, how do you usually act? Infatuated or stoic
10. Would you ask your date out again? Yep
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person? "I Love you"
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively? Immediatly
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? If I act childish like a clutsy, aloof, giggly, emotionaly not there girl who is infatuated. Huh, kinda contradicts itself.
 
Terminal Frost said:
Thanks! That's precisely the thread on INTJf that I was thinking of when I created this topic.
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I stole it :D

Also *merged* pls continue talking, the questions are simply starting points for discussion.
 
Unfortunately, I act like a 12 year old when I like someone.

Subtle flirting. Very nervous, scared almost. Eye contact that is either trying to avoid looking at someone, or staring almost without control. Blushing. Pulse races. Hesitant towards touching someone. I get overly emotional and protective towards the other person's well-being too. Sharing things that only I notice. More and more of my depth and emotion.

It's tough to describe.

I've been told it's adorable, but it's incredibly frustrating if you're me. Can't just run after what I like... so it's torture.
 
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Terminal Frost said:
Hi everyone, I hoping to get some perspective straight from the source as to how INFJ's typically express interest in someone. What kind of sign/signals do you usually give? I've heard that INFJ's typically open up more of their private lives to people they have interest in. Is this true?
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If I'm interested in you, I'm interested in being around you. And I'll probably be pretty awkward for about half of the time until I get comfortable around you.
Otherwise, I've learned not to give too many signs. I don't like making others feel uncomfortable when I'm attracted. Instead, I drop subtle hints that could be normal actions, but to someone who is mutually interested in me, could be interpreted as advances. If they are interested, they will either approach me or become obvious.
Unlike most of society, I'm patient and content enough to do this for a very long time before getting discouraged.

And I do open up more to these people after a while. If I'm interested in being around you and being in a relationship with you, typically that means I trust you to a degree, at least. My personal life is very private, but not top secret; I don't mind telling people about myself. It's actually liberating in a way. It's just that I have to be very comfortable with the person and situation to do so, which doesn't happen very often.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
If I'm interested in you, I'm interested in being around you. And I'll probably be pretty awkward for about half of the time until I get comfortable around you.
Otherwise, I've learned not to give too many signs. I don't like making others feel uncomfortable when I'm attracted. Instead, I drop subtle hints that could be normal actions, but to someone who is mutually interested in me, could be interpreted as advances. If they are interested, they will either approach me or become obvious.
Unlike most of society, I'm patient and content enough to do this for a very long time before getting discouraged.
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Yea that about sums it up for me as well. If I'm interested in someone, I will go up to them and hang out with them and just start to talk and be social, crack some jokes -- just see if there's a connection or not. But I don't give too many signals other than that. I don't break the "touch barrier" or make any suggestive innuendo or anything like that. I just mostly want to see if me and the other person might have chemistry.

Sometimes I think there is chemistry and I get a little hurt if the other person ignores me, but I don't express that.

For some reason, whether or not someone laughs at my jokes or shares my sense of humor is important to me :)
 
in_wonderment said:
Unfortunately, I act like a 12 year old when I like someone.

Subtle flirting. Very nervous, scared almost. Eye contact that is either trying to avoid looking at someone, or staring almost without control. Blushing. Pulse races. Hesitant towards touching someone. I get overly emotional and protective towards the other person's well-being too. Sharing things that only I notice. More and more of my depth and emotion.

It's tough to describe.

I've been told it's adorable, but it's incredibly frustrating if you're me. Can't just run after what I like... so it's torture.
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Hahahah omg this is so me. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I regress into the age of a 12 year old emotionally and therefore my behaviour becomes that as well haha.
 
I doubt people know if I am interested in them at all. When I do meet someone I do like I close off imedatily, because I become fearful that they will not reciprocate, and I do NOT want them to be unconfortable at all by me liking them. Mostly because if a guy likes me, and I don't like them back in that way. I will avoid them at ALL costs. I talk to them more in the hopes they will say something back. I never meet other guys who I know for a fact are gay so this is very fleeting for me. I may want to, but I will not approach a guy in this way unless I know 100% they are gay.
 
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