How does an INFJ show interest? | INFJ Forum

How does an INFJ show interest?

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  1. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    How can someone tell if an INFx (and others Coke et al ;)) is romantically interested?

    Disclaimer: Stole topic verbatim from CJ @ INTJf *thanks*

    I'm interested to see the differences in responses.

     
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  2. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    So funny! I tried to answer these, but they just don't apply to me!! Lol. The only ones I can answer are "I know I like someone if I can't stop thinking about them . . . (annoying, like a bad but catchy song)". And "yes, it is very much possible for someone to come on to strong, and I seem to attract those sorts of men all the time!"

    What's funny is, I act the same way if I realize I like someone/dislike them: I ignore and avoid at all costs. Yup. Doncha luv your first reply?
     
  3. ensign_m

    ensign_m Newbie

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    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    I try not to make too much of an effort and just be my sweet normal self.

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    Avoid, avoid, avoid. Strange but true. Someone trying to catch my interest almost feels like they're trying to invade my precious inner space...and that's difficult for me to handle.

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    Yes...nobody wants a stalker. :eek:

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    No. But then again, I'd never ask somebody out, period.

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    I was "hanging out" with this guy for about three months. He initiated it. We spent a lot of time together, on the phone, on e-mail and I, not having much experience, tried to understand what our relationship was so I asked him. I don't think there's anything wrong with that because I was trying to establish boundaries. Turns out he just wanted to be friends. That's good to know, because I really wanted to make out with him.

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    Nah...

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    I'm not much of a PDA person, but when we're in private, look out! ;)

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    No...I'm a woman and very much the traditionalist. I'd prefer for a guy to initiate the first few dates...not that that's been a problem for me :D

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    Openly and honestly. And they'd have to catch me by surprise, because if I see it coming I'll avoid, avoid, avoid.

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    When I want to spend time with them and miss them when they're not there. I generally prefer spending time alone, so if I prefer to spend time with a guy, that means something. Oh, and I generally don't miss people.
     
  4. tereza

    tereza Regular Poster

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    Gosh those are a lot of questions!
    I think showing interest isn't something I do. When I like a person, you won't be able to tell because I'll hide it. But what gives away my feelings is that, I'll remember everything the person I like says and everything about them. I'll be the one to remember some obscure little tidbit about the person that they've even forgotten themselves!
     
  5. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I'll do everything I can not to show interest. The moment I catch myself doing something that might show interest I'll look away and pretend to be occupied. Dunno why I do it, but something about showing interest in somebody feels like I'm giving them some sort of control over me.
     
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  6. tereza

    tereza Regular Poster

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    I'm exactly the same way! I'm also afraid that everyone will see how I feel and then feel sorry for me because my interest isn't returning the feeling.
     
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  7. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    I just finished one of my all time fav movies (from an all time fav book), "Jane Eyre", the Masterpeice theatre 2006 version.

    Her response to Rochester is much as mine would be, and, I suspect, most INFJ's (though I believe JE is often typed as INFP). One would literally have to put me through all kinds of emotional torture to break me down to the point of confession. Not that I ever thought it was fair for him to do so, just thought I'd point out the similarity!
     
  8. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    I wouldn't

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    I probably wouldn't realise unless it was really obvious

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    Being introverted and quite reserved it can be good to be chased but there is a line when it becomes obsessive

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    Possibly but im more likely to wait for distinct interest

    5. Do you take risks in relationships?
    No not really

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    Go with the flow

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    I don't believe in it

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    I LOVE it

    9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    Nervous, Awkward and not likely to share much personal stuff- bad combo I know! :lol:

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    Yes

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    Fairly upfront is probably good, it's weird for a guy but I like to be chased

    12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    I would only date someone one at a time

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    Hmm lots of eye contact, thats hard to say...

    And ... for those in current relationships:

    14. How do you keep the relationship going?
    It just goes... hah no spending time doing things or going away together, making the most of each others company, communication!

    15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
    I want to be more romantic but struggle with ideas and making gestures seem authentic and not cheesy

    16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
    Lot's of physical affection, excited by future plans together, it is hard to lose interest once I'm attached I always find something to love
     
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  9. Eric86

    Eric86 Community Member

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    Wow....it seems like I'm the only one so far who isn't avoidant, even in spite of my shyness! I wonder why that is...


    How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    um....I guess just by saying hi and smiling, or just by talking to them, because I naturally maintain nearly constant eye contact, and when we establish it, we rarely break it until one of us has to leave.

    How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    Same as above, pretty much, though if I haven't been around her much, I'd be pretty shy and embarassed and probably not say much, or just say something really quietly.

    Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    I've never had to deal with that, but I guess as long as she isn't being really overbearing, it's fine; I don't have any personal space, and I like being close to others.

    Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    As long as she seems to really like talking to me, and shows interest in being around me more, then I would, though initially it would probably be just something simple like playing tennis (or some other pretty casual activity), going out to eat and hanging out at a mall, or inviting her to a group thing that I'm going to be in, like a cookout, bowling, a church activity, hanging out at a park....basically, anything where there's a relaxed environment with little to no interruptions where we can have fun getting to know each other better. I guess it would be like a really intimate, open friendship, which I personally think is the best way to build a life-long relationship (marriage included), and that's all that I've ever really wanted.

    Do you take risks in relationships?
    I've never been in one, but the riskiest thing I've done is that one time I did ask a girl out back in high school, but, of course, she said no for a b.s. reason that I didn't realize was b.s. at the time. (long story that I don't want to go into because it still hurts even to this day)

    Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    I would definitely go with the flow (that's how I am anyways) because then there's no pressure and no feeling of obligation (like you have to do things in a set order/schedule or whatever), which would make things feel routine and impersonal, and I don't want that. That would make it predictable as well, and predictability leads to stagnation in relationships. Also, you have to be flexible because you can't always expect someone to drop whatever they had planned just to be with you, especially if they have work or other obligations, and I definitely wouldn't want to hoard her for myself either and keep her from her friends or family, and if she needed time to herself, that would also be fine with me, cause I totally understand that. Of course, if I do make plans, I stick to them, emergencies being the only reason to deviate from them (like canceling altogether, I mean; timing can always be adjusted as needed).

    What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    It doesn't work like that. However, I am able to tell, right away when I see someone [in person], without knowing anything about them, if they are going to make a big difference in my life, whether for good or bad. The girls that I have experienced that with, I did not intentionally seek out, nor did I analyze them from a distance, or anything at all like that....I just somehow knew that they had the kind of personality, interests, life experience, views, etc. that are compatible with me, and the more I got to know them, the more I proved myself right.

    What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    I'd be open to pretty much anything, though I have basically no experience with this; I haven't had my first kiss yet or even held hands. All I've ever done is just brief, friendly hugs.

    On a first date, how do you usually act?
    I can't say for sure, since I've never been on one, but I'd probably be really happy, excited, hopeful, and a bit nervous. I also get embarrassed really easily, I guess due in part to my relative naivity and complete lack of experience in relationships (I wouldn't know what to do or expect at all), but I'd do my best to not let that get in the way of things. If anything, I guess it might even come off as kinda cute, in a way, though it's in no way intentional.

    Would you ask your date out again?
    I most definitely would!

    How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    I don't have a preference.

    How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    I guess....as long as it takes for the both of us to feel comfortable enough around each other and have progressed to the point of wanting more commitment. Again, I wouldn't know how long that would be because it's never happened before.

    What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    There isn't really anything in particular, aside from being a lot happier and more energetic around her than I normally am, but when I like someone, it's REALLY obvious, just from how I act around her, even though I don't even try to make it obvious; it just ends up that way just from me being myself, because of how honest and caring I am.....I mostly don't even notice it myself, though from what I've heard, everyone else does.
     
  10. gokartride

    gokartride Community Member

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    I would probably try to become their friend and leave romance questions for later. I have had some nice (although in the end, unworkable) romantic relationships in the past (more than 10 years ago), but now, while I am a warm, friendly person in general, deep inside I know my heart (romantically speaking) is a frozen wasteland....a solid block of ice. I'm not kidding. To compensate, I have engaged other passions/hobbies in which to pour my energy. To have so totally given up is sad for me, but one must face the reality of the situation.

    I do have some wonderful friendships with ladies (some are quite pretty!!) and that manages to keep me sane. But showing interest??? I do not know how to function beyond friendship...so that is the most logical starting point for me.
     
  11. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    allright...
    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    I wouldn't try to catch it, but I am an open book in general and when I am attracted to someone I generally can't help staring at them, not in a very discreet fashion most of the time.

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    as soon as our eyes would meet I would look away and probably blush... I blush very easily

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    YES! I find it off putting if the other person is more into it than I am. I like subtle, gradual things. I also tend to drag out the whole seduction period, because I like the emotional highs it gives me (and also because I'm incapable of taking the first step myself, all I can do is dream about it all day)

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    definitely not. Way too shy and afraid of failure for that.

    5. Do you take risks in relationships?
    I tend to be attracted to risk-takers because I am everything but one myself.

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    I go with the flow. Things should be natural.

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    I believe in passion at first sight. I wouldn't say love, no.

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?.
    I need them a lot. Even with an INTP boyfriend :mrgreen: (he's just a bit awkward if I suddenly feel like giving him an enormous hug in the street - so I try to restrain myself if there are too many people, but most of the time he likes showing affection too.)

    9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    at first I think I am extremely nervous. I remember being unable to eat anything on the day (I was a teenager but still, pretty sure it would still happen). If things go well then I'll become more relaxed. I depends on the person A LOT. If I feel on the same wavelenght I will become very expressive and happy quickly. If I don't it will be awkward. Generally the first thing happens though. My I/E varies with my degree of nervousness.

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    I would let them ask me out again :mrgreen:

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    It's a bit odd but I like things to be hinted always, crudely asked for never. It sometimes make my love life more difficult but I guess it's my dramatic side. I love drama. *hides in a corner*

    12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    Generally when I'm interested in someone I become so obsessed with them I cannot possibly think of doing anything with anyone else.

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    Mhh... That's a hard one. Actually, no. When they realise I'm always staring at them :oops:

    And ... for those in current relationships:

    14. How do you keep the relationship going?
    I'm in my first "over a year" relationship so it's a bit early for me to answer... So far it just goes naturally. When there is a problem we talk a lot, we make sure we understand each other's point of view and feelings. Then things generally get solved naturally.

    15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
    None. I am an open book.

    16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
    The sudden ecstatic moments I have when I'm in love. Flows of emotions. I don't know. Again, I'm not hard to read. It would be easy to see that something's wrong.
     
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  12. SuperFob

    SuperFob Regular Poster

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    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    I wouldn't. I get really embarrassed when people catch me staring at them.

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    I would probably stare back a bit. I don't like initiating eye contact, but I like having it (as long as it isn't the uncomfortable kind).

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    Maybe, but I doubt it'll ever happen. It seems to me like most girls usually don't want to show too much interest in other guys... but I wish they would. I love it when girls show interest in me. I love the idea of someone else desiring me and I actually would like being chased a bit.

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    FUCK NO.

    5. Do you take risks in relationships?
    I don't know. I've never been in one.

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    I would go with the flow probably, though I might try to give the relationship a little push in certain directions every once in a while.

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    Infatuation at first sight? Maybe. I'm not sure about love.

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    DEFINITELY a big thing for me. As I said before, I want to feel loved and appreciated. While it's definitely important to have a relationship with depth and understanding, it's also important for one with endless affection.

    9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    When that day comes, I'll probably be really nervous and tense and I won't have a fucking clue what to say. Hopefully it'll be a movie, because you don't have to talk much during those.

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    Yes.

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    I'd like her to be sweet, nice, and open. I definitely don't like it when girls start trying to play hard to get and try to mess with my head too much. I hate playing games.

    12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    It doesn't take any time at all.

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    I'll look at them a lot. All three of the girls I had crushes on in middle school were able to figure out that I liked them because of all the staring I did.
     
  13. Brruceling

    Brruceling Newbie

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    When I initially become interested in someone, my first move is to initiate and maintain one-on-one conversation of a personal nature. I seek to learn more about her before determining my level of interest. If I begin to feel that she is a particularly good match and someone I would really like to try being with, I show my interest my being completely and utterly blunt. I don't have a feel for flirting and games, in fact they annoy me. When I really like a girl I will tell her as much, then ask her if she wants to go on some sort of date. I've had great success with this strategy - I think girls usually see it as a sign of confidence and comfort. If someone liked me, I hope they would do the same! I've probably missed opportunities by misinterpreting or just plain missing signals.
     
  14. littlesapling

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    this is not speaking on behalf of all infj's, but from what i'm trying to observe on what is probably the best way for an infj to go about this topic...

    in all in the infj's simplicity concluded when it comes to showing interest...

    and in the contradictions that we may seem to be for everyone else not aware of an infj mind and heart...

    i'd have to say.. we'd simply (and subtly) initiate some form of relevant "greeting" (as others would say, "small talk," but i'm not very fond of that term and greeting suites me better)--done so in the right moment we find that the person is 1) singled out, 2) showing no signs of defense yet calm, 3) mildly concentrated on something... all more the easier to insert a pun or soft-remark on the material or subject. then again, i don't think infj's would show romantic interest outside of their sphere of external interests (as in hobbies, genre of ology, or things that doesn't mean anything to an infj--again, irrelevant)
     
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  15. littlesapling

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    hehe, touche! just with the opposite sex.
     
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  16. littlesapling

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    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    this is a tough one since i tend not to focus on a particular something when i'am about..outside... esp. with strangers, even though there is always that notion of "what if", but no... he'd have to be someone of relative closeness... how would i catch their eye? well, i'd be myself...

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    i'd have to "make sure" they could be someone i can see myself with, growing/progressing with, having fun with... being serious with... and if they hit all my evaluation marks, then well, i give them a chance...and let them know, "hey, it's okay, i won't shoot you down."

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    yes. when someone comes off too fast. i once had an entp do that... and... let's just say it wasn't a great beginning... nor did it end well either. showing too much interest to me, means that they haven't put much thought into it. (them, me, us...again possibility). and that turns me off quite alot...because it let's me know they're only thinking about themselves... and their wants...

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    no.

    5. Do you take risks in relationships?
    depends.

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    both. a little wisdom and flexibility seems like the right ingredients for haboring a lasting relationship.

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    very rare.

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    an aspect to a relationship, but not entirely the core foundation. intentions of both parties mean alot too.

    9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    nervous, unsure, and at the same time, thrilled. because "date sessions" are highly special and not something easily given out in my book...unless i was pressured and agree...but even then..i'd think to myself what a mistake i made... "something doesn't seem right"...

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    it really depends.

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    haha, through an infj's lenses of what a relationship should be like and what it takes to nuture one. stubborn, i wouldn't have it any other way.
    infj guy's = understanding, thoughtful, sweet, sentimental (it means something).

    12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    i dont think i'll be decided to date "exclusively" anytime soon... like i said...it's regarded as highly special..and not given away like halloween candy...

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    hmmm... i'am alot softer and egared to be intuned with their [whole], i.e. what bothers them, what makes them laugh, what makes them upset...and just about finding every way possible to implement those traits to good can become better, and bad can average out to good...until they're better...etc.etc.
     
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  17. Astra

    Astra Newbie

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    I love that book. ^__^

    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    If they weren't in my immediate group and I was trying to catch their eye from afar, I would probably just laugh a lot with my friends, constantly glancing over at him and smiling. Give him a little nod. Like, "what's up hot stuff. You should come over here." If he was in the immediate vicinity, there'd be the same smiling and laughing, and maybe a subtle touch. (I've found that guys can be so clueless when it comes to whether or not a girl is interested, so I like to make it a bit easier on them.)

    2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
    I'd either blush like crazy and shy away, or keep flirting (though still blushing like crazy).

    3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
    Yes yes. If a guy comes on too strong, too .. needy or cocky, I'll be immediately turned off.

    4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    No. There has to be some kind of mutual connection. If I feel he's not interested, I'll totally back off.

    6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    Yes. I feel a need to know where this is going, even from the start. I don't want to invest time, thought and a whole lot of emotion in someone who isn't going to reciprocate that.

    7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
    Err. Yeah, don't really believe in it.

    8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
    I love being physical with my guy. Holding hands, small touches or caresses, quick kisses in public. Sneaking into an unoccupied corner while we're out and getting a serious make-out session in is awesome too. Sex though, is another, complicated story.

    10. Would you ask your date out again?
    I would, yes. Though it's ten times better when I don't have to wait for a guy to work up the nerves to do so.

    11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
    In whatever way he's comfortable with. If he comes up and starts joking with me, immediately puts a smile on my face, that's great. Or if he's all serious, talking about something that interests him, I'll be attentive and interested back. If he's a shy goober, I'm charmed and I'll melt. So yeah, if he approaches, and he's not a total jerk, it's all good. I can work with just about anything.

    13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    Yeah, when I actually want to spend time with him. Just be around him, near him. I can't stand being around even close friends for long periods of time, so if I find that all I want is to have him there with me, yeah, it's undeniable.
     
  18. Metanoia

    Metanoia Newbie

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    After building the friendship, what's gonna happen next? (especially if you do not know how to function beyond friendship)


    This thread is really helpful.

    For #2, I wonder how is it gonna be for INFJs to approach INTJs who are calm yet they show a stand-offish aura. Haha, it seems just natural to them.
     
  19. Free2BMe

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    Being hit on was never a problem for me. Sounds conceited, but its the truth. I was the cheerleader, homecoming court, blah blah blah, "popular" girl. Anyone who knew me would describe me as an extrovert. I knew "how" to fit in, but never felt I did. I have never felt "understood" by my family. I have always resented that I was superficially judged on what I look like, rather than who I am as a person. I was lost inside my head as a child, and learned quickly that expressing my inner thoughts to my friends would get me ostracized, so I stuffed them. I was viewed as a ditzy blonde, because when I tried to communicate, especially with intellectuals, they snubbed me and laughed. I didn't fit in with the popular crowd because they were hateful, mean-spirited people, who were quick to judge.

    Fast forward to dating. Cheesy pickup lines made me want to gag. I have been rude to some men because they insult my intelligence. They truly think because they are "studly", that is all a girl wants. "You are the most beautiful woman I've seen tonight", would likely get "Really? How can you say that? You don't even know me". While at times it might have been flattering, I didn't want to be flattered or put on a pedestal. I just wanted to be UNDERSTOOD.

    I have found that a meaningful conversation is the biggest turn on for me. If I can have a profound conversation, feel like my views are accepted, then I relax and become attracted. I have also found that looks don't really matter as much to me anymore. I dated a guy for 2 years, and constantly got "what is a pretty girl like you doing with him?" Easy. I was myself, and he liked me for me. He was and still is a dear friend of mine.

    Anyone who could discuss religion and politics with an open mind would have my attention. I was always disappointed when I showed interest in a "hot" guy, only to find he was shallow. I felt like a heal when I wanted to say "oops, sorry, but I made a mistake", and that was usually in the first 5 minutes of conversation.
     
  20. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    See, that's precisely why I like INFJs, I can have a good conversation with you.
     
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