how do you plan to discipline your children?

[Barnabas]

(or how do you if you already have children?)


I plan on using fitness as a form of punishment, running laps, doing push ups and other forms of exercise.

 

[acd]

My mom had a look.
It was a terrible terrible contortion of the face that stopped both my brother and I dead in our tracks.
The Dragon Face-- Did you ever see those Japanese woodblock pictures of demons? It was like that.

I'll probably develop the look.

I don't think I could ever discipline physically...
I've never even been able to discipline any dog I had with a newspaper tap on the nose.

The worst punishment is boredom. Time outs are torture when you're a kid.
I'd probably utilize in this order--the face--a stern talking to--time out.

 

[Wyote]

Like they had at my jr high, a pink room. They do anything, they get locked in the pink room. It's just big enough for them to sit in by themselves, with nothing else. Pink walls, pink lights, cold cement floor.

 

[Free Mind]

If I was going to have kiddo's. The timeout option is very good. I wouldn't let them watch TV anyway so banning these 'fun' and 'good' things is kinda out of the question. XD For them to learn lessons it is good to just ignore them and let their tantrums pass. They will learn they can't have everything. A high amount of patience and willpower is essential though.

 

[Matariki]

I highly doubt that I would have children, but if I did I would discipline them as my parents did with me. A spank on the bottom.
Seems to work, worked on me. I don't see it as abuse, just a harsh telling off.

 

[Gaze]

Chances are I won't be sending them to their room - that would probably be heaven for them . Rather, doing household chores or giving them a project or assign them some task to work on probably at the dinner table, or having them read something aloud seems like creative ways to discipline them.

 

[jn56uytrx]

I am a parent and I've tended to be proactive rather than reactive. It has minimized the amount of "discipline" that is actually needed.

My kids pretty much know what is valued and expected of them. Expectations are made clear ahead of time if I know it's something that will be important to me and they marinate in what is valued as part of the family.

I don't think they have any strong need for rebellion against what is expected of them because I suppose the expectations are really fairly few. I pretty much recognize they have different needs and experiences, so that is taken into consideration in what I ask of them.

I don't consider my needs (or the adult needs) in the home as paramount. If something is in conflict (meaning their needs vs. the adult needs), then we talk about both sets of needs and find something that will work.

I'm pretty permissive though.

My son's room is a disaster. Should I make him clean it? Nah, I don't really care and if I do care about some aspect of it, then I'll address that aspect with him in terms of need rather than in terms of disobedience. Besides, my room is a disaster too.

Usually natural consequences are sufficient in my experience.

That all said, when I have had to discipline, it's usually tended toward the time-out side. Not really as a punishment though, but rather as a space of time to think so that conversation could be had productively.

I don't know. I have a 17 yr old and an 11 yr old and I regularly get positive comments on who they are as people. I think it's worked out OK. They're definitely not perfect and there are many things that are part of how they behave that people might not approve of, but they are things that they seem to be comfortable with in themselves, they do not personally bother me, and if natural consequences from those behaviors begin to adversely affect them, I'm pretty sure they'll change.

 

[Blind Bandit]

I can't say how as I've not come to happy medium on the topic of parenting. Things I will not do.

1. smack , spank or wise strike my children. My mother slapped me across the face once. It didn't hurt me. But it showed me she was willing to strike me in the face. And didn't have a problem with hitting me in general. It also rattled me emotionally. It was the first time I questioned the trust I had given without question.

2. I would not emitonaly abuse my child. My mother (ESTJ) is emotionally abusive. And that more than anything else has done damage to my self. Its even possible that I will never fix that damage. I remember one time my mother was yelling at me ripping me apart. Telling me all of my faults and how she felt about me. I was in high school and times weren't good for me. I remember feeling like the lowest person in the world. All I could do was sit there and take it. I will never do that to another human being if I can help it. Let alone my own child.

Some more info about emotional abuse

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

3. I wouldn't abandoned my kids when they needed me most. I've seen a lot of parents throw a child into the deep end, metaphorically all while expect them to swim in the name of building character. Many times the kids nearly drown and learn nothing in the process. I do think hardship builds enlightenment, but also leaves behind a burden that is hard to shake. I've had my own parents tell me they could no longer help me and I'm on my own in fixing my problems. When times are darkest in your life you don't need your parents leaving your corner. Or helping you but telling you I told you so.

I could add a lot more I won't do. But thee three things have caused the biggest effect on my perception of my parents. I think number two and three are the biggest reasons my parents and myself aren't close. I keep them at a distance. It hurts them. But I don't think anyone deserve to be treated this way. And sadly they haven't changed much. So they don't get to know me as well as they could.

 

[kucala]

If I were to ever have children [unlikely] my method of discipline would depend on the child. Different methods will work better with different children, it's a matter of finding the right one.

 

[flight]

tell them what they did wrong and tell them to come up with a way to fix it. they throw a temper tantrum and break things, clean it up and apologize. whatever caused it, figure out how to deal with it. not just go and figure it out yourself but talk about it and shit, discuss it. you wanted someone else's stuff? wait your turn or get your own. wanted something specific and didn't get it? sometimes you don't get what you want, but if you really want it, ask for it instead of flipping. better results. when you tell them to focus on fixing their own mistakes they realize their mistakes. always worked for my kid. could never hit or anything. never worked for me, wouldnt work for them. time out seems stupid. after the time out they just forget what even happened. (for younger kids) kids are like cats: if you wait it out, they'll forget. squirting a cat with a water bottle ten minute after it's already done something wrong will just confuse it. you have to deal with the problem then and there. giving them a time out, then at the end of it going "don't do that again." of course they'll do it again.

 

[Puck]

Fear of mythical creatures.

 

[donkeybals]

Eat their desserts infront of them.

 

[Phage]

Eat their desserts infront of them.

That's pure cruelty!

 

[Norton]

(or how do you if you already have children?)


I plan on using fitness as a form of punishment, running laps, doing push ups and other forms of exercise.

I wouldn't use as a punishment that which you would want your children to embrace. If you punish with fitness activities, your children will grow up hating exercise and become couch potatoes.

I can't abide violence except for in self-defense, which I strongly believe in and of which my children and I are quite capably trained. You should not do to someone that which you don't want them doing, so I don't believe in hitting, beating, or otherwise inflicting physical pain on someone. All that does is teach children to fear their parents and to perceive them as bullies (which they are if they beat their kids), and that violence is an acceptable solution to problems. In fact, violence is the province of the effete and the unthinking who perpetrate on their children that which was perpetrated on them.

My children are no longer children but, when they were, "time out" was very effective. Indeed, used intelligently, "time out" is more effective than violence because it forces the child to contemplate and take control of his or her behavior.

 

[slant]

That's a trick question.

 

[uuu]

Eat their desserts infront of them.

You get diabetes and your kids hate you.

 

[not sure]

Firstly, no children but, if by some horrible twist of fate I should end up with a few, the British invented the solution, BOARDING SCHOOL!

 

[dream echo]

I have three teenagers.

I have not and will not ever treat them how my own parents treated me.

Get to know your children to learn what approach works best. Give them acceptable alternatives for bad behavior. Explain in age appropriate terms why something is wrong. Mostly, teach them how to think for themselves, instead of giving them some long list of rules to follow, and lead by example.

If the above doesn't work, you can always use the Frank Zappa approach to discipline...park them in front of the idiot box and make them watch televangelists.

 

[enigma]

Having two kids, one with adhd, and teh younger being evaluated for aspergers, I can tell you that it is one thing to say how you would parent before life has its say... then there is what works for your kids. I have had to completely overhaul how I parent, discipline, guide, teach and interact with my kids. Our family had gotten into a darker place, and after a lot of struggle we figured out what was wrong. As parents we are always learning and re-learning.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

I won't need to discipline my children. I'm so awesome that my children will
be equally, if not more, awesome, due to having my genes and being raised
by me, and nothing they do will require punishment because everything they
do will be FUCKING AWESOME YEAH.

That's the plan, anyway.

(or how do you if you already have children?)


I plan on using fitness as a form of punishment, running laps, doing push ups and other forms of exercise.

You want them to associate exercise with punishment? -_o