How do you handle constructive criticism?

[Pin]

constructive criticism

even when it hurts i just sit there and take it like a bitch

 

[Deleted member 10171]

A few questions here:

How do you handle constructive criticism from a higher up or from a colleague?

Do you get stressed easily at work?

On a team, are you the Positive Pat or Negative Nelly?

Are you happy in your career choice?

1. Firstly, it makes no difference on who the person is that is providing the constructive criticism (ie family, friend, boss, colleague etc) because my evaluation of the feedback is always based on how well they actually know me and if there is any truth to what they are saying. Generally, I'm very receptive to any new information/insight - it just helps me to understand and improve myself. In all honesty, I'm much more curious and interested in how someone has come to a particular interpretation about my behaviour etc. I think I'm pretty good at listening, receiving and engaging well with what has been presented to me.

2. No. If I'm getting stressed it's because there's an increase in my workload and if I'm having to juggle priorities and everything is urgent then, I'll just yell (nicely) by saying no to things or explaining to whoever, what I can or cannot do etc.

3. Positive me but if people get on my nerves then that's a different story.

4. Yes, very much so.

 

[Faye]

1. Not a fan of criticism, but if it is grounded in reality and purely constructive, I try to make adjustments to do whatever better.

2. Yes, work is extremely stressful. I am always extremely stressed in any office environment.

3. Neither. I get the job done and am neither positive nor negative about it. That is it really.

4. No. I was aiming for government or NGO, but I do not think I will find a job in this area. Maybe should have studied something else, and I am sort of considering going back to school. Probably accounting. That way, I might be able to become self-employed, so I do not have to worry about being fired.

 

[Ren]

@Faye Sorry to hear that you haven't managed to get into the NGO world. It's a very tough world to get into because it has a pretty static market and tends to be quite competitive. I work in that area so available for any advice I can give if you're still considering it.

 

[Faye]

@Faye Sorry to hear that you haven't managed to get into the NGO world. It's a very tough world to get into because it has a pretty static market and tends to be quite competitive. I work in that area so available for any advice I can give if you're still considering it.

Hey thank you, though my situation is pretty much hopeless. Not sure what advice anyone could give to help.

 

[Chow]

I struggle with taking criticism from people I need to continue interacting with in an otherwise positive way. When someone tells me I’m not meeting their expectations in an isolated incident but am exceeding expectations in other areas without notice, I will quickly become discouraged. I certainly don’t need a pat on the back, but when only mistakes or missteps are verbally being addressed as if it’s the only worthy action of discussion or attention, my entire demeanor can change in the workplace. I hate feeling defensive and like a perfectionist but my work ethic is something I take a lot of pride in and so poorly delivered criticism is a passion killer for me.

I do get stressed easily if I feel like I’m being rushed and pressured. I don’t do well in large teams and or large group interaction with clients. I definitely am more relaxed and in control in smaller settings where I can express my thoughts without background noise and distraction.

I actually am very dissatisfied with my career industry as a whole. Not because I don’t like the trade itself, but because I don’t like the industry standards. The pay is low, the expectation is high, creativity is boxed in and I absolutely cannot stand “customers” in a retail format. I’m currently over qualified for the job I have. I like it for the most part, but a few people can get under my skin and ruin the whole experience. I hate that I allow that.

I too struggle with this. I wish I could be more open to it. I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure my upbringing has a lot to do with it. I know I'm an adult now and should make adjustments because intellecually I am aware it is in my best interest to not be offended by criticism but truefully it does really offend me even if it is constructive.

 

[charlatan]

I'll qualify that at a job, it's more stressful than otherwise, and that leads into my main answer.

My overall philosophy is simply to avoid the concept of "worth" in people as much as possible and instead focus more detachedly on ending suffering (not necessarily "pain", which I distinguish from suffering in the sense of the latter being always genuinely negative). Hence, I tend to view most "criticism" as not real criticism, just a branch of knowledge. If you want to do X, do Y, not Z. Then it's neither painful when you receive "criticism" nor pleasing when you receive "praise."

The only real requirement I have of people is to behave reasonably+justly.

Possibly this has a bit of a dry, detached flavor, but the real truth is I think it's the fairest way to be moral. Don't attach people's worth to things which are optional, and be very persistent on the non-optional stuff.

 

[jkxx]

1. It depends on whether it’s coming from a friend*, a higher-up who is known to like or dislike me or a stranger. In the first case I’m all ears since we can just talk about the problem and there will be some solution or at least clarity at the end of that. The second case is annoying if it’s someone who dislikes me but is ignored since the criticism is not genuine… it’s the strangers where this gets rough since I’ll make the mistake of assuming they must be right. Note to self, avoid strangers – but not too much either.

As far as higher ups there have been some very unpleasant confrontations in the past but we were able to eventually sort it out and come out of that on good terms. But I have worked in places where this is not possible and those were absolutely terrible.

*Set it up so two of my closest friends (ENFJ and another INFJ) worked at the same office. Those were the days..

2. Also depends on what is going on there – lots of work I already know how to do, no problem, chance something will get majorly bricked (referring to IT), now that will cause some stress. Dealing with top-level executives on the other hand… ouch – although to be fair the ones at the last place were almost all nice.

3. Both… some of the posts so far seem to show that the poster is doing whatever is needed to get things balanced again, and that has been my experience as well. If everyone is overconfident in rolling out something I’ll have to jump in to remind them it can go sideways colossally. Or if morale is really low it’s time for some counseling and to see why people are feeling down and try to get the mood back up a bit.

4. Mostly yes. IT is popular enough that there’s always demand for it and there is enough downtime and (freedom to use the Internet) to do research on other things when something has come up. Plus programming at least is a bit like a puzzle game which makes it interesting enough that it doesn’t get too boring or routine. Though if I had the option I’d be doing counseling (psychological or astrological) or working on some other things that are stronger interests but wouldn’t work well as a career path.

 

[Littlelissa]

I think this really depends on how it is delivered. If I trust someone, respect them or otherwise get that they are being constructive I am OK. I hear that INFJ's can be sensitive to criticism, and I think this can be true for me but is depends on how sensitive people are in their delivery. I think communication in general is like that though, it's sometimes more about the delivery than the content to a certain extent.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

A few questions here:

How do you handle constructive criticism from a higher up or from a colleague?

Do you get stressed easily at work?

On a team, are you the Positive Pat or Negative Nelly?

Are you happy in your career choice?

It makes me self-conscious in the moment but I always appreciate it as long as it is actually constructive. I can get stressed if a series of complications happen in quick succession. When changes occur I tend to assess the negatives first but I tend to be very supportive (if I like my team) because I work best when people are in harmony. I think that puts me somewhere in the middle. There is stuff I'd rather be doing. What I do is what I know, but my passions lie elsewhere.

 

[#@&5&49]

For me, constructive criticism, whether personal or professional, depends on the delivery and content. If it's straightforward, considerate, respectful, positive and includes an explanation of the effect I'm having, I'm open to it. I like to learn and improve and there are times that sometimes I honestly am not aware of something and need feedback.

This of course, works both ways, in that if I'm the one delivering the constructive criticism, I expect myself to adhere to the same guidelines. Active listening is a great tool also for understanding what's being said and what's being heard. I definitely appreciate people who have good communication skills and problem resolution skills. Those are things I always strive to improve.

As I thought about this, I realized that I'll probably still glean something out of constructive criticism even if it isn't delivered in the best way. As long as there's an open dialog for clarification between myself and the other person.

 

[WonkyOracle]

If the criticism is constructive, then I'll take it apart and see if any of it can be added to strengthen my bow, quietly thank the person and keep an eye out for any more useful information said person can provide. The tone of voice means nothing to me.

If it's just thumb sucking, bed wetting boohoo nonsense then I ignore that person whenever they are near me.

Some of the most useful wisdom comes from our most bitter experiences so I tend not to get too down about the delivery.

 

[Lurk]

I'm not sure this was intended to be "constructive" or anything (lol), but I just received this post on INTPx. It was some old-timer posting with a sock. Thread title:

"Protector of the Dead"

OP was:

Here to usher you into the afterlife. Dragging it out is unnecessary pain. Who is first?

I posted:

This smacks of "guided tour" to me. I would rather explore on my own.

Sock responded:

You have much hate in your soul. You smack of "My life is fucked up and I must act like a controlling hateful bitch to have any semblance of dignity."

I feel ashamed when I act like a bitch, and I derive my dignity from being in control of myself (which doesn't happen enough).

Other than that, this is mostly true. If the post was in response to my "joke," it was a misunderstanding. The quip was neutral, not hateful.

The Sock probably meant "in general, you are..."

I usually don't realize if I'm coming across as bitchy, although at times I certainly do. I feel guilty later. And, yes, it feels like rage spilling over.

I'm calm -- not emotional at all -- but sober and dismayed. I think I need to monitor myself.

 

[invisible]

I have very little interest in getting criticism. In my working life I have been relentlessly criticised by customers, endless little digs about how my work quality supposedly disappoints expectations. Like 10 times a day customers are telling me how dissatisfied they are by my hard work. Why don't they piss off? Someone is always ready to tell you how they think you can improve, but really they don't have a clue, it just makes them feel competent and wise to dish out some fucking advice.

I think self improvement is a commercial scam. It's made to sell more stuff that people don't need that will supposedly make them a better person. It's built into the performance review process, it oils the wheels of the commercial machinery and makes it seem like there is some benefit to getting flogged by rich people over trying to achieve higher sales figures for them. There's a sort of religion to self improvement, and I'm not a religious person, I'm atheist.

I'm not on a self-improvement checklist program. I'm on a "journey" with events that enrich me and make me bigger. I know the word "journey" kind of sucks, but it's better than a self improvement checklist. My life journey doesn't make me more perfect, or more improved, or less flawed for punishing myself about my inadequacies... it makes me more vast. So I can't be bothered listening to criticism from others. Go away and live your own fucking life, and let me live my life in peace.

Let me put it this way... for me, accepting criticism is all a game. I have to get paid, so I'm willing to play the game. I can take direction and get things done according to direction, I have learned to do that well. But as soon as I walk out the door, I will immediately forget about it all and get back to things that I'm more interested in.

 

[Lurk]

I like this. Really, unless you asked for it, any criticism is invasive, no matter how well-meaning.

One perfectly acceptable response to constructive criticism is to listen to it and ignore it. It's okay to just be yourself.

I have very little interest in getting criticism. In my working life I have been relentlessly criticised by customers, endless little digs about how my work quality supposedly disappoints expectations. Like 10 times a day customers are telling me how dissatisfied they are by my hard work. Why don't they piss off? Someone is always ready to tell you how they think you can improve, but really they don't have a clue, it just makes them feel competent and wise to dish out some fucking advice.

I think self improvement is a commercial scam. It's made to sell more stuff that people don't need that will supposedly make them a better person. It's built into the performance review process, it oils the wheels of the commercial machinery and makes it seem like there is some benefit to getting flogged by rich people over trying to achieve higher sales figures for them. There's a sort of religion to self improvement, and I'm not a religious person, I'm atheist.

I'm not on a self-improvement checklist program. I'm on a "journey" with events that enrich me and make me bigger. I know the word "journey" kind of sucks, but it's better than a self improvement checklist. My life journey doesn't make me more perfect, or more improved, or less flawed for punishing myself about my inadequacies... it makes me more vast. So I can't be bothered listening to criticism from others. Go away and live your own fucking life, and let me live my life in peace.

Let me put it this way... for me, accepting criticism is all a game. I have to get paid, so I'm willing to play the game. I can take direction and get things done according to direction, I have learned to do that well. But as soon as I walk out the door, I will immediately forget about it all and get back to things that I'm more interested in.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I have very little interest in getting criticism. In my working life I have been relentlessly criticised by customers, endless little digs about how my work quality supposedly disappoints expectations. Like 10 times a day customers are telling me how dissatisfied they are by my hard work. Why don't they piss off? Someone is always ready to tell you how they think you can improve, but really they don't have a clue, it just makes them feel competent and wise to dish out some fucking advice.

I think self improvement is a commercial scam. It's made to sell more stuff that people don't need that will supposedly make them a better person. It's built into the performance review process, it oils the wheels of the commercial machinery and makes it seem like there is some benefit to getting flogged by rich people over trying to achieve higher sales figures for them. There's a sort of religion to self improvement, and I'm not a religious person, I'm atheist.

I'm not on a self-improvement checklist program. I'm on a "journey" with events that enrich me and make me bigger. I know the word "journey" kind of sucks, but it's better than a self improvement checklist. My life journey doesn't make me more perfect, or more improved, or less flawed for punishing myself about my inadequacies... it makes me more vast. So I can't be bothered listening to criticism from others. Go away and live your own fucking life, and let me live my life in peace.

Let me put it this way... for me, accepting criticism is all a game. I have to get paid, so I'm willing to play the game. I can take direction and get things done according to direction, I have learned to do that well. But as soon as I walk out the door, I will immediately forget about it all and get back to things that I'm more interested in.

Im dissatisfied with this post. Can you review it and then edit it to be more to the standards of the forum please?

 

[acd]

Its definitely easier to take constructive criticism from someone trusted who you know has everyone's best interest in mind..

I've had people criticize me not intending to help me grow. It does sting. It happened at an old job with a colleague who I overheard talking about me to someone. (The person talking about me had no idea I was in the next cubicle, lol! And my coworker let her go on...) It made me so angry I was like, "Oh I'll show her exactly how wrong she is about me!" And I did. I never said a word to her about it, either. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and achieved things I had doubted for myself because as shitty as that colleague was by talking about me behind my back-- she was kinda right. And though she didn't intend to help me--in the end she did. I ended up learning some important things.

But then I had a manager in another job who criticized me for my personality (too reserved, not expressive enough.) I think she was trying to mentor me but it was not helpful. She wanted me to seek out and attend seminars about how to be more social and outgoing; salesman type stuff. I was not in sales. I can't change my personality but I can do the best I can with who I am. I have good relationships with my clients on my caseload because I work hard for them and listen to them. I've earned their trust-- not because I'm chatty and perky. It's not my style and I cannot force it. I left that company and moved to another one in my field and no one has ever offered that criticism in my current job.. I think you have to know what is really constructive whether it's intended to help or not.

 

[jkxx]

sock said:

You have much hate in your soul. You smack of "My life is fucked up and I must act like a controlling hateful bitch to have any semblance of dignity."

Actually this smacks of a personal attack (aimed at you @Lurk) from the person posting it. It's an unusually bitter response considering your fairly neutral post preceding this so I wonder what that person was really thinking or why they thought they have to bring you down simply because you posted something related to the subject. And they seem to have picked exactly issues you are sensitive about to provoke the reaction you had. At least, that is my interpretation. But it brings up a question mark about this type of "criticism." It seems to be something people can throw at you in response to something else they have an issue with just to bring you down with whatever satisfaction they draw from doing this. And it is surprisingly prevalent in "professional" environments as well, at least several where I have been involved. And this seems to be one of @invisible's points as well.

I'm not on a self-improvement checklist program

Good point here because these seem like gimmicks relying on the placebo effect - you take a pill, it must make you feel better - and so on. But even if these programs come with dubious benefits there are real consequences for not being involved in them in terms of being judged if you prefer to do things differently. I guess context would matter as well but they can definitely do harm as well as good.

 

[Wildfire]

Its definitely easier to take constructive criticism from someone trusted who you know has everyone's best interest in mind.

This.

And I try to be really careful about what I internalize, so I'm guarded but open.

I also try to get others to frame their criticisms in terms of what they or the situation might need before they go on. This just tends to help everyone experience a healthier sense of their own power in the situation.

 

[bonfire]

I'd break it down in my mental categories as follows:
(1) is it true? if it's true after I evaluated it in my most objective perspective, I'll take it as a disillusion of self, although it may cause me emotional pain for another 2+ years.
(2) If it's a truth mixed with bias, I'd research about it, debate it, make it dissipate.
(3) if It's pure bias, I'd shrug it off. It takes me decades to learn this art though.
(4) if it's pure bias but it's useful. It's a pain-filled motivation for me.