EDIT as of 7/23/10: Two points of clarification that seem to be muddying the waters to some extent: First, there is no restraining order. Second, I have since cut the letter down to what was actually necessary, and it is now 9 pages long. Just so you know.
Dear INFJs—
I need your help. I need advice on how to gain the forgiveness of an INFJ who I treated very badly once upon a time. It takes me a lot to make me feel embarrassed or ashamed—sometimes I think I'm physiologically incapable of such feelings—but this story is bad enough that I certainly feel something akin to them. I'll try to be as brief as possible.
When I was a young kid, I was a classic ENTP. Once I got into first grade, my ENTP-style weirdness and unconventional ways socially isolated me. I withdrew from the outer world and started acting like an introvert, which scrambled my personality and made me falsely test as an INTP for a number of years. Despite acting and thinking like an introvert, I retained the needs of an extrovert, which for obvious reasons made me very unhappy. Eventually, I became profoundly depressed. By 11th grade, I was convinced I was a worthless human being.
Flash forward to a year ago, which was my first semester of college. At this point, I was seriously contemplating suicide. Then, for reasons that I still have trouble fathoming, an unbelievably sweet girl took me under her wing and initiated a relationship. I’m pretty sure this girl is an INFJ. She was so sweet that she started to coax my real ENTP personality out of hiding. I got completely emotionally dependent on her to supply me with the feeling of self-worth that I couldn’t give myself. Then she broke up with me because I think she got a little freaked out at how dependent I got. Then I may have kinda sorta tried to commit suicide.
Believe it or not, that’s not the worst part. I hope you don’t find this disturbing. Just remember—the only difference between a comedy and a tragedy is that everybody dies at the end of a tragedy, and at the end of a comedy they live and everything gets resolved. Nobody died, so it's a comedy. So, because God loves me even though I don’t believe in him, it just so happened that every single knife in my dorm was completely dull, so cutting didn’t work. I realized I would have to hack with the knife to make it work, which terrified me…so I called the one person who could me the courage to do so. Which was her. Next thing I know, she’s gotten into my dorm with half of campus security, and as soon as they find me, she runs out of the dorm crying. After that, I was informed that if I spoke to her or wrote to her I would be expelled. Which was quite reasonable under the circumstances. Just so you know, I am fully aware of what an asshole I am. Feel free to remind me of it though, sometimes that’s helpful.
I’ll spare you the overcoming adversity story that followed over the next year or so, but the ending is that I’m now a very happy and emotionally independent human being, and a well-rounded ENTP. And now, I want to be friends with the INFJ girl again. For the record, I am also aware that this is probably impossible, but you have to realize, I specialize in doing the impossible.
I’ve found a nice, non-threatening loophole in the no-contact rule by which I can contact her. If I write an email to a mutual friend, I’ve discovered that the friend probably forwards it to the INFJ. I’ve written the email and am currently editing it. The most glaring flaw I can see at the moment is its absurd length (25 pages single-spaced). If any of you wanted to read over the draft and let me know what you think, I would be eternally grateful.
Do you have any advice for me? How can I communicate in a way that she’ll listen? In this situation, what would you be able to hear? Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
—Loki
Dear INFJs—
I need your help. I need advice on how to gain the forgiveness of an INFJ who I treated very badly once upon a time. It takes me a lot to make me feel embarrassed or ashamed—sometimes I think I'm physiologically incapable of such feelings—but this story is bad enough that I certainly feel something akin to them. I'll try to be as brief as possible.
When I was a young kid, I was a classic ENTP. Once I got into first grade, my ENTP-style weirdness and unconventional ways socially isolated me. I withdrew from the outer world and started acting like an introvert, which scrambled my personality and made me falsely test as an INTP for a number of years. Despite acting and thinking like an introvert, I retained the needs of an extrovert, which for obvious reasons made me very unhappy. Eventually, I became profoundly depressed. By 11th grade, I was convinced I was a worthless human being.
Flash forward to a year ago, which was my first semester of college. At this point, I was seriously contemplating suicide. Then, for reasons that I still have trouble fathoming, an unbelievably sweet girl took me under her wing and initiated a relationship. I’m pretty sure this girl is an INFJ. She was so sweet that she started to coax my real ENTP personality out of hiding. I got completely emotionally dependent on her to supply me with the feeling of self-worth that I couldn’t give myself. Then she broke up with me because I think she got a little freaked out at how dependent I got. Then I may have kinda sorta tried to commit suicide.
Believe it or not, that’s not the worst part. I hope you don’t find this disturbing. Just remember—the only difference between a comedy and a tragedy is that everybody dies at the end of a tragedy, and at the end of a comedy they live and everything gets resolved. Nobody died, so it's a comedy. So, because God loves me even though I don’t believe in him, it just so happened that every single knife in my dorm was completely dull, so cutting didn’t work. I realized I would have to hack with the knife to make it work, which terrified me…so I called the one person who could me the courage to do so. Which was her. Next thing I know, she’s gotten into my dorm with half of campus security, and as soon as they find me, she runs out of the dorm crying. After that, I was informed that if I spoke to her or wrote to her I would be expelled. Which was quite reasonable under the circumstances. Just so you know, I am fully aware of what an asshole I am. Feel free to remind me of it though, sometimes that’s helpful.
I’ll spare you the overcoming adversity story that followed over the next year or so, but the ending is that I’m now a very happy and emotionally independent human being, and a well-rounded ENTP. And now, I want to be friends with the INFJ girl again. For the record, I am also aware that this is probably impossible, but you have to realize, I specialize in doing the impossible.
I’ve found a nice, non-threatening loophole in the no-contact rule by which I can contact her. If I write an email to a mutual friend, I’ve discovered that the friend probably forwards it to the INFJ. I’ve written the email and am currently editing it. The most glaring flaw I can see at the moment is its absurd length (25 pages single-spaced). If any of you wanted to read over the draft and let me know what you think, I would be eternally grateful.
Do you have any advice for me? How can I communicate in a way that she’ll listen? In this situation, what would you be able to hear? Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
—Loki
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