Do you all find you are capable of holding grudges? Yes? No? If yes, in what circumstances? Easily? Only if people cross a certain line?
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Grudges
- Thread starter NuthatchXi
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I would say definitely yes, and I really do not like it at all when this happens. It doesn't happen easily though. To get under my skin that badly a person would have to have done something I really dislike either continuously over time even after I have brought it up or one really big thing to hurt me or someone I love in some way. Disrespect is a big cause of grudging.
There are only a couple people I have a grudge against right now, but I am working on letting it go (not easy, but I really need to). Because the last thing I want is to give people who aren't worth my thoughts power over me in any way. And I feel like by holding a grudge and letting those feelings stew that I am giving them power over my emotions, which is exactly what they would want probably.
There are only a couple people I have a grudge against right now, but I am working on letting it go (not easy, but I really need to). Because the last thing I want is to give people who aren't worth my thoughts power over me in any way. And I feel like by holding a grudge and letting those feelings stew that I am giving them power over my emotions, which is exactly what they would want probably.
I can't hold grudges at all. >_>
It is just too troublesome for me.
Don't misunderstood me. I won't forgive+forget it right away. Forgetting something takes much more time of course than forgiving. So long i will behave differently with the subject, nothing serious of course, but that depends on that what he/she has done.
I'm mostly a "live and let live" person.
PS:
Because of this I have been called stupid too, but I don't care much. Avoiding someone is more troublesome/irritating for me than listening those who wasn't able to forgive him/her.
It is just too troublesome for me.
Don't misunderstood me. I won't forgive+forget it right away. Forgetting something takes much more time of course than forgiving. So long i will behave differently with the subject, nothing serious of course, but that depends on that what he/she has done.
I'm mostly a "live and let live" person.
PS:
Because of this I have been called stupid too, but I don't care much. Avoiding someone is more troublesome/irritating for me than listening those who wasn't able to forgive him/her.
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I fall more in to your camp, Tomarctus. I have a lot of trouble holding grudges. At least, in any longterm sort of sense. It's just too easy to see why they did what they did—which doesn't mean I think it was okay that they did that, but I can almost never hold on to any anger with them. I'll be upset, but I always have an unbiased (and maybe too generous) impression of them floating around in the back of my head, even if I don't like them.
It doesn't mean I forgive the *action*, though. Or that I want to spend one single second in their company. In fact, I'll purposefully cut them off entirely, because I'm generally incapable of being anything but warm to people.
If there is anything I'll hold a grudge over, though, it will be when I feel something was just so inherently unjust that I can't stand it.
It doesn't mean I forgive the *action*, though. Or that I want to spend one single second in their company. In fact, I'll purposefully cut them off entirely, because I'm generally incapable of being anything but warm to people.
If there is anything I'll hold a grudge over, though, it will be when I feel something was just so inherently unjust that I can't stand it.
I'm not good at holding grudges either...too much work. That said, I am watchful when it comes to certain folks that have not acted fairly in the past. Sounds like the two are related (and they probably are) but there is a line there. I tend to live in the moment with my interactions and let past transgressions ride, not that I forget completely. Everybody deserves a chance to turn things around, but that seems to happen infrequently.
- Nov 12, 2008
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I don't naturally hold grudges. I will force myself to do so though if I feel it is warranted. Really, this is just what happens when I black-list someone far later then I should have.
I have a live and forget mindset. I generally do not hold grudges, I start feeling strange, that I should not be doing this, and that there are other ways to solve the problem. I forgive others rather easily, even if they really hurt me.
I have a very hard time holding grudges. I'm always seeing why the person did what they did and what led up to it, as well as I have a tendency to blame myself for everything.
That being said, when someone crosses a certain line, I WILL stone-wall them, or black-list them. I will hold a grudge, and it will stay. But it takes a lot for someone to get to the point of hurting me so badly that I will do that to them.
That being said, when someone crosses a certain line, I WILL stone-wall them, or black-list them. I will hold a grudge, and it will stay. But it takes a lot for someone to get to the point of hurting me so badly that I will do that to them.
I tend to hold grudges frequently and for lengthy periods of time. There are some things that I simply cannot forgive or let go of, and so the grudge sticks. Though I have noticed that over time my ability to let things go is getting stronger though I still hold onto things from times when I was much more vulnerable. They are deep seeded and hard to let go of.
I like to just forgive people automatically. I very rarely hold a grudge longer than a day. If someone does something to hurt me, I'll try to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. Usually I need to distance myself from the person for a short while to get a grip on things and find my footing again, but I have a hard time holding a grudge. Actually, if I do hold a grudge, I feel really guilty about about it.
If someone just won't stop attacking me, I'll just silently let them drift out of my life and forget about them. I'm of the strong conviction that everyone is worthy of forgiveness, no matter what they do.
If someone just won't stop attacking me, I'll just silently let them drift out of my life and forget about them. I'm of the strong conviction that everyone is worthy of forgiveness, no matter what they do.
I've never been able to hold a grudge. Ever. It makes me very easy to get along with, I think, because I can tolerate the assholes that nobody else seems to be able to. As a result, most of those assholes have shown time and again that they're among my most loyal friends.
However, I will make a logical choice to burn a bridge, so to say. As much as I might try to build a grudge, try to make myself hate that person, I can never harbor any ill-will and will eventually begin to wonder why I did it in the first place. I have to constantly remind myself of the reasons. When I see these people after cutting ties, I never feel negatively towards then, and often want to go back to hanging out the way we once did, but I control myself.
However, I will make a logical choice to burn a bridge, so to say. As much as I might try to build a grudge, try to make myself hate that person, I can never harbor any ill-will and will eventually begin to wonder why I did it in the first place. I have to constantly remind myself of the reasons. When I see these people after cutting ties, I never feel negatively towards then, and often want to go back to hanging out the way we once did, but I control myself.
I don't really think I am capable of holding a grudge. I will stop talking to someone and continue to avoid them if I have just cause to keep them out of my life. As for singular incidents, I don't really hold grudges.
There was an exception though, when a roomie tried to pursue illegal activites without my consent that would have resulted in jail time for me if he got caught, regardless of whether I knew or not. I didn't like that so much, and our relationship never recovered from that.
I never really forgave him because he never apologized. He also always made excuses for his faults, I used to try to help him a lot, but eventually I gave up trying and grew to resent him.
I don't know if that qualifies as a grudge or not. As a general rule I don't keep them, too much overhead.
There was an exception though, when a roomie tried to pursue illegal activites without my consent that would have resulted in jail time for me if he got caught, regardless of whether I knew or not. I didn't like that so much, and our relationship never recovered from that.
I never really forgave him because he never apologized. He also always made excuses for his faults, I used to try to help him a lot, but eventually I gave up trying and grew to resent him.
I don't know if that qualifies as a grudge or not. As a general rule I don't keep them, too much overhead.
I can - and will - forgive, but I rarely forget. If someone deeply hurts me or forces me into too many corners, I'll vividly remember that. But I won't hold it against that person. I'll simply be more cautious of them, which really means I won't trust them as deeply as I would someone else.
Will hold a grudge. Will cherish and nourish it until the end of time it is strong enough. Still hate you Heidi from the 3rd grade!!! Eventually I can forget if it isn't so strong. However, I know that I make a much better enemy than a friend... One of those things I am still working on.