does it hurt when you are criticized?

[Morgain]

does it hurt when you are criticized? Does the absence of positive critizism hurts? And what about when a collegue gets a positive criticism and not you, when you are ignored by other people, when everyone is having fun and nobody sees you, ...?

Just wondering how much this is a tread for INFJ's :becky:

 

[TinyBubbles]

Does it hurt when you are criticized? Yes and no. if I think it is deserved, then it hurts a lot. If I think they're being too critical or that they have no legitimate grounds upon which to criticize me, then I ignore them.

Does the absence of positive critizism hurts? Not particularly. Unless I'm seeking it out (which rarely happens).

And what about when a collegue gets a positive criticism and not you, when you are ignored by other people, when everyone is having fun and nobody sees you, ...?
Well yeah if you put it like that! Being overlooked when you want attention of course hurts. But I don't really see it as other people getting something that I'm not, I just figure I have to work harder.

 

[enfp can be shy]

From the enfp perspective, it hurts the most when the Ne brings very wild connections/analogies between real facts (I want to stress this - not imaginary), and people just assume you are nuts. >.>
I want some day a way to transfer intuition directly, not as language. To me, language is as primitive method as the Stone Age people drawing absurd simplistic pictures on the cave wall.

In short, it hurts me the most when people won't get it, until they see it already happening.

Someone being rude to me, is only a formal presentation of the actual way I am hurt. It's the same with physical assault - I am more hurt by feeling the strong desire of the other person to hurt me, because I would think if they have this strong need, maybe there's a reason.

Similarly, someone throwing rudeness at me does me nothing in itself, but it ruins me that this person wants to ruin me. (This happens even to animals! After all, they don't speak your language at all, and they feel what you mean - they react!)

So you can find me in situations, defenceless, even though I have all the tools to defend, and the attack is very very primitive, yet I just don't bother to react, busy with the horror that this person so much needs to do me harm, and trying to figure out how to help them. (reference: dm - people are people)

 

[Raccoon Love]

It sometimes tends to hurt me being criticize depending on the gravity of the negativeness, my current emotional state and whether I'm pretty sure I'm right or just speaking my opinion. The last one being the most hurtful, when Im misunderstood and actually make a valid point and people just kill it..

 

[sumone]

Whenever I receive negative criticism or even when I feel it coming I feel hurt. That is the knee jerk, spontaneous reaction. I have learned to not think about that reaction and just let it come and go. I recognise that I felt hurt but I try to quickly move on from it.

 

[Kavalan]

off the cuff criticism I take offense to but otherwise criticism, good or bad, is better than silence from bosses, coworkers and such.

 

[randomsomeone]

I agree, criticism presented in the proper manner is no problem...I generally welcome it. However, if someone is launching an attack (I can't remember last time this happened) then, yes, it is less welcome...but I can still receive it.

I've lived with myself for quite a few years now so 1) I don't take myself all that seriously and 2) I have had enough success in life that criticism doesn't really undermine my core sense of self. This makes criticism easier to take.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

As an artist and someone who has taken part in a lot of different leadership positions, I've gotten fairly used to criticism. The only time it hurts is when someone takes it too far. There are also times where someone doesn't know when to let up or doesn't know what they're talking about, but I'm more likely to get angry in that situation than anything :B

I don't mind being overlooked, as long as it isn't a consistent thing. I mean, if I do a ton of things and no one ever notices, I begin to feel a bit...nonexistent .__.

 

[Morgain]

thanks for the replies

and when you get critized or not treaded in the way you want to, do you take that personaly? When you know the criticism is not valid, does it still hurt somewhere, even do you know you shouldn't?

From the enfp perspective, it hurts the most when the Ne brings very wild connections/analogies between real facts (I want to stress this - not imaginary), and people just assume you are nuts. >.>

can you go some deeper in this? I think I can relate but I'm not sure I grasp it completely .
I also think that language is primitive. There is som much more to learn from how people behave and "feel like". But when what they say doesn't correspond with how I feel them, it confuses me a lot and eventually I will think my feeling is wrong, it probable isn't

For me, al the above hurts, a lot. Even when critizism is brought in a very gentle way. Just being ignored by someone can ruin my whole day and can make me shut myself off. I know I shouldn't take everything personaly but I can't shut it off, it is really annoying

I agree, criticism presented in the proper manner is no problem...I generally welcome it. However, if someone is launching an attack (I can't remember last time this happened) then, yes, it is less welcome...but I can still receive it.

I've lived with myself for quite a few years now so 1) I don't take myself all that seriously and 2) I have had enough success in life that criticism doesn't really undermine my core sense of self. This makes criticism easier to take.

that is great, I should learn that!

 

[Billy]

Only if the criticism is BS do I get hurt by it. If its not BS I usually try to take it in and analyze my own actions that brought it about.

 

[IndigoSensor]

It depends. It seems like stuff that shouldn't bother me, ends up doing so. I need constant feedback, so implied critizism hits me the hardest.

 

[Moxie]

always when I get negative critcism, when I don't get positive critizism, when I'm ignored, when someone els gets positive critcism and not me, when nobody seems to care about me, ....

I chose this one, because all of this hurts briefly, but like Sumone said so brilliantly:

I have learned to not think about that reaction and just let it come and go. I recognise that I felt hurt but I try to quickly move on from it.

I also examine it from every angle, mine, theirs, the chef's, the cosmos, whether it's valid or not, Slant's.... JK Studmuffin.

 

[Isis]

I chose the last option. Being criticized always hurts to some extent. But it also depends on how susceptible I am to criticism at that particular moment. I might brush it off at the time but it might also stay in my mind and I analyze it for quite a long time after.

The absence of positive criticism could hurt when I know I deserve it and I'm being ignored instead. Being ignored hurts even more than words because that could mean that nobody around you cares enough for you. It might be easier to analyze what people have said to you, draw some tangible conclusions, how this really applies to you, whether they are correct or not and what are the possible reasons for them to criticize. But when you're ignored, your imagination starts to work overtime and you'd never get the chance to ask about it either.

 

[Top cat]

Looks like I'm the first to choose no

I guess it depends what hurt means.
I was criticized just a few minutes ago. What did I feel? Angry! Annoyed. Hurt? I don't know.

And if the critique is justified, then it's always a no.
But I always consider my actions/choices carefully --I am not irrational. So if a person disagrees with it, so be it and I say "okay" but I go on with my life as if I didn't hear that person. Because I've already made up my mind. But this usually pertains to things that have to do with just myself and how I conduct my own life, so of course it's always my decision.

 

[bamf]

It only hurts if it's from someone who's opinion I respect and they deliver it in a purposely harmful way.

The only criticism from a stranger that I remember being painful was when I was trying out for music school. I had 6 auditions at different universities and the first one I went to I flubbed up. The director of the school of music met with me after my audition and told me that I simply didn't have the chops to make it in the music world. She tried to politely inform me that I didn't have talent and wouldn't make any of the other auditions. It was pretty devastating and cut pretty darn deep.

I continued on and did the rest of my auditions and got offered a spot at a school out of state.

 

[sassafras]

Depends who its coming from, how much I care what they think, what they're criticizing me for, how they're delivering that criticism and whether or not I find myself agreeing with them (to some small extent, at least). Also, whether or not they're intending to intentionally skew it in such a way that it hurts me... and like mf, I'd say that its the worst when its coming from people you respect.

I checked "sometimes."

 

[Gaze]

It only hurts if it's from someone who's opinion I respect and they deliver it in a purposely harmful way.

+1

 

[Grey Wolf]

Whenever I receive negative criticism or even when I feel it coming I feel hurt. That is the knee jerk, spontaneous reaction. I have learned to not think about that reaction and just let it come and go. I recognise that I felt hurt but I try to quickly move on from it.

doggie!!! cute doggie!! HAHA

ok off topic.

back on, depends on who gives it. if its a teacher I respect I dont feel hurt. in fact, I feel happy that he actually gives a dam in the 1st place

 

[xizzax]

it's rare that i'm hurt by criticism, in fact, since i'm very much into self-improvement i actively listen to criticism--

as long as it's genuine.
as long as the patterns all match up to be true.
also i agree that if the intention is to purposely hurt, i will stubbornly(reaction) block it out.

hahah, sometimes though, my judgment is clouded by my Fe. if i person whom i regard highly is criticizing me the chances of being hurt are amplified.

 

[Julia]

Constructive criticism from someone I can see knows more than I do is welcomed, and I find it to be a vote of confidence and respect that I am still growing and improving. I want to know my flaws to better correct them.

When the criticisms are sweepingly negative generalizations that I can't do anything about, but only serve the purpose of being dismissive and condescending, then that feeling of being attacked can hurt because it is just "mean". It makes the world feel chaotic and hurtful.

I'm not fond of many of the styles of criticism that are a fad in the media today. Years ago I watched American Idol for a couple of seasons, and even though Simon Cowell knows a lot about creating image and has some relevant ideas, the whole "Worst singer in the world" exaggerated generalizations serve a social purpose of dominance and showmanship rather than an evaluative purpose of diagnosing and correcting flaws and errors. Criticism is best accompanied by specifics in identifying the problem and solution.