Do you get depressed when ignored? | INFJ Forum

Do you get depressed when ignored?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by VH, Dec 11, 2009.

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  1. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

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    I'm wondering if anyone gets depressed when their friends fail to spend time with them, and you are left alone with nothing to do.

    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends break important dates?
    Do you get depressed if all of your friends break important dates, and leave you to the activity alone?
    If you are left alone, do you still do the important activity?

    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends break unimportant dates?
    Do you get depressed if all of your friends break unimportant dates, and leave you to the activity alone?
    If you are left alone, do you still do the unimportant activity?

    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends don't want to hang out?
    Do you get depressed if all of your friends don't want to hang out, and leave you to the activity alone?
    If you are left alone, do you still try to go hang out somewhere?
     
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  2. sookie

    On Holiday

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    It used to. I always took it personally. Now that I am.......older, lol, I am not as bothered. People sometimes get clicky even now. I realize it is more to do with them than me.

    Real friends- I dont worry
     
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  3. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    It can still bother me but not to the extent it used to. If a friend cancels plans I'll just stay in though. I'm gettin too old to go partying alone.
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
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  4. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    It's weird - most of that stuff really doesn't bother me that much. Every once in a while, if it was very important to me, but usually no, I'm ok with it.
     
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  5. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    Good questions. I'll answer in bold.

    Yeah, I'm too sensitive yet. *shrug* I'll learn.
     
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  6. Fizzitster

    Fizzitster Regular Poster

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    Not expressing interest in the first place: no
    Breaking unimportant dates: no
    Breaking important dates: yes (by definition!)

    What really gets to me in terms of being ignored is when I go to the trouble of throwing my introverted self into a group conversation and people talk over me. :(
     
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  7. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    This happened all the time when I first acquired my disability and it bothered me quite a bit. I became depressed and pretty reclusive. Eventually, however, I realized my old friends weren't coming back and that if I wanted company, I'd better go out and find some new ones. It was hard at first; some of my old friends I'd known for 20 years. Now my "new" friends and I have been friends for nearly as long.
     
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  8. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Nope. People have their own lives and things come up, that's just the way it is.
     
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  9. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Oh, these questions are so J, can't relate to any of them. If people don't keep their obligations to me, usually means nothing to me. Don't care if they are late, won't answer or won't come. I'm usually the one to tell them that it's alright, because others worry more than needed.

    I'm the opposite, may get depressed if there's too much attention/recognition, because that's the only way to get rid of it. Sure, all of this is just about attitude, regardless of how much people actually neglect you, or not - depends on how you take each situation.
     
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  10. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends break important dates?

    It depends on the reasons why they have broken the date. I am reasonable and able to understand if there's a good reason. But I do get hurt nevertheless, even if I know that it's not anybody's fault. I might be hesitant to plan another date for a while after that.

    Do you get depressed if all of your friends break important dates, and leave you to the activity alone?

    Again, it depends on the reasons. If there's a good reason, then it doesn't hurt as much, it brings me down of course and I feel let down. But if there's a larger number of friends all breaking the dates, then it's...hmmm...suspicious, to say the least. But yes, it does affect me. Feeling ignored, possibly rejected, I tend to look for faults within myself even if there are good reasons to break the date.

    If you are left alone, do you still do the important activity?


    It depends on my mood. If I feel stubborn enough and when I'm in a stronger mindset so that I don't let the disappointment affect me, then I will definitely do the activity. However, if I'm in a weaker mindset and let the negative emotions overwhelm me, then I will probably refrain from the activity.

    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends break unimportant dates?
    Do you get depressed if all of your friends break unimportant dates, and leave you to the activity alone?
    If you are left alone, do you still do the unimportant activity?

    Honestly, I can't understand the idea of an unimportant date. Just hanging out? This is a tricky one because I tend to think of all dates as important. If a date is scheduled, I expect the people involved to follow it through or stop wasting everybody's time. I can't stand things said in passing, the "maybe" situations. I need a definite plan, meeting when and where, what is going to be done.

    Does it hurt your feelings if your friends don't want to hang out?

    I can certainly understand the need for space and "hanging out" all the time gets boring. But if this becomes a problem and I see that people are avoiding me, then it does hurt my feelings and I start to doubt whether we're friends in the first place.

    Do you get depressed if all of your friends don't want to hang out, and leave you to the activity alone?

    Absolutely. I take this as a personal rejection.

    If you are left alone, do you still try to go hang out somewhere?


    Depending on my mood, yes or no.
     
    #10 Isis, Dec 11, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  11. IndigoSensor

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    It will bother me if I put emotional investment, and then the other person appears to have no emotional response to it what so ever. Pretty much this will hurt when the other person doesn't have any care about it.
     
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  12. Gaze

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    +1
     
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  13. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    1) I don't have that many friends around that I might make arrangements with.

    2) I am so used to being the third wheel, and/or set aside, and/or neglected that it is really my default mode of operation. It doesn't bother me, and I don't internalize it, as was said "people have their plans." Fortunately, I enjoy my own company and have things I can do...I keep my expectations of others very, very, very low.
     
  14. Stellar Affinity

    Stellar Affinity Community Member

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    For me, yes, all the time. When I had friends that I actually did things with, to make plans and go out somewhere together for me was a pretty big thing. It basically meant that I trusted and liked a person enough to do something with them. If all of a sudden, they don't return my calls or cancel a day with me then I don't know how to NOT take it personally. Maybe it's because I'm pretty young and have a lot to learn but yes, it usually does cause me to feel depressed.
     
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  15. Gaze

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    Uncomfortable with being the third wheel. I'm experiencing this myself. But i'm learning to lower my expectations to minimize disappointment.
     
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  16. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    It is an odd condition....I would hope it doesn't happen to you all but it might. A lifetime living as an INFJ can carry some unexpected consequences.

    I'm pretty well balanced in general, but about ten years ago, when relationships weren't working out too well (people seemed to be in such a hurry to get to the alter), I began to give myself more and more free reign to be the INFJ I was meant to be. I explored, and mused, and pondered, and wondered...good stuff. Except, for one thing. It seems I had played a little joke on myself!!! All of a sudden I no longer fit the typical pattern for folks living here in middle class suburbia. Whatever the "thing" is here...I ain't that. Seems to trip the marginalization switch every time. Ooops!!!

    No problem, I know the world is bigger than the sprawling metropolis I happen to live in...I'm fine with that. I'm just sayin' it can happen....we INFJs really aren't all that typical, and being ignored (depending on your surroundings) can be.
     
    #16 randomsomeone, Dec 11, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  17. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    Not as much as iz used, but still yes. If it's about somebody important for me. I hate being ignored.
     
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  18. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    depends on who and what the situation is. but in general, important people(to me) + important things = a very pissed off me HAHA

    after which comes disappointment
     
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  19. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    Very, very...
     
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  20. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    it really depend on the activity, the reason why they break it and the amount of times they do it. When they break an activity because they don't feel like doing it any more, I can get really pissed, it is against my values!
    when they let me down a lot of times, I can feel hurt and not wanted and I may consider finding other friends

    what really hurts and annoy me is that the bring unexpected an other friend (that i don't know) along. I don't like to deal with a person i don't know when I expected to spend some time with my friend alone. It feels like they bring someone along because it is boring to be with me alone. Making new friends and meeting new people has to be my descission and not pressed on me. I hate to be the third weel!
     
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