Distinguishing INFJs from INFPs

[Sam]

I can tell you how I'm feeling physically, but I have to consciously think about emotionally. Like right now I'm sore and tired, and I know I'm stressed because of work issues, but those aren't true feelings; those are observations.

I have to really, really quiet myself to find out what I'm feeling at any given time (my Fi sucks, big time).

The same!

Maybe these could help people to figure out their INFJ/P confusion:

1. When you do interact with a person, is your instinct to first think about this encounters relevancy to yourself, or do you first want to be polite? (Or, would you feel the need to "fill" the uncomfortable silence between you two (infj - for not making the other person feel uncomfortable, or just being aware that "uncomfortable silence" might be uncomfortable and actually caring a damn about it), or would you not feel the "need" for it (infp - wouldn't care about the silence, actually is pretty silent him/herself) ?) [INFP - INFJ]

2. Do you need to "talk" it out with somebody (express opinions, what's going on in your life, the effects the changes have had on you, what could you do about the situation), or do you process your feelings best alone? [INFJ - INFP]

Obviously INFPs do talk it out and need it as well, but something I've observed is that they do it... Well, so that it's "fair" in a way (you gotta give some to get some) -but INFPs really seem to be able to make decisions and come to conclusions on their own, the value of a listener to them is acceptance and listening itself, they are not looking for feedback like INFJs are, INFJs really do need that feedback. The frustration when INFP is opening to INFJ is frustration on the INFJs side, when (s)he's trying to help INFP to solve his/hers problems, but to INFJ it seems like INFP is just being stubborn and not taking them (the way they process everything is so different, INFPs are more past-negative events phobic and INFJs more constant development towards the future centered and actual results seeking, which then in turn might frustrate the INFP, because they really have thought it all through, and they hate being pressured, cornered, advised etc).

3. Do you want to know how long you're going to hang out with somebody beforehands so you can schedule your day, or would you rather not think about it ahead? [INFJ - heck, any NP]

The INFP might think someone doesn't like being with them if they just leave their company like that, whereas the INFJ is thinking: "Well, shiiiit, I really have to go and buy some milk like I planned today for the dish I'm preparing tomorrow" and other million things they want to get done because they're already made a sort of a sketch plan for themselves.

Sometimes INFJs can be spontaneous, but it's more sort of "spontaneity in a box" - cause tomorrow it'll be business again. INFJs would probably schedule time for the spontaneity! And ofc they can be flexible, they're not as hardcore J's as TJ's for example, people's feelings are always on the top.

Not even to mention INFJs, especially E4s, can get pretty darn P-ish at times...

4. When you're with someone and you get hungry and want something to eat, would you rather say: "Hey, can we stop by at that Supermarket?" or: "They sell really cheap chips in the Supermarket", or "Could you please bring the bags?" - "I wonder if you could be able to bring the bags". [INFJ - INFP]

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to "fix" people's problems in order to also feel better yourself? [INFJ]

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to mend that special person's soul, heart, pain? [INFP]

6. When you see unjustice and hurt, do you remember or hypothesize how that exact same situation would hurt you or has hurt you in the past and arouse immense empathy in you towards that person through this process, or do you derive empathy instantly, and feel like going after those who have wronged this person? [INFP - INFJ]

How do these sound?

 

[Morgain]

The same!

Maybe these could help people to figure out their INFJ/P confusion:

1. When you do interact with a person, is your instinct to first think about this encounters relevancy to yourself, or do you first want to be polite? (Or, would you feel the need to "fill" the uncomfortable silence between you two (infj - for not making the other person feel uncomfortable), or would you not feel the "need" for it (infp - wouldn't care about the silence, actually is pretty silent him/herself)?) [INFP - INFJ]

I first want to be polite and if I don't want to a feel bad about it so maybe not so good to distinguish?

2. Do you need to "talk" it out with somebody (express opinions, what's going on in your life, the effects the changes have had on you, what could you do about the situation), or do you process your feelings best alone? [INFJ - INFP]

both

3. Do you want to know how long you're going to hang out with somebody beforehands so you can schedule your day, or would you rather not think about it ahead? [INFJ - heck, any NP]

definetely the first

4. When you're with someone and you get hungry and want something to eat, would you rather say: "Hey, can we stop by at that Supermarket?" or: "They sell really cheap chips in the Supermarket", or "Could you please bring the bags?" - "I wonder if you could be able to bring the bags". [INFJ - INFP]

this is said to be a good quistion to distinguish. But I think "could you please bring the bags" is still not a comment, I think better is "bring the bags (please)".
I would say "could you" not "bring the bags"

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to "fix" people's problems in order to also feel better yourself? [INFJ]

not so much

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to mend that special person's soul, heart, pain? [INFP]

yes without doubt. I feel the depth of peoples pain and problems and a lot of times I want to close myself off a certain person because he makes me feel not comfortable and talking about his problems make me feel it completely and in that way I can't help at all, I would be lying next to him so to speak :becky:

6. When you see unjustice and hurt, do you remember or hypothesize how that exact same situation would hurt you or has hurt you in the past and arouse immense empathy in you towards that person through this process, or do you derive empathy instantly, and feel like going after those who have wronged this person? [INFP - INFJ]

yes completely the first

How do these sound?

I think no 5 and 6 are really good ones! :clap2:

 

[orangeappled]

It's possible the "fluffy bunny" vs. "melancholy & moody" differences in how INFPs are perceived might be an enneagram thing.

Apparently the two most common enneagram types for INFPs are 4 and 9 respectively (with type 5 in third place), and it seems reasonable to me that because type 9s tend to repress their more negative feelings they're more likely to come across as "soft/fluffy", whereas because type 4s tend to inhabit their feelings (whether good or bad) they're more likely to come across as "moody/melancholic".

This is true, and INFP 9s do tend to seem more "gentle", but I think they may come off aloof at times to people as well. Obvious expression of soft emotion does not seem typical of most INFPs, unless they feel safe.

I'd be really interested to know how an INFP and an INFJ would answer this question: how are you feeling?

I'd be really curious to see the difference of how the two types describe their emotional states.

In reality, I would avoid answering the question, or would brush it off with an "okay". I've learned that people really don't want to know.

I avoid self-revealing because I've found that it's often out of line with how one is expected to feel or express a feeling. I always feel the "wrong" thing at the "wrong" time and express it the "wrong" way. It also leaves me too vulnerable to express my deep feelings, and putting them into words that can accurately describe them is hard. I'm pretty guarded though.

4. When you're with someone and you get hungry and want something to eat, would you rather say: "Hey, can we stop by at that Supermarket?" or: "They sell really cheap chips in the Supermarket", or "Could you please bring the bags?" - "I wonder if you could be able to bring the bags". [INFJ - INFP]

I would probably broach the food topic by asking them if they are hungry. If they say no, then I'll state that I need to eat and I'd ask them to stop. If I needed someone to bring something, I'd state the need, "We're going to need some bags. I don't have any..." Dot dot dot... It's indirect in that it states the need as opposed to simply asking for it to be filled (or inquires if the person has the same need). This is because INFPs are often open to many solutions to a need, and we don't want to cramp other people's style or miss possible ideas by demanding one way.

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to "fix" people's problems in order to also feel better yourself? [INFJ]

5. Do you sometimes feel tempted to mend that special person's soul, heart, pain? [INFP]

I probably do both, and someone doesn't have to be "special" for my empathies to be engaged. People can be like emotional puzzles that I enjoy solving. I suppose I prefer fixing the person so that they can fix their own problem; difference between "healing" & "counseling" maybe.

6. When you see unjustice and hurt, do you remember or hypothesize how that exact same situation would hurt you or has hurt you in the past and arouse immense empathy in you towards that person through this process, or do you derive empathy instantly, and feel like going after those who have wronged this person? [INFP - INFJ]

This is good, but the INFP may not relate to it directly to empathize. There's a bit of a "metaphorical application" of Feeling with Ne, because INFPs don't expect everyone to feel as we do. That's also why we don't need to know a feeling first-hand to grasp it.

How do these sound?

Pretty good, I like it

 

[sassafras]

Well, since we're making some generalizations here...

I think INFP's are more emotionally volatile, whereas INFJs appear more calm and collected. That is not to say that INFPs more sensitive than INFJs, because I think we're quite equal in that department, but an INFJ's cognitive line up lends itself to pause and think about the repercussions. I'm thinking Fe coupled with Ti allows INFJs to step back from the situation and consider a) the person's feelings, and b) the rationality of their own argument. INFPs, on the other hand, are more equipped with functions that, first of all, keep the focus on the self, and second of all, can send them on a tangent of possibilities that aren't always quite logically apparent to an outsider looking in. Sometimes, it is immediately apparent to me that someone is an INFP just by watching the way in which they react to conflict. An underdeveloped INFP is more likely to sink into a victim mentality or emotional blackmail once they see that they've pushed an argument too far; an underdeveloped INFJ will simply abandon the argument altogether (or avoid it in the first place).

 

[Rakawi]

Old discussion on forgiveness: INFJs vs. INFPs

This post was part of a discussion on another forum many moons ago, but I think it has application here:

"INFJ vs. INFP: which is more forgiving?"

My first reaction was to choose INFP. However, having dated an INFP for as long as I have --I have found myself rationalizing and ultimately forgiving people that he simply cannot bring himself to based on how he feels.

If "forgiveness" is being likened to "tolerate" then he can withstand the company of those he dislikes longer than I by simply ignoring whatever spills out of their mouth and then staring off into space. But if "forgiveness" means understanding or accepting someone who has done wrong, I am more capable of seeing their P-O-V even if I disagree and just disregarding the social road-bumps I'm unconcerned with.

Arguably, he appears more forgiving than me given his lax demeanor, but if pressed to be honest you'll find he cannot shake his prejudices. Outwardly, I probably seem more unforgiving given my scrutinizing behavior, but if pressed (with points that are valid to me) I can spontaneously make an about-face to the astonishment of my intimates.

 

[IndigoSensor]

This post was part of a discussion on another forum many moons ago, but I think it has application here:

I like this very much. It is extremely accurate in most cases, and I have seen this via experience with many INFP's and some INFJ's.

 

[orangeappled]

This post was part of a discussion on another forum many moons ago, but I think it has application here:

I don't think the tendencies of both types can be boiled down to one anecdotal experience. This has much more to do with an individual than cognitive functions.

 

[Rakawi]

It was relevant, not all-encompassing. It's one of the myriad ways we differ.

 

[acd]

I'm kind of skeptical to hear that one type would be more forgiving than another.

Forgiveness and tolerance are not comparable things, anyway. Being able to see things from someone else's POV and be cordial through differences is not a type thing. It's a wisdom/character thing... which no type automatically has a one up on.

 

[Rakawi]

The original discussion thread that post was pulled from was specifically about forgiveness and those two types. And you'll note I quibbled over what the op meant by "forgiveness."

 

[acd]

I don't remember that thread.. and yes.. the way 'forgiveness' is defined is sketchy.
Still, don't really think it helps to differentiate between types.

 

[Rakawi]

I don't remember that thread.. and yes.. the way 'forgiveness' is defined is sketchy.
Still, don't really think it helps to differentiate between types.

If you read my post, you'd realize it's from another forum many moons ago.

Note: Also, you don't know how the op defined sketchiness (sic - forgiveness) because the entirety of the (long) thread was not copied over here. I only copied the bits that were related to this discussion.

 

[acd]

Again. Isn't convincing in distinguishing INFPs from INFJs.



Or can you explain in depth how the cognitive functions of each type support this inane anecdote?

That'd be a start, at least.
The onus is on you for posting the claim.


So really, you just lifted a fragment from another conversation elseware and dropped it here.. Do you really think that is helpful?

 

[Rakawi]

Again. Isn't convincing in distinguishing INFPs from INFJs anyway.

Or can you explain in depth how the cognitive functions of each type support this inane anecdote?

That'd be a start, at least.

The onus is on you for posting the claim.

Our behaviors cannot be strictly deduced to cognitive processes, otherwise the world's population would consist of only 16 human cookie-cutters. Your "request" is a non-sequitur.

If you'd like to resuscitate the discussion started by an INFP on the other forum, here is the link. They're always welcoming new members.

As for my contribution, the comparison resonates with the experiences of the INFPs in my life and myself over the course of 10+ years. If my personal experience doesn't resonate with you, disagreement is a fair option.

 

[acd]

I know... I was being facetious with that request..

::facepalm a million times::

Forget it. If you would like to find INFJs more capable of forgiveness then who am I to burst your bubble?
(that last question was rhetorical, btw.)

 

[Morgain]

I read the first post in that tread

I think INFP is more likely to say they forgive you, but will probably hold onto that moment forever where it will come back to haunt you someday.

INFJs are probably less forgiving, but are less likely to hold a grudge.

imo

I think this is an Fi vs Fe thing

I think it is right for me. I can place myself in the other person perspective and can see why he acted the way he acted and to some extend am able to forgive him for that. But I will hold a grudge. I may have forgotten it but I can blame him for it again after years.

I think it's a Fi Fe thing. When ISFP and I have fights, she tends to hold on grudges for a long time, probably forever, although she will always forgive if you mean the sorry - but I think she has some sort of map inside of her head which has blueprints of our every fight.

Ha! I am the queen of "un-forgiveness"! Again, not because I am out to get you. Because I just kind of...never get over things. Sometimes, they randomly crawl back to haunt me and I need to get away. I never let you know you've hurt me that badly, I'll shrug it off in front of you for decency's sake. I find my clinging to past hurts pretty unproductive, kind of immature and also not acceptable. I'm way too easily hurt, it's actually embarrassing.

this too

 

[Rakawi]

If you would like to find INFJs more capable of forgiveness then who am I to burst your bubble?
(that last question was rhetorical, btw.)

You got ahead of yourself with that assumption, which explains the unnecessary exchange it precipitated. My s.o. tells me Fi is a "reactive knee jerk" by nature and slowing it improves with age, FWIW I suspect it's more complicated than that.

Approaching a legitimate discussion with someone cloaked in the certainty of their misinterpretation and crouching defensively is a bit like trying to handshake a hedgehog.

The floor is yours. I'm moving on.

 

[orangeappled]

It was relevant, not all-encompassing. It's one of the myriad ways we differ.

Except that it is WRONG and not type related. Stop trying to defend your ridiculous stereotype.

The bias against INFPs on this board is ridiculous over all...The contrast between the types always ends up with the INFP being described negatively.

So many of the posts in tone can boil down to:

"Well, INFJs are so organized & patient & forgiving & keep their emotions in control and INFPs are flaky, temperamental, grudge-holding basket cases."

Uh huh...whatever guys.

 

[rawr]

Except that it is WRONG and not type related. Stop trying to defend your ridiculous stereotype.

The bias against INFPs on this board is ridiculous over all...The contrast between the types always ends up with the INFP being described negatively.

So many of the posts in tone can boil down to:

"Well, INFJs are so organized & patient & forgiving & keep their emotions in control and INFPs are flaky, temperamental, grudge-holding basket cases."

Uh huh...whatever guys.

um, erm. *shifts uncomfortably*. well, i don't think that's what she meant. I agree it's not type related but i don't think she meant it to be all-encompassing, just a little tidbit that might help some.

and i'm sorry you feel this way about the attitudes on the board. i hope i was not one to contribute to that perception.

 

[IndigoSensor]

Ok guys, just a friendly reminder to keep it calm here.

It's just MBTI, by its nature it is very hard to define which works for everyone.

Just play nice