deep conversations

[v.shadow]

But I don't crave deep conversations. Most of the time, I like to be silly and amused because I spend enough time with my own melancholy thoughts.

same. anyways, when I do want deep conversations people just don't care about what I'm saying (either because they are really egocentric or because they think having deep conversations means constantly arguing with me)

 

[GaiaGraha]

I HATE small talk. It's so useless. I LOVE deep conversations. But I agree that I do not get enough of them.

This evening again, a friend of mine had come by my appartement to chat a little and she was talking on and on about here work, about here trip with here collegues, ... It is ok for a while but quite frankly I don't care about this social talk, it is so boring. I wanted to tell here about this personality test and what a revelation it has been to me to finely hear that I'm not abnormal, that I just have a rare personality. I have been waiting and waiting for an opening in here monologue but the only think I have been able to tell is the fact that I've taken this test and it could be interesting for her too. And then she started again about the fact that she has no internet at the moment and go on and on ...

God I feel like most everyone in my life is just like that! Especially the ESFJs (my mom, my little sister, and good friends I have known for varying amounts of long years: one for 18 years, one for 7 years, and one for 4 years. ), but also an INTJ friend I've known for 16 years and other people too. No one is really listening. ugh.

For the past 4 years I have been volunteering at a Non-Profit Organization called Workshops for Youth and Family (WYF) where I helped facilitate week-long day camps for kids and teens to help "Build Character and Inspire Confidence", teach life skills and EQ, etc. It's really impossible to explain (it's something you can't really get unless you go) but it's an amazing place. We create a safe, trusting environment for people to be themselves, open up, and grow.
Anywho, I went to the camp for 6 years and then became a PL (Peer Leader - kinda like a camp counselor) for 4 years. Because of that, the last 10 years of my life I have had a safe, welcoming, fun, and loving place to learn how to open up and to have deep conversations. I am lucky. I still am friends with people who were PLs with me- but now I am done with WYF (you have to leave eventually....otherwise you wouldn't be a PEER anymore...) and I am kinda on my own. I'm pretty scared.

 

[Morgain]

all too many people are disinterested in probing deeper and would much rather engage in small talk. that's fine, but i usually fall into the role of a listener as i seldom have much to say since i don't get out much in the usual sense and therefore don't have 'exciting' stories to speak of.

Yes, it is the same with me. When I eventualy find out that I'm not getting in deeper contact with the person, when she only talks from here mind and not with her fealing/soul, my mind simply shutsdown in sleeping modus and I fall into the listener role. And although I do know exciting stories, I simply can't recall them at the right time.

I've got the feeling that a lot of people are afraid for deep conversations so they simply block every atempt. They are afraid of there own deper layers, about there past that they try to forget. And in that case when I poush them into a conversation it becomes filled with fear and sadness. And me to becomes sad and depressed. Ad first I thought it was my own sadness or something but now I'm starting to believe it is just the emotions of the other person I'm mirroring.

The last realy good conversation I had, was about a year ago and it was with a Bedouin in the desert of Jordan. It was so wonderfull that I'm still getting energy from it. I realy connected with hem from the first thing he said to me and we talked about life and it was the first time I could tell anyone my view of life and he was realy excited about it. It was not just hem but also the place. The desert is so quied and energetic pure that I connected with everything in an instand. This friend I talked about earlier was with me there to and when I tried to tell her how wonderfull I found the place, she said: "yeah, I'm not missing a shower yet" ... jeah ok .... never mind ....

 

[just me]

I would have liked to have been on that park bench waiting on the bus with Forrest Gump. "Isn't this your bus?" Forrest asked her. "Oh, there'll be another one along later," she said.

 

[rainrise]

Yes, it is the same with me. When I eventualy find out that I'm not getting in deeper contact with the person, when she only talks from here mind and not with her fealing/soul, my mind simply shutsdown in sleeping modus and I fall into the listener role. And although I do know exciting stories, I simply can't recall them at the right time.

I've got the feeling that a lot of people are afraid for deep conversations so they simply block every atempt. They are afraid of there own deper layers, about there past that they try to forget. And in that case when I poush them into a conversation it becomes filled with fear and sadness. And me to becomes sad and depressed. Ad first I thought it was my own sadness or something but now I'm starting to believe it is just the emotions of the other person I'm mirroring.

The last realy good conversation I had, was about a year ago and it was with a Bedouin in the desert of Jordan. It was so wonderfull that I'm still getting energy from it. I realy connected with hem from the first thing he said to me and we talked about life and it was the first time I could tell anyone my view of life and he was realy excited about it. It was not just hem but also the place. The desert is so quied and energetic pure that I connected with everything in an instand. This friend I talked about earlier was with me there to and when I tried to tell her how wonderfull I found the place, she said: "yeah, I'm not missing a shower yet" ... jeah ok .... never mind ....

wow. i really relate to those particular parts of your post.

it is wonderful that you had that experience with the Bedouin in Jordan. in my own life, i do find more often than not that deep connections arise in unseeming places and times.

 

[rainrise]

I would have liked to have been on that park bench waiting on the bus with Forrest Gump. "Isn't this your bus?" Forrest asked her. "Oh, there'll be another one along later," she said.

that just made me so warm and fuzzy inside i'm almost teary-eyed.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

A good, deep conversation of the right type is good for me. I just can't live on those. I think it's my Fe or Se or something, but when I go to a party, I don't want to spend the majority of it ignoring the rest of the people and the action to talk about the universe...until I get burnt out, at least. This might have to do with the fact that I go to a school that is practically based on discussion and deeper understanding, though.

I tend to attract deep conversation. People like telling me things they've "never told anyone before." Usually, though, I don't end up actually talking that much -- I listen and confirm more than anything. It's more rare to find people that want a real exchange of ideas and insights. When I find those people, it's wonderful, but I have to think a lot on it, so often I prefer it to be less than three hours long. But then, I like picking up on it later

Either way, sometimes it's very energizing, and sometimes it's draining, depending on how desperate the person is to be saved and how often the topic comes up. I don't regret or dislike it, though.

 

[Altruistic Muse]

I think if I feel like I'm not getting enough of these conversations I bring the mup more, which frustrates people. Sometimes they are genuinely bored by topic or do not want to discuss things they don't know enough about. And sometimes I think they are reluctant to let you in on their innermost opinions. I think this is the case with my boyfriend. It's difficult trying to open him up. You get snippets of the way he thinks of things and from the fact that he has an opinion about everything I know that he's thought about it all before. But if you catch him in the wrong mood he will get annoyed at having to discuss things that aren't practical or helping a situation. I love it when he'll talk about science and logic and spirtuality etc though. I'm lucky because i can talk to my sis about anything, and a couple of good friends, so that will do me. My ex, I could talk to about anything, but there were so many issues there with otehr aspects of our relationship that in the end it counted for little. So to summarise: I love deep conversations, but I recognise that they can be jarring to others so try to hold back on them somewhat.

 

[Pristinegirl]

When I think of deep conversations, I think of listening and expressing, inuitive subjects and emotions. I love them <3

I experience it every to every other day.
With my best friend, Always. With all the idealists in my life, Always. With my therapist, Always. With thinkers, it can but it feels shallow and not as meaningful. With my mother, Never...

 

[Altruistic Muse]

When I think of deep conversations, I think of listening and expressing, inuitive subjects and emotions. I love them <3

I experience it every to every other day.
With my best friend, Always. With all the idealists in my life, Always. With my therapist, Always. With thinkers, it can but it feels shallow and not as meaningful. With my mother, Never...

I know what you mean about thinkers. This is who i am surrounded by mostly. I like the way they see things because it is different, but because the emotional aspect of the discussion is stripped away it feels like there's a level missing, and a sort of flippancy with the way they regard things.

 

[Pristinegirl]

I know what you mean about thinkers. This is who i am surrounded by mostly. I like the way they see things because it is different, but because the emotional aspect of the discussion is stripped away it feels like there's a level missing, and a sort of flippancy with the way they regard things.

Yess exactly, I was constantly surrounded by them too and the thing is as this was the case I really felt that I needed to be able to connect with them. So I really tried to implement the feeling into them but it rather caused disputes xD...

 

[Morgain]

wow. i really relate to those particular parts of your post.

it is wonderful that you had that experience with the Bedouin in Jordan. in my own life, i do find more often than not that deep connections arise in unseeming places and times.

thank you Rainrise for telling me this. It realy means a lot to me that there are actually people living whom relate to my odd character. I rarely feel understood by others!

Indeed those deep connections arise in unseeming places. I guess instead of trying to fit and trying for people to like me (what never seems to work and make me only more miserable) I should be more open and receiving for these unexpected events. Even if they are not acceptable for the 'normal' sociaty

 

[Morgain]

I tend to attract deep conversation. People like telling me things they've "never told anyone before." Usually, though, I don't end up actually talking that much -- I listen and confirm more than anything. It's more rare to find people that want a real exchange of ideas and insights. When I find those people, it's wonderful, but I have to think a lot on it, so often I prefer it to be less than three hours long. But then, I like picking up on it later

Either way, sometimes it's very energizing, and sometimes it's draining, depending on how desperate the person is to be saved and how often the topic comes up. I don't regret or dislike it, though.

yes me too, but I don't call them deep conversations because in the end I turn up listening most of the time because the other person is so occupied with hes own story that he will not listen to mine. And that is realy draining. I only get energized when I feel that the other person is realy listening to me and trying to understand me, like you say, a real exchange of Ideas and insights. The best conversations are those where I don't even have to think any more, just say what is in my hart and follow my innerfeeling/intuiton...

 

[Sithious]

Quite frankly, I find people who goes on and on about their work, pathetic.

I could tolerate some of it, if the person had an amazing job, but ugh

 

[Morgain]

Quite frankly, I find people who goes on and on about their work, pathetic.

I could tolerate some of it, if the person had an amazing job, but ugh

yeah, I could also go on and on about my job but after two sentences I notice that nobody is interested any more so I automaticaly stop. I always expect that everybody has that sensor but I'm always disillusioned ))

 

[daydreamer]

Not a lot because a lot of the people in my life are Artisans or Guardians. So, in order to survive, I also have to come into these conversations. Some are fun. Some are not.