Are you a good listener?
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Depends on my frame of mind. I have been a good listener, I've been a poor listener, I've been an asshole.
If I am being a good listener, I am listening actively. Not just by showing that I'm listening with the occasional nod, uh-huhs, or question, but I am also listening to everything they are saying and not saying or not saying directly. Sometimes you have to remove the emphasis of some words and move them somewhere so that you can hear what the real problem is, not just the surface-level problem one is talking about. I also read their non-verbal cues, almost subconsciously though. In reading all of these things, I know how the person is feeling, what is the problem, what is the underlyer, and how to respond with empathy and if need-be, compassion.
Unfortunately I don't always know when to be a good listener or how to change my frame of mind when I recognize it.
If I am being a good listener, I am listening actively. Not just by showing that I'm listening with the occasional nod, uh-huhs, or question, but I am also listening to everything they are saying and not saying or not saying directly. Sometimes you have to remove the emphasis of some words and move them somewhere so that you can hear what the real problem is, not just the surface-level problem one is talking about. I also read their non-verbal cues, almost subconsciously though. In reading all of these things, I know how the person is feeling, what is the problem, what is the underlyer, and how to respond with empathy and if need-be, compassion.
Unfortunately I don't always know when to be a good listener or how to change my frame of mind when I recognize it.
not really.
not to say i wouldn't be there for someone if they needed a sounding board, but i'm not the first one you'd be going to on your list of people ya know.
it's more about solutions for me. are you wanting someone to listen to you whine and moan about your life or are you looking for someone to bounce a few ideas off of?
big difference.
i don't have time for the former sorry. i'm more of a fairweather friend i'm afraid.
not to say i wouldn't be there for someone if they needed a sounding board, but i'm not the first one you'd be going to on your list of people ya know.
it's more about solutions for me. are you wanting someone to listen to you whine and moan about your life or are you looking for someone to bounce a few ideas off of?
big difference.
i don't have time for the former sorry. i'm more of a fairweather friend i'm afraid.
I guess my answer would be, as it often is, it depends. Sometimes I am a great listener. This usually coincides with my best times. At my worst, I'm a horrible listener and complete cave dweller. :closed_2:
That depends on the kind of listening you mean.
I am very bad at listening to people spout on about things that bore me. My mind wanders elsewhere almost instinctively and it takes a tremendous amount of effort to try to focus my attention on what precisely is being said in these situations. I do usually at least still try most of the time, especially if the person in question means something to me. I don't want to make them feel bad, but... I can't help it. My brain just doesn't want to absorb the information because I find it irrelevant, not useful or interesting to me.
If someone comes to me because they are hurting or confused about something and need to talk, I will listen. What I do while that is going on depends on how they approach the conversation. If someone directly tells me they just want someone to listen to them vent and don't need advice or someone to tell them what they think about it, I will do so. During this, my mind might be trying desperately to wander to other more interesting topics and I will have to reel my attentions in, as mentioned above. But, I will listen and give them what they want if they make that known to me beforehand. If they do not, I will assume that they are bringing up a problem because they are seeking some kind of resolution and I will offer my views and insights of the situation to try to help them resolve the problem, because it makes sense to me that they would appreciate the input if they feel the need to talk to me about it.
I am very bad at listening to people spout on about things that bore me. My mind wanders elsewhere almost instinctively and it takes a tremendous amount of effort to try to focus my attention on what precisely is being said in these situations. I do usually at least still try most of the time, especially if the person in question means something to me. I don't want to make them feel bad, but... I can't help it. My brain just doesn't want to absorb the information because I find it irrelevant, not useful or interesting to me.
If someone comes to me because they are hurting or confused about something and need to talk, I will listen. What I do while that is going on depends on how they approach the conversation. If someone directly tells me they just want someone to listen to them vent and don't need advice or someone to tell them what they think about it, I will do so. During this, my mind might be trying desperately to wander to other more interesting topics and I will have to reel my attentions in, as mentioned above. But, I will listen and give them what they want if they make that known to me beforehand. If they do not, I will assume that they are bringing up a problem because they are seeking some kind of resolution and I will offer my views and insights of the situation to try to help them resolve the problem, because it makes sense to me that they would appreciate the input if they feel the need to talk to me about it.
I used to think I was a good listener by default, but it depends on what the information is or how it is presented. I also listen well to some people but not as well to others, depending on whether I can relate to their state of mind.
It helps when I find it delightful to listen to someone and find it easy to affirm or respond. Conversational/cognitive compatibility helps.
I tend to forego opportunities to listen when it's difficult to do so.
It helps when I find it delightful to listen to someone and find it easy to affirm or respond. Conversational/cognitive compatibility helps.
I tend to forego opportunities to listen when it's difficult to do so.
Yes. I can usually sense when someone wants to vent without interruption or they are seeking advice regardless of the content. I know that there may have been a time they listened to my b.s. or will listen to it in the future ... I keep in mind that I treat others the way I want to be treated.
Shaqie
The Grandmaster in Disguise
Yes. In fact, I am too much of good a listener at times.
What I understand of you post is that you are a listener of an extraordinary level. So good that you manage to absorb way to much information into your head, witch you cannot stand. Eventually this leads to a spontaneous reaction of you hitting the wall with your head repeatedly, in order to forget what you have learned.
PP: I think I have a problem with my imagination.
Shaqie
The Grandmaster in Disguise
Now lets jump on-topic, instead of off-topic.
I can be a good listener, all you have to do is speak funny things, interesting things or meaningful things. Otherwise the information would not pass intro my central brain and probably I would consider you boring.
PP: Honestly I think that most of you are like this, not to say all of you.
I can be a good listener, all you have to do is speak funny things, interesting things or meaningful things. Otherwise the information would not pass intro my central brain and probably I would consider you boring.
PP: Honestly I think that most of you are like this, not to say all of you.
Tin Man
"a respectable amount of screaming"
If it's someone important to me who really needs to talk then yes. Otherwise, I'll feign interest at best and give the person a look that says "stop talking if want to live" at worst.
An acquaintance once told me how he self harms and has thoughts of suicide. My reaction? I just nodded my head and said; "Oh, I see." I'm not a monster, I just wasn't really listening.
An acquaintance once told me how he self harms and has thoughts of suicide. My reaction? I just nodded my head and said; "Oh, I see." I'm not a monster, I just wasn't really listening.
Yes, I'm told that I do or am to an extreme. So much so that I made it my profession as a counselor (aka "shrink" as I'm sure some of you will call it, ha ha) and absolutely love it. I really do genuinely care about what people are going through in their lives, regardless of what I may be going through myself. I'm constantly told every single day that I'm abnormally intuitive, even for an INFJ and I'm sure someone can relate. Examples: knowing most often what people are about to think or say before it enters their minds, feeling their emotions and personality type/traits in great detail, pain (physical and emotional - past, present and future) with the same intensity as they feel it, literally see into situations (such as specific people or places) like a photograph flashed in front of me with info attached to it, etc. (I don't ever try to make these things happen...it's just there naturally/automatically with no off switch) It definitely keeps life interesting for sure. :w: I sincerely don't ever judge because I don't feel like it's my place to do so and it may sound cliché but I love The Golden Rule. I said all that for a purpose with this OP question about "Are you a good listener?" because it's a huge part of the reason I love to listen - to hopefully make some kind of difference in a life and help in any way possible (even if it's all listening to vents and the like and no feedback needed) with the traits mentioned above. Also to always learn more about Psychology just listening to how people think/tick to grow more in my understanding. I agree with previous posters such as the arrogance mentioned by pipsqueaka. That can be a challenge to listen to, especially if that arrogance is in the form of feeling superior to everyone else...that gets to me because I am a believer that every person and personality type has something 100% unique to offer.
Also, Lemonworld in your post, I do know how you feel. I have to tell ya though, I really do appreciate you for your heart, truly. In my all-time favorite MBTI book I've found thus far ("The 16 Personality Types: Descriptions for Self-Discovery" by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi), for every MBTI type, there is a detailed page called "What's It Like To Be You?" There is a far less informative/less detailed version of this online. If anyone on here is ever interested in what yours says, let me know and I'll be glad to type it out for you because it's really accurate for each case I've dealt with. I mention what you said "Lemonworld" because there is a sentence in the INFJ's description that kind of touches on what you spoke of. This is in reference to when talking about us really listening, "I feel other people's feelings, and taking on that burden can make me too intense and serious, where I can't be spontaneous and fun loving." So we do have to be careful and mindful of keeping a balance I think, even if it's hard to do sometimes.
I also love what you said Paladin-X here:
Also, Lemonworld in your post, I do know how you feel. I have to tell ya though, I really do appreciate you for your heart, truly. In my all-time favorite MBTI book I've found thus far ("The 16 Personality Types: Descriptions for Self-Discovery" by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi), for every MBTI type, there is a detailed page called "What's It Like To Be You?" There is a far less informative/less detailed version of this online. If anyone on here is ever interested in what yours says, let me know and I'll be glad to type it out for you because it's really accurate for each case I've dealt with. I mention what you said "Lemonworld" because there is a sentence in the INFJ's description that kind of touches on what you spoke of. This is in reference to when talking about us really listening, "I feel other people's feelings, and taking on that burden can make me too intense and serious, where I can't be spontaneous and fun loving." So we do have to be careful and mindful of keeping a balance I think, even if it's hard to do sometimes.
I also love what you said Paladin-X here:
And I also loved your comment Sriracha:
I see others also feel the same about "The Golden Rule" and I love the other parts of your post too. I love how y'all think on here - all types. :thumb: Okay, my apologies, I really went my super crazy INFJ self with this post - will try to be much shorter in future.
Yes, I think I generally am, and I definitely can be when the situation calls for it. I wouldn't, however, say I'm a great listener as I don't always know how to engage in commentary/feedback after the person has said their part. I am a safe person to turn to, though. I will hear someone out patiently, maintain their confidence, and offer compassion/understanding. I hope people know that I won't judge them when they turn to me, and can trust me to hold them in high esteem or value regardless of the context or circumstance.
Something interesting I've found is that some people have a presence that makes them more compelling speakers in a way that has nothing to do with the topic. I'm not sure what it is, but I've known people whom I've loved whose words, for reasons I've been unable to figure out, translate into "blah blah blah" in my mind. It's not as though they aren't interested in the topic, speak in a monotone voice, say things in confusing ways, etc. There's absolutely nothing problematic about how they express themselves, or about the discussion. Not sure. *shoulder shrug*.
Something interesting I've found is that some people have a presence that makes them more compelling speakers in a way that has nothing to do with the topic. I'm not sure what it is, but I've known people whom I've loved whose words, for reasons I've been unable to figure out, translate into "blah blah blah" in my mind. It's not as though they aren't interested in the topic, speak in a monotone voice, say things in confusing ways, etc. There's absolutely nothing problematic about how they express themselves, or about the discussion. Not sure. *shoulder shrug*.