Thank you Andy! I don't particularly care that much what people think and I tend not to speak a lot but when I do, I speak my mind, I've been told I'm blunt many times BUT, I hate hurting people, however I won't pander to egos. I don't feel hurt when people disapprove, I feel more irritated than anything else because I am so often misunderstood it is exasperating.
you are INFJ? this analysis might make you reconsider...
- Thread starter Andy Quellenlicht
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i identify very much with Ni as opposed to Ne, but, of course, i read these 2 paragraphs on a structural level - it sure does not apply regarding sun tan ;-)
do which degree do you identify?
do which degree do you identify?
if she had said, "I don't like hurting people" (instead of "i hate..."), this would have been "that's not being an asshole".
UGH I waffle between INTJ and INFJ, but mostly INFJ because my interpersonal relationships are way more important to me then logical consistency. But in that list I was evenly between T and F. In the master list between T and F there was 7 rows for each and I embody almost equally parts from both sides.
this happens frequently for INFJs. tests are only a teaser. so: in private (not in business): when you wanna communicate something you know the person you are talking to will disapprove: do you tend to withhold it or adapt your statement, or do you tend to say what is locigal or factual and don't think so much about the others opinion? this is the core-difference of Fe and Te (as a secondary function of an introvert).
i'm not asking what you actually do, but what you tend to do, regardless of what you think is best to do (this could be a counter-acting ideal).
Oh I always sugar coat things. Half the time because I dont want to hurt someones feelings. and the other half because most people cannot deal with subjective truths that dont align with their core feelings, so its easier to spurn action by framing the situation a specific way I can control... yeah manipulation. But when it comes to like someone I really care about, I always try my best to give them an accurate representation of the situation as possible in a way that they can accept. It takes a LOT of effort to bring big news to someone in a way that wont upset them and get them to look at the situation not just in terror but in concern w/ the notion of seeking a solution so we can solve it quick, ok im babbling now. Sometimes I think I can be really detached from this process, but other times not as much, especially if I am trying to be serious. Is it possible for someone to be equally T and F? Or to have them both be developed in such a fashion that they work in tandem all the time? like some new pseudo function?
I was skimming that PDF file too, had some interesting theories. I liked the part it said pertaining to INJ's how they often feel a sense of frustration for understanding the limits of language in describing our thoughts and feelings... thats SO TRUE! And I am fairly gifted with word usage and a knack for language, I used to take multiple language courses in high school and college and I excelled at all of them... and to know just where the limits of language are is so fucking frustrating. In turn it has always made me fond of metaphors or similes with simpler ideas, like trying to describe certain thought processes and feelings in any human language is like trying to access this forum on a dialup in a log cabin in Alaska. It works a little but is so incapable of seeing the greater vision. Human brains in that way are like "gods" technology trying to dial in to a vast sea of intelligence but getting constantly cut off because of a physical limitation. UGH!
i added 1 more thing, and this one is crucial:
i'm not asking what you actually do, but what you tend to do, regardless of what you think is best to do (this could be a counter-acting ideal).
it's about your inclination (before thinking), not your socialization.
i'm not asking what you actually do, but what you tend to do, regardless of what you think is best to do (this could be a counter-acting ideal).
it's about your inclination (before thinking), not your socialization.
Heh, best as I can figure that is that my natural inclination is to lie and control the scope of the discussion.
In the end it's pretty much the same. Te and Fe both may hate hurting people but for different reasons. But not hurting people =/= Fe. It depends on your motives.
Te and Fe both may hate hurting people but for different reasons. But not hurting people =/= Fe. It depends on your motives.
please explain how you see the motives at work here... and why Te (as a function) would hate hurting people...
Approval-seeking is an interesting notion and a very important one for INFJ's, I believe. In organizations/groups, I have had a tendency to comply and go with the flow while I am often a very different person in private or with safe friends (usually one on one). Rather than complying, I've learned to be less active and just be my sensitive shy self and not worry about pleasing anyone or gaining their approval.
It's also the reason why I have to choose my friends carefully. Some friends will rip me to shreds emotionally, so I have decided to stay away from my INTP friend, for example, who can be very insulting (publicly or privately) even though he can be very easygoing and soft. Understanding the need for extensive warmth and approval means I can beware of friends who may place a high value on duty and creating a family atmosphere (STJ's) but don't place a high value on how they may be hurting someone's feelings; or those who may place a high value on becoming useful, efficient, proficient, and logical (NT's) but, again, not particularly careful about social graces.
More than anything else, it really helps me see and value who I am and actually love myself... which I don't hear much about on this forum.
It's also the reason why I have to choose my friends carefully. Some friends will rip me to shreds emotionally, so I have decided to stay away from my INTP friend, for example, who can be very insulting (publicly or privately) even though he can be very easygoing and soft. Understanding the need for extensive warmth and approval means I can beware of friends who may place a high value on duty and creating a family atmosphere (STJ's) but don't place a high value on how they may be hurting someone's feelings; or those who may place a high value on becoming useful, efficient, proficient, and logical (NT's) but, again, not particularly careful about social graces.
More than anything else, it really helps me see and value who I am and actually love myself... which I don't hear much about on this forum.
I'm the same way, but it is almost always in response to stress and at those times I come across as cold. Even my twin sister thinks I'm an INTJ...nope...I'm INFJ. I don't want that T anyway, nothing particularly virtuous about it.
I think the fact that you don't want the T means that you're an F, which is kinda obvious. There's a tendency for F's probably to care so much what other people feel/think that they make unhealthy friendships by trying too hard to accommodate, whereas what an INFJ really needs is a greater focus on friendships with SFP's (because they're playful and often accepting) and NF's (because they're diplomatic, though not necessarily sympathetic). I realized that I need a lot of time alone (sometimes reading psychology, typology, spirituality, etc) so that I can become my spontaneous self and not identify with others around me so much that I lose who I am. It can be very exhausting when I'm busy accommodating others just to have companionship. It's not that I don't move into friendship; it's just that I need to express myself while I'm at it. And if that means I am often shy or repressed instead of artificially outgoing (control/approval-seeking/conforming to others' expectations), then that's what I need to do until I become comfortable expressing the softer side.
It's interesting a lot of INFJ's are tied between T and F, but I always test a strong F. My blur is usually between N and S on certain test results or between J and P. But even though I'm fairly good with certain forms of aesthetic art and enjoy good food, my idealistic/futuristic function (N) usually preoccupies me.
It's interesting a lot of INFJ's are tied between T and F, but I always test a strong F. My blur is usually between N and S on certain test results or between J and P. But even though I'm fairly good with certain forms of aesthetic art and enjoy good food, my idealistic/futuristic function (N) usually preoccupies me.
i couldn't care less what others think of me. i do what i want and what i think is right. i take them into consideration and if my best isn't good enough for them they are free to fuck off and have a nice time somewhere else.