Would you tell your significant other to lose weight? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Would you tell your significant other to lose weight?

I'd want to know why there's been a change in behavior so we can resolve it.
 
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Yeah, and I've done it recently, in fact. One day, my girlfriend of almost two years was complaining about being too chubby, and I suggested that if she wanted to slim down a bit we could exercise together. It took her mind off "I'm so fat!!" and put it on "What kind of exercise should we do? This could be fun!"
 
Korg said:
I have never understood this kind of thinking. To me, it is a shallow excuse that appeals to emotion - an emotion reinforced by an absurd cultural interpretation of what intimate relationships are about. The subtext seems to be: "when you love someone, mutual mediocrity becomes permissible." Shit, at the very least I'd think it would read like this: 'if you love someone, why wouldn't it matter?' Serenity pointed out a few good reasons in this regard.


Anyway, yes - I would tell my SO if they gained weight (and by weight, I mean fat from being lazy and disregarding their health). Outside of medical reasons or temporary ones like bulking up for an MMA fight, there's no reason for it. I'm a lover of beauty and I like to keep myself healthy so it's important to me that whoever I'm with maintain a similar standard. Or, at the bare minimum, a modicum of self-respect in the sense that they actually exert effort to take care of themselves.
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I am with you on this one.

I believe as a spouse, it is part of our...I won't say duty or responsibility, but perhaps virtue to be our best.
Whether it's mentally or physically.

Some degrees of acceptance are required, as it is with compromising, but to NOT do anything when you feel dissatisfied with your SO's look is disrespectful to your own needs. And in a way, to let your SO keep heading that way (with or without their knowledge on how it affects you) is somewhat of a neglect on either side.

Jill Hives said:
As someone who has been approached by her significant other about this in a negative way and is still pissed about it/still has image issues now because of it...let me add my few cents. It is IMPERATIVE (as mentioned above) that when/if you do bring this up, you make sure and make the main focus of it,not their weight gain itself, but the fact that you love them and care about them and are concerned for their well being.

Don't approach accusingly and don't act frustrated or angry at them about it. If you are angry about it, wait for a time you have better control over your emotions. Chances are this person already knows something is wrong but needs the proper kind of support from people who care. They don't need to feel looked down on and disgusting, they need to be encouraged to love themselves.

Or for a less direct approach, one could start actively trying to incorporate more "active" plans into their routine,and include their partner. If you live in a nice area for it, plan some hiking adventures.

Make it something fun and not "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO FAT AND IT NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW!" I realize that this was a hypothetical question on your part @Odyne , I mean "you" generally here.

I don't believe it is appropriate in a loving caring relationship to NOT say anything at all when someone you love is at risk of endangering their health. If you are indifferent that is not caring or loving. But I think things like this really need to be handled delicately. It can completely crush a person to hear something like this from their S.O. if it isn't brought up the right way and can cause a LOT of resentment.
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I also agreed a LOT on this, however. Just because you have to say it doesn't mean you can be indelicate or outright rude or outright 'meh, I'll just say how I feel and they will understand AND I WILL HAVE MY HOT LOVAH BACK BABY!!' (I have an ISTP brother; and suffice to say his way on telling it can be outright rude.)

No. Just no. Find a delicate, understanding, compassionate way to deal with it. We ought to be on their side, in dealing with what life had handled him; whether it's work troubles or a beer gut.. not opposite them.
After all, that's also part of what love is, no?
 
If it would increase their chances of dying earlier then I might ask them to try to manage it.
 
I'm doing the exact opposite. Telling her to GAIN weight, she's pretty underweight and I fear it's unhealthy.
 
Only if it got in the way of things or if I feared for their health and wellbeing.
 
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