Would you tell your significant other to lose weight?

[Odyne]

My friend was telling me today about how her boyfriend's (who is also my friend) gut and weight gain had bothered her. She says that it "gets in the way" when they're having sex. She's kind of a small, short person, so I can see why.



Now, let's put "inconvenience" aside, and replace it with "appearance", "health" or whichever you think matters to you, would you ever tell your significant other to lose weight?

 

[jyrffw54]

Let's say that I am married to a man and this comes up. Depending on the circumstances, I would have a talk about him about what he eats and how often he excercises. Weight gain like that, especially due to poor diet, high carbs, etc, can lead to High Blood Pressure and Type 2 diabetes, which can manifest into other lovely conditions like Gout. And I don't think neither of us want to have to deal with those. I would encouage a healthy life style, more activity especially. Try to appeal to him when making this kind of approach.

 

[MissionHouse]

Yes. If I thought it would put their health at risk, but also if they were starting to not look like themself anymore, because weight gain really can drastically alter appearance obviously. They might be hurt or offended at first, but I think they would come around if you approached them with a supportive rather than accusatory tone.

 

[bickelz]

No, they're be gone before they even had the chance.

 

[JGirl]

My friend was telling me today about how her boyfriend's (who is also my friend) gut and weight gain had bothered her. She says that it "gets in the way" when they're having sex. She's kind of a small, short person, so I can see why.



Now, inconvenience aside, and make it "appearance", "health" or whichever you think matters to you, would you ever tell your significant other to lose weight?

yes i would. i might not say hey lose weight you frikken beluga, but i would let him know.

 

[invisible]

i would tell him that this does not turn me on and i am not prepared to continue a sexual relationship with someone who does not care about turning me on.

 

[Sai]

i would tell her only if she is getting like really fat, i would help her loose weight and feel nice with herself. problably giving some sort of spicy prize for loosing weight xd

 

[Barnabas]

Yes, we have a responsibility as spouses to remain healthy, happy and attractive to mutually agreed extent.

 

[subwayrider]

My friend was telling me today about how her boyfriend's (who is also my friend) gut and weight gain had bothered her. She says that it "gets in the way" when they're having sex. She's kind of a small, short person, so I can see why.



Now, let's put "inconvenience" aside, and replace it with "appearance", "health" or whichever you think matters to you, would you ever tell your significant other to lose weight?

If I really thought they needed to... yeah. I don't see why not.

 

[Uwace]

I wouldn't be so direct about it; I would ask them out for some physically exerting activity. I'd ask him to come join me because it would be not fun if I was alone and if he were there it'd make the experience less miserable.

Of course, this depends on my mood -- whether I could be arsed to go out and run in the first place.

 

[subwayrider]

I wouldn't be so direct about it; I would ask them out for some physically exerting activity.

I don't see a problem with being direct. I need to feel physically attracted to my partner, and if they're not doing it for me, I feel it's my responsibility to let them know. I'd appreciate them doing the same for me, and not beating around the bush.

 

[Sriracha]

I'll tell ya youngin's right now ... if weight is a huge factor for you, then look at the SO's parents before you marry them.

 

[this is only temporary]

It happened to my spouse, he put on a bunch of weight, I barely noticed. Shrug. Then he lost it.

When you love someone, why would weight matter?

I know a woman who called her husband's butt fat (well... it kind of was... but still! Jeez. How rude.) They're divorced now; he cheated on her, and I can hardly blame him. She was awful about his weight and nagged him relentlessly. Who would want to live with that? Talk about a relationship ruiner.

I repeat: When you love someone, I don't really see why weight matters.

 

[Odyne]

It happened to my spouse, he put on a bunch of weight, I barely noticed. Shrug. Then he lost it.

When you love someone, why would weight matter?

I know a woman who called her husband's butt fat (well... it kind of was... but still! Jeez. How rude.) They're divorced now; he cheated on her, and I can hardly blame him. She was awful about his weight and nagged him relentlessly. Who would want to live with that? Talk about a relationship ruiner.

I repeat: When you love someone, I don't really see why weight matters.

What is this? Who the hell thinks like that and justifies cheating this way? I am in shock.




You can tell someone to lose weight because you love them too, and are worried about their health.

 

[this is only temporary]

Well... perhaps not "justify" the cheating. But there was constant contempt within that marriage.

Let me put it this way: if I had been this woman's husband, I would have divorced her first, lost weight, and then began another relationship. She harassed the man because of his weight. She only loved him if he looked a certain way. Perhaps the cheating was wrong, but I can hardly blame him for wanting to get away from her. Granted, he was no saint either... but then I suppose it is none of my business anyway.

I just thought of this couple when the weight issue came up because I remember her laughing at him in public because of his large butt, and feeling really sorry for him and thinking, "Well, he's not that bad, hes actually kind of cute and she is sooooooo critical of him. How mean of her."

Shrug. But okay, the way he handled it was not right perhaps.

P.S. I should probably edit this to say I would encourage my loved ones to eat healthy & exercise. I would not want to live with someone who refused to even try to be healthy, because I try to be healthy. I don't buy or cook junk food, so that helps a lot. Beyond that people are people and who cares how they are shaped. ...And regarding the things getting in the way of things, well there is more than one way to do things. If that makes sense. I just think constantly criticizing someone you've sworn to love for better or worse, and tell them you are not attracted to them, because they are going through a rough patch health-wise, is a relationship destroyer.

 

[grt$5vb]

No. I would not. It doesn't fucking matter. Life is hard enough.

 

[endersgone]

I may eventually change my mind on this sort of thing, but I have high standards for my own health/fitness - and while I won't impose those same standards on someone else, I kind of hope/expect that they would try to stay in decent shape. So for right now, I'd say yes I would - (I'd try not to be to harsh/direct with this sort of thing though).

 

[Stu]

only if I wanted her to leave me

 

[Korg]

When you love someone, why would weight matter?

I have never understood this kind of thinking. To me, it is a shallow excuse that appeals to emotion - an emotion reinforced by an absurd cultural interpretation of what intimate relationships are about. The subtext seems to be: "when you love someone, mutual mediocrity becomes permissible." Shit, at the very least I'd think it would read like this: 'if you love someone, why wouldn't it matter?' Serenity pointed out a few good reasons in this regard.


Anyway, yes - I would tell my SO if they gained weight (and by weight, I mean fat from being lazy and disregarding their health). Outside of medical reasons or temporary ones like bulking up for an MMA fight, there's no reason for it. I'm a lover of beauty and I like to keep myself healthy so it's important to me that whoever I'm with maintain a similar standard. Or, at the bare minimum, a modicum of self-respect in the sense that they actually exert effort to take care of themselves.

 

[this is only temporary]

Well, I guess I love people because of things other than weight, and accept the fact that people come in a variety of shapes and sizes. I do not think this is romantic, and would not want to be with someone who was perfectly buff and who based their entire self-worth on that. That to me is unattractive.

Also, when I made that comment, I was not talking about someone experiencing life-threatening obesity, or someone who didn't lift a finger to take care of themselves, just someone with a stockier but attractive build, and a very busy schedule, who had approached an age when their metabolism slowed down. That happens to a lot of people.

Also, I think if someone who you "supposedly" love has reached a point where they have lost all self-respect and can not or will not exert effort to take care of themselves, and then you tell them, "Hey! You're fat and I don't find you attractive anymore!" that would not be a productive or loving way of handling the issue. There are other ways. People don't lose weight for their spouses, they have to do it for themselves.

All I can say is I do not care much about how much my friends or loved ones weigh, and I didn't mind when my husband put on weight. He lost it because we both wanted a healthy lifestyle, and I'm sure if I had criticized him or bullied him or told him he turned me off (which, in fact, he didn't, I love him and found him attractive either way) that would not have helped matters. Being healthy starts with loving and accepting yourself, not being thin because you're stuck with (in my opinion) bad company who cannot appreciate your good qualities or accept your flaws and struggles.