Would you tell your significant other to lose weight?

[Whiskers]

My significant other being overweight would not be a dealbreaker in my relationship. However, I tend to speak very openly, especially with a partner, so I'm sure my opinions about their weight would come up in conversation. That said, I wouldn't make it an imperative that they counteract their expanding waistline, but being someone who is heavily involved in fitness-related pursuits, I would certainly encourage them to join me in my own workouts, or facilitate the arrangement of their own fitness plan (of course, assuming they were amenable to this).

 

[Jill Hives]

As someone who has been approached by her significant other about this in a negative way and is still pissed about it/still has image issues now because of it...let me add my few cents. It is IMPERATIVE (as mentioned above) that when/if you do bring this up, you make sure and make the main focus of it,not their weight gain itself, but the fact that you love them and care about them and are concerned for their well being. Don't approach accusingly and don't act frustrated or angry at them about it. If you are angry about it, wait for a time you have better control over your emotions. Chances are this person already knows something is wrong but needs the proper kind of support from people who care. They don't need to feel looked down on and disgusting, they need to be encouraged to love themselves. Or for a less direct approach, one could start actively trying to incorporate more "active" plans into their routine,and include their partner. If you live in a nice area for it, plan some hiking adventures. Make it something fun and not "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO FAT AND IT NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW!" I realize that this was a hypothetical question on your part [MENTION=1579]Odyne[/MENTION], I mean "you" generally here.

I don't believe it is appropriate in a loving caring relationship to NOT say anything at all when someone you love is at risk of endangering their health. If you are indifferent that is not caring or loving. But I think things like this really need to be handled delicately. It can completely crush a person to hear something like this from their S.O. if it isn't brought up the right way and can cause a LOT of resentment.

 

[JGirl]

only if I wanted her to leave me

 

[firefighter-frankie]

Just be honest but ive always liked my girfriends a little thick and if they start to look fat i tell them to exercise with me so that way im not telling them there fat lol

 

[Phebe]

I think it depends on why they gained weight. When you age, you will gain whether you like it or not; it's part of life. Your metabolism slows down and unless you decide to eat less and/or exercise more, your body will start gaining weight, but sometimes people gain weight due to being sick, or they gain weight for other factors. I've actually seen a few recent studies that say it's better to be overweight and active, rather than thin and active (http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/05/healt...ying-shape-losing-weight/index.html?hpt=hp_c2, and http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/12/obese.healthy.weightloss/index.html). Go figure! Literally!

Mind you, this again isn't an excuse for a sedentary life or poor eating habits. Regardless of size, the problem is poor eating habits and a sedentary life. That's what kills. But if you eat healthy and exercise, then sometimes you just can't beat genetics.

Young folks, just remember - when you find that guy or gal of your dreams, love them for who they are. Know them and their habits for a long time. Because eventually, the body will change. If they refuse to change their habits while you're dating, expect that it'll get that much worse when they age. Metabolism is a funny thing; when you're young, you can practically eat anything. But when your body slows down, you'll get hit with weight gain like you won't believe if you don't change!

 

[JGirl]

I think it depends on why they gained weight. When you age, you will gain whether you like it or not; it's part of life. Your metabolism slows down and unless you decide to eat less and/or exercise more, your body will start gaining weight, but sometimes people gain weight due to being sick, or they gain weight for other factors. I've actually seen a few recent studies that say it's better to be overweight and active, rather than thin and active (http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/05/healt...ying-shape-losing-weight/index.html?hpt=hp_c2, and http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/12/obese.healthy.weightloss/index.html). Go figure! Literally!

Mind you, this again isn't an excuse for a sedentary life or poor eating habits. Regardless of size, the problem is poor eating habits and a sedentary life. That's what kills. But if you eat healthy and exercise, then sometimes you just can't beat genetics.

Young folks, just remember - when you find that guy or gal of your dreams, love them for who they are. Know them and their habits for a long time. Because eventually, the body will change. If they refuse to change their habits while you're dating, expect that it'll get that much worse when they age. Metabolism is a funny thing; when you're young, you can practically eat anything. But when your body slows down, you'll get hit with weight gain like you won't believe if you don't change!

well said!
i am turning 52 this year. i never had to think about my weight or what i ate until i hit around 40. these days my once predictable size jumps back and forth by 15 pounds and a couple clothing sizes. i keep three sizes of clothes.
i am far more active now that i ever was in my younger days and still i have to watch what i eat if i want to maintain what i always took for granted before.

 

[Sriracha]

well said!
i am turning 52 this year. i never had to think about my weight or what i ate until i hit around 40. these days my once predictable size jumps back and forth by 15 pounds and a couple clothing sizes. i keep three sizes of clothes.
i am far more active now that i ever was in my younger days and still i have to watch what i eat if i want to maintain what i always took for granted before.

^^^^ that's me, except I still have a tiny bit of metabolism left. A 15 pound buffer ... yup, of course we want the smaller portion of it. Part of that for me depends on medication as well.

 

[JGirl]

^^^^ that's me, except I still have a tiny bit of metabolism left. A 15 pound buffer ... yup, of course we want the smaller portion of it. Part of that for me depends on medication as well.

it wouldn't be so hard to take the extra 15 pounds if it wasn't all concentrated on my ass.
right now i weigh about 135 and that's not a bad weight for my height @ 5' 6", but the way it's distributed could use some adjustments lol

 

[the]

Whenever you are no longer attracted to your partner, just leave.

 

[Sensiko]

my ex husband gained a lot of weight and i never made an issue out if it only because i knew he was really sensitive about it. i tried to help him feel good about himself because i couldn't bear to hurt his feelings.

 

[Radiantshadow]

Yes, with tact and reason. Being beautiful is a nice side-effect of good health, but the primary reason is longevity - @Serenity brought up perfect examples in her post. I would want my significant other to live as long as possible and, once the issue is under control (it's impossible to resolve completely), (s)he would also feel better psychologically and emotionally. Who wouldn't want that for their spouse? You can benefit everyone with proper handling and approaches. Supportive, rational, and firm.

Given my own genetics and low metabolism, I would be right along with hir to stay fit. It'd be like bonding, but with more struggle added! ^.^

 

[Korg]

I'm not suggesting one should bully their partner. I don't think one should bully anyone at all, for that matter.

But you know - it's not even about the weight, really. It's about the state of mind in which ones resigns themselves to physical atrophy. That's what's most bothersome to me; the indifference and sheer lack of effort. If you're overweight, that's okay. Just get the fuck up off the sofa and start fixing it. It may take a year but whatever. I will walk with you. Go to the gym with you. Support you and love you. I'll eat healthier with you and find the money to buy jugs of distilled water instead of soda. Hell, I like the challenge and it increases my esteem for my partner when they overcome stuff like that.

But don't marinate in your own misery about it and just keep eating garbage and sitting on your ass while expecting to me accept that. I don't want to be an enabler for your bullshit.

 

[acd]

I'd make lifestyle changes and suggestions that I would be on board with.. Not buying junk food, going for walks and hikes etc. I would try to make it so that they aren't doing it alone. I'd put more emphasis on being concerned for their health than my attraction to them. To go from healthy to overweight denotes a serious issue. Maybe they have a medical reason or are depressed. Shaming someone about it could only make it worse.

 

[Bird]

Oh yes. With tact, though.

 

[bionic]

I'll tell ya youngin's right now ... if weight is a huge factor for you, then look at the SO's parents before you marry them.

Just because a SO's parents may be overweight, doesn't necessarily mean they will look like that in the future though. My grandfather has always had a toned, athletic body but my uncle battled weight issues in his late 30s. Then around his mid 40s, my uncle lost all his weight and maintained a healthy figure. My grandmother always had a svelte body but some of my aunts are overweight due to poor eating habits and lack of exercise. So it really has more to do with the individual and what they do to maintain (or not maintain) their health.

As for the question... well, I would definitely take the approach that @Jill Hives talked about. Weight is such a serious and delicate topic that it should be handled with care. Personally, I have an ovarian disease that makes me prone to weight issues and at my heaviest I was 300lbs. I've lost over 60+lbs since but it's still such a tough and vigorous journey to maintain and continue to lose the weight. I've always been a very active person, even when I was overweight, so exercising has always been important to me. Even after a significant weight loss, I still deal with body issues... like not seeing my 'new body' in the mirror and only seeing the old one. Then of course the typical fear of buying clothes and the damn anxiety that goes with trying to dress my 'new body'. To be honest, I've avoided buying new clothes because of it. I feel 1,000x better than I did before but I still have those moments when all I wanna do is break down because the change is well... scary. I don't think anyone that hasn't gone through a significant weight lose/gain would truly understand. Honestly, the more I lose, the more I feel worse about myself because losing the weight is like a cleanse of the soul. Sometimes the guilt, anxiety, and fear that you never felt before comes up to bite you when you least expect it. I've always been a confident person and I love my body no matter what... but I still have some insecurities that I continue to face as I go on.

So as someone who pretty much lives with it, I definitely would approach my SO with a lot of care and understanding. I wouldn't care so much about some weight here or there but if I saw poor health choices, then I would definitely open up the airwaves and approach them with the utmost tact. It'd be very important to me that my SO was into having a healthy lifestyle. I love hiking, barefoot running, and hybrid yoga so those kinds of rigorous exercises are a part of my daily routine. I don't expect my SO to be as athletic as me but it's still important that they take care of themselves. I find it so negative when people say 'You're in a relationship, you owe it to your SO to be attractive/thin/etc'. It sets the expectation too high since medical issues, age, and other factors CAN happen while you're with someone.

So ummmm, no... If anything, YOU owe it to YOURself to be healthy.

 

[mochi]

No. It does not matter to me. Unless you gain 500 pounds overnight or something lol. Even then I would comment more out of curiosity and concern xD. The way I see it is, it wouldn't be like that person does not already know and you are giving them an epiphany or anything. In any case, I wouldn't mind a change in weight... It's about the insides

 

[detectivepope]

Yes and if they needed to put it on too. Health is important, if you want kill yourself do it without me.

 

[invisible]

i agree with most of the comments on this thread and take back the extreme nature of my earlier response. but

i can't really imagine getting into a situation of a love relationship with someone who did not make exercise a part of his lifestyle. i go swimming laps for 30 minutes 3 times a week whether i feel like it or not. i have to fit this in. i am giving up smoking casually, it's disgusting and unhealthy, if i am ever in a relationship again i don't want it to be with someone who does it, and i don't want him to have to put up with me doing it. i am very attracted to self motivating people who take care of themselves properly!

of course i would only go out with someone i loved and if some emotional life event happened and he lost motivation he can wallow for a significant period of time and get a bit overweight, it is no big deal. but if he changes the person who he is, and after a couple of years he simply doesn't care about taking care of his body anymore, or giving me something to be excited about when he takes his clothes off, then things have to change or it's time to rethink the relationship. because this is not the person i fell in love with, and not the future i signed on for. and this is not the sex life i got into all this for! why are we having sex at all, if we're such awesome friends that it doesn't matter whether it's good or not! if forced to stay in this situation i would probably lose interest in sex altogether.

i'm not quite sure how i would handle it. i am not a nag or a nasty insensitive hurtful person in relationships. but i am not dishonest either and i am not about to coddle someone who has stopped moving in his life. i want him to get his life back on track and get the most out of it, be healthy and active. my partner would be a grown up and able to face the situation.

 

[acd]

Being concerned with someone's healthy lifestyle is one thing, being primarily inconvenienced that he has to use your ass as a fat shelf when you do the deed is quite another.
We're all going to be ugly some day. Most of us will be fat if we don't die of cancer. Love the one you're with.

This has been a public service announcement.

 

[Quiet]

I'd make lifestyle changes and suggestions that I would be on board with.. Not buying junk food, going for walks and hikes etc. I would try to make it so that they aren't doing it alone. I'd put more emphasis on being concerned for their health than my attraction to them. To go from healthy to overweight denotes a serious issue. Maybe they have a medical reason or are depressed. Shaming someone about it could only make it worse.

I agree, make lifestyle changes that are viable and easy to follow for both of you. Find and fix the true issue, and support them the whole way. Its hardly fair if they're eating carrot sticks and running the block and youre pigging out on cheesecake watching the simpsons. I think its very important to look after and have respect for your body. In saying that, Im definately not perfect but Ive started trying. I figure, how is anyone supposed to take me seriously if I cant take care of myself. Everything begins at home.