Would you ever change yourself for someone?
- Thread starter foureyes
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I probably will because I have. I tone up or tone down certain aspects of myself to have a persona complimentary to my environment/or people. But I've realized this isn't me trying to be fake; it's me attempting to maintain the peace because social conflict is what stirs my inner pot the most. Usually all I have to hear is someone talking for 3 minutes or less and I can already tell whether I'm compatible with this person; what a person who is compatible with them is like; and how I need to act in that given situation with them. This is probably because I am a 4. As I've gotten older though I've noticed that I care less; this might be because I have experience, I'm more comfortable with myself, I care less about what others think, or I'm just lazy.
I wouldn't. I mean, it'd be nice to change my personality so I was more likeable and was less timid, but it's what makes me, me. So, changing for anyone is letting them like a different person, not you. Which, in any case, is worse.
hmm usually Ill never change for anyone except myself. If someone points out something they perceive as bad about my personality I will take it on and then decide if I would like to change it or if it would be in my best interest. Im always striving to improve!
One aspect is I have a tendency to look on the bad side and not see all the good things around me! so been aware is good then trying to improve that, well thats different! one day at a time eh?
One aspect is I have a tendency to look on the bad side and not see all the good things around me! so been aware is good then trying to improve that, well thats different! one day at a time eh?
No. If I change myself it's for me and because I chose to do so-
even if I was in some contract agreement with someone else in which I had to attempt to be with them as long as was physically possible, I wouldn't change myself unless I felt like I needed to. If said person told me something I needed to change I wouldn't do it unless I felt that it was also required. In other words, I'm not in favor of blind faith.
even if I was in some contract agreement with someone else in which I had to attempt to be with them as long as was physically possible, I wouldn't change myself unless I felt like I needed to. If said person told me something I needed to change I wouldn't do it unless I felt that it was also required. In other words, I'm not in favor of blind faith.
I don't change myself, I...broaden myself. Like, I try new things and I usually genuinely end up liking new things or having new mindsets, etc. I won't change the way I dress or act or what I believe, though I have changed some of that in the past. In fact, now when I'm getting to know someone, if we're getting close, I get really paranoid and all of a sudden thrust all the things that I don't like about myself upon them just to see if they'll accept me anyways. A little odd, but it works. haha
Foureyes, if you know that it is no good, why would you do it??
It only serves to make one resentful and miserable. I've done it. I've made myself into a mirror of usefulness for others, hating and loving them fiercely all the while. Very dysfunctional.
Best to be honest with oneself and others. Real and meaningful relationships are only possible when the people involved stay true to themselves and open with one another.
It only serves to make one resentful and miserable. I've done it. I've made myself into a mirror of usefulness for others, hating and loving them fiercely all the while. Very dysfunctional.
Best to be honest with oneself and others. Real and meaningful relationships are only possible when the people involved stay true to themselves and open with one another.
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I like the way you worded that, It makes it seem so much more relevant! I know I have done that in the past too
every person i've developed an interest in has changed me by opening new/dormant areas in myself as means of broadening myself, like rhinker mentioned. in this case, the change may appear initially as a way compromising certain areas through which i adjust myself (within reasonable boundaries) to the other person, not only to be a better person for them, like gloomy mentioned, but also to grow with them.
yet, there are some things about myself i cannot and would not change for anyone and i am sure this goes for the other person as well.
yet, there are some things about myself i cannot and would not change for anyone and i am sure this goes for the other person as well.
I think everyone should want to change themselves somehow at some point in life. I don't mean fundamentally, as I've grown to love a lot of things about myself over the years, but as for my general shyness.... I'm continuously trying to get myself to be more open around people. Seems to be REALLY hard for me for some reason.
- Nov 12, 2008
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I don't change myself for other people, I never have.
However, I do morph myself. Basiclly I let other parts of my personality shine through then others, particulary when I meet other people. It is a coping mechanism, and a way for me to easily relate to others faster. This isn't changing who I am, simply showing different sides of myself at different times.
Actually, I am rather incapaiable of changing who I am for others.
However, I do morph myself. Basiclly I let other parts of my personality shine through then others, particulary when I meet other people. It is a coping mechanism, and a way for me to easily relate to others faster. This isn't changing who I am, simply showing different sides of myself at different times.
Actually, I am rather incapaiable of changing who I am for others.
This may be totally off, but don't most of us change ourselves for people?
I'm not talking about a drastic alteration, but little subconcious things that we do just because someone we want to impress is around? I bet that we don't really even notice the little changes. I'm not just talking about being romantically interested in someone either.
I'm not talking about a drastic alteration, but little subconcious things that we do just because someone we want to impress is around? I bet that we don't really even notice the little changes. I'm not just talking about being romantically interested in someone either.
S
Shai Gar
Never. I wouldn't want the lass to change either.
A girl is right for me if she likes me for me. I'll only date a girl if I like her for her.
A girl is right for me if she likes me for me. I'll only date a girl if I like her for her.
Yeah I think we do. I remember I was in fith grade when I first realised I truly cared about someone who wasn't apart of my family and realising this and becoming more and more attached to my friend changed my personality drastically over time. Because I had realised the depth capable in freindships, it made me a far more cautious individual not wanting to make an error to damage the friendship. It was by no means a quick process and I still didn't care what strangers thought about me just my close friends who would give me alot of confidence, but it was in my time spent apart from them, comprehending everything that their relationships meant to me that the fear inside me grew. I started to view all interactions with people as things that could somehow turn into meaningful relationships; I became really self conscious and that's when I started forgetting how to just act myself. By trying to take action to protect what I had, I ended up losing the very thing I was trying to protect. It was very slow process tho. However for me various other things happened in my life which only catalysed this process, my old confident self became a very distant memory.
That's the reaction I thought I'd be hearing more of!
EDIT: By this I mean not that I don't appreciate the other opinions and responses I've heard and agree with them. What I meant is that I had the wrong impression that the J function in INFJs would make them go either a strong yes or a srtong no on this issue which wasn't always the case.
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Also, Thankyou to eveyone who responded. I was sort of thinking this thread might be failure. I posted it whilst feeling really discouraged about things mid day. but since then my spirits have risen. 
And I also agreed with everything else you are saying. Your advice is very true and is what my official belief about the issue, but sometimes its hard to have confidence enough to follow your own advice.
And about some of the other responses. Everything ppl posted made sense to me tho and I found myself partly agreeing with everyone for the most part. Its hard to have an absolute answer because the question can be used in so many different contexts.
And what was mentioned about slightly changing your behavior in order to adapt to different social situations, I do that too.
I realised this right after I had posted it but I had to leave and was wondering is anyone would catch me on it.
And I also agreed with everything else you are saying. Your advice is very true and is what my official belief about the issue, but sometimes its hard to have confidence enough to follow your own advice.
And about some of the other responses. Everything ppl posted made sense to me tho and I found myself partly agreeing with everyone for the most part. Its hard to have an absolute answer because the question can be used in so many different contexts.
And what was mentioned about slightly changing your behavior in order to adapt to different social situations, I do that too.
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