Would you ever change yourself for someone? | INFJ Forum

Would you ever change yourself for someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by foureyes, Aug 19, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 5 users.
More threads by foureyes
  1. foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    unclear
    I would. And have. Many times. And let me tell you. It's no good.

    I have to go an annual eye appiontment now but I just felt like sharing that.
     
  2. poetrygirl

    poetrygirl Community Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2009
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I probably will because I have. I tone up or tone down certain aspects of myself to have a persona complimentary to my environment/or people. But I've realized this isn't me trying to be fake; it's me attempting to maintain the peace because social conflict is what stirs my inner pot the most. Usually all I have to hear is someone talking for 3 minutes or less and I can already tell whether I'm compatible with this person; what a person who is compatible with them is like; and how I need to act in that given situation with them. This is probably because I am a 4. As I've gotten older though I've noticed that I care less; this might be because I have experience, I'm more comfortable with myself, I care less about what others think, or I'm just lazy.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. Nausus

    Nausus Community Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2009
    Threads:
    10
    Messages:
    600
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w6
    I wouldn't. I mean, it'd be nice to change my personality so I was more likeable and was less timid, but it's what makes me, me. So, changing for anyone is letting them like a different person, not you. Which, in any case, is worse.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. smiffy

    smiffy Community Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    XXXX
    hmm usually Ill never change for anyone except myself. If someone points out something they perceive as bad about my personality I will take it on and then decide if I would like to change it or if it would be in my best interest. Im always striving to improve!

    One aspect is I have a tendency to look on the bad side and not see all the good things around me! so been aware is good then trying to improve that, well thats different! one day at a time eh?
     
  5. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    330
    Messages:
    10,068
    Featured Threads:
    38
    Likes Received:
    14,781
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    No. If I change myself it's for me and because I chose to do so-

    even if I was in some contract agreement with someone else in which I had to attempt to be with them as long as was physically possible, I wouldn't change myself unless I felt like I needed to. If said person told me something I needed to change I wouldn't do it unless I felt that it was also required. In other words, I'm not in favor of blind faith.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. rhinker

    rhinker Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    I don't change myself, I...broaden myself. Like, I try new things and I usually genuinely end up liking new things or having new mindsets, etc. I won't change the way I dress or act or what I believe, though I have changed some of that in the past. In fact, now when I'm getting to know someone, if we're getting close, I get really paranoid and all of a sudden thrust all the things that I don't like about myself upon them just to see if they'll accept me anyways. A little odd, but it works. haha
     
  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    142
    Messages:
    15,078
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    33,042
    Trophy Points:
    1,377
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    Foureyes, if you know that it is no good, why would you do it??

    It only serves to make one resentful and miserable. I've done it. I've made myself into a mirror of usefulness for others, hating and loving them fiercely all the while. Very dysfunctional.

    Best to be honest with oneself and others. Real and meaningful relationships are only possible when the people involved stay true to themselves and open with one another.
     
    #7 acd, Aug 19, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2009
  8. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Threads:
    280
    Messages:
    10,016
    Likes Received:
    533
    Trophy Points:
    755
    MBTI:
    INF
    Enneagram:
    messed up
    I have so many times, I have often felt like a social chameleon just to fit somewhere to belong...Usually it ends badly because I cant keep up the facade...I just have to be me!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Faye

    Faye ^_^
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2009
    Threads:
    311
    Messages:
    7,276
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4,592
    Trophy Points:
    892
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Gridania
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I would change myself, but I'm more likely to cut people out of my life than to change for them. It depends on what the change is.
     
  10. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2008
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    4,304
    Likes Received:
    202
    Trophy Points:
    528
    MBTI:
    INxJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3
    I would like to say I wouldn't. But I think once I grow to like someone, I also grow to want to be a better person for them.

    I'm not sure if that's changing or not.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Entyqua likes this.
  11. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Threads:
    280
    Messages:
    10,016
    Likes Received:
    533
    Trophy Points:
    755
    MBTI:
    INF
    Enneagram:
    messed up

    I like the way you worded that, It makes it seem so much more relevant! I know I have done that in the past too
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. Nela

    Nela Community Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    678
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    No, I wouldn't ever. Not for someone else. I'm unable to pretend to be someone I'm not.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2009
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    577
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    every person i've developed an interest in has changed me by opening new/dormant areas in myself as means of broadening myself, like rhinker mentioned. in this case, the change may appear initially as a way compromising certain areas through which i adjust myself (within reasonable boundaries) to the other person, not only to be a better person for them, like gloomy mentioned, but also to grow with them.

    yet, there are some things about myself i cannot and would not change for anyone and i am sure this goes for the other person as well.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. Sloshy Joshy

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2009
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I think everyone should want to change themselves somehow at some point in life. I don't mean fundamentally, as I've grown to love a lot of things about myself over the years, but as for my general shyness.... I'm continuously trying to get myself to be more open around people. Seems to be REALLY hard for me for some reason.
     
  15. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Threads:
    762
    Messages:
    14,154
    Likes Received:
    1,285
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2 sx/so/sp
    I don't change myself for other people, I never have.

    However, I do morph myself. Basiclly I let other parts of my personality shine through then others, particulary when I meet other people. It is a coping mechanism, and a way for me to easily relate to others faster. This isn't changing who I am, simply showing different sides of myself at different times.

    Actually, I am rather incapaiable of changing who I am for others.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2009
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    1,507
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    This may be totally off, but don't most of us change ourselves for people?

    I'm not talking about a drastic alteration, but little subconcious things that we do just because someone we want to impress is around? I bet that we don't really even notice the little changes. I'm not just talking about being romantically interested in someone either.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Never. I wouldn't want the lass to change either.

    A girl is right for me if she likes me for me. I'll only date a girl if I like her for her.
     
  18. OP
    foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    unclear
    Yeah I think we do. I remember I was in fith grade when I first realised I truly cared about someone who wasn't apart of my family and realising this and becoming more and more attached to my friend changed my personality drastically over time. Because I had realised the depth capable in freindships, it made me a far more cautious individual not wanting to make an error to damage the friendship. It was by no means a quick process and I still didn't care what strangers thought about me just my close friends who would give me alot of confidence, but it was in my time spent apart from them, comprehending everything that their relationships meant to me that the fear inside me grew. I started to view all interactions with people as things that could somehow turn into meaningful relationships; I became really self conscious and that's when I started forgetting how to just act myself. By trying to take action to protect what I had, I ended up losing the very thing I was trying to protect. It was very slow process tho. However for me various other things happened in my life which only catalysed this process, my old confident self became a very distant memory.
     
  19. OP
    foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    unclear
    That's the reaction I thought I'd be hearing more of!
    EDIT: By this I mean not that I don't appreciate the other opinions and responses I've heard and agree with them. What I meant is that I had the wrong impression that the J function in INFJs would make them go either a strong yes or a srtong no on this issue which wasn't always the case.
     
    #19 foureyes, Aug 20, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2009
  20. OP
    foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    unclear
    Also, Thankyou to eveyone who responded. I was sort of thinking this thread might be failure. I posted it whilst feeling really discouraged about things mid day. but since then my spirits have risen. :)
    I realised this right after I had posted it but I had to leave and was wondering is anyone would catch me on it. :)
    And I also agreed with everything else you are saying. Your advice is very true and is what my official belief about the issue, but sometimes its hard to have confidence enough to follow your own advice.
    And about some of the other responses. Everything ppl posted made sense to me tho and I found myself partly agreeing with everyone for the most part. Its hard to have an absolute answer because the question can be used in so many different contexts.
    And what was mentioned about slightly changing your behavior in order to adapt to different social situations, I do that too. :p
     
    #20 foureyes, Aug 20, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2009
Loading...

Share This Page