Would you ever change yourself for someone? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Would you ever change yourself for someone?

I won't say ti's a bad thing nor a good thing...but change is inevitable...would I change for someone? no...not willingly...i won't change for someone just coz they don't like who i am or because i don't fit in... you'll always find a place where you fit in (this forum for example)
but when you change unwillingly...that's another matter, and by it I mean..you either discover something about yourself because of that person ...or because they bring out the best in you..
for example, my first love (also my first heartbreak) have pushed to become independent, more open minded, and taught me how to enjoy life...he didn't do it directly...but the way he talked about things and people he admired...it sounds like a weakness at the beginning.but when you end up becoming someone you really like, it'll make you happy
so whoever you're changing for, take that as an opportunity to have motivation and reason to change..as long as its something you want to change into..there's no shame or weakness in that

the best of luck to you :)

p.s. sorry if that was a too long reply to read hehe
 
Odyne DeNobelati said:
p.s. sorry if that was a too long reply to read hehe
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Not at all! Thanks for replying with such kind, encouraging words. :)
The advice you gave is really good, but the thing is I'm not sure how much I can relate because I'm not sure what my MBTI is;it's all still unclear for me, however I doubt I'm an INFJ because I'm pretty confident that I'm actually an Fi as opposed to Ti Fe.
So that was some pretty great advice you just gave except for I have trouble applying it to me :p Its totally fine tho, You really had no way of knowing which my type was :)
And even geared toward a different audience, I still found your advice really helpful :) Your right. If I handle my situation correctly all this change could definately turn out to be for a good thing and I should try keeping my outlook positive :)
And this is the INFJ forum so your advice is prolly going tobe really relateable for practically all the other ppl on here :) Thanks for sharing and
responding to my post. That always makes me happy :D
p.s. Did I over do it on the smilies? :)
p.p.s. Oh hay! I just realised your the one who's picture I commented on! just saw your reply! Thanks for responding and everythin'. you didn't have to do that . . . :D
 
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Yup. Was head over heels in like with this guy I used to be with. He liked the real me, the old me, before I started getting weird and all moody half the time. which kind of sucks, because after we broke up i was even more weird and moody all the time.
 
Oh change you will just wait oh, you wait. For your first born child. You can't believe what you will change for your kids...
 
I would only change if I agreed with the reason for the desired change. I admit, sometimes I don't notice every little thing that I can improve with myself.

I've been in a couple relationships which ended because I wouldn't change though. But hey, it's not my fault when someone's not up front about what they want. They get me hooked and then set ultimatums.

Freedom is more important to me than companionship... but is it so much to ask for both?
 
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Yes and no.
In relationships, i fill so many roles that the real me is not seen.
So in a way, I preserve myself.
 
The truth is no matter how I tried there is no real way for me to change the core of who I am.

That being said, I do consider myself rather adaptable. Like Indy said, I show certain parts of myself more when I am around people in order to cope, as a defense mechanism, and also as a way to just get along.

I am also very accommodating in general in order to make others feel at ease.

As far as changing for your children, well I may have changed certain aspects of my lifestyle in order to shelter and protect them, but I am who I am and I is who I've been.................... :m105:
 
There are certain things. I am willing to tone down things, like the intensity of my conversations. I am willing to try at things like having fun more often. It's all a learning curve. I like to think at the core though, there are certain things that are solid. And if realise that someone is trying to change me, or finding little things about me annoying rather than endearing, I don't bother with them. At the same time changing myself to improve myself is something that I am continuously doing, and I expect it of the people I love as well. So if I am expecting them to improve i can hardly ask them not to expect the same of me!
 
Honestly though, if they want someone different to who you are, why are they dating you?
 
Well exactly. But I always want something different, something better myself. It's something I really need to grow out of.
 
I am changing all the time, improving myself and broadening myself. I wouldn't do it for someone specifically, they should like me for who I am and vice versa.
 
I think that I would have to on some level, even if that means to just be more accepting of the other persons flaws. On what level are we talking "change"?
 
Assuming I had found the right person, I would walk through fire if they asked me to, without hesitation.
Of course, them being the right person would also involve them being willing to do the same thing.

I'm not sure it's really possible to change ones personality, though.
Maybe ones behavior, at least.
 
Lady_Ai said:
what was your experience? I'm interested =D
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When I saw my daughter for the first time it rocked my core. I had to become a parent and by becoming a parent I had to change. My whole way of thinking grew. And I was concerned about things that I never gave a care about before. My out look on life changed a bunch. My focus changed from myself to her. Even at my core I feel that I have changed by being a parent. For me my kids have brought me the biggest changes into my life. It's the kind of change that is supposed to happen. For the rest of my life I am forever a parent. You are after all an example for your kids to follow. And it really matters what kinda example you set for them. Its true that you may not change who you are at your core but life seems to have a plan for you. And the older ya get it seems that you change weather you want to or not. It's called growing I think lol..
 
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efromm said:
When I saw my daughter for the first time it rocked my core. I had to become a parent and by becoming a parent I had to change. My whole way of thinking grew. And I was concerned about things that I never gave a care about before. My out look on life changed a bunch. My focus changed from myself to her. Even at my core I feel that I have changed by being a parent. For me my kids have brought me the biggest changes into my life. It's the kind of change that is supposed to happen. For the rest of my life I am forever a parent. You are after all an example for your kids to follow. And it really matters what kinda example you set for them. Its true that you may not change who you are at your core but life seems to have a plan for you. And the older ya get it seems that you change weather you want to or not. It's called growing I think lol..
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I hadnt thought about that change...but I completely agree with you. When I found out I was a mother, in one instant everything i was, and everything i was about to be changed. I walked into the doctors office one person, and came out a completely different being. I was a mother.
 
Shai Gar said:
Honestly though, if they want someone different to who you are, why are they dating you?
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Perhaps they are too lazy to do anymore searching.

They like sandwich #5....and there really isn't another sandwich that is closest to what they desire. Hence they ask for mayo removed. Much easier on their part.
 
My new belief is no, don't ever ever. Just be the best you can be and nothing more. Always stay true to who you are. You can't escape it any way so you wouldn't be fooling anyone by trying to change to be something your not.
Being a good person comes naturally to all of us if we let it.
 
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