When you feel the need to be by yourself, but can't.

MindYourHead

MindYourHead

Courage doesn't always roar.
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Easter Sunday.
What a day for the feeling of wanting to be alone to come over me.
Tried to put on my best game face, but I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, so I wasn't fooling anyone. Especially my Wife. She asks what was wrong with me? Is something bothering you?
But I know from past experiences there is no way for me to tell her I just want to be alone by myself that she won't take personally.
Really, I love her, and it had nothing to do with her. But how do I express the fact I really was in a leave me alone mood? I don't want to interact with anyone. It's me. Just the way I am now and then, and with it being Easter, the option of going out to the garage for a while was not an option.
The garage is my house of solitude where I can usually get away and re-charge my social interaction batteries.
Being someone who trys to avoid conflict, it was quite the tight rope I walked all day. I managed to keep the waters calm, but having to do so added more stress I wanted to get away from.

:m095:

Glad it is over and today is a new day.

Thanks for listening.
 
All you can do is the best you can do... then get away from it all, but marriage... I suppose that would pose a problem. How about you teach me instead : P

Sorry, I suppose inexperience leaves me without much to say.
 
Endersgone said:
All you can do is the best you can do... then get away from it all, but marriage... I suppose that would pose a problem. How about you teach me instead : P

Sorry, I suppose inexperience leaves me without much to say.
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That's ok.
 
MindYourHead said:
She asks what was wrong with me? Is something bothering you?
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blaarg, it takes everything i've got not to lash out when i want to be alone like that, and i know it's not even warranted. kudos to you for getting through the holiday without going to the garage.

when i can't get away, i stare at a wall and blank out.
 
For the most part I dislike those family holiday rituals. I would rather just be home with my husband. This is getting harder and harder to do since our children now have children. Every now and then I have to make an appearance otherwise people start getting offended. Thank goodness one of our daughters is quite the socialite and enjoys everyone being at her house for the holidays. So we go there rather than everyone coming here - which would be an absolute nightmare. I just don't like being around a lot of people and I dislike having to entertain people even more. I feel for ya.
 
MindYourHead said:
Easter Sunday.
What a day for the feeling of wanting to be alone to come over me.
Click to expand...

Ha. I was feeling very in need of aloneness and tranquility on that day as well. I just slept and didn't bother with most interactions. Then I took a walk.

So you need your garage. Isn't it better to be genuine than to pretend to want company?
 
i just about go mad if i can't get my alone time when i need it.
i get to the point where it isn't important to me anymore if someone takes it personally. i figure they're going to take my snarky mood even more personally if i don't get some recharge time.
most people who know me understand my need to be alone a great deal, so i don't have too many issues with that, but i sure feel for you and anyone else that finds themselves trapped.
 
I totally understand the desperate need to be alone sometimes, and how hard it can be to express this to others who don't have the same need. I'm lucky that a couple of people in my life do understand to some degree and know I mean it when I say I need space, but I have alienated other people as a result and it's quite saddening. I find that often times people take it so personally, as though it is a slight against them, when it actually has nothing to do with them, but they get all wounded and hurt anyway. Argh!
 
Yes. What everyone else said. :nod:

Family gatherings and holidays. Ugh...

What do I do? Take frequent small trips to elsewhere. Bathrooms. Outside. Clean the kitchen: dishes and so on. Go get plates of dessert for the elderly family/friends who appreciate not getting up. Getting cups of coffee for the same reasons.

Mini breaks. And I take 3 deep breaths when outside and/or in bathrooms.

Our need for solitude doesn't follow what's on the calendar....does it.

:hug:
 
MindYourHead said:
Easter Sunday.
What a day for the feeling of wanting to be alone to come over me.
Tried to put on my best game face, but I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, so I wasn't fooling anyone. Especially my Wife. She asks what was wrong with me? Is something bothering you?
But I know from past experiences there is no way for me to tell her I just want to be alone by myself that she won't take personally.
Really, I love her, and it had nothing to do with her. But how do I express the fact I really was in a leave me alone mood? I don't want to interact with anyone. It's me. Just the way I am now and then, and with it being Easter, the option of going out to the garage for a while was not an option.
The garage is my house of solitude where I can usually get away and re-charge my social interaction batteries.
Being someone who trys to avoid conflict, it was quite the tight rope I walked all day. I managed to keep the waters calm, but having to do so added more stress I wanted to get away from.

:m095:

Glad it is over and today is a new day.

Thanks for listening.
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Can you explain to Mrs Mindyourhead - ahead of the need arising - that you sometimes need to have some quiet time to gather your thoughts? Most women will respect 'man time' alone.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Can you explain to Mrs Mindyourhead - ahead of the need arising - that you sometimes need to have some quiet time to gather your thoughts? Most women will respect 'man time' alone.
Click to expand...

Flavus.

It looks like he's already tried...

Originally Posted by MindYourHead Easter Sunday.

..... Especially my Wife. She asks what was wrong with me? Is something bothering you?
But I know from past experiences there is no way for me to tell her I just want to be alone by myself that she won't take personally.
Click to expand...
 
Oof, kudos to you, [MENTION=1355]MindYourHead[/MENTION] . I get reserved and rather cranky in those situations. Mother is showing me how to do as [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION] does to avoid stepping on anyone's toes (my family is like a den of peacocks and porcupines).
Family gatherings are not my thing, never have been.
 
know the feeling, sometimes you feel on the spot, to interact or share or be responsive to someone who wants or expects your attention but you're just not in the mood. It's difficult because if you withdraw, they think something is wrong, or you're anti-social or just in a bad mood. It can tough when a loved one doesn't understand that need for space or alone time.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Can you explain to Mrs Mindyourhead - ahead of the need arising - that you sometimes need to have some quiet time to gather your thoughts? Most women will respect 'man time' alone.
Click to expand...

She understands there are times I need to be left alone, and she respects that.
But, there are instances such as during a holiday, were she put together a nice brunch. In a situation such as this, it would not be wise for me to disappear. Then I would be disrespectful of her.
Sometimes you have to just make the best of a situation.
 
I keep reading the title to this thread as "When you feel the need to be yourself, but can't". I guess that would kinda still work with the topic presented in a way...since what you end up doing is definitely acting a part for the sake of others.

No advice really, just commiseration. :\
 
When I want to remove myself from a situation to get some time to think, I just pretend to be asleep until it's over. Or I spend inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom if I can't actually leave. This always happens at the worst time too. My boyfriend's sister's graduation I spent feeling paralyzed as we were there for seven hours and I had no time to recharge, everybody just thought I was super weird.

I hate it when people are over and I don't want to be sociable, I just try to find something to pretend to be busy doing until they are gone.

But my favorite thing to do is take long walks, when I can.
 
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