What you liked and disliked about that ENTP you knew very well

[SpiralHacker]

Hi. I'm SpiralHacker. I'm an ENTP and I know that Keirsey says ENTP and INFJ is a good match. Another theorist calls them pedagogue types, that they are teacher and student of each other, which is also what Keirsey was aiming for. I'm here to investigate.

I'm only interested in hearing from INFJs who have had a meaningful relationship with an ENTP for a long duration; at least a year. In real life, not online.

I'd like to know what you liked and disliked about that ENTP.

 

[Ivory Rose]

Well I know two entp's, one better then the other though. They seem to find me interesting. Like a new specimen they need to dissect and find what makes them click.
But my manager is an entp. He is super smart, and knows it. He is loyal to the people he likes, and is not a complete jerk to the ones he does no necessarily like. Pretty good at reading people. But seams to be nervouse around me still. He values my opinion, which I find refreshing. But something that is annoying I find about him is his tendency to suck up to people, it's subtle, but still there.

 

[problemz]

I would like to put all ENTPs in the grinder. Or at least one. What a sneaky opportunist.

 

[Trifoilum]

I would like to gently point out that there are numerous topics made about this delicate issue. It would be wise to search the issue here, just because.
And since I don't have a meaningful relationship with an ENTP....I guess I shouldn't answer. <3

 

[this is only temporary]

I had a close professional relationship with an ENTP and it lasted for about 8 some-odd years. There was no sleeping together, so if that is what you meant, I can't help much, sorry. Still I got to know this person very well -- it was platonic and involved working together as a team.

What I liked was the ENTP's extreme intelligence and creativity, and excellent ability to talk to and interact with people, and charisma. Absolutely wonderful idea person.

The top #1 deal-killing thing I disliked was that this ENTP was a liar. I watched/listened to them tell bald-faced lies and gossip about other people as well as myself, and repeatedly wondered why they thought no one figured it out or noticed. (And believe me, people did figure it out.) This behavior actually wound up hurting this person professionally and lost them a lot of friends; it was highly unethical and destroyed trust. Also, that ENTP was a bit loud and overly dramatic, but I can live with that.

 

[CindyLou]

What I liked was the ENTP's extreme intelligence and creativity, and excellent ability to talk to and interact with people, and charisma. Absolutely wonderful idea person.

The top #1 deal-killing thing I disliked was that this ENTP was a liar. I watched/listened to them tell bald-faced lies and gossip about other people as well as myself, and repeatedly wondered why they thought no one figured it out or noticed. (And believe me, people did figure it out.) This behavior actually wound up hurting this person professionally and lost them a lot of friends; it was highly unethical and destroyed trust. Also, that ENTP was a bit loud and overly dramatic, but I can live with that.

agreed. The ENTP in my life did have great ideas when he wasn't stealing mine.

 

[Incarnatewarrior]

Mine is a coward, not reliable.

 

[Lerxst]

Lots of great ideas, with all the work being tossed on the backs of everyone around them and never staying still enough to see any of them through to the end. The typical, "So who's idea was this anyway?" question the "grunts" ask, while everyone just shrugs since that person is long gone off to another idea/venture.

Irresponsibility - everything that goes wrong is the fault of everyone else.

Dishonest - They'll lie to your face, then if they get called on it, they'll blame another person for "misinterpreting" their lie, feeding off that "irresponsible" trait.

Always looking for an argument, even if they agree with you. I still can't wrap my head around how this is even possible. How do you argue with someone when you actually agree with them? This is a sample, generic conversation I had at many meetings with an ENTP:

Person A - I think we need to do this.

ENTP - I know. We need to do this! This is a perfect solution. We can get started by doing this, this and that. Doing this will solve the problem 110%.

Person A - Yes.

ENTP - Which is why we need to start now! We need to make sure everyone is all on board and then start...

Person A - We should already have everyone we need.

ENTP - And those people should all be getting to work so we can make this happen. I mean, I'm already doing this, that and the other thing. Someone else also needs to start taking action...

Blah blah blah blah blah....
​

Aside from the deliberately deceptive things they do, this probably pissed me off the most since it seemed to happen at every interaction. Nothing was ever mutual and no one ever had a casual conversation with them.

Then there's their "scorched earth" policy when it came to handling conflict. Cut everyone down verbally, belittle all of them, insult people any chance there was and leave nothing but complete chaos in their wake. Considering they created 90% of the conflict at work, conflict resolution was not their strong point.

 

[enigma]

I've been married to my ENTP husband for 15 years. I love his stable nature, that he doesn't get flustered, and that he puts up wth me so well. He is calm and quiet, but loves social stuff - (I hate it.) He is a very hard worker, needs to be busy. I see a lot of people mentioning lying - I don't have that issue. He is very trustworthy and dependable. Very protective of me and the kids.

His stubborness can drive me to drink, as can his high standards (seriously how many 5yo boys and ADD girls keep their room spotless???) We really knock heads over discipline, chores, setting the bar too high, and sometimes money.

 

[SpiralHacker]

Thanks for all your replies. They seem honest and they help me gain insights. I asked for your experiences and you delivered. I'd like to add that being a jerk is not a part of Jungian/MBTI theory which only covers a portion of overall personality, so those aspects can't be applied to all ENTPs but there are certainly ENTPs that are both jerks and ENTP. Once again, thanks for your sharing experiences.

P.S. Yes, I know it took me a long time to get back to this topic but that's the nature of my bookmarks...there's a lot of them. But hey, I followed through!

 

[XNXP]

It really bothers me that so many are mentioning lying. I think i may be an ENTP though I'm still in the process of typing myself. Also my closest relationship is with an INFJ but I'm nearly ready to break the friendship off permanently because this usually very insightful INFJ believes me to always be lying when I disagree with him. I believe it is because I did lie to him once and he just can't get past it. He thinks I'm lying and being manipulative when I have simply made a quick assessment of a situation and chose to bring only the relevant information out in the open. And I've told him repeatedly I'd be more than happy to show him how I have come to a conclusion if he would just ask. Instead he just scoffs and says that I hide information to benefit myself. It really hurts me because fairness is something I firmly believe in and strive for. Perhaps INFJ's only think ENTP's are lying because we don't always see things the same way but refuse to just give in to their ideas unless they can be clearly explained, or because entp's can arrive at a completely different conclusion and will conduct themselves according to that conclusion but because it is a different conclusion than the (very unwavering) infj's, the infj sees that conduct as deceitful.
I see this is an old thread and I'm new here, but I really hope this subject comes back up. I would really hate for anyone to go through what I have with their best friend simply because of a lack of understanding the way each other functions.

 

[Nixie]

Logically speaking though, another hypothesis could be that INFJs think everyone is lying.

 

[HunterO]

A lot of my friends are ENTPs. They're fun to throw around ideas, great to have as long-term friends, and you can pick up after years, and it seems like time barely passed with ENTPs.

Also they are very good at entertaining abstract theories outside the mainstream and fairly open-minded about everything. I find they are low-key, low-maintenance dressers and their lack of narcissism is quite nice with their laid back attitude.

Not to be mistaken with ESTPs, who can be evil.

Oh and the bad thing about ENTPs: They are very very messy.

 

[LucyJr]

-they like to make fun and troll people who are proud or think themselfs high, and they are very good at it, knowing what makes people 'thick'; they recognise very easily people who are haughty and arrogant;
-people of many ideas. They jump from idea to idea, offering endless possibilities, but very few are actually any good.
-not introspective, contemplative or anything like that; even ESTPs can be contemplative on something, but rarely a ENTP;
-they don't have problems with sensitivity or whinning like other more philosophical types have; they are like rocks in this aspect, very mature;
-not able to take responsabilities, and not because they can't, but because they are very 'scatered', one can't depend on them for responsabilities, not very reliable;
-they don't like injustice at all; they can become very aggresive if they see injustice of any kind; they don't shy away from any kind of conflict; if a ETSP or a ESTJ ( which usually are perceived as more agressive types) tries to behave nasty, the ENTP will make its life like a calvary, or at least try to act so;
-they have strong confidence in themselfs, but not a strong will and are very irresolute; they easily give up, and they are easily tracked outside of topic, whithout ever thinking "Man, what was my highway?"
-its very hard to realise when they are serious or not-so-serious, as they are always in a very enthusiastic and joking state; they don't search (at least this is a impression they leave to outsiders) for deep or meanigful relationships, but actually they do search it, but never openly show it;
-if you happen to be considered a good friend by a ENTP, consider yourself extremely lucky and extremely rare (seriously);
-they are touched deeply (and again, they might never directly show it) by acts of kindness;

At least, this is usually my experience on interacting with them! And of course, they can be very different, it depends

 

[LucyJr]

And I want to add, when I meet a ENTP, I instictually want to Ni-ed their Ne. Its like I want to desperately make sense of all their ideas in the big picture. And probably they have the same reaction, they want to 'spread out' my Ni, to 'develop' it. Oh man, we have so much to learn one from another

 

[Eventhorizon]

Logically speaking though, another hypothesis could be that INFJs think everyone is lying.

Interesting observation. I do not normally believe EVERYONE is lying, just that many people arent saying what they are really thinking. Nixie, do you lie? Serious question. If you dont, how do you get through the day?

I believe personally not lying is one of the reasons I say so little in life. I either say nothing or tell the truth. There are times though where I have to choose my words very carefully to make sure I am not lying or telling white lies.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Lots of great ideas, with all the work being tossed on the backs of everyone around them and never staying still enough to see any of them through to the end. The typical, "So who's idea was this anyway?" question the "grunts" ask, while everyone just shrugs since that person is long gone off to another idea/venture.

Irresponsibility - everything that goes wrong is the fault of everyone else.

Dishonest - They'll lie to your face, then if they get called on it, they'll blame another person for "misinterpreting" their lie, feeding off that "irresponsible" trait.

Always looking for an argument, even if they agree with you. I still can't wrap my head around how this is even possible. How do you argue with someone when you actually agree with them? This is a sample, generic conversation I had at many meetings with an ENTP:

Person A - I think we need to do this.

ENTP - I know. We need to do this! This is a perfect solution. We can get started by doing this, this and that. Doing this will solve the problem 110%.

Person A - Yes.

ENTP - Which is why we need to start now! We need to make sure everyone is all on board and then start...

Person A - We should already have everyone we need.

ENTP - And those people should all be getting to work so we can make this happen. I mean, I'm already doing this, that and the other thing. Someone else also needs to start taking action...

Blah blah blah blah blah....
​

Aside from the deliberately deceptive things they do, this probably pissed me off the most since it seemed to happen at every interaction. Nothing was ever mutual and no one ever had a casual conversation with them.

Then there's their "scorched earth" policy when it came to handling conflict. Cut everyone down verbally, belittle all of them, insult people any chance there was and leave nothing but complete chaos in their wake. Considering they created 90% of the conflict at work, conflict resolution was not their strong point.

I hate to say it but this is the type of thing that would make me avoid contact with you. I have no doubt you are an excellent person but unneeded conversation for the sake of conversation is not the type of thing an introvert enjoys. At least not me. Please dont take this the wrong way.

 

[aureliusandoinky]

My brother is an ENTP. We get along really well. Someone mentioned this before but he insults me constantly but I know he's joking and it makes me laugh. Some people don't understand that he is always joking and either like it or find it annoying and stupid (this entertains him though). I like that part of him most of the time, but when I am annoyed and angry I don't want someone trying to make me laugh and making me even more angry. He also thinks it's funny when people are angry sometimes, and that bothers me to the core. He does lie, but not like most people are describing. We can have really nice conversations, but he hates when I "keep secrets" (I don't think I do) or I'm quiet. He'll dog me with questions and get annoyed when I don't tell him what's on my mind. That gets frustrating when I am just thinking and have nothing to say.

Hmmmmm, seems like I've pointed out all of his negative qualities. But really, we do get along really well. Not sure I'd want a romantic ENTP relationship though...

 

[LucyJr]

Logically speaking though, another hypothesis could be that INFJs think everyone is lying.

I don't think just INFJs think so. Logically speaking, every person who has a bit experienced life know very well that people lie with acrobatic skills, and you need to chose your behaviour in reaction to this very real face of life.

 

[subwayrider]

I have known an ENTP female for several years. She is very sweet, and has notebooks full of her pondering on concepts in physics and mathematics, among other things. She's very attuned to patterns in the world -- she was particularly absorbed with the "Occupy" movement. She is delightful to be around, but suffers from low self-esteem, particularly in regards to her intelligence. If her interests were not so far removed from mine, we might have ended up in a relationship, as we're very open with and supportive of each other. But she is with an INTJ guy now, and they do well together.

I have not been close with any of the males, but I have tended to dislike them from the fleeting and superficial interactions I have had with them. Too argumentative and too thirsty to be right all the time. It's annoying and somewhat pathetic.