What is the secret to falling out of love? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

What is the secret to falling out of love?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Sep 5, 2008.

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  1. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I have never been in love

    Is falling out of love about forgetting?
    Like when someone leaves our life because they move, pass away, or any other reason... as much as we miss them, overtime, it becomes more difficult to remember their faces, to hear their voice, to feel them with us, if we don't have any contact with them.

    I don't know if it is possible to "fall" out of love, as much as it is to move on... but I have never been in love.

    I don't know how I would deal with that - having to "fall out" of love.. If someone died, then overtime I think I could pacify myself with my spiritual beliefs.. But if someone whom I loved so entirely, so implicitly - as Arbygil described - if that person willingly decided they didn't love me anymore... oh my god i would fall to pieces and although i would eventually gather myself back together, I feel like each time my heart would harden just a little bit in terms of trust. I have wondered how people deal with break-ups. I know they're upsetting for everyone... but some people seem to have them time and time again. How in the world...?
     
  2. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    Focusing on yourself and doing what made you happy in the first place! If your prone to fall easily it takes control and practice. I was once the nice guy that got stomped on by women. Not anymore. Experience=Knowledge
     
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  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    The easy way to not be stomped on by women, or indeed anyone, is to cease caring about their opinion.
     
  4. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

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    Lots of time.

    Although not loving the person anymore is nothing I've ever accomplished...but getting out of being "in love" just takes some pain, confronting yourself, and time. It also helps to have other things in life to inspire you.
     
  5. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    Got it down now shai lol:m029:
     
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  6. FC3S

    FC3S Community Member

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    Cognitive Behavior Therapy - The same thing OCD sufferers use when they are absolutely hell bent on completing an obsession. The logic goes, simply ignore it (easier said than done!) and it'll go away. Your body is supposed to adjust to it.

    If it can applied to the same areas of the brain that are used for love, has yet to be seen. Oxytocin among other hormones, supposedly remains readily addictive.
     
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    #26 FC3S, Jan 5, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2009
  7. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Ohnonono! Does this mean I can't be NT? Cause I can't control my falling for someone, all I can control is how much they see.

    *wonders if she's caught teh NF-feelingness from teh forums*
     
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  8. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

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    HOLY SHIT, REALLY?

    That's bad news, my friend. That's really, really bad news.

    :)help:)
     
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  9. slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

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    Note: This is from the perception of someone who has not ever been 'in love'. I have loved, but not been in love with a person on a signifigantly romantic level. My views may be invalid, but I will still dispense them.

    I have thought about this issue on a regular basis for a while now. Why is it that people think that love is a bond that can be terminated? I think that cutting someone out of your life is commonly mistaken for a lack of love; when really, those who are cut out of our lives are the ones who meant the most to us. All emotions stem from love; hate, sadness, shock, confusion....It is a cycle, and sometimes vicious. But when you learn to control your thoughts, emotions, and what you think of a person/place/idea etc. , then the lack of that person is easier to bare. But if you've truly loved deep and great, if you've loved, you're never going to lose that love. Maybe you'll replace it with anger, discontentment, or regret; but the love will always be there because that person has become a part of our lives, our memories, our essence. Whether we think about it or not is our choice, however.
     
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  10. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    In the past I have managed to Break The Love Habit a few times. Most often I fell out of love naturally, but a couple of times I really had to force myself. One time in particular (after an off-and-on 6 year relationship with a man I absolutely adored) was very, very difficult and it took a very conscious effort to do so.

    The only reason I can see to deliberately or intentionally fall out of love is if it's absolutely unrequited or the relationship is damaging to you, in which case I think it's a very healthy move to try to get yourself extricated from it.

    I agree with Duty. Time, time and more time. Talking it out, if you have a good friend to do it with. Write it out (I've filled books).

    I think an important thing to remember is to be on the lookout for signs that you have moved past "mourning" into "dwelling". When your friends glaze over, they've reached the saturation point, and you might want to consider whether or not its fair to ask any more of them. If the thoughts interrupt your life, job, schoolwork, attachment to life, etc. you should probably put more effort into moving on.

    Focus on healthy pursuits whenever possible (this was hard for me). Exercise if you can. Take care of your body, eat healthy foods.

    Love yourself, and think more about yourself or others who return your love (friends, family) if your mind stubbornly turns to the one you're trying to break the love habit with.

    And my heart goes out to anyone having to do this. It's a difficult, sometimes harrowing journey.
     
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  11. alcyone

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    Or, don't fall out of love. But move on. Take the steps along a new path and eventually your feelings of love will fade into a warm fuzzy memory.

    You might always regret that nothing 'happened'. But there is no need to create some sort of crazy emotional drama with the other person (as seems to be necessary for ending a relationship these days....at least in the current generations perception).

    You never know, maybe you'll both be in the same nursing home one day. And you can spend your twilight years chasing each other in wheelchairs and walkers!

    Hey, just trying to look on the bright side.
     
  12. slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

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    Wise words, alcyone. Wise words. :bounce:
     
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  13. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    Or... question what love is.

    Hanging on to a love for someone who doesn't return it, or who abuses it may feel like love, but may be something else in actuality. And if dwelling on a love that will never be returned stands in the way of loving yourself, or being able to experience healthy love with someone else, then I think it is worthy of examination.

    If you choose to dismantle a love you have built for another person, and turn it instead towards yourself, there is no deficit. It doesn't require drama. It may require determination :)
     
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  14. moonbabyam

    moonbabyam Regular Poster

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    Fall out of love? Does that happen? I thought You just added new additions to your love machine? I usually get over an ex by reminding myself that there are lots of other people that need and want my love too, however....I think usually that might be a waste of time because I don't spend enough time loving myself. I've heard that was more important anyway all though im unsure, once myself lets me know I'll relay the message.
     
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  15. AntoniaDodge

    AntoniaDodge Regular Poster

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    But from someone trying to get over an INFJ...

    please don't call the person you've moved on from, text them or e-mail them "Hi - just want to make sure you're okay"'s every three months or so. You people are exceptionally good at moving on (despite any protestation) and the NT's you leave behind end up sitting with their broken heart in their hands wondering exactly which solvent to use and if it's water soluble.
     
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  16. Raquel74

    Raquel74 Newbie

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    Falling out of Love is not that hard. You just have to get involved in something else to take your mind of the person you thought you were in Love with. Personally I dont' think people currently in relationships should be giving people advise on falling out of Love because they are currently in Love or at least they should be if they are in the relationship. Or did all of you who have posted about your girlfriends before suddenly Fall out of Love with them?
     
  17. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    just move on... time and patience...

    i am still very much in love with my 1st ex, as i know she feels the same about me... but that is nothing more than a memory now that we both cherish and are made really good friends because of it...
     
  18. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    The original post in this thread asked What is the secret to falling out of love? No particular details were given.

    We don't seem to be advising any particular person on how to fall out of love in a particular circumstance, merely voicing our experiences or - if we haven't had the experience - how we imagine it could be done.
     
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  19. alcyone

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    I know sweetie!

    I am guilty of it too. But I waited over a decade to get in touch with my first love. There are nothing more than fuzzy feelings that never really bloomed into anything due to being ditched with no word, no nothing. Just a month of unreturned calls and unanswered letters.

    He admitted he made a mistake (which was gratifying, as was all the shit he took from his roommates...and the story of two of his roommates harassing him and trashing his room for my phone number). But it is just friendly now.

    And will remain so.
     
  20. alcyone

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    Just because we might be in relationships now doesn't mean we haven't ever been in relationships that have ended.
     
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