What are you Thinking? | INFJ Forum

What are you Thinking?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Questingpoet, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I have been in several relationships where the other person loves to ask this question. I personally hate it. If I feel like offering up what I am thinking or feeling, I will do that. To try and pry it out of me feels pushy and underhanded. I almost never ask this quetion either. It has to be with the right person in the right situation. How do you other INFJ's (and other types) feel about this one? What type is more likely to ask this question?
     
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  2. Solar Empath

    Solar Empath Community Member

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    My willingness to answer this question and need to ask it is a pretty good gauge of how seriously I feel about the future of the relationship.
     
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  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I ask this question. I also ask, "How are you feeling?"

    Usually I wait an indeterminate amount of time to ask after something big has happened, because I think it is necessary to get to the root of things and to solve them and move from there.

    It may be prying, but I like clear-cut communication. If someone responds, "Nothing" or "I don't know" I will leave it at that and not ask again.

    Though I won't be satisfied with those responses, I know that invading their brain won't get anyone anywhere.

    It doesn't annoy me when people ask me these questions.
     
  4. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I think no one really should ask this question. I also think a lot of people don't like being asked this question. For me its like well do you have a list. The real issue is not what your thinking , but what you think about something the other person is pondering.

    Horrible question.

    But your question is also a lot more clear than just what are you thinking?

    But thats why I don't like it you can't just put someone on the spot like that.

    I still don't like answer that one much. Not because of the feelings but just how to answer such a question. :m033:
     
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  5. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    You're right. It does tend to put someone on the spot.

    However, here's my reasoning:

    If I have a fight with my boyfriend or a friend or even my mother and they are still acting hurt in a few days, I think that for the sake of the relationship, a "What are you thinking/feeling?" question is due just to clear the air.

    Hey, I deserve to know, and the question deserves to be answered if said person really cares for me and wants things to be harmonious between us.

    My thinking is, a serious relationship with anyone is mutual. There are two people accountable to one another for the health of their relationship. Getting things out in the open is best, that way both people can move forward.

    I wouldn't ask this question to an acquaintance or stranger or someone I'm only kinda friends.
     
  6. Final

    Final Regular Poster

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    Yes, there are times when I view it necessary to ask this question, but I would rather ask, "How do you feel?"

    Still, I had a girlfriend who loved asking this question all the time. I get it: You care. Now, go figure it out on your own or something.
    ...it got annoying.
     
  7. OP
    Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I agree it shouldn't be asked in a less than serious relationship. It's been a long time, but the experiences I had where at the start of realtionships where (I now see) the asker did not feel secure. Trying to get inside an INFJ's head can be hard work. It can be done if you go about it the right way. Talking and airing things out is always best. I prefer more specific and better timed questions. This usually got asked of me when I was still pondering and not yet ready to answer (talk).
     
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  8. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Yep. Makes sense.
     
  9. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    I hate this question. I don't know about anyone else but my thoughts run fast. I think thoughs in nano seconds and am on to the next. My thoughts are a neverending torrent. I hate this question because I have to try to pluck a single stray though out of this raging torrent that is my mind...usually I have to stop slow my mind down and try to figure out a stray thought. And then have to deal with he look that says "your lying" because I had to think abou what I was thinking. Argh!!!
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
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    #9 Entyqua, Oct 27, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2009
  10. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    I love answering this question, people don't usually prepare themselves for a 5-10 minute lecture full of ridiculous tangents and what not. When I start they normally phase out, give up on trying to understand and don't ask the question again.

    I never ask it though. I'll ask them if they're thinking what I think they're thinking.
     
  11. Neva

    Neva Regular Poster

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    I actually like it/don't like it and it all depends on the timing. If someone asks me that question when I'm really mad or mad at them, I explode with that anger at them instead of think of my thoughts first. On the other hand, I love to hear it from someone who's close to me because it shows that they care about me and wants to know what's going through my head. I think we get that question a lot because we're hard to be understood by people, we're not that talkative, so we don't let things out as easily as other people.

    Another question I like and hate also depending on the time it's asked is "What's wrong?" I like to hear it from someone close to me when I'm upset, depressed because again it shows how much that person cares for me. I absolutely hate it when it's asked A LOT even if it's from the closest friend to me. It ANNOYS me when someone keeps asking when I'm just wondering about something in my head.
     
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  12. Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    I only know three people that ask me this, only one of which does regularly (she knows who she is ;) ), I agree that it can put you on the spot. Sometimes I don't want to share what Im thinking and Im not sure what to say. However, it can also open the doors of communication, especially for me because I often wont talk about something unless asked about it, or I am not sure how to bring up a topic.
     
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  13. Roger

    Roger ...

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    I am thinking to surf here and there on this forum and answer to posts. :)
     
  14. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    INFPs love to ask me this question.

    Not to be rude or 'nothin, but if I want to tell you how I feel I'll tell ya. Especially if I've just had 2 or 4 espressos. After that point, I'm so hyped I'd probably tell you anything. My typical 'how do you feel conversations go a little like this:

    Me: So, how ya feeling max? Feeling good? Yeah? Ah, that's great thanks for tellin me, you're a good chap

    Friend (whose name isn't max): Are you high?
     
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  15. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    Stop sniffing that glue! You're enjoying it waay too much.
     
  16. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    it's the coffee.

    Too much caffeine and no play makes ruby a dull girl
     
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  17. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Sometimes I cannot answer this question if I am still processing things... Yes it does feel like being put on the spot.

    I personally like to ask certain people this question because I can feel their energy which often times is extremely busy inside them... I ask because sometimes I can feel they are troubled and I want to do all I can to help.

    I ask this question sometimes because in my relationship, I want to deeply connect and to not feel like I am shut out or invisable.

    If I am asked this question, I have a choice to either answer if I am able or to reply that I am not able to comment yet, but I'll let them know at a later time.

    For me, I view the question as either comforting or frustrating by how I feel about the person who is asking me. If it is my parents, then I will feel likely immidiately livid because I cannot feel safe to respond honestly due to past history of it being an opportunity for them to claim it as their own and own it themselevs, causing me to feel like I have burdoned them with my feelings etc.

    If it is a close friend, then I feel appreciative because I know I can trust them to just listen and try to understand, even if it might be hard for them to. I know it came of a place of taking a personal interest in who and how I am.

    To be asked what I am thinking or how I am feeling is ok, because it shows me that whoever is asking, cares.
     
    #17 Ria, Oct 27, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2009
  18. Norton

    Norton XXXX

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    If it's something I can easily articulate I'll say what I'm thinking. If it's inchoate, I'll say something like, "Oh, nothing really." Or, "I'm just daydreaming." Nothing to get upset about, really.
     
  19. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
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    I love this question. Here's why:

    Other person:What are you thinking?
    Me:Uhh...nothing.
    Other person:Liar.
    Me:*shrug*
    Other person:Tell me.
    Me:I was thinking about the grocery store. When everyone is pushing around their buggies. And it kinda is like traffic, only not as deadly. And there are slow people in the middle of the aisle sometimes, and you want to run them over. That would be frowned upon, I guess. Also, there's always music, in the store, but it's never good, like it is in the car. Unless you're in someone else's car, then the music always sucks. And that got me thinking about listening to KidzBop songs with the Munchkin in the car. He made us listen to "Funkytown" ninety-seven times in a row. Ok, not quite ninety-seven. Maybe ninety-six. But the funny thing was, he thought it was "Monkeytown." So he kept singing "ah-won't you take me to monkeyTOWN?" Which could not be remedied, I tried. Anyway, yeah, I was just thinking about the grocery store.
    Other person: *blink* huh?
     
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    #19 youhemmein, Oct 27, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2009
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  20. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Haha, that's absolutely brilliant!
     
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