Were you like your parents? | INFJ Forum

Were you like your parents?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by the, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. the

    the Si master race.
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    This thread:Thoughts on child beauty pageants? and a comment by Chippenchunk on another thread, sparked something in my mind that made me think:


    How similar are you to your parents?

    Based on your answer how similar do you think you will be to your parents?

    Do you think the things that motivated you and the things that discouraged you are going to be the same things that will motivate and discourage your children? I get from most of the people in this thread that they need time away from people. Do you think your children will be the same or do you think they will need constant attention?


    To me I think I am a little similar to both my parents, but not similar enough that they knew how to handle me. So based on my relationship with my parents I think that my child/ children will be very different than me personality-wise.
     
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  2. lazyhappy

    lazyhappy Regular Poster

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    hm.... I dont view me so much like either of my parents.

    My mom is outgoing and is family oriented where I'd rather stay at home then having to spend time with humans :m156: and I do not care much for my family... only my mom and sister for I know and like them... She's also type A personality and I'm type b....

    Though we are not completley opposite. We both have similiar senses of humor and nerdiness.

    My dad has the "I want to stay home" personality like me but, from what I can remember, he was emotional which I'm not so much... I honestly cant say much else about him however.

    My mom took the test and came out a strong ENTJ and my dad is supposedly an ISFP according to my mom... though I think that might make sence...
     
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    #2 lazyhappy, Feb 25, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2009
  3. IndigoSensor

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    *note* parents divorced when I was 4

    My mom, who is also an INFJ is almost like my best friend. We get along with eachother, and understand each other completly on every level. We are extremely similar to one another. When my friend first meet us together, someone, without fail, will say "oh my god, you guys are identical!"

    My dad is an ESTJ, we are not similar at all. He is staunchly conservitive, religious fundementalist, close minded, rule-rightous, and just plain rude. I am the inverse of that. The only similarites we have is we both DETEST lateness of any kind, have a bad habbit of correcting people without realisng it (but we do it in different ways, I do it more in giving unscolicited advice), and are very opinionated.
     
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  4. VH

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    My dad is an ISTP. While that might not seem too much like an INFJ/ENFJ ambivert... we have the exact same primary cognitive processes - Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se - just in different orders. His are Ti, Se, Ni, and Fe. If we assume I am actually an ENFJ (the more I read about them lately, the more I think I am leaning into that type than INFJ), then his pairs are in the exact opposite order of mine, which is actually very complementary and similar.

    My mother is an ESFJ. That's one letter off from an ENFJ, and she's alarmingly intuitive for a Sensing dominant.

    It wouldn't be much of a stretch to assume that I got my pairs from my father, and the order from my mother. In any case, the pattern of their influence is notable.
     
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  5. Silently Honest

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    I only had one, and really the only thing we had in common is our stubbornness and determination, everything beyond that however...
     
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  6. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    I look like none of my parents. Although I have my dads temper (fury) and my mothers neuroticism. On the contrary my temper is different, in school I will refrain and space out if I am sad and angry in inferiority and towards my mom it will be fury, although I have decreased it enormously.

    I don't like to think that we end up like our parents. Urg, it is horrible to think.
     
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  7. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    I'm probably more like my dad, who liked to tell long, rambling stories and bad jokes ( minus the bad jokes). Still, I wouldn't classify him as an extravert. He chose a profession where he worked alone for long periods of time (long-distance trucker). While he had an eighth-grade education and was nearly illiterate and I have a post-graduate degree, I still identify more with him. My mother also had bipolar I, which should make us more alike, but we weren't. I have made a conscious effort not to be like her and, for the most part, I think I've been successful.

    As for my kids, now grown, both are Es--one an ENFJ, the other an ESTJ. The one who tests ENFJ is mystyped, I think. While he's very social for someone with schizophrenia, he requires a lot of down time. We've always understood each other almost empathically, though that could be the result of dealing with mood swings (the form of schizophrenia he has, has a strong mood component) and differently-functioning brains. At any rate, my older son and I are very different, though we're close. Neither of my children seem to have much in common with their grandparents either, unless you take into account the mood swings.
     
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  8. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    That is very interesting, how old is he and what type of schizophrenia is it? =) I'm sure you have elliminated 'magical thinking' and 'imaginary friends' (which can occur in children) if he has already been diagnosed?
    generally kids are very social and I think it is a possitive sign that he is. You should be hopeful, because usually extreme introversion makes it hard and it could be an indication that he may get better also.
    Blessings from me.
     
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  9. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    He's 22, soon to be 23. He has schizoaffective disorder, considered by some to be a form of schizophrenia with a strong mood component, by others to be a separate disorder. He had his first identifiable psychotic break at 15, on the heels of the events of 9/11. He had pretty classic symptoms and was admitted to the hospital with paranoid delusions just before his 16th birthday. The next two years included several more hospitalizations, outpatient treatment, and finally a year of residential treatment where the emphasis was on the independent living skills and psychosocial behavior. It took about two years to get a firm diagnosis as well, which isn't unusual. He has cognitive deficits as a result of the psychosis, but is doing well for someone at his age with his diagnosis. He lives in his own apartment with two cats and volunteers three days a week at a non-profit divil rights organization. He still needs help with grocery shopping, can't write a check, etc., and I am his legal guardian, but he's come a long way from that 15-year-old boy who wouldn't leave his room because he feared there were surveillance cameras in the house, and a man standing in the front yard with a machine that could steal his thoughts. He still doesn't pick up on social cues very well, but is otherwise doing well. He's religious about his meds and keeping his days structured, which helps; he hasn't had a relapse in 5+ years! We celebrate the date of his last discharge from the hospital every year as if it were his birthday.

    Every day is a struggle for him, and every day he triumphs. I have learned more about life from him than anyone I know.
     
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  10. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    My mom is xNFJ (she tested INFJ, but she's really borderline with her E/I; I think she was naturally INFJ, but taught herself how to be really extroverted as well).
    My dad hasn't taken the test, but I believe him to be INTJ. He does, however, love to rock out with his friends, and he jokes a lot, although I guess one could see him as being a lot more serious if they don't know him well.

    I think I'm like them, to a degree. I'm not just like my mom, even if we are the same type; I'm kind of in between the two of them, personality-wise. They taught me to use my Ti and become more extroverted, although I am still quite a bit more introverted than my mom.

    But my parents are awesome. They really are. My mom can be kind of anal at times, but that's her job. I understand she just wants the best for me.

    The INTJ + INFJ strengths really show, though. Mom knows people, languages, politics, history; Dad knows numbers, science, systems, and technology. They're both extremely intelligent; they both are comfortably different from normal society. They love to learn, they love to explore, they love to travel; they are open minded, they are patient, they know what they need to do without freaking out about it too much.

    I inherited all the good traits, of course (except for the physical ones; got my mom's bad eyes and my dad's bad skin. I just hope I don't inherit the family health problems, or I'll die before I'm 30)
    Or, should I say, they raised us to be the best we could be; they were patient and firm, but also loving and understanding. They did it perfectly.

    I think I know how I want to raise any kids I might one day have
     
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  11. VH

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    Is he bipolar or depressive subtype?

    In either case, schizoaffective disorder is a disorder of the cognitive functions, which will make his MBTI type inapplicable in proportion to the severity of his condition.

    It is sad that people have to go through these sorts of things, especially the people that we love. However, it is a blessing that you have been able to learn and grow because of him. I'm sure you're not the only one in his life that he is helping in such a way.
     
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  12. VH

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    I too am an ambivert xNFJ, and I'm starting to believe that I started out INFJ and have become an ENFJ over the years.

    It sounds likely to be the case that your mother has done the same. If your father is an INTJ, then it would stand to reason that, just like myself, you inherited your cognitive processes from one parent, and the order of them from the other. (ENFJ + INTJ = INFJ). If it was the other way around, gaining your pairs from your father and the order from your mother, you could have ended up an ENTJ, hehe.

    This pattern seems to hold with children who developed in families with two supportive parents, while others seem to bond more with the parent that was supportive, or simply develop their own personality if neither parent was especially supportive in their development and growth.

    Interesting.
     
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  13. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    This is a very good question----

    I think it's a mixture really. As for personality wise, I think i'm a mixture of both my parents. My dad is down to earth, more practical, but really wise and sensitive. My mother is more outgoing, an introvert, dreamy, and really open. I believe i'm somewhat in the middle---a pretty balanced INFJ.

    Nonetheless, I of course, feel different in that I am after all another person! I feel like I have more curiosity in things. I want answers, I wonder, I read, I ask, I search. But my parents seem to be uninterested in certain things like politics and such.

    I feel like i've had the best childhood in the world and that both my parents have been amazing to me, of course, they still are! But as with all people, they have flaws and I am aware of them. I don't blame them much for them but I remember them to keep tabs on what I should not try to do. <---This isn't something I think my parents would be offended about. They WANT me to do this.
     
  14. gloomy-optimist

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    My twin sister is ENTJ.

    Weird.

    Although I don't think you can "change" your type. I've always been a little suspicious that mom was an ENFJ that was more introverted, rather than an INFJ that was more extroverted. She's very middled, though, so it's hard to tell.
     
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  15. Pristinegirl

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    Oh this is great news, I am gives me hope that you are so upbeat about it. So as it is like milder schizophrenia and mood afflicted, does that mean that it is a mixture of bipolar and schizophrenia? It is actually a dissorder I barely know anything about. Although, with schizophrenia, the interactions in order to make them sociable, requires a tremendous effort. Ultimately this must be even more of an obstacle than solely schizophrenia or bipolar which are both tremendously distressing alone.

    Somehow, he must be very strong to manage. Was it 9/11 that triggered it? Did you lose someone there or was it all the media?
    I would guess he is able to manage probably because you are so supportive and strong. Also this shows that there is a genetic component in bipolar even though it has not been confirmed biologically through testing :)
     
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  16. Entyqua

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    I posses certain traits from each of them that are very recognizable...the one from my mom is a learned one...I HATE IT!! I am not very much like my parents at all...Nothing like my brother...I am just different I have always thought of myself as the black sheep...
     
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  17. Quinlan

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    As far as I know my mum is ISFJ and my dad is ISTJ, superficially similar but we operate in different ways. I get along with them fine but I don't relate much on any other level apart from some common interests. My mum cares way to much what others think and when she has people over to visit her house has to be so tidy that it doesn't even looked lived in, she tries to come across as unnaturally perfect. My dad is cool but could do with a bit more sympathy for others.
     
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  18. Satya

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    My dad split before I was born but I'm told he was a quiet guy. My mom raised me until I was 13. She is an ESFP. I'm not like her at all.
     
  19. arbygil

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    I'm an only child, and it's tough to say what my father was. Mom is a classic ESTP, although she wouldn't admit it. Dad I think was an ENFJ with...issues. He was incredibly manipulative and perfectionistic, but not very strategic.
     
  20. J. Cardigan

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    I'd say I'm much more like my dad than my mom. We're both INFJ, but he's a bit more extraverted and I have a much weaker F than he does. Oftentimes, he'll find something offensive and I'll think it's hilarious. He and I are far closer than I am with my mom, though. If I ever have a problem, I go to him first because I know he'll take my situation and consider every possible avenue. My mom just tells me what she thinks will produce her desired outcome without applying me to the situation, if that makes sense.

    My mom and I don't get along too well when we're living under the same roof. She's ENTJ, and I definitely inherited a lot of T from her. We'll agree on stuff that my dad and I probably wouldn't, but that's about the extent of our closeness. She's told me before that she finds me puzzling, and I think it frustrates her. I find her controlling and intrusive, and it frustrates me. Luckily those two things aren't a problem when we're not living together.
     
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