Their actions betray their true perception of themselves. If they were actually confident, they would not feel diminished by rejection or experience a sense of loss - they would simply remain grounded in themselves. Since they are not confident, they feel an anxiety when their hidden perception of self ("I am not good enough") is exposed by Sonyab's rejection. And the way they attempt to dampen the anxiety of rejection is through downgrading her; by stripping her of a perceived higher status, her rejection is rendered meaningless.
Weird things people say to you about you?
- Thread starter Gaze
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Their actions betray their true perception of themselves. If they were actually confident, they would not feel diminished by rejection or experience a sense of loss - they would simply remain grounded in themselves. Since they are not confident, they feel an anxiety when their hidden perception of self ("I am not good enough") is exposed by Sonyab's rejection. And the way they attempt to dampen the anxiety of rejection is through downgrading her; by stripping her of a perceived higher status, her rejection is rendered meaningless.
I hadn't looked at it that way, and it makes perfect sense.
Thanks for the clarification.
I appreciate the comments (Korg--even with they new eye opener of an avatar, MindYourHead and Sandra)
I think it is part of being an INTJ that makes me very concerned not so much that I hurt your feelings but that you understand I am saying no. I worked hard at developing a greater degree of tact so I think I may be just a tad worried if I am being insensitive. I really have a blunt way if I don't filter some Fe into my words.
I think it is part of being an INTJ that makes me very concerned not so much that I hurt your feelings but that you understand I am saying no. I worked hard at developing a greater degree of tact so I think I may be just a tad worried if I am being insensitive. I really have a blunt way if I don't filter some Fe into my words.
I have been told, I am authoratative, confident, strong, and outgoing........ hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!! WTH? hahahaha!
Wow. I am always at a loss when ppl say this.
I have also been told I am cold, unapproachable, difficult to read, intimidating.....
Again at a loss.....
But I can see the unapprochable/can't read thing. I am shy, I hate social situations, and you scare the shit out of me. I get the deer in headlights feeling. So while I am trying not to vomit on your shoes (slight over exaggeration here) you are trying to figure ou t what is 'off' about me, and deciding I am just unfriendly. Good job taking the easy way out.
Wow. I am always at a loss when ppl say this.
I have also been told I am cold, unapproachable, difficult to read, intimidating.....
Again at a loss.....
But I can see the unapprochable/can't read thing. I am shy, I hate social situations, and you scare the shit out of me. I get the deer in headlights feeling. So while I am trying not to vomit on your shoes (slight over exaggeration here) you are trying to figure ou t what is 'off' about me, and deciding I am just unfriendly. Good job taking the easy way out.
I've been accused of being a lesbian, vampire wannabe who lives in worn down house on top of a hill, that makes mysterious noises at 12 am in the morning, with all the lights blaring over the town I live in.
There is a reason why I don't go out as often as I should.
People say the most strangest things about me, behind my back. I hate small towns.
There is a reason why I don't go out as often as I should.
People say the most strangest things about me, behind my back. I hate small towns.
...You're weird.
You're crazy.
You're still a little kid, aren't you?
You are a FREAK.
I want to take you clubbing.
And other fun stuff like that.
None of it is meant in a bad way; just stuff my friends tell me when I'm having my moments.
You're crazy.
You're still a little kid, aren't you?
You are a FREAK.
I want to take you clubbing.
And other fun stuff like that.
None of it is meant in a bad way; just stuff my friends tell me when I'm having my moments.
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People call me weird and strange, like "I am not from this world". They tell me, "don't you care what others think". They also see me as a hippie. I've been told that I seem happy all the time in my own little world, oh if they only knew.
Oh yes. I practically worship your statements, Korg, being as impressively written and accurate as they all are.
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I was pondering this question some more last night, and came to the conclusion that what has been said to me more than anything is that I take criticism way too personally.
I think this is true to a point. Though only when my methods of doing something or how I came to making a decision are questioned.
The approach the person uses with me is a huge factor too.
In my professional life as a manager of a group of people, I have been criticized by my bosses with being too soft in my approach with employees. This is one that can really tick me off because the results and loyalty employees demonstrate proves differently.
Many feel that the only way to manage people is to instill fear into people and be a task master. I know I never have a positive responsive to it.
I have found a more human approach based on trust works best.
At least for me.
I think this is true to a point. Though only when my methods of doing something or how I came to making a decision are questioned.
The approach the person uses with me is a huge factor too.
In my professional life as a manager of a group of people, I have been criticized by my bosses with being too soft in my approach with employees. This is one that can really tick me off because the results and loyalty employees demonstrate proves differently.
Many feel that the only way to manage people is to instill fear into people and be a task master. I know I never have a positive responsive to it.
I have found a more human approach based on trust works best.
At least for me.
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A lot of things people say about me seem strange to me at first. I think because the way see myself doesn't really match how others see me. Without realizing it, I only let some of my personality show when I'm at work or school or with family, and keep different parts hidden depending on where I am or who I'm with. I'm surprised when people describe me as being a very specific kind of person, when I feel like I'm really the opposite or at least some more general mix of traits.
Well, I can't blame you for this. Feel free to PM me any time for further enlightenment, April.
Ditto the gay thing. This is how it goes...
"I was surprised when I saw you with [insert the name of my former wife or one of my former girlfriends here], I was really happy for you, I wondered if you were gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, there was just always something about you, something different." I've heard this at least 10 times in my life, and I have to explain to them that no, I'm not gay, I just clam up completely when I'm around women I'm attracted to.
"I was surprised when I saw you with [insert the name of my former wife or one of my former girlfriends here], I was really happy for you, I wondered if you were gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, there was just always something about you, something different." I've heard this at least 10 times in my life, and I have to explain to them that no, I'm not gay, I just clam up completely when I'm around women I'm attracted to.
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