Unhealthy INFJ

[Milon]

Have no fear, Tovlo! My biggest desire of all is to be noticed. Whether or not you offer something that resonates with me is secondary. You noticed, you cared, for that I thank you.

I also laugh at myself. It occurs to me that I've posted elsewhere on these forums almost exactly that - about accepting thoughts and not trying to fight them. Silly me, I never tried that with depression. I can't say I like depression, but maybe I should just accept that my emotional downs are normal and they happen, rather than struggle and fight against it all the time.

I remember many a sleepless night I was stressed and worried because I wasn't sleeping - knowing I'd be exhausted the next day - but stressing wasn't helping me sleep, a vicious cycle was born. I think I was doing the same thing here. Stressing about depression, keeping myself frustrated, and causing depression to go longer/deeper than it would have otherwise.

Thank you for your kind, caring, and wise words. I'll try to just accept whatever comes without fighting it. We'll see how that goes! (Can't report on it right now as you've lifted my spirits very much! :lol

 

[jn56uytrx]

I remember many a sleepless night I was stressed and worried because I wasn't sleeping - knowing I'd be exhausted the next day - but stressing wasn't helping me sleep, a vicious cycle was born.

I've done the exact same thing! It's actually only been in the last couple of months that I finally figured out to translate the acceptance thing to sleeplessness.

I felt very happy seeing your happy emoticon, milon. Please know, I'll be as open to receiving you if it turns sad again down the road, OK? For now, I'm heading out into the world knowing for the moment you're smiley is smiling.

 

[Milon]

I haven't cut myself off to that extent yet. But I've definitely shut down before because of stress. When I was in high school, I was either in school, in my room, or working at my Grandma's farm. (I wouldn't have usually chosen that last one, but I usually didn't have a choice either.)

 

[waterbaby]

You said it better than I could. It's amazing how empathetic we can get. It sometimes feels that I have no control over my emotions. That it's the people around me, that I feel. I have issues with the mall too, or with any place where there is a significant amount of people. It is just too overwhelming when I desire to read people, there is too many to attempt to read. It causes more stress than ever.

^^^^^^
exactly.

 

[anica]

I am totally there on the mall thing as well!

and as an INFJ who is going through some inner turmoil I can be very negative and everything is an insult and feel guilty about everything...the introvert in me takes over and I become sort of like a recluse and never leave home..Normal social situations are a stressful thought sometimes just going into work gives me a panic attack. There is an inherent hopelessness about me that i cant seem to ever shake..somedays i feel LOST...

I couldn't have said it better--or even as well--so I won't even try.

 

[Julia]

I have certain core fears like a sense of complete isolation from others that in the past was really intense and felt like being trapped in a block of ice. I have different levels of feeling this and when they all align, the impact is overwhelming. There is also a potentially intense fear of being a horrible person and being responsible for terrible things even if by accident. I have felt an aimless guilt as though I deserve whatever negative thing is happening. My unhealthy state is to turn all the negativity inward. I see everyone else as innocent and myself as being the horrible one. When someone hurts me it turns around in my head as though I am at fault. At my worst I would hurt myself physically for it. (That's in the past now)

This is why I value reason so highly. It breaks those negative feedback loops. I mostly pulled myself out of the negativity by becoming an "observer" and "experiencer" at the same time. I had to figure most of it out alone as i wasn't able to make friends at the time. I would view myself from a distance and start to apply reason. It reached a point where I could be in a fair amount of emotional trauma, but still capable of sorting it out reasonably. It's like thinking on two different levels at the same time.

 

[rainrise]

This is why I value reason so highly. It breaks those negative feedback loops. I mostly pulled myself out of the negativity by becoming an "observer" and "experiencer" at the same time. I had to figure most of it out alone as i wasn't able to make friends at the time. I would view myself from a distance and start to apply reason. It reached a point where I could be in a fair amount of emotional trauma, but still capable of sorting it out reasonably. It's like thinking on two different levels at the same time.

i can relate to everything you said there. i was going through a rough episode a few months back and the emotional negativity became so inwardly intense that it forced me into complete objectivity. as i observed these emotions and thoughts without judgement; began using my Ti reasoning to counter my Fe paranoia, it allowed a sense of new freedom as much of the self-blame revealed their invalidity.

 

[Eniko]

When I'm under a lot of pressure or stress my fuse gets a lot shorter, I snap, get cranky, pessimistic, that kind of thing. For the most part I hide it well though. If it gets too bad I'll switch on the Ti parts of my wiring which shuts down most of the emotional and empathic parts of my brain and I coast on cold logic and analysis for a while.

And if that doesn't get me through then I snap and I usually just kind of shut down.

Unhealthy INFJ behavior that peeves me is when you guys hide behind your walls and forget that those of us that love you are on the other side just waiting for you to open a door or a window

Am I the only one who was struck by this post? I mean I know I do this exact same kind of thing when I shut down or shut someone out because of some slight, but I've honestly never given any thought as to how it feels to people on the outside, and I'd actually like to hear more about that.

 

[rainrise]

Am I the only one who was struck by this post? I mean I know I do this exact same kind of thing when I shut down or shut someone out because of some slight, but I've honestly never given any thought as to how it feels to people on the outside, and I'd actually like to hear more about that.

upon reflection, it is true that i can live so much inside my head and be so enraptured in my own perceptions that i have shut people out in the past when they wanted in, because at the time i thought it was for the best interests of all to figure it out alone. it never really crossed my mind that someone would be emotionally concerned for a problem i thought so necessary to solve personally. now i know it does happen, but it is still largely a blind spot for me.
there are other times i knowingly shut others out even if i know they want to help me because in the end, i've found i can get through some things better without the distractions of other's input, though as helpful as they are intended by them.

 

[Zero]

When I'm extremely stressed, I feel as though I'm going completely insane. I always keep my problems sealed in tight little bottles, and typically only reveal my true feelings in mixed deep writings. After a long period of time of bottling it all up, it begins to almost eat away at my psyche, and usually I find that I'll stare for long periods of time (long as far as staring goes) and eventually get vertigo.

This is probably me at my worst though. It's at this point that I feel the tears behind me, yet they refuse to come through. I find I blame myself for almost everything wrong in my life, as if somehow I had the strength or choice to change my situations but refused to do so, even though that is not always true.

When I'm down into this incapacitated state, having a conversation with me is almost completely impossible. It's almost as though I've stopped all extroversion and only live inside my mind. The mind itself becomes almost barren of thought and I can only feel my emotions tearing at me, and see only the mistakes I have made (usually exaggerating them to a large degree). Mixtures of anger, depression, confusion, and any other negative emotion you can find are all I feel.

This though, is me at my very worst. To sum it up my body acts like a statue, while my inner self argues and beats itself up. I become a shell, weighted down by a despair I soon after realize was my own doing.

 

[Julia]

I still wrestle with self-esteem, and it frustrates me because it seems like I should have that figured out by now. I'm plenty old enough to have that stabilized. I just wish I had a better system for keeping my mind focused. I second guess everything. I always wonder if I misread a situation and actually caused harm. My divorce which was less than a year ago was pretty traumatic for me emotionally, but I know I did the only thing a reasonable person could do. It was just a series of unfortunate events and no one's fault. I'm in a workable relationship now, but it's easy for me to see myself as unnecessary and easily replaceable in the world. It is hard on me to have my love away right now, so i am trying to keep from becoming sad. I have to discipline my mind away from bad habits.

All in all it isn't all bad to have to face one's demons, because it does help in understanding other people. In one way i am ashamed of my weaknesses, but then I think about viewing it in others and realize that it's about being human. I like to confront any limitations I have because that honesty has been a major source of strength over the years.

 

[v.shadow]

hmm.. the "unhealthy" state of mind in me expreses itself as a real reclusion. right now I'm in a time when I don't leave home (except for school and art classes). I just seem to find bitterness in everything, every little thing tears me apart. I can't seem to find myself or anyone else. I feel like an extranger to myself. I don't know if I might have some psychological dissorder. who knows. I only know I feel so empty. my energy seems to get drown by the sadness in all that I do. Nothing seems right, not any single thing. those little happy moments I enjoy are gone too fast. and I just end up feeling I should't even try..

 

[youngster]

trying to escape from my aunties house

 

[Lucifer]

I've only encountered negative examples of INFJs.

Man am I out of luck.

 

[Faye]

I'm not sure how to answer this question. If people are obnoxious and disrespectful enough, I will lose my mind and flip out on them. This is very rare. If I just have too much generalized stress, I usually become extremely depressed and make threads like the one I did in Religion forums.

 

[Bored Now]

Pretty much how I'm acting now. I won't be serious for even half a second. I'm at my most frivolous and fickle. I'm restless, unfocused, self absorbed, bored and unfulfilled. But this is all internal for the most part. I pretty much act the same no matter what's going on inside. Years of practice at that.

 

[Lucifer]

What's the most negative example of an INFJ you've encountered?

Okay details. Two people leaped immediately to mind when I read this.

There was one guy who was male, my ex. actually. He was a really nice guy which made his situation even sadder. He really was the epitomy of self loathing, he created this archetype, this self image that he tried to live by. This archetype was nothing short of a sleaze bag and he wasn't a very good actor. Everyone knew he wasn't really a party animal, and didn't really sleep around; but he persisted in this delusion anyway. He'd try so hard to impress other people it almost hurt to watch. I feel sorry for him and angry at him at the same time.

The other person was a chick and she wasn't all together negative I don't think. However my big problem with her was her horribly underdeveloped thinking function. She relied way to much on her intuition and while that lent itself to some amazing incites it also blinded her to making fair decisions sometimes, it ended our friendship I think. She also had this habit of letting things build up till they exploded into an ireconsilable rage, a very unhealthy habit indeed.

 

[Biddis]

I can't really watch the news either, etc. And sometimes when I have too much negativity around me, I can lose control and become really depressed. I wish I could help the whole world but I can't, and it gives me an unbearable feeling of frustration and helplessness. That's probably the unhealty side of me. It's definitely unhealthy for myself, at least.

edit : another thing an unhealthy INFJ could do, I think, is thinking too much over details and over-analysing everything instead of acting.

I stopped watchin the news a long time ago because it affected me too much and i just didn't want to fill my life with the negative emotions i felt after watchin it. However it def pisses of my INTP boyf who thinks i need to be aware of whats happenin in the world and doesn't get my emotional side AT ALL. The unhealthy side of me is def becoming v.defensive, v.quickly n not listening to other peoples arguments if im really really worked up, i tend to have a 1 sided view when im like that.

 

[TaylorS]

Generally the worst INFJ traits one could have are:

- Judgemental of everyone
- Hypocritical -- has a stated value system upon which he may judge others, but does not follow it.
- Manipulative of others (everything has an alterior motive)
- Plays the victim role a lot
- Way way way touchy, ready to go on the offensive at any time
- Muted. Nothering comes out.
- Overly subjective. Makes predictions about people, but a lot of them are polluted by the INFJ's emotional state.
- Too people pleasing. This extends beyond the INFJs wish for the greater good (health and happiness for all) and is simply done because the INFJ doesnt want to anger anyone -- therefore he will become locked into pleasing the wrong people. This contributes to the INFJs negative state.
- Fearful. Is ineffective because he cannot take action out of fear of rocking the boat. May also incite anxiety in others due to his own anxious state.
- Egotistical. Takes offense at anything which may threaten said INFJ's ego (such accepting another persons help because it will make the INFJ feel inferior)

A great deal of these are traits that I have observed in myself and my father when we are undergoing any kind of emotional bullshit -- as well as some are extrapolated from other sources.

Some of the passive unhealthy traits do not manifest in the more assertive INFJs, and some of the judgemental traits do not manifest themselves in the more passive ones. But this is generally the spectrum I've noticed.

Oh my, that DEFINITELY sounds like me on a bad day! :shocked:

 

[Trifoilum]

..So since about 80-90% of the posters here have changed; I'm somewhat bumping this up.

Just curious, what would be the new members' opinion on this?
I have to admit this topic is also basically describing me on my worst.