Unhealthy INFJ
- Thread starter Quinlan
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For me, I attempt to be polite as all hell. Its the utmost importance for me to not offend a stranger or associate, but when it comes to family, I sometimes don't have control over my stress or anger. What I do that is considered offensive to many people is, I try to force in depth conversations out of people. I want to know their opinions. I want to know what they know. Unfortunately, some personalities aren't prepared for that and they will take the strive for a debate as offensive. I also try to fight for the little guy a lot. So when there is a mass upsetting at say, a work place, I won't let something happen without a fight. That doesn't help me in the work field... so what if you aren't allowed to read a book, or stand at your desk instead of sit... It just bothers me when people forget the human factor. I just wish many others knew how important everyone is and how important it is for them to be unique, but then I do the same thing as them, and I feel like slapping myself. It's always felt kind of like a lonely struggle for me.
When it comes to stress because of change and that aren't going to hinder anyone. I find myself rather adaptable, and have an easy time adjusting to things. I am also great at finding ways for others to help understand how they can manage the stress of change.
I'm also good at helping people solve their problems, because life is how you perceive it.
When it comes to stress because of change and that aren't going to hinder anyone. I find myself rather adaptable, and have an easy time adjusting to things. I am also great at finding ways for others to help understand how they can manage the stress of change.
I'm also good at helping people solve their problems, because life is how you perceive it.
When I have trouble with sports I get into a depressed mode. I feel I should just die since I'm not talented or coordinated.
I dedicate everyday to swimming and I never get state time. In tennis when I play a match I get depressed when losing.
I also have conflicts when I notice I don't have enough emtion or feeling in me sometimes. When I don't cry
at something or don't feel any connection. I feel that something is wrong with me.
I also get really stubborn when I have to take medicen, go to fast food since I know it's bad or I don't know
whats in it.
I alway feel bad when going to the mall like I don't belong in the world.
I dedicate everyday to swimming and I never get state time. In tennis when I play a match I get depressed when losing.
I also have conflicts when I notice I don't have enough emtion or feeling in me sometimes. When I don't cry
at something or don't feel any connection. I feel that something is wrong with me.
I also get really stubborn when I have to take medicen, go to fast food since I know it's bad or I don't know
whats in it.
I alway feel bad when going to the mall like I don't belong in the world.
HenRick said:
It's interesting that you said this. I'm the same way...but what's weird is i LOVE fashion. I browse online stores all the time (Nordstrom, Bebe, Arden B, Bloomingdales, you name it..I'm there) and I do most of my shopping for clothes online. I feel free that way. At a mall, I feel like I'm being swallowed up by something bigger than me. I hate the way I feel when I'm there. I feel like I'm going to die of anxiety, I want to run from sales people (and I used to work in high end retail sales myself!), and I just overall feel uncomfortable in the environment of a mall.
But what do you mean you feel like you don't belong in the world when you're there? When you leave, do you instantly feel differently? I'm always relieved when I'm out of the mall. I don't like to go to the mall and browse. I mostly avoid it like the plague and only go if I absolutely need something.
I also hate fast food and feel disgusting and guilty if I eat it...which is close to never!! My coworkers eat fast food a lot and I'm repulsed by it.
When I mean I don't belong it's because I'm usually the only one thinking about not belonging there. Maybe if I brought a friend we could suffer together. :mrgreen: ....noVivi16 said:
When I leave I keep on thinking about all the bad characteristics about people. Specially how people don't stand up for whats right and just go into the system and how everyone is just living their on life (people in the mall) and how materialistic they are being. Not caring about anything else.
I mean you can have fashion but I sort of perfer more varity not just huge famous brands.
I'm just used to fashion being a bad thing but It depends on how you use it?
My sister is a ESFJ so she bases here opinion on close completely on her friends.
I don't know many INFJs so I must say I have little negative experience.
I do okay under pressure basically because I have faced so much of it for so many years I just know how it feels/works. In general I get more quiet and go within and deal w/ the facts one at a time, and take action (even of the simplest kind) to move forward. Hiding or pretending things will go away doesn't work...facing problems head on does (for me anyway). I've seen many a person freak out under pressure and also seen the havoc this approach yields. Conversely, remaining calm and channelling energy towards decisions and action brings about better results. So you add years and years and years of this up and yes, I do pretty well under pressure which generally helps others around me, too.
I will also say that long-term study (not real intense, just many years of it) has helped me sort of reset my expectations for life. I don't expect to be prefect, or life to be fair, or sadness to not fall occasionally, or myself to fit in. I had to visit the historical record a good bit to grasp how life can go for people. You'd think this would be depressing, but really it is like a building a fortress that one can retreat to...a safe place of quiet to regain focus and strength. Why? Because as precarious as life is, it also seems that hope always creates/generates opportunities for rebirth, reunderstanding, and conversion. It's like a grass growing in a rocky crag...it doesn't makes sense yet life itself does have great power to flourish. I remember this in life's difficult moments...it helps me orient myself and hang on. It's amazing what one can survive.
I do okay under pressure basically because I have faced so much of it for so many years I just know how it feels/works. In general I get more quiet and go within and deal w/ the facts one at a time, and take action (even of the simplest kind) to move forward. Hiding or pretending things will go away doesn't work...facing problems head on does (for me anyway). I've seen many a person freak out under pressure and also seen the havoc this approach yields. Conversely, remaining calm and channelling energy towards decisions and action brings about better results. So you add years and years and years of this up and yes, I do pretty well under pressure which generally helps others around me, too.
I will also say that long-term study (not real intense, just many years of it) has helped me sort of reset my expectations for life. I don't expect to be prefect, or life to be fair, or sadness to not fall occasionally, or myself to fit in. I had to visit the historical record a good bit to grasp how life can go for people. You'd think this would be depressing, but really it is like a building a fortress that one can retreat to...a safe place of quiet to regain focus and strength. Why? Because as precarious as life is, it also seems that hope always creates/generates opportunities for rebirth, reunderstanding, and conversion. It's like a grass growing in a rocky crag...it doesn't makes sense yet life itself does have great power to flourish. I remember this in life's difficult moments...it helps me orient myself and hang on. It's amazing what one can survive.
This is very interesting because I am also so with you guys on the mall aversion. The girls at work are always talking about shopping and I'm just in awe of them because I feel like such a fish out of water there as well.
I really have to psych myself up for a trip to the mall! I've had many experiences with random strangers at malls. It's crazy what complete strangers will come up and tell you.
I really have to psych myself up for a trip to the mall! I've had many experiences with random strangers at malls. It's crazy what complete strangers will come up and tell you.
I definitely relate to the mall thing, my fiance is ESFJ so of course for her it's therapeutic. I'm like you Sumone I have to psych myself up for it, so when my fiance surprises me with a spontaneous "lets go to the mall!" I sort of freak out a bit.
If I know I'm going well ahead of time I don't mind so much and mostly spend time observing the behaviour of the mindless consumer drones...
If I know I'm going well ahead of time I don't mind so much and mostly spend time observing the behaviour of the mindless consumer drones...
I am totally there on the mall thing as well!
and as an INFJ who is going through some inner turmoil I can be very negative and everything is an insult and feel guilty about everything...the introvert in me takes over and I become sort of like a recluse and never leave home..Normal social situations are a stressful thought sometimes just going into work gives me a panic attack. There is an inherent hopelessness about me that i cant seem to ever shake..somedays i feel LOST...
and as an INFJ who is going through some inner turmoil I can be very negative and everything is an insult and feel guilty about everything...the introvert in me takes over and I become sort of like a recluse and never leave home..Normal social situations are a stressful thought sometimes just going into work gives me a panic attack. There is an inherent hopelessness about me that i cant seem to ever shake..somedays i feel LOST...
I function very well under stress in most situations.
But after the stressors have gone and the pressure is offa bit, I NEED to shut down for a while. I usually put my nose in a book, or two or seven and shut everything out to decompress.
Yuck malls!
However, I can spend hours and hours in a bookstore, library, or pet store. I love watch the fish and playing with the parrots!
But after the stressors have gone and the pressure is offa bit, I NEED to shut down for a while. I usually put my nose in a book, or two or seven and shut everything out to decompress.
Yuck malls!
However, I can spend hours and hours in a bookstore, library, or pet store. I love watch the fish and playing with the parrots!
alcyone said:
I too prefer to not go to malls. I'll do it but I could care less about going. Much prefer more solitude like endeavors. Interesting how us here (or INFJs) seem to do that. Perhaps it's our way of protecting ourselves from the outside world and its many cruelties and bs.
My problem with being an INFJ (besides hating the mall :mrgreen: ) is probably the fact that I can get completely overwhelmed by emotions.
There's a beggar in my city whom I've seen around since I was a kid, he's paraplegic and handicaped, and can't speak, just make sounds, well you get the picture. Whenever I see him alone in the street, and all those people walking around, ignoring him, I have to restrain my tears (actually, just writing about it is hard), I feel so desperately helpless and I just feel so much pain (his pain multiplied by my imagination). My brother is autistic so it's part of that too, I always feel so sad when I see heavily handicaped people in general.
I can't really watch the news either, etc. And sometimes when I have too much negativity around me, I can lose control and become really depressed. I wish I could help the whole world but I can't, and it gives me an unbearable feeling of frustration and helplessness. That's probably the unhealty side of me. It's definitely unhealthy for myself, at least.
edit : another thing an unhealthy INFJ could do, I think, is thinking too much over details and over-analysing everything instead of acting.
There's a beggar in my city whom I've seen around since I was a kid, he's paraplegic and handicaped, and can't speak, just make sounds, well you get the picture. Whenever I see him alone in the street, and all those people walking around, ignoring him, I have to restrain my tears (actually, just writing about it is hard), I feel so desperately helpless and I just feel so much pain (his pain multiplied by my imagination). My brother is autistic so it's part of that too, I always feel so sad when I see heavily handicaped people in general.
I can't really watch the news either, etc. And sometimes when I have too much negativity around me, I can lose control and become really depressed. I wish I could help the whole world but I can't, and it gives me an unbearable feeling of frustration and helplessness. That's probably the unhealty side of me. It's definitely unhealthy for myself, at least.
edit : another thing an unhealthy INFJ could do, I think, is thinking too much over details and over-analysing everything instead of acting.
I too really hate watching the news because i feel an inherent need to fix everything and then i get lost in the how and get very depressed and hopeless!
And I too am completely overwhelmed by my emotions!
There was a major story here a couple of years ago about a man who killed a child and hid her body in the basement in a storage container for a week!! Sadly I was friends with his wife and my daughter was over there a few times....this scared me to no end! My emotions and thoughts ran away from me and all I could do was grieve for that little girl but also ponder over and over how close i put my child to danger....It could have been her...And this is a story of my emotions taking over....And this is another reason why i don't watch news anymore!
And I too am completely overwhelmed by my emotions!
There was a major story here a couple of years ago about a man who killed a child and hid her body in the basement in a storage container for a week!! Sadly I was friends with his wife and my daughter was over there a few times....this scared me to no end! My emotions and thoughts ran away from me and all I could do was grieve for that little girl but also ponder over and over how close i put my child to danger....It could have been her...And this is a story of my emotions taking over....And this is another reason why i don't watch news anymore!
entyqua said:
You said it better than I could. It's amazing how empathetic we can get. It sometimes feels that I have no control over my emotions. That it's the people around me, that I feel. I have issues with the mall too, or with any place where there is a significant amount of people. It is just too overwhelming when I desire to read people, there is too many to attempt to read. It causes more stress than ever.
SoraKage said:
I have tried really hard to stop reading people...mainly because of DH he is ISTP so he doesn't outwardly express emotion which is how i read people so everything he says i take as him being upset because he always has a very serious look sort of sinister. So reading him I ALWAYS read wrong! ALWAYS so I have tried really hard to stop reading people lol !
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