I was introduced to twelve step programs while desperately trying to help someone with a destructive addiction. I even spent some time in a program for co-dependency. From the experience I gleaned some helpful concepts that prompted me to change some of my own counterproductive behaviors. I have always been a rather anxious person. In an attempt to assure positive outcomes, I became an extreme perfectionist. Unfortunately as I got older and assumed more responsibilities, my thoroughness ceased to bring me comfort. I had less time to devote to the details so instead my perfectionism resulted in another source of anxiety. The serenity prayer, often recited at the end of a twelve step meeting, helped me tremendously. Once I was able to identify some things as completely beyond my influence, there wasn’t as strong a compulsion to exert control over every situation. I would recite my own version of the serenity prayer. I don’t know how much my higher power intervened on my behalf but the prayer definitely reminded me what I needed to do. But I’m lucky. I believe in a higher power that’s got my back so I’m sure this made handing over the reins much easier.
I would like to understand your faith better. You describe your higher power as, Does this Oneness include the sense that we are all in this together? Can you trust that because of this connection, all will be well? If something is outside of your control, can you conceive of someone else stepping in? Not because you have failed but because of Karma. From what I have read on your blog, you seem like a very caring person. You have used your energy to help others. Because of this Universal Oneness shouldn’t that energy flow back to you when needed?
Maybe I’m totally off base. But if not, maybe you can reword the concepts presented in the twelve step program so they resonate with you. I’ve forgotten much of what was presented but my rendition of the serenity prayer continues to help me daily. Can you take what will help you grow and leave the rest?
Norwich I'm really happy you posted here, thanks very much for sharing your thoughts. I will try and answer your questions:
The Universal Oneness means that we all exsist with a life foarce, this includes plants, animals, humans and anything else upon this planet. (also in space and time etc). What happens here during our stay upon this earth was meant to happen. To some degree we have control (due to the choices we make) and as well we do not have control (due to what others choose to do). I understand that I cannot micromanage others.
I believe we make choices based on many things. Energy plays a huge part in this. Energy that resides in us in thought, word and deed. I believe we are under the influence of many underlying elements that we cannot see. How we feel often controls behavior, and the ripple effect of our behavior affects everything around us for ever after. The domino effect if you will. Universal Oneness is not out for the happiness of me, of whomever specifically, rather Universal Oneness should not have expectations of having good things returned, even when given. If I give only to recieve, then I have made it all about "me" instead of all about what is outside of me which is my main focus and insentive. To make this world better, by giving the best of me to it.
Universal Oneness is for the greater good of the world. Me and my life and the lives of my children are just parts of the play; we may not be the lead roles as we may spend most of our time in the background working to keep things going in a good direction with eyes wide open and love available to the rest of what goes on on the stage. Universal Oneness is made up of Greater beings such as God, to some, there are other greater beings that work along side with God. I believe there is secret wars going on at all times and there always has been, between governments and illuminati etc. that we are not supposed to be aware of as it would have all things as we know it, change in a drastic way and have us all face our world in shock of everything we thought was reality, to not be so. I see my role on this Earth as a considerate and contiencious person who tries to teach through example, and with love and acceptance and understanding of others. To see behavior as a message of what goes on belieth the person.
Do I believe that I will be taken care of? Yes to the degree of I will continue to survive but maybe my quality of life would be continuousely difficult. If I have been designed mentally and emotionally to accept my role in life to be this, then I have also accepted that I have been armed in awareness and that my simple yet not so simple task now, is to not react emotionally to when things go wrong to both myself and others, by others. To find peace and serenity in the serenity prayer, still is a difficult thing for me. It's difficult because it means that I have to accept things that are hurtful when this is the very thing I am always trying to assist with preventing. These are the things that I cannot change, as the serenity prayer states. The end is to ask for the difference between what I can change and what I cannot change. This is what I am seeking when I ask the question of "Where and when do we stop and God begins" and vice versa.
I suppose I believe this because this is the way I had to teach myself to think when I was very small. I developed certain stratagies and coping mechanisms that are not helpful to me now that I am an adult. For a child to lose trust in their parents, in their teachers and peers, is a terrible thing. It means that they will only trust that bad things will happen, and that they may not be important enough to be loved and cared for in the way that they need to be, and this is why I believe I am the way I am. Despite not having clear memories about too many things, these residual beliefs remain strong within me, and I have been trying to do a lot of soul searching to come up with just as simple an insight as this. It might be so clear and obvious to anyone else who say watched me grow up, but for me because I lived it, it's too close to home to see objectively all of the time. Only sometimes when I go off on a Spewage rampage such as this thread!
In short I suppose I believe I am unloveable and unworthy to be taken seriousely and looked after by something bigger than life itself. At the same time, I am doing this very same job as the Higher beings in my own tiny contributions as we all are. I only believe I was chosen to be one of those individuals who was placed here to help others, not to be helped if that makes sense. If I had it too easy, I may not have developed any insights from pain, and I may be ignorant to others suffering. I guess what was meant to be, happened, and I don't have to like what is now. I just want to believe that I will be given a break from my part of the play, and just switch off and do some painting of the backdrops for a while, instead of watching, helping and stratagizing myself and others on the stage to keep the ol' ship afloat!
Just because I am helping that ship stay afloat, does not mean good things need to come back my way. To simply be able to make this world an easier place to live for us all, is reward enough. This is why I have a hard time giving up my post as looking after my life, and others in my life, such as my children.
Did this make any sense?
