Trusting with a higher power

[Ria]

Hi again, sorry to bug you all with yet another thread about helping me figure things out!! Also, I'm not sure if this should be here or in the emotional support section; move if you think necessary!

I like the fact that this forum is full of Christians, Pagans and otherwise Spiritual people. I have been wondering lately about placing trust in something outside of myself. To give things that are hard for me to bear, up to a Higher Power. My issue is this:


I grew up with parents who did not go to Church. Their ideas was that Religion was a crutch, and that it was often used and abused to help people not take responsibility for their own lives. Basically, they had a hard time with those who didn't seem to have an opinion on anything which came from themselves, rather than from a Bible passage. I guess I grew up believeing this too.

Now I am in a 12 step program in a family of the addict group. I am not the addict, but I have come to understand that due to other people in my life's influence as an effect of their addictions, I myself have become sick in my own ways. Emotionally unhealthy etc. all that good stuff. Step one is to admit I am powerless over someone elses behavior, and that I need to trust in a Higher Power to help me get through. As a Spiritualist, I chose my Higher Power to be "Energy". A Universal Oneness that ties into Karma; you get out of life what you put into it.

During my life, I have always tried to placate. Be the peacemaker, and at times I have had to be the warrior when things got so bad. Neither one had me feeling good about myself. Both of which I was blaming myself for to some degree. Trouble is that when I look back to the distant and not so distant past, I see myself putting into life all the love and empathy I had to give, but always seemed to have to struggle both inside myself and literally irl. I have lost trust in everything. This is where I am Spiritually ill. I place my troubles in the hands of something I cannot see, feels scary and risky, and I feel hesitant to do it because it has not worked out before, even when I have got down on my knees and prayed.

There was a time that I went to Church. I sang in a Church Chior in my early 20's when I was married. I had asked God into my heart when I was a young teenager, but "He" seemed to always forget about me somehow. Somehow I was the one who kept being placed in danger while growing up and no one ever saw or tried to help me, so I learned to not trust in others and just rely on myself. When I did try and turn to others, I recall getting into trouble and being blamed for things or beaten. I understand now that those things never were my fault, and that the reactions of others was simply due to their own dysfunctions. Trouble is now, how do I try again to trust in "God"?

I blogged about this. I asked these questions: When do we end, and when does God begin? When does God end, and we begin?

I would very much appreciate some feedback from anyone else who might understand. Has anyone else had to struggle with the 12 steps of recovery for someone elses addictions? I never asked for all this, I think that feels the worst, because I see now how it affects me in my life, and ultimately for my children. I so badly want to be a healthy mother for them, and I need to be Spiritually healthier. I trust in Nature, but as a comfort and connection. Not so much as a Savior to give up my problems to and make better for me if that makes any sense at all.

Thanks everyone!

Ria.

 

[Shai Gar]

I like your parents

 

[Ria]

I like your parents

lol thanks Shai!

 

[Quinlan]

I have felt the same way (to a lesser extent) at times and two things have held me back, that to "give things that I find hard to deal with to a higher power" may just be accepting a comfortable delusion and that believing that "you get out of life what you put in" could lead to blaming victims for their problems. I dunno, I'm not much help.

 

[Grasshopper]

nevermind, I will send you a pm.

 

[Detective Conan]

While I understand your problem (I had a friend who had a really bad sex addiction), I really can't offer much advice based on your chosen solution. Also, I'm having a bit of trouble understanding what you want me (us) to reply to. At first, you seemed like you had a solid grip on your "higher power," that being the universe as a whole, but then you started leaning toward assuming the "higher power" for the first step of the 12 step program had to be a single "God." In my opinion, you already had your answer as to what your higher power was, so pardon me if I can't offer much more advice.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Part of 'putting one's trust in a higher power' is probably concerned with no longer putting one's deepest trust in mundane things.

Looking at it from the side of addiction, this would involve a mental shift away from trying to find comfort in material things (including drugs/alcohol/unhealthy relationships/etc.). The mental shift towards spiritual things, which are more unchangeable, provides a more stable foundation for growth out of unstable/unsustainable living choices.

 

[Ria]

While I understand your problem (I had a friend who had a really bad sex addiction), I really can't offer much advice based on your chosen solution. Also, I'm having a bit of trouble understanding what you want me (us) to reply to. At first, you seemed like you had a solid grip on your "higher power," that being the universe as a whole, but then you started leaning toward assuming the "higher power" for the first step of the 12 step program had to be a single "God." In my opinion, you already had your answer as to what your higher power was, so pardon me if I can't offer much more advice.

No problem. I think what I was trying to get at was a combination of discussing the concept of how to place trust in a higher power, and my conflict and ambivalence in doing so.

It's about "trust" and in "faith". I was explaining why it is so hard for me to do because of how when I have tried to do so in the past, it has not worked out too well ever.

 

[Detective Conan]

No problem. I think what I was trying to get at was a combination of discussing the concept of how to place trust in a higher power, and my conflict and ambivalence in doing so.

It's about "trust" and in "faith". I was explaining why it is so hard for me to do because of how when I have tried to do so in the past, it has not worked out too well ever.

Ah, after re-reading your post (apologies, I've been kind of out of it lately...), I get what you were going for now. Again, sorry.

Anyway, in trusting a higher power, I believe you need to be capable of possessing a blind faith that can be deceived/disappointed often. If you expect everything to work out, then naturally you won't be able to trust a higher power. Granted, I'll admit, sometimes things in dire times just work out (on a personal level), but I don't think it happens all that often.

If you want to be able to have faith in a "God," then you need to trust it despite what happens to you. You know, that whole "God's plan," thing.

 

[Gaze]

Trusting in God, in the Christian faith, is really meant to be based on a personal relationship with God as a Father, friend, savior, etc. It's not meant to be relationship in which if things don't work out the way we think they should, then He's no longer trustworthy. The principle of faith is based on the idea that God sees the big picture when we're unable to, so, if we don't see things working out, it doesn't mean He hasn't been listening, doesn't care, or isn't concerned. A relationship with God is a two-way relationship. It's a complex relationship and quite unique. It can't be based solely on our "feelings" about things, because feelings could be wrong, misguided, narrow, or short sighted.

Over the years, i've realized that God was not someone whose job was to fit into my expectations or understanding of how things work or should be because that would be very limiting. If i really believed that he is all-seeing, all-knowing, and all powerful, then trust is easier, even if there is doubt about where things are going. Faith is also not about life being easier or better simply because of trust. Faith in God is meant to be about serving and trusting Him, even if things are difficult.

If the belief is that God made humanity, then we'd have to consider that he knows his creations including their struggles, psychology, what's happening and what will be, etc. So, if we were to accept that God "knows" all, then it may be easier to have faith, because there's the sense that he understands even before we approach him. Thing is we put so much faith in human understanding and reasoning, without realizing it's limits.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in trusting in a higher power - God. And it's not some form of comfortable delusion.

 

[Quinlan]

There's absolutely nothing wrong in trusting in a higher power - God. And it's not some form of comfortable delusion.

So what would be an example of an actual delusion then and how is it different?

 

[Gaze]

So what would be an example of an actual delusion then and how is it different?

I'm not going to argue against the existence of God nor try to prove it. If God exists, He exists, regardless of what someone may feel or think. If you believe He is a delusion, then that's your choice.

 

[Quinlan]

I don't mean to offend or anything, my posts are in the context of someone that wants to give himself permission to believe in something other than concrete but doesn't know how.

 

[Grasshopper]

No problem. I think what I was trying to get at was a combination of discussing the concept of how to place trust in a higher power, and my conflict and ambivalence in doing so.

It's about "trust" and in "faith". I was explaining why it is so hard for me to do because of how when I have tried to do so in the past, it has not worked out too well ever.

You think it didn't work out because it wasn't the desired result you were looking for, but really it is all part of God's plan, and if you trusted Him it would work out. The reason why God allows us to go through life's struggles is because those struggles make us who we are and allow us to help others with the same problems. It's when we truly surrender that we stop fighting and find peace.

 

[Ria]

Trusting in God, in the Christian faith, is really meant to be based on a personal relationship with God as a Father, friend, savior, etc. It's not meant to be relationship in which if things don't work out the way we think they should, then He's no longer trustworthy. The principle of faith is based on the idea that God sees the big picture when we're unable to, so, if we don't see things working out, it doesn't mean He hasn't been listening, doesn't care, or isn't concerned. A relationship with God is a two-way relationship. It's a complex relationship and quite unique. It can't be based solely on our "feelings" about things, because feelings could be wrong, misguided, narrow, or short sighted.

Over the years, i've realized that God was not someone whose job was to fit into my expectations or understanding of how things work or should be because that would be very limiting. If i really believed that he is all-seeing, all-knowing, and all powerful, then trust is easier, even if there is doubt about where things are going. Faith is also not about life being easier or better simply because of trust. Faith in God is meant to be about serving and trusting Him, even if things are difficult.

If the belief is that God made humanity, then we'd have to consider that he knows his creations including their struggles, psychology, what's happening and what will be, etc. So, if we were to accept that God "knows" all, then it may be easier to have faith, because there's the sense that he understands even before we approach him. Thing is we put so much faith in human understanding and reasoning, without realizing it's limits.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in trusting in a higher power - God. And it's not some form of comfortable delusion.

It is indeed a unique relationship, it is my belief that Universal synchonicity is exactly this. When I feel united in some higher thinking and feeling, I feel as though I can handle anything that may come my way.

However, I also know how lost I have been feeling due to the effects of another person's addict behavior. I have wondered if infact my life is a test of faith in God, that it might be a good idea if He cut me some slack soon I guess right now I know I'm doing some major growth and shifting again. I'm asking questions. I'm contemplating allowing myself to change my thinking and my beliefs so that I can better heal with accordance to the 12 step philosophy. Again, there is that word "trust". To me this is the same thing as taking a risk and I think I'm just really needing clarification and discussion on this before I dare go any further in my search. I'm not saying my God will be God as in Jesus, I feel closer to Universal Oneness that is all encompassing and has no hierarchy for denominations. I resonate more with Karma. Thank you Res, I loved this post

 

[IndigoSensor]

You think it didn't work out because it wasn't the desired result you were looking for, but really it is all part of God's plan, and if you trusted Him it would work out. The reason why God allows us to go through life's struggles is because those struggles make us who we are and allow us to help others with the same problems. It's when we truly surrender that we stop fighting and find peace.

That is a misnomer. Many times in my life I have not placed absolute trust in god and still tried to make things in what I wanted and needed them to be. In the back of my mind I had faith it would work out, but not completely. How god works is not black and white by any strech of the word, in fact it is quite the reverse. If you have good intentions and keep working to what you know is right (truly, not a masked want), god will keep you on the right path forward, even if it isn't linear. God is the ultimate just force of the universe, it is your intention that god watches.

 

[Ria]

That is a misnomer. Many times in my life I have not placed absolute trust in god and still tried to make things in what I wanted and needed them to be. In the back of my mind I had faith it would work out, but not completely. How god works is not black and white by any strech of the word, in fact it is quite the reverse. If you have good intentions and keep working to what you know is right (truly, not a masked want), god will keep you on the right path forward, even if it isn't linear. God is the ultimate just force of the universe, it is your intention that god watches.

^^ this ^^

great post Indy, thank you! It has always been my intention to be safe, secure and able to provide for myself and my daughters. My intention has also always been to have others been kind to eachother and also considerate.

 

[Ria]

You think it didn't work out because it wasn't the desired result you were looking for, but really it is all part of God's plan, and if you trusted Him it would work out. The reason why God allows us to go through life's struggles is because those struggles make us who we are and allow us to help others with the same problems. It's when we truly surrender that we stop fighting and find peace.

hah, have patience with me kind Sensei (spelling???)... in this case I am as a Grasshopper and you are my Wise Elder Jenn. <3 <3

 

[Jonathan]

I don't like to expect anything to work out with God. I believe that God does everything for a reason beyond anything Humainty could ever explain, so no matter how much people have faith in what they expect God to do, He will do what's universally right in His own eyes, regardless of what we want. Since we as people are infinitely limited in our knowledge, and God has infinite knowledge, it only makes sense for me to throw away my expectations and trust that God is in control.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I don't like to expect anything to work out with God. I believe that God does everything for a reason beyond anything Humainty could ever explain, so no matter how much people have faith in what they expect God to do, He will do what's universally right in His own eyes, regardless of what we want. Since we as people are infinitely limited in our knowledge, and God has infinite knowledge, it only makes sense for me to throw away my expectations and trust that God is in control.

Yup. And this why hindsight has always been, and always will be my ultimate saving grace and point of sanity control as long as I live. It might not make sense now, but in the grand scheme of things it truly does.