Cryo Soul
Regular Poster
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- Type 8
I have a talent of sorts....I don't know how long I've had it, (as the talent alters my mental state, and memories) or was capable of achieving it but it is called "Dissociation" for all those both familiar and unfamiliar with it's clinical nomenclature that follows this broad term. I have the ability to induce (at will) an ASC or a "Altered State of Consciousness" which is achievable in most people, but not in a conscious/voluntary manner; most people achieve this through "highway hypnosis" or getting lost in thought(passively) or through a book, movie etc.....all I need do, is focus on my desire to "not be there" and I can "go away"; I can alter my experience so as to be protected from the blunt force of a psychic trauma with this horizontal splitting of my consciousness....this helps to get in touch with my own unique highly subjective reality the "I" reality/Paradigm which I use from time to time for creative purposes or to just get a space away from others as dwelling in the Objective Reality or "Collective Paradigm" i.e. the "External Reality" is HIGHLY draining for an introvert like myself. I can also place "another person" in a situation that I feel can cope with the situation better than i can.
It hinders me because it alters my experiencing ego; by dividing your consciousness (which is really all an ASC is) you are only "half" there and the you that if fully conscious in external reality "leaves" or completely turns to the subjective reality to the exclusion of the external one.....in essence it is a "Mass Rejection/Flight" that takes place, to completely dissociate on such a level the existence (or at least the interest or concern with) of the Collective/External reality is lost before me which is enhanced by depersonalization/derealization.
In these moments I'm in my "inner world" and I can faintly hear the sounds of people talking around me. It also hinders my ability to retain/recall information regarding my total life history....the first 11 years of my 22 year old life are gone, or only partially remembered (and that which is remembered is of my being alone, playing video games) but the entirety of my childhood is gone....I remember nothing substantial about my identity or personality development, which leaves me with little to no insight into my development, and personality....I have something akin to "Identity Loss/Disturbance" What bothers me most prevalently is that childhood is so vague to me....I don't know what happened in it, and I cannot summon a collective opinion/judgement about it.....it's as if it "never happened".
No, I was never physically abused, but I was threatened with violence, death, and exposed to a very, VERY frightening home life early on in life, but can't recall the exact happenings....just 'feelings' I get that tell me it wasn't happy, or really worth remembering.
Can anyone else do this? Am I crazy? I'd like to know what this is....I know about ASC's but why can I do this, and am a threat to myself? Some days I'm happy and can get on with my life just fine, with little stress at all, but other days, I see things, or emotions come up in me that make me feel enraged, hurt, dejected, and a wide range of states that have no bearing on the situation usually placed right in front of me....
Can anyone speculate on these odd behaviors?
It hinders me because it alters my experiencing ego; by dividing your consciousness (which is really all an ASC is) you are only "half" there and the you that if fully conscious in external reality "leaves" or completely turns to the subjective reality to the exclusion of the external one.....in essence it is a "Mass Rejection/Flight" that takes place, to completely dissociate on such a level the existence (or at least the interest or concern with) of the Collective/External reality is lost before me which is enhanced by depersonalization/derealization.
In these moments I'm in my "inner world" and I can faintly hear the sounds of people talking around me. It also hinders my ability to retain/recall information regarding my total life history....the first 11 years of my 22 year old life are gone, or only partially remembered (and that which is remembered is of my being alone, playing video games) but the entirety of my childhood is gone....I remember nothing substantial about my identity or personality development, which leaves me with little to no insight into my development, and personality....I have something akin to "Identity Loss/Disturbance" What bothers me most prevalently is that childhood is so vague to me....I don't know what happened in it, and I cannot summon a collective opinion/judgement about it.....it's as if it "never happened".
No, I was never physically abused, but I was threatened with violence, death, and exposed to a very, VERY frightening home life early on in life, but can't recall the exact happenings....just 'feelings' I get that tell me it wasn't happy, or really worth remembering.
Can anyone else do this? Am I crazy? I'd like to know what this is....I know about ASC's but why can I do this, and am a threat to myself? Some days I'm happy and can get on with my life just fine, with little stress at all, but other days, I see things, or emotions come up in me that make me feel enraged, hurt, dejected, and a wide range of states that have no bearing on the situation usually placed right in front of me....
Can anyone speculate on these odd behaviors?
....tut tut.... How is a dinosaur riding on a monocle related to the op's question?
hwell
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