Altruistic Muse
Community Member
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4?
It's not sulking exactly, is it. It's not for the purpose of provoking a reaction, it's not an attempt to hurt the other person. And it's certainly not an excuse to fester on the wrong-doing, or some disappointment in a friend or loved one. I sometimes think it comes across as passive-aggressive, but that's not it either; it's not particularly aggressive!
When I shut someone out, be it for a short time or for a longer period, for me it's a chance to get back control of my feelings. If someone has done something to upset me, it's unbearable to take it up with them, unless it was very minor, or unless I know them exceptionally well or I don't care too much about them. So I would rather stop talking to them so I don't have to think about it. It's self-preservation I think. And then, when the time comes to talk to them again, I can carry on as if nothing's happened, because I really have taken the time to forget and forgive and move on! It's time to step back and think hang on, the effect this person has had on me through this action is too great. I feel too much for them, or this has upset me too much, so that I am not longer in control of the situation. Stop, recoup and then give as much as you gave before.
Out of curiosity, how do non-infjs feel about this shut down? Does it come across as really cold? I worry about that.
When I shut someone out, be it for a short time or for a longer period, for me it's a chance to get back control of my feelings. If someone has done something to upset me, it's unbearable to take it up with them, unless it was very minor, or unless I know them exceptionally well or I don't care too much about them. So I would rather stop talking to them so I don't have to think about it. It's self-preservation I think. And then, when the time comes to talk to them again, I can carry on as if nothing's happened, because I really have taken the time to forget and forgive and move on! It's time to step back and think hang on, the effect this person has had on me through this action is too great. I feel too much for them, or this has upset me too much, so that I am not longer in control of the situation. Stop, recoup and then give as much as you gave before.
Out of curiosity, how do non-infjs feel about this shut down? Does it come across as really cold? I worry about that.