The "cool" factor . . . | INFJ Forum

The "cool" factor . . .

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Sep 29, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    Although "cool" is not used that much anymore, there's still that cool factor present in the way most of us think, act, behave, or the way someone expresses their feelings. E.g. you're not cool if you reveal too much too soon.

    I notice that INFj's have a "cool" factor thing going. They acknowledge their feelings but are very protective and appear quite guarded. They don't feel comfortable asserting themselves too easily or care about being too prominent in a social setting (at least initially). They may start in the background and then assert themselves once they feel more comfortable. But their initial reserve and quiet gives them a noticeable air.

    So, it's a "don't care what anyone thinks" (even if we feel this way internally) sort of confidence, which may seem "cool" and can be very appealing and intimidating to some, or just purely annoying and overly mysterious to others.

    However, when they do open up and let themselves go with those they feel comfortable with, they're feelings and expressions of emotions can be quite strong and overwhelming, and they may lose that "cool" factor if it's not kept kept in check (apparently).

    So, what do you think of this "cool" factor? :m059:
     
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    #1 Gaze, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
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  2. DefectiveCreative

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    I don't think that "coolness" correlates with MBTI type, but I can see how people of different types might express their "cool" in different, type-specific ways.
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

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    It doesn't have to correlate with MBTI. Which is why I'm asking what individuals feel or think? Everyone can determine for themselves whether they agree or disagree with this quality being an INFJ thing.

    It's an open question.
     
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    #3 Gaze, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
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  4. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I TOTALY agree and can relate to this indeed.

    I have posted things in the past on here, and then felt kinda stupid and wished that I didnt.

    I then I have to remind myself that it is part of trying to connect and share myself with others in a hope to try and help them in my own way, and it is something that I have wanted to do for yrs.

    On this forum, it is hard to make that step of knowing how yr going to be judged inicially, yet paradoxally, know that yr still supported and safe to post what yr feeling etc.

    This is def. new to me, and I have sensed many times, that after I have posted certain things, it has been viewed and judged by some as 'omg... thats pretty open and I would never have said that myself'...

    So yea, I care so much about INFJ's, INFP's and all other types here and this need to love and care for them at my age now, feels safer to share and express what has been bottled up SOOO deeply inside me all my life.

    I DO come across as cold and unaproachable, quiet and somewhat grumpy, broody yet somehow vulnerable and kind as I have been told many times before.

    I know I come across as cool, I have been told this, if I was on a movie or TV show, my character would likely be like Dom, from The Fast and the Furious. I often feel like I have bigger balls that most guys I know even tho I am a girl. In the one line of that movie near the end, when he is sharing his story with Brian about feeling scared to drive the car that he and his dad built together, that line was...'because for that 10 seconds or less, I am free.'

    I guess I can relate to that somehow in my own way. Am I cool? Yes I think so, but sometimes I feel less so with what I have shared in my posts, but that's ok, the members on here are worth it to me to make myself vulnerable. I guess I love u guys, yes even the trolls... u too have yr reasons why yr here.
     
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  5. OP
    Gaze

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    Thanks Ria. Great post.
     
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    #5 Gaze, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
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  6. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    I think you are right I think it exists. I had it too growing up and most people stayed away from me, mostly because i was a big scary kid, but i was always very aware of all of that and everything going on, i was just too scared to try and change anyones perceptions because I would have to GASP open up and talk to people and expose myself.

    Oddly enough now at 28 a little older now that i have learned to be a little more social and do things a certain way it really works out for me, people do think i am quiet and mysterious but they see someone who is well put together in a concious way which suggests purpose... Its hard to describe.
     
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  7. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    That is very true Restraint. There have been times when I have read yr posts and yr replies, that I know we have some common understanding of ourselves and that we r alike. It brings me comfort hearing yrs and other member's posts and it offers me connection that I can't find anywhere else other than here. I really value that.
     
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  8. OP
    Gaze

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    Thanks so much.
     
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  9. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I'm awesomely cool :D

    Actually, no, I'm pretty sure I have a very awkward air, or at least more clownish than "cool." I'm kind of a ham.
     
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  10. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    Don't they usually call that "shyness" rather than "coolness"?
     
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  11. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    That doesn't apply here. It's coolness here.
    :m049:
     
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  13. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess!
     
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  14. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Haha, your posts made me laugh :)

    Hmm coolness eh. Well I definitely lacked that when I was younger, either because I'm not an INFJ and maybe aren't cool in that way :) or because of things I had going on. I really don't know. I suspect I came off more so as shy, awkward, and eventually cold/unfriendly later on. But in no way cool.

    These days, I am probably in the midst of developing some sort of factor - maybe a cool one. I'm coming into my own, with a heightened sense of confidence and autonomy. I really don't care all that much what people around me think anymore. It's a sort of non-arrogant "are YOU good enough for me?". All that really means is "are you a good match for me".

    Ahh I'm totally rambling.

    And Ria, no worries about sharing too much. It's always touching to feel someone reaching out to connect and share themselves :hug:
     
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  15. OP
    Gaze

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    What do you mean? . . . we are the EPITOME of cool. :m178:
     
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  16. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    Fonzi scares me.
    :m083:
     
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  17. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I was wondering who that was!

    What about him scares you? (I know nothing about Fonzi :m130:)
     
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  18. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

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    I agree with you. On more than one occasion I've opened up to people after getting to know them a bit and then all of the sudden I get this shocked stare from them. I feel like I've destroyed their vision of me..maybe for the worse.
    But that's fine. That's how I gauge who I can trust. I like it when I say what's on my mind and someone laughs or they at least don't get completely confused - they might be trustworthy.
     
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  19. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

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    I like the Fonz. Henry Winkler did an awesome job portraying him considering he's the complete opposite of that character.

    jmo though. I guess his thumbs are pretty small, which can be scary.
     
    #19 TrevOrTrevor, Sep 30, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2009
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  20. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I know what you are talking about. I was thinking about this the other day. Society has a major impact on our views of people and things and I've been trying to deconstruct it and recognize when I see a pattern of thought that was built by society, not myself.

    The other day I went to a dance club and was in the DJ booth above the stage, in a partially sound proof room. Some people from an organization I work with were crowding around the window to look at the "hot" band people who were setting up to play. Afterwards a discussion came about between the females.

    And, surprisingly, it was not about the "hot" band males, seeing as they are all heterosexual. No, they were talking about how "pretty" the female was and how cool her tattooed arms were and how perfect her hair was, etc.

    I also noticed the conversation going on about mohawks and how 'sweet' they are. Apparently tattoos, mohawks, punk/rock bands are popular with teenagers. I too enjoy those things but I question whether I think they are interesting because of my own interest in them or the interest that society projects onto the teenage population to think that they are 'cool'.
     
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