Tell me about INTJ...
- Thread starter splott
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[MENTION=4015]purplecrayons[/MENTION] oh don't do that...or i will too. i am trying to do that..."it is what it is, live in the moment" thing and just appreciate that he's not mad at me and doesn't want to break it off....cuz otherwise, yes, i will be very sad and disappointed.
The move-in, it was only temporary anyway, we know it's way too soon to move in permanently, but he was going to live with me for a month between the end of his old lease and the beginning of his new one. but...he's lacking vital insights, he can't tell me how to help/handle him...and things he says are ok aren't, and things he's not ok with aren't abundantly obvious. for example, we failed to define any space at all for him alone...something my experiences say I should've thought of, but he also should've known and asked for...even if it was just a chair in the corner he could sit in when he wanted to be left alone. little things like that... *sigh*
I think he'll start seeking me out fairly quickly...I honestly think he cares and enjoys my company...so let's just be glad for what is, and hope that it grows, right?
The move-in, it was only temporary anyway, we know it's way too soon to move in permanently, but he was going to live with me for a month between the end of his old lease and the beginning of his new one. but...he's lacking vital insights, he can't tell me how to help/handle him...and things he says are ok aren't, and things he's not ok with aren't abundantly obvious. for example, we failed to define any space at all for him alone...something my experiences say I should've thought of, but he also should've known and asked for...even if it was just a chair in the corner he could sit in when he wanted to be left alone. little things like that... *sigh*
I think he'll start seeking me out fairly quickly...I honestly think he cares and enjoys my company...so let's just be glad for what is, and hope that it grows, right?
I can't speak for a male INTJ obviously but..
For me, the idea that I am expanding any effort on someone's behalf means that I am interested. Otherwise, I wouldn't. I will stress though that the point between expanding effort and being committed takes time for me to develop. Te requires a careful analysis of all pertinent data and information and a careful probing of feelings must be intiated...
For me, the idea that I am expanding any effort on someone's behalf means that I am interested. Otherwise, I wouldn't. I will stress though that the point between expanding effort and being committed takes time for me to develop. Te requires a careful analysis of all pertinent data and information and a careful probing of feelings must be intiated...
*hugtoo* thx...i hope so. it's...very scary to me. i'm a bit codependent, and letting go...kinda terrifies me. just in general. letting go when i'm not sure wtf is going on...makes me feel like my world is melting down. :/Right on [MENTION=3866]splott[/MENTION]!He will seek you out! Mine always does.
feels like i might have to make a thread in the "support" category?
If he really doesn't want the space he will hit you up. I have thought my guy needed space before and he was stopping by & texting me like crazy inside of a week! I told him I thought he was done with me, and he said, "You're so crazy." Now he gets so paranoid, that if he hasn't contacted me for a several days he'll send a text or message that says, "I'm not avoiding you!!!" in the first line, lol! Then he'll tell me what's been up, and end with he misses me, or we'll talk soon, etc. He works with my INFJness as I work with his INTJness. I bet you guys will get the hang of each other too. One thing I had to learn... trust him if he says you mean something to him. Don't be insecure. Sonyab said it best, If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't bother.
One thing I had to learn... trust him if he says you mean something to him. Don't be insecure. Sonyab said it best, If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't bother.
Lol, I guess I'm just one of those girls who doesn't require talking everyday... I figure it's healthier for me, and gives him room to breathe. Often we do communicate daily, but when we don't I know we are still connected. It is only with him that I have learned to be fairly secure, though. It has taken time & practice. We have time to miss each other. For me that's important. It heightens every convo., and every visit is a rare specialty. I would see him every day if I could, and be mercilessly happy, but... I am not the only woman in the picture either... 
Lol, I guess I'm just one of those girls who doesn't require talking everyday... I figure it's healthier for me, and gives him room to breathe. Often we do communicate daily, but when we don't I know we are still connected. It is only with him that I have learned to be fairly secure, though. It has taken time & practice. We have time to miss each other. For me that's important. It heightens every convo., and every visit is a rare specialty. I would see him every day if I could, and be mercilessly happy, but... I am not the only woman in the picture either...
Oh, it would be healthier...or perhaps I'm confusing cause and effect, it might be that if I required less contact, it would mean I'm healthier? something like that. Thing here is, even when we're ok I take a more-than-normal amount of reassurance...and he's kinda breaking things without realizing it. Basically after the whole move-out craziness, I was looking for some sign that things were going to go back to normal...and then I got stood up. So basically, right now I'm really really not secure or trusting...cuz signs that "nothing is going to change" failed to exist when I so desperately needed them. So while i know I need to back off rather than smother him...I'm really not at my most emotionally-secure.
Update: Last night I went to coffee-group with my poly-crowd, and then to a local brew-pub to hang out with bf, lover, and several good friends. I had alternate plans with someone...who has been interested in me for years but is also perfectly happy to cuddle and be a good friend, but at the end I asked bf "so, what do you think, would you like to come home with me?" and he said yes.
He took quite a beating at Jiu Jitsu practice, so we just watched an episode of a TV show and went to bed, but I could already tell the difference in his kisses and the way he touched me. *happysigh*
I told him straight out, if I see that much less of him, but he's actually happy when he DOES see me...then it's worth it.
I also came as close as I ever do to putting my foot down, I told him that cancelling plans was WAY better than just not cancelling and standing me up, and it was his job to communicate if he needed to cancel. I told him that "making plans is an agreement, a small one yes, but an agreement, and breaking them does a job on my trust". His tone of voice said he hadn't thought of it that way and would consider it. Hmmm..
He took quite a beating at Jiu Jitsu practice, so we just watched an episode of a TV show and went to bed, but I could already tell the difference in his kisses and the way he touched me. *happysigh*
I told him straight out, if I see that much less of him, but he's actually happy when he DOES see me...then it's worth it.
I also came as close as I ever do to putting my foot down, I told him that cancelling plans was WAY better than just not cancelling and standing me up, and it was his job to communicate if he needed to cancel. I told him that "making plans is an agreement, a small one yes, but an agreement, and breaking them does a job on my trust". His tone of voice said he hadn't thought of it that way and would consider it. Hmmm..
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[MENTION=4015]purplecrayons[/MENTION] and [MENTION=3096]NDN NT[/MENTION]
Thanks ladies, it's nice to know my little demands don't sound excessive, and YES it was very nice to be able to verbalize that issue.
(He came over last night, we made homemade pizza and he played video games and I watched Buffy and Dr Who, and then cuddles. )
Thanks ladies, it's nice to know my little demands don't sound excessive, and YES it was very nice to be able to verbalize that issue.
(He came over last night, we made homemade pizza and he played video games and I watched Buffy and Dr Who, and then cuddles.
)
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true!!!my close friend is an INTJ and people call her "death girl". People think she's cold and a suuppperr pessimist but deep down, she's as soft as cotton candy
