Tell me about INTJ... | INFJ Forum

Tell me about INTJ...

splott

splott

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Mar 18, 2011
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So boyfriend is INTJ, just took the test a couple days ago, the descriptions are very very accurate, and terribly helpful.

I...am not by any stretch of the imagination an expert on MBTI, but I know more than HE does, so I find myself answering questions about what it means to be an INTJ, from him. It's a little weird and awkward, to say the least! As an INFJ, I have a better-than-average insight, but I still find myself struggling to disentangle his personality-type from things that are uniquely-HIM.

I end up saying things like "No honey, being INTJ doesn't mean you're an emotional cripple incapable of love", or "No, it doesn't mean you're just an asshole, it means you're a NATURAL asshole. :p" (and yes, that was a joke, he called himself an asshole and I was teasing him.)

I can show him all the deep meaningful writings about his personality type...but if you were going to talk about the INTJ type, what would you say? Especially from an INFJ perspective? :m075:
 
INTJs are not assholes. We say what we mean and we mean what we say. The problem is that no one listens.
 
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splott said:
So boyfriend is INTJ, just took the test a couple days ago, the descriptions are very very accurate, and terribly helpful.

I...am not by any stretch of the imagination an expert on MBTI, but I know more than HE does, so I find myself answering questions about what it means to be an INTJ, from him. It's a little weird and awkward, to say the least! As an INFJ, I have a better-than-average insight, but I still find myself struggling to disentangle his personality-type from things that are uniquely-HIM.

I end up saying things like "No honey, being INTJ doesn't mean you're an emotional cripple incapable of love", or "No, it doesn't mean you're just an asshole, it means you're a NATURAL asshole. :p" (and yes, that was a joke, he called himself an asshole and I was teasing him.)

I can show him all the deep meaningful writings about his personality type...but if you were going to talk about the INTJ type, what would you say? Especially from an INFJ perspective? :m075:
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I'm an INTJ, so I'm not going to answer the second part of your question but I'm going to answer the first part of what you're asking. I think it's importance to realize that the INTJ profile is based upon a very polarized version of what an INTJ is, and I'm not quite certain if any of the profiles I've read depicts a mature INTJ. While it may be important to find your type, you have to look at it from "This is how you think" approach rather than "This is how you act". Essentially, he might be an INTJ but he's still a very unique person; different from both me and kiu
 
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The INTJs I know are forward with what they think, but not so much with what they feel.
They're very intelligent people, definitely not assholes, not robots.
They're caring people, but they're not direct with it.
They have zero patience for pity parties and feeling sorry for yourself if you're not going to do something about it. Once they realize they can trust you, the edges soften, and you should take their word when they say, "I Love You" or anything along those lines. And they HATE it when they are lied to.
 
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Reon said:
I'm not quite certain if any of the profiles I've read depicts a mature INTJ.
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I agree with this. Certainly, as I've grown older I've learned the importance of good social skills and at least attempting to express my emotions. The latter still needs a lot of work. I've always been able to see other people's point of views but I was much less tolerant than I am now. It was pretty much my way or the highway. I didn't really argue I just wouldn't budge. Since, then I've had a few "slaps in the face" and learned to be more accommodating and to work towards a compromise. However, I probably went too far in that direction and made myself unhappy so the pendulum is swinging back but I don't intend to behave as coldly as I did before.
 
Heh, just for the record, boyfriend is a very caring loving guy, not an asshole at all except when he chooses to be...(by which I mean, it's easier for him to push aside any emotions and be a hardass when he feels it necessary).
That he has the same emotions and processes them differently ..is something I entirely understand, I hope nobody feels like they have to defend him, he's a wonderful guy, that's why I keep him around. ;)
 
I dont think being an INFJ is what gives you more insight into his MBTI type.
 
splott said:
Heh, just for the record, boyfriend is a very caring loving guy, not an asshole at all except when he chooses to be...(by which I mean, it's easier for him to push aside any emotions and be a hardass when he feels it necessary).
That he has the same emotions and processes them differently ..is something I entirely understand, I hope nobody feels like they have to defend him, he's a wonderful guy, that's why I keep him around. ;)
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I understand that this was a joke between you and your boyfriend but the stereotypes on the 'net are a bit wearisome.
 
kiu said:
I understand that this was a joke between you and your boyfriend but the stereotypes on the 'net are a bit wearisome.
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Awww, I sorry...I am not familiar with them, didn't mean to poke sore-spot. :/
 
:)

I'm not too sure what it is you want to convey to your intj. Is it an appreciation of his personality type?
 
Yeah we're great. Very rigid value system. If I say that something's unacceptable to me, I mean it. If I say I expect this and that, I mean it. The only way to change my mind is if you say something that makes sense and refutes my beliefs or changes what I want. This is because it just makes no sense to me to say "ok that's fine" to something clearly nonsensical.

I'm loyal and reliable though.

Well he's your boyfriend so I would presume you know the broad strokes of what he is like.

Also, if you break up with him, I'm interested.
 
We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Things I have learned about relating to the male INTJs in my life:

-They value independence in others, as they are very independent themselves.
-They are non-judgemental & objective. You can feel safe telling them ANYTHING
-someone could pull their toenails off, and they STILL wouldn't tell your secrets. (SO awesome)
-They really do know best... they have thought it all the way through... just go with it. Seriously.
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
-They don't remember details, or birthdays. Get over it. They do love you.
-They can't read your mind, and they don't get hints. They will LOVE it if you will just tell them you are upset, so they can clear up miscommunication & apologize.
-They love sex. Do not withhold.
-They appreciate affirmations, interest, and affection.
-You will get what you put into the relationship, especially if you respect their need for space.
-DO NOT ask them any question to which an honest answer will crush your tender little INFJ heart! If you do, please know that they did not intend to hurt you.
-Tell them when you need time to lick your wounds. They will give it to you.
-They like acts of service, and will appreciate them very much.
-If they tell you to call or ask when you need anything they deeply care about you. They want you to check in with them. They want you to be okay.
-They are the most loving, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle creatures on the face of the earth.
 
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notmeganfox said:
This is because it just makes no sense to me to say "ok that's fine" to something clearly nonsensical.
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Pierce, that's because you haven't heard enough nonsense yet. Eventually, I got to the place where I started saying, "ok that's fine" because I was desperate to make it stop. However, you are right. It didn't work too well. In fact, it didn't work at all.
 
[MENTION=751]Peppermint[/MENTION] GREAT article! Thank you!
 
purplecrayons said:
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
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An interesting tidbit is that I noticed that INFJs overreact to something that they feel is pressuring them to do something that they don't want to. Probably overcompensation for their guilt.

I don't really feel threatened at all by somebody in a personal relationship overtly pressuring me into doing something. I am comfortable saying 'no' as gently or as harshly as I feel like.

btw [MENTION=4015]purplecrayons[/MENTION] you've got it bad
 
Also, we sometimes do not emotionally react to big news right away. It can take days or weeks before the emotion hits us, because it gets buried.
 
They all have the same style of writing (no offence, INTJs). It's eerie. o.o Read stuff written by all/most of the INTJs here and you'll see it. All very technical and making sense. Very few !'s, for example. Proper sentences, with like subjects and predicates and all that stuff that you're supposed to have. They make sense and don't have to put words like stuff or like. Big words. They can pinpoint what they are trying to say, compared to me mentally flailing in my writing. I mean, compare how I'm writing to kiu and Princess Anastasia, for example. There's a difference... Dunno if that really carries over to speaking. I only know one INTJ irl.

Other than that, I dunno. I'm not too helpful, I know. Lol
 
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I don't know about any other intjs but I have a very big need to feel safe. Practically, everything I learn or do is used to map out an understanding of this world with the idea that if I know it then I can conquer it. (Of course, a major element is also enjoying knowledge for its own sake.) It's difficult to let anyone close to me and maintain it because I'm always watching for inconsistency. The important thing is if you wish to get close be honest, consistent and considerate of my feelings. Though it may not seem like I'm very sensitive, I can assure you that I am easily hurt but I swallow it. I will be patient. However, there comes a point when I can't take anymore and quite suddenly (and probably without warning from the other person's perspective) I become indifferent. There is no coming back from indifference.

I wonder if I'm the only one with this view.

[MENTION=3174]Stella[/MENTION], I speak in the same manner that I write. Sometimes, I'll speak in staccato phrases and I am tempted to write like that but I strongly dislike ambiguity therefore, I avoid it.
 
[MENTION=3174]Stella[/MENTION] They can be animated irl, and they use words like stuff in texts. ;D They have a casual, goofy side, much like INFJs.
 
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