Social Anxiety | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Social Anxiety

Do you have social anxiety?

  • Yes

    Votes: 70 74.5%

  • No

    Votes: 12 12.8%

  • Not Sure

    Votes: 12 12.8%
  • Total voters
    94
Yes

Whenever I am going somewhere and I know there's going to be a lot of people there, my heart, my brain, everything is racing. My stomach is turning.

I usually have to sit in the car for about 30 minutes to an hour and get my head right before I attempt to go in.
 
Yes. It's not debilitating, but it's there. I'm aware of it's potential, if fed, to become debilitating.

I value those who have spoken of the need to keep challenging oneself to be present with the anxious feelings. When I choose to avoid potentially socially aggressive environments, as Helpful Elf mentioned, my ability to handle the ones I cannot avoid is diminished. I'm not a masochist, but I do have to go to work and earn a paycheck at the minimum. I am learning how to accept I will often feel anxious and learn to be present with my uncomfortable experience. It is when I think it should be otherwise, and is otherwise for everyone else, that my self-hatred and resultant anxiety begins to spiral out of control. If I take that energy out of the system by accepting this is my experience and decline passing judgment on it, the whole cycle is deflated.
 
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I was diagnosed with SAD about 10 years ago - I went through a lot of CBT therapy to learn to deal. I also got these nifty litle pills called Lorazapam. My SA was extreme - I'd hurl on the way to my daughter's playgroup, have panic attacks.... I do much better now!
 
Yeah, I have social anxiety to an extent. Not extreme but it's there.

So unfortunate though that INFJ's suffer from this when we could do so much to improve the world around us if we could just "go out there" and share to everybody our idealisms and dreams. It's a pity, that's why I opt to do something everyday to fight with these anxieties and perhaps, just perhaps I could accomplish what's there to accomplish and make a real difference in the lives of people.

As long as there is life, there is also hope... methinks
 
I have what theorist Karen Horney called Rejection Sensitivity.

It is a tendency to feel deep anxiety and humiliation at the slightest rebuff. In real life it means I am reluctant to express opinions, tend to avoid arguments or controversial discussions, am reluctant to make requests or impose on others, am easily hurt by negative feedback from others, and tend to rely too much on familiar others and situations so as to avoid rejection. I have the tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection. That in turn leads to defensiveness and self fulfilling prophecies that undermine social relationships.

Given that I was abandoned by my mother when I was 13 and was teased and bullied much of my childhood, it is little wonder that I have some attachment issues. It's something I'm always working on though.
 
NeverAmI said:
Just curious for who all here suffers from social anxiety.

I have known I have social anxiety, I saw the doctor about it years ago, although I think I downplayed how extreme it is for me. Taking one of the online tests today made me realize how I feel isn't exactly normal.

Just curious how many others here deal with crap like this?
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Are you talking about the "How Shy Are You" test? I thought I answered very shy on a whole but was surprised to get a low score. I noticed you got a higher score and thought to myself, "Woah.. really?".

Not that it's a -bad- thing. NAI, it's been interesting getting to know you over the past several weeks, especially as I watch you interact with people in the chat room. There are some ways you don't have any inhibitions (ex. when you're dancing) and you also speak your mind freely in your posts. You're one of the few Ss that I've gotten to know and I've thought, "I really like this guy".

I wonder where/how the anxiety manifests itself...
 
I cannot call it a social anxiety disorder, I don't think I have it that bad. But I do feel anxious around people, my stomach is in knots and I just feel stiff all over. Even with my family and relatives who have known me for decades. I just don't feel comfortable around people and I never seem to relax. I never approach people and that has had a huge influence on my life and relationships. It's worse with new people. It used to be even worse in my teens but now I manage to mask it quite well. It doesn't really show but inside I'm not relaxed at all.
 
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PoetOfDreams said:
Today at church, I didn't want to approach someone I look up to. Even though I rarely see this person now, I rather stay out of the way then say "Hi".
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I know exactly what you mean.
 
Yeah. It comes in waves for me. Some days I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I just think about walking about the door. Other days, I can't wait to go out and be with people. Once I'm out the door, I'm fine.

I sometimes have troubles in large groups of people, unless I'm preforming. Crowds make me nervous if I'm just a number.

Weird shit.
 
mf said:
Yeah. It comes in waves for me. Some days I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I just think about walking about the door. Other days, I can't wait to go out and be with people. Once I'm out the door, I'm fine.
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I can relate. I can go pretty long periods with socializing and feeling energized and happy overall. It can last for a few months. And then I just sink into this fog, I cocoon myself off from everything and everybody and things are just grey all over. This can last for months as well.
 
Wyst said:
Are you talking about the "How Shy Are You" test? I thought I answered very shy on a whole but was surprised to get a low score. I noticed you got a higher score and thought to myself, "Woah.. really?".

Not that it's a -bad- thing. NAI, it's been interesting getting to know you over the past several weeks, especially as I watch you interact with people in the chat room. There are some ways you don't have any inhibitions (ex. when you're dancing) and you also speak your mind freely in your posts. You're one of the few Ss that I've gotten to know and I've thought, "I really like this guy".

I wonder where/how the anxiety manifests itself...
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Strangely enough I have been VERY open on these forums compared to everywhere else. I feel pretty trusting of a lot of people on here and I think that is one reason why it seems so unlikely/surprising that I am overwhelmed w/ social anxiety. I have also become pretty good at hiding it.

It manifests MUCH more in person. I avoid going to the grocery store, or any store, because I don't want to interact with people. A lot of times I ask my roommate to pick me up stuff and I pay him a little more than what it costs.

I think another part of it is due to the amount of introverts here. Extroverts overwhelm me easily, it is hard for me to handle. Sometimes, I just feel like "Woah, that is WAY too much energy for me."
 
Yield said:
Yeah I think I have a mild case of it.

Thing is, it's not so much face to face people interaction I worry about, I mean I can extremely anxious about going to new groups of people who I've never met/unfamiliar environments. But calling people on the phone is awful for me. Seriously, sorting out my Uni application was hell, even calling the hairdressers to get a hair cut requires hours of mental preparation for 30 second phone call.

I also am afraid of public transport. No idea why, I would rather walk ridiculous lengths then get a bus. Trains freak me out as well, I know soon that I'm gonna have to make my way across the UK on train and I'm absolutely dreading it. It doesn't stop me doing what I have to do but it makes it hell to do it. I'm extremely good at hiding it as well, even from myself sometimes.
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The phone part really resonates with me. I have never had to rely on public transportation so I can't comment on that, but I think I would indeed go WAY out of my way to avoid it as well.
 
In my field, the producers tend to make phone calls and stuff, lol. But I still feel kind of pathetic having to avoid it- like walking out of the room or pretending I'm busy with something else, just because I don't wanna be the one who has to call so-and-so for a location release. But again that's what runners, ADs and producers are for :becky:
 
Yield said:
In my field, the producers tend to make phone calls and stuff, lol. But I still feel kind of pathetic having to avoid it- like walking out of the room or pretending I'm busy with something else, just because I don't wanna be the one who has to call so-and-so for a location release. But again that's what runners, ADs and producers are for :becky:
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At one point I thought that I wanted to be a project manager. I work in IT and I have a hard enough time calling up people to help them. Project manager??? WTF was I thinking???
 
NeverAmI said:
At one point I thought that I wanted to be a project manager. I work in IT and I have a hard enough time calling up people to help them. Project manager??? WTF was I thinking???
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LOL

The word 'manager' just sends shivers down my spine. I don't mind 'guiding' people if they come to me for help...
 
Yield said:
LOL

The word 'manager' just sends shivers down my spine. I don't mind 'guiding' people if they come to me for help...
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Yea, having to enforce any sort of authority over others just doesn't work for me.

How about Project Counselor?

LOL
 
Lucifer said:
It was important to me to differntiate between trying to force my self to change my way of thinking and simply considering the idea that my way of thinking might be wrong.
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Can you explain that more? I'm confused. Which works better, forcing or considering? Thanks!
 
I have a mild case of it, but it's very manageable. I've always had it but I found ways of coping (some were positive, some were weird, some not so positive). I'm more willing to confront if I'm angry, though. And the older I've become, the less likely I fear those in authority over me (mostly because they're either my age, or younger).
 
I just got 8% on the shyness quiz Raccoon posted, which is ridiculous for me. Everyone has said I was shy most my life. It happens less now, I think because I spend time with more people who are a little on the introverted side themselves and maybe because people get more considerate as they get older? Maybe people learn it isn't nice to call other people shy, since shyness isn't exactly considered a positive trait in our culture? And I'm probably less shy now.
 
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