Secrets; do you have any? | INFJ Forum

Secrets; do you have any?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Jill Hives, Apr 22, 2011.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 1 user.
More threads by Jill Hives
  1. Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2010
    Threads:
    105
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    1,559
    Trophy Points:
    323
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I don't want to hear actual secrets but this is something I have been wondering about...

    I am of the opinion that there isn't a single person without some form of skeleton in their closet. I'm perfectly fine with the fact that I will never be able to know every single little detail about someone I am close to. In fact sometimes, I think I would much rather not to.

    Are there certain things about yourself or memories that you will likely never reveal to anyone? Does it bother you if you know someone close to you is this way? If you are good enough friends with someone do you feel betrayed if you realize they are purposefully keeping information from you? I mean in the sense that I am assuming this information has no direct connection to your relationship with this person and doesn't serve to harm you in any way.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. aerosol

    aerosol American trash

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2011
    Threads:
    49
    Messages:
    1,206
    Likes Received:
    380
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    when i chit-chat with random people i feel like the biggest liar.

    i don't want to talk about nothing with people, i don't want to pretend to care or act like i'm interested. yet i do, because others do this with ease. it's part of human interaction. i have to do it or else i am deemed a "snob", or "anti-social". or my favorite - people thinking i have a low self esteem. maybe, just maybe, i don't say anything because i don't have anything good to say? what about that?

    (and btw, i understand this wasn't really what you were looking for. but it came to mind so i was like oh well =)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. Chamomile

    Chamomile Community Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Threads:
    11
    Messages:
    298
    Likes Received:
    78
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    Four way tie
    Yes, I have secrets. Yes, I will take them to my grave. <-- that makes it sound like they eat at me all the time or something. They don't. But I've known since they came to be that they would never be told to a single soul. Partly because its nobody's business but mine, and partly because it won't hurt the people I don't tell. They'll gain nothing by knowing and I could never fully explain them out of context.

    I was bothered when someone close to me kept secrets before I understood type stuff more. Especially reading how its normal for INFJ's to be 'secretive.' It made me forgive myself for keeping mine and honestly if I hadn't received such criticism for the secrets I shared in the past, I might share the ones I'm keeping with me now. Secrets are just natural and necessary to some people. I'd rather them weigh on me forever than forever worry about if the person I told really understands them.

    As for someone I love keeping secrets from me, It depends on the secret and as long as I'm not lied to about it, its usually ok. If I ask my boyfriend if he's ever cheated on someone before and he lies and tells me no, thats messed up as hell to lie about and finding out its a lie can be a dealbreaker for me. Its not usually that they've done it, but that they can't man up and own a mistake makes me not trust them. However, him declining to tell me that he once made out with a guy when he went through a bisexual phase, no harm done in keeping that to himself if its a sensitive topic. It wouldn't change anything if I knew or not. I think it all goes back to the motivation behind keeping it. Insecurity, self-protection, or gain?

    I think secrets that protect the shame felt from events or whatnot used in stuff like getting to know yourself (and the bumpy road of mistakes that often goes with it) are usually okay to never tell. When it starts getting in the way of honest answers to direct questions, I don't like it.
     
    Gaze likes this.
  4. OP
    Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2010
    Threads:
    105
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    1,559
    Trophy Points:
    323
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I would say this is definitely relevant to the topic at hand, so no worries.

    This is something that happens to me too. I think it might be from overactive Fe sometimes, because I wear myself out catering to everyone elses emotions and then neglect my own needs so easily. I do act like I care and that I am interested because it sucks to hurt some ones feelings, but it can be such a drain.

    But there are plenty of things I don't say to people to avoid hurting feelings. It's something I should probably work on really, I have the self assertion skills of a rock.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Gaze likes this.
  5. Neuropedia

    Neuropedia In Transit

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2010
    Threads:
    26
    Messages:
    1,082
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    -
    Enneagram:
    -
    this

    also, I have grown to feel insecure when I do not have secrets
     
  6. Haven

    Haven Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2011
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    885
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    602
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    9w1 The Dreamer
    Yes Ive got secrets, most not even worth mentioning, what would be the point in letting everyone know. If my friends, had secrets, I wouldn't feel betrayed, because who would I be to talk with my own. Only time Ive really felt betrayed, is when I found out my best friend slept with my ex.. and didn't have the guts to tell me.


    I get like this as well.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    ultrauber likes this.
  7. OP
    Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2010
    Threads:
    105
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    1,559
    Trophy Points:
    323
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I agree with all of this, especially the bolded bits.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2011
    Threads:
    48
    Messages:
    2,292
    Likes Received:
    542
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I make things up just so that I can keep them secret.
     
    the likes this.
  9. dream echo

    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2011
    Threads:
    23
    Messages:
    1,862
    Likes Received:
    397
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I believe most people have secrets they'll never tell, some from guilt, fear or shame.
    I know I have more than a few of my own, and assume that others aren't so different.

    Some secrets of my own I will share, if I feel it is relevant, in a close relationship.
    Others I will never tell.

    While I like the idea of absolute honesty, I realize there are just some things that are better left buried.
    When a truth serves no purpose but to harm, it is wisest to leave it unsaid.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. This

    Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2010
    Threads:
    147
    Messages:
    6,595
    Likes Received:
    1,863
    Trophy Points:
    323
    MBTI:
    .
    Enneagram:
    .
    Yes, but the reason is because those secrets are about others not myself and cause pains no one in my opinion could understand and they would read more into it than what is there. I am typically honest about what I've personally done especially with those I love and trust.
     
    Emjay likes this.
  11. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Threads:
    129
    Messages:
    4,899
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,687
    Trophy Points:
    877
    MBTI:
    SOCMOB
    Enneagram:
    .
    1) Yes.
    2) I agree entirely with that opinion.
    3) Not at all, though I would be curious.
    4) No, but that might depend upon how that information relates to me.

    To me, those skeletons in the closet are a sign of humanity, or rather fallibility, which is something that we all hold in common as much as we may minimize it or idealize the thought of being completely blameless. I don't mean to glorify our failings, but I think that there is a certain sense of fealty in me towards those who have made grave mistakes, even repeatedly, so long as they strive to make positive changes.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. Phage

    Phage Community Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2010
    Threads:
    14
    Messages:
    560
    Likes Received:
    188
    Trophy Points:
    612
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I have shared all my different secrets to different friends, but I hate hiding things. I break down from guilt and I need to say the truth to someone. Though I do keep secrets from my parents. I just don't feel close to them and I feel uncomfortable expressing who I really am in front of them.

    Other than my parents, I always have to have everything out in the open. I don't like secrets. I would rather feel the pain of truth than live a lie.

    If my friends keep secrets, that's fine unless it is something major that affects me. With a significant other, I prefer they confide everything with me. No secrets.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Edith

    Edith little birdy
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2010
    Threads:
    102
    Messages:
    4,772
    Likes Received:
    1,250
    Trophy Points:
    354
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    VI
    I have a secret that I will never, ever tell another person. It's just the best way for everyone.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. invisible

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    225
    Messages:
    9,056
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    9,862
    Trophy Points:
    1,329
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Avalon Archipelago
    MBTI:
    none
    although i am reserved, i wouldn't say i'm a secretive person. i can't keep things to myself very easily. i don't really have any secrets, unless it counts as a secret that you don't just go up to someone and tell them outright that you truly dislike them and would rather not pretend. which i don't really think is the same thing as a secret exactly. i'm an open book. i come out and tell people my secrets if they ask. all you have to do is spend a bit of time with me 1 on 1 in a social situation and you can learn anything you want to about me. i'm sure i've written all of my "secrets" on this forum at one time or another.

    lately i've been trying to keep a secret as a way of motivating myself. i'm not sure if it's working. partly because it's not an important secret at all but a sort of artificial secret that is a secret just because i decided i wouldn't tell anyone. i forgot about having to remind myself of it until i saw this thread.
     
  15. Arsal

    Arsal Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2010
    Threads:
    22
    Messages:
    946
    Likes Received:
    404
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    -
    Enneagram:
    -
    Those are fake boobs?

    *Cough*
     
    jyrffw54 likes this.
  16. invisible

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    225
    Messages:
    9,056
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    9,862
    Trophy Points:
    1,329
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Avalon Archipelago
    MBTI:
    none
    people do know when i don't like them and would rather not pretend though, even if i don't directly tell them. i'm just not a secretive person in any sense.
     
  17. Edith

    Edith little birdy
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2010
    Threads:
    102
    Messages:
    4,772
    Likes Received:
    1,250
    Trophy Points:
    354
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    VI
    Hahaha, fucken no way! Where would I have got the money for that? :p

    Allll natural!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    donkeybals likes this.
  18. Korg

    Korg Banging on the walls

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Threads:
    89
    Messages:
    2,784
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,576
    Trophy Points:
    768
    MBTI:
    -
    Enneagram:
    -
    Some of you may enjoy a short article called 'The Hidden Costs Of Hidden Stigma' written by Daniel Wegner. It's about thought suppression, keeping of secrets and the toll it takes on a person as they expend more and more mental energy on maintaining the facade and/or rigid adherence to secrecy.

    It's located here - 10th article down.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. surrender

    surrender Guest

    1 and a half about. But nothing I'm really ashamed of, just don't see the point in dredging things up.
     
  20. Diana

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2010
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    396
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ....
    Enneagram:
    ...
    Yes there are some things I will never reveal. I know it sounds kind of weird but I actually like having secrets. It's almost like I need them to feel like me or something.
     
Loading...

Share This Page