Romance and sympathy are dead | INFJ Forum

Romance and sympathy are dead

DeadlyPacifist

DeadlyPacifist

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Sep 17, 2009
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Does anyone else agree with me on that our generation is pretty independent? Being driven isn't a bad thing. However, I feel like people are becoming *too* independent...and begin to see meaningful relationships as a burden. Wth? People will blatantly admit that they only use people for this or that, and it just seems like caring for another individual is pretty nonexistent. We have to "mind our own business." "That's your own problem." "We have no obligations." I don't know...I feel like even I am becoming a bit cold. After school last week, I saw a kid sitting against a locker, looking really dejected. In the past, I'd stop and ask him what was wrong, but I just walked past him this time. The thing is, when you're selfless, people will simply take from you...and in the end, you're left really unhappy since you sacrificed so much for other people, and no one caught you while you were falling. I hope I'm not coming off as "bitter" because I'm not, I'm only sad because I feel like the people who care will eventually put a box around themselves to avoid being hurt, and eventually, we'll be a world of cold blooded monsters.

Divorces are also much more frequent, and people are opting to be single more, which may not be a bad thing in that people don't feel the need to stay in an unhappy relationship or settle for someone they don't really love...but I think it's also partially because we set the standards so high. The media is partly to be blamed for this. People are also just a lot more lazy. They just wait around and decide that everything will fall in place. But I mean...a relationship needs effort, and it isn't easy. I'd like to think my ideal relationship exists, where we both unconditionally love each other, but I'm beginning to think that a mutual, lasting, stable relationship is almost impossible o_O. Before, I thought that as long as I found love, I could deal with anything else. I thought I could do anything for the person I loved, and that it was worth it...but I"m beginning to question, is it really worth it...? Maybe I'm pathetic in giving so much to someone? Haha.

Oh, and my close friend from the past also went through the same thing as me~ the whole being harsher thing...and he's also an INFJ...

I mean, sometimes I just think...can't we all just agree to not play any games with each and deceive each other, and just love each other?!

Sorry for all the rambling @_@ Maybe this is just an INFJ having a hard time dealing with disillusion of what love and life is, and not accepting reality, but I'd like to see what others around here think on the topic of whether our generation is full of sloth, if people grow colder as they grow up, if our generation doesn't care for relationships as much, etc...
 
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sometimes the most sympathetic thing you can do is leave someone alone
 
Relationships, like all things, are only worth what you are willing to put into them.
 
I agree that standards are too high in marriages. People make mistakes and some people cant accept that. I dont know why those people get married in the first place.
 
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Romance and sympathy is dead

It's easy to become cynical when a relation ship ends badly, but I believe it's the worst thing you can do. I'm not even sure that was the impetus for your "rant" and if it wasn't, forgive my making assumptions. It's much harder, but in the end much more valuable to stay open and loving despite the disillusionment you're feeling now. Sometimes it seems impossible and without a spiritual--not necessarily religious--foundation it may well be impossible, but if you can rely on the indwelling spirit that I believe is a natural part of being human (though it gets badly battered by all kinds of things going on in the world today), if you can feel that and rely on it in whatever way is natural to you, helps keep disillusionment and cynicism at bay. It's been my saving grace at times. It's worth a shot, imho
 
I have sympathy. Just no time for psychic vampires.

Romance is not dead though.
 
uberrogo said:
I agree that standards are too high in marriages. People make mistakes and some people cant accept that. I dont know why those people get married in the first place.
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agree. I think in this way,too. People don't listen to each other, i mean to partner. Listening is an art.
 
For every action there's counter-action. What Homo Sapiens is doing to itself right now, in the "modern" worlds, is stretching it way too far, so there will be a counter-movement of humanism and love. Nothing really happens "eventually", so this, even if it happens, which I hope not, would be temporary:
DeadlyPacifist said:
I hope I'm not coming off as "bitter" because I'm not, I'm only sad because I feel like the people who care will eventually put a box around themselves to avoid being hurt, and eventually, we'll be a world of cold blooded monsters.
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It just doesn't make sense to keep this species in constant ongoing mental torture. We don't have to. You also mentioned sloth. It's a great example, that after some threshold, pushing for more only produces even more sloth, instead of the opposite. If people were not emotionally abused so much from everywhere, the level of sloth would be significantly lower. Sloth just means that people are demotivated. Which they are, as long as what they are supposed to do for society seems so inhumane. The sloth of Nazi citizens was one of the possible sane reactions in their reality.
 
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From time to time, I also get this cynical, if not more, so I can relate with what you're saying here. However, you have to always look at the bright side.

It can start with one simple, kind act.
 
I can understand your being cynical, and I agree that most of today's society is has standards that are too high, an unwillingness to commit and an inability to work through disagreements with partners so instead they get a divorce because of a little silly disagreement.

But, on the other hand I know they are people out there who don't think like this, who like me are hopeless romantics and just want to be in a happy loving relationship where the two can work things out, know that each other makes mistakes and are willing to commit to each other. These people are out and aren't hard too find.

So keep up hope, I know being cynical is such an easier route, and losing all faith in society seems like it is the right answer, but being happy and hopeful is just so much more fulfilling.

(so am I saying that I know society is screwed up, but that I am hoping that it will change, or at minimum I find people who aren't screwed up....yes I am)
 
DeadlyPacifist said:
Does anyone else agree with me on that our generation is pretty independent? Being driven isn't a bad thing. However, I feel like people are becoming *too* independent...and begin to see meaningful relationships as a burden. Wth? People will blatantly admit that they only use people for this or that, and it just seems like caring for another individual is pretty nonexistent. We have to "mind our own business." "That's your own problem." "We have no obligations." I don't know...I feel like even I am becoming a bit cold. After school last week, I saw a kid sitting against a locker, looking really dejected. In the past, I'd stop and ask him what was wrong, but I just walked past him this time. The thing is, when you're selfless, people will simply take from you...and in the end, you're left really unhappy since you sacrificed so much for other people, and no one caught you while you were falling. I hope I'm not coming off as "bitter" because I'm not, I'm only sad because I feel like the people who care will eventually put a box around themselves to avoid being hurt, and eventually, we'll be a world of cold blooded monsters.

Divorces are also much more frequent, and people are opting to be single more, which may not be a bad thing in that people don't feel the need to stay in an unhappy relationship or settle for someone they don't really love...but I think it's also partially because we set the standards so high. The media is partly to be blamed for this. People are also just a lot more lazy. They just wait around and decide that everything will fall in place. But I mean...a relationship needs effort, and it isn't easy. I'd like to think my ideal relationship exists, where we both unconditionally love each other, but I'm beginning to think that a mutual, lasting, stable relationship is almost impossible o_O. Before, I thought that as long as I found love, I could deal with anything else. I thought I could do anything for the person I loved, and that it was worth it...but I"m beginning to question, is it really worth it...? Maybe I'm pathetic in giving so much to someone? Haha.
Click to expand...

Actually, I agree with you. You've pretty much covered the pros and cons of "independence" thinking today. Thing is, we're told to see the positive in independence without recognizing the negative efects as well.
 
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For me, romance is very much alive, T though I may be.
 
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