Real man/woman

[Paladin-X]

A lot of women around my area say they are looking for a real man. I have a penis. I'm pretty sure I qualify. However, being a sensitive F type, I suppose I probably don't quite fit that bill.

How would you describe a real man?

What is funny is that a lot of these women, describe themselves as sports loving, beer guzzling, quad roving, tomboys. I am rather tempted to start a dating profile with the subject line "Looking for a real woman."

How would you describe a real woman?

 

[acd]

Vagina.
Xx chromosomes.

 

[JGirl]

a real man to me is one who is masculine, not afraid to get his hand dirty, chivalrous and gentlemanly. the penis is just aparatus.
a real woman...hmmm that one is harder for me although i'm apparently a woman and should know....

 

[muir]

The Hollywood concept of 'one true love' is a load of hogwash

There are over 6 billion people on this planet of all temperaments which means there are many people that each of us could have warm, long term relationships with

One major barrier to that is that the modern age saw the massed movements of people from an agrarian community based environment where people were self reliant but also helped each other out and would socialise in festivals and other community events to an urban environment where despite the fact most people are crammed into small geographical areas of cities many are feeling isolated, lonely and alienated

This is because community has been lost and replaced with an isolating me, me, me culture where people are encouraged to be selfish and self serving

many have little option but to get drunk in bars and clubs to meet people; but being drunk is not usually a reflection of a person so everyone goes round presenting a false version of themselves

I think there is no point attracting someone by pretending to be something you are not because at some point you will have to be yourself!

If you are by nature an unusual person then should you bend to fit the norms or will that just mean you end up trying lots of relationships with people you are not compatible with? Perhaps its better to be yourself and acknowledge that most people you pass in the street are not necessarily going to be your ideal partner

It then becomes a case of trying to cast your net wider to try and find someone who is compatible. Participating in activities you enjoy is probably the best way to do this as you will instantly have something in common with anyone you meet and also by focusing in those areas you are more likely to meet someone compatible. Whereas if you're just dating randomly then you will meet the full gambit of humanity, many of which might not be compatible with you

So a 'real' man or 'real' woman is just someone that you enjoy being with. Look for them in the right places and be yourself. Adopt a philosophical approach whereby you acknowledge that not everyone you meet can be compatible and therefore there will inevitably be some trial and error; the journey itself can be exciting and a learning process

 

[barbad0s]

What is funny is that a lot of these women, describe themselves as sports loving, beer guzzling, quad roving, tomboys. I am rather tempted to start a dating profile with the subject line "Looking for a real woman."

Do it!! Don't put up with this kind of hypocrisy!

@acd What about all the transsexuals who are MTF and consider themselves real women? A real woman being XX is no longer a PC concept!

"Real men" and "real women" are probably Hollywood-perpetuated concepts. A "real man" or "real woman" is probably just what someone will refer to someone they find that they like with. And if someone is disappointed by someone they were with, this person easily becomes "not a real man/woman". I think it's just a way of people projecting their own subjective preferences out into the world and trying to convey them in a form that seems objective and tangible and validated. It's a way of making themselves look or feel like they have good taste, and that they are valuable people and worthy of a good quality partner.

 

[Jill Hives]

I am sure that the idea of "one true love" has been around a lot longer than Hollywood ever has.

I'll elaborate my thoughts on that... I am not saying that I agree with the notion that there is only "one true love" for any one person in this world. I agree with the idea presented above that there are many personalities on this Earth that you could be potentially compatible and happy with.

I just think it does a disservice to the emotional wants or needs of (some) humans to attribute something like that to a corporate manipulation tactic, which pretty much sounds like what that was insinuating. If I'm totally wrong there, sorry for jumping to conclusions.

 

[Gaze]

a real man to me is one who is masculine, not afraid to get his hand dirty, chivalrous and gentlemanly.

yep. And I would add, someone who is protective without being overbearing, dominating or controlling.

Honestly, a "real" man or woman is someone who doesn't need to prove it by acting one way or another. It's someone who is comfortable with themselves, doesn't compromise who they are for others, and who can offer their partner fairness, respect, and sincerity. Someone who tries to be their best self and wants to give their partner the best of themselves.

 

[the]

Real man is just one of those terms that people use and they know what the specifics are, and you are responsible to read their minds for the specifics to give them what they think they want.

A real woman... Well she could be almost anything, I'm not that picky.

 

[CindyLou]

lolol I guess a real woman is one that is pregnant

doesn't get any more womanly than that!

I'm not pregnant btw

 

[Kgal]

A real woman is a human being who looks for understanding and awareness which fosters respect for other sentient beings.

She is accepting.
She nurtures the flicker of life.
She fans the flames of passion for life.
She dances with abandon.
She sings with gusto.
She kisses as if she wants to merge.


And when you meet her She will show You the sparkles in her eyes.

 

[muir]

I am sure that the idea of "one true love" has been around a lot longer than Hollywood ever has.

I'll elaborate my thoughts on that... I am not saying that I agree with the notion that there is only "one true love" for any one person in this world. I agree with the idea presented above that there are many personalities on this Earth that you could be potentially compatible and happy with.

I just think it does a disservice to the emotional wants or needs of (some) humans to attribute something like that to a corporate manipulation tactic, which pretty much sounds like what that was insinuating. If I'm totally wrong there, sorry for jumping to conclusions.

The disservice to the emotional needs or wants of humanity is the monstrous distortions of reality that Hollywood likes to indulge in

I'd like to say more on this when i have some time, to try and illustrate my point

 

[acd]

Do it!! Don't put up with this kind of hypocrisy!

@acd What about all the transsexuals who are MTF and consider themselves real women? A real woman being XX is no longer a PC concept!

"Real men" and "real women" are probably Hollywood-perpetuated concepts. A "real man" or "real woman" is probably just what someone will refer to someone they find that they like with. And if someone is disappointed by someone they were with, this person easily becomes "not a real man/woman". I think it's just a way of people projecting their own subjective preferences out into the world and trying to convey them in a form that seems objective and tangible and validated. It's a way of making themselves look or feel like they have good taste, and that they are valuable people and worthy of a good quality partner.

Gender selection is different... They arent biologically female, though they may psychologically feel otherwise.
But transexuals can consider themselves real anything if they like. It's just my opinion.
I guess my point is that gender is fluid because it's just an idea (even if that means a horribly perpetuated Hollywood myth) while sex is biological. And gender myths can be damaging and confusing to some who don't fit.

 

[sassafras]

yep. And I would add, someone who is protective without being overbearing, dominating or controlling.

Honestly, a "real" man or woman is someone who doesn't need to prove it by acting one way or another. It's someone who is comfortable with themselves, doesn't compromise who they are for others, and who can offer their partner fairness, respect, and sincerity. Someone who tries to be their best self and wants to give their partner the best of themselves.

Don't mind me. I'm just going to follow Cedar around wearing a t-shirt the sideways arrow pointing at her, declaring "I'm with Mrs. Always Right."

Agree. Agree. Agree.

 

[Gaze]

Don't mind me. I'm just going to follow Cedar around wearing a t-shirt the sideways arrow pointing at her, declaring "I'm with Mrs. Always Right."

Agree. Agree. Agree.

 

[Paladin-X]

doesn't compromise who they are for others

The problem I have with this belief is that other people essentially form a box in their mind of me. I am a fluid individual. I find that when I behave contrary to what they believe "I am" they lose interest in me. NOTE: I am simplifying. There are far more details that lead to this conclusion.

 

[Gaze]

The problem I have with this belief is that other people essentially form a box in their mind of me. I am a fluid individual. I find that when I behave contrary to what they believe "I am" they lose interest in me. NOTE: I am simplifying. There are far more details that lead to this conclusion.

Yes, I've had this happen as well, where people build up an image and then feel disappointed in me for not living up to it. But problem is, it's their image. It's their impression. And they chose to hold me to something I didn't create for them. Thing is, people will see what they want to see. Too often, people want someone to either fit their perceptions or have someone think they are not adequate if they can't meet the expectations of the impression. They don't want to deal with "real" people, or relate to people as they are. They are looking for fantasies or built up images which support their beliefs in ideals. That's dangerous and often damaging to a relationship in the long term if the person can't live up to it.

I've met quite a few like this who are only tolerant of me when I show them a particular side or fit their need or create an impression which impresses them but they don't want to accept the whole person. They hold any or all flaws or faults against me. Apparently, I was supposed to be perfect underneath. And they made me feel undeserving or inadequate for a while because I did not live up their expectations. These people tend to think they deserve something which they realize the person doesn't have or have enough of (in their minds). In the end, these people don't really care about you. They care more about what they can get from you or what you can give them.

These people usually suck in relationships because they can't handle reality. They need partners to fit in their boxes or they don't know how to deal. Do not judge yourself by these people. They are looking for fantasy. While you're likely looking for someone with whom you can have a real relationship. These types of people are not able to recognize what's important. Who knows, maybe they can't help it. But chances are, they're not the one. So, move on.

Don't seek people for whom you have to create an impression or turn yourself inside out to impress or please. Not worth it and they won't appreciate. They'll just keep expecting more. Instead, only share or open yourself to those who deserve to know you, who've earned it rather than give of yourself too easily to people who are looking to be pleased.

 

[Paladin-X]

Don't mind me. I'm just going to follow Cedar around wearing a t-shirt the sideways arrow pointing at her, declaring "I'm with Mrs. Always Right."

Agree. Agree. Agree.

I concur. She's pretty smart and wise.

 

[sassafras]

I think the challenge is that most people who are looking for a romantic partner are looking for someone to compliment them, whether because the partner has something that they lack or because the partner has similar traits that can support their personality. If I can make a sweeping generalization, I'd say that most people are looking for stability in a relationship and almost everyone has a preconceived notion of what that stability should look like. Typically, in addition to affection and bonding, the stability that people are looking in a partner are those traits that which would help the them play a more socially acceptable role in society. If a person believes themselves to be X, then their preferences are what they believe will compliment or support those traits. That's what makes/made traditional gender roles so convenient and simple because everyone had internalized them.

Now, however, many people are awakening to the idea that their identities are much more fluid and you don't get that carved out puzzle fit. The lists of unique 'must have's' is a mix of preferences for traditional romantic roles and individual tastes, and people's expectations to find the 'one' are frustrated because we're all in different stages of growth while unrelentingly looking for an instant, perfect fit as prescribed by fairytales and classic Hollywood. On one hand, we've claimed a victory for the individual, but on the other hand, we've made it difficult to connect with others because our Individual-in-Society now overlaps our acceptance and appreciation of the Other Individual-In-Society. We're trying to shun archetypes while still conversely being bound by them because we're still preoccupied by carving our now constantly shifting identity in relation to everyone else (and now we have even more individual labels to choose from). It's a kind of schizophrenia, once you think about it. You're changing, but you want everyone else to stay the same because that's your point of reference. So you end up with a situation where you ask yourself Who am I? What am I? What do I want? What do I need? I'm a changing person, I don't know who I am, so I need to count on you to be a stable force in my life and be there for me always. You're not allowed to change. You're supposed to be exactly the way I need you to be.

On one hand, we keep telling ourselves that we're working on being more accepting of other people, but at the same time, we're all still looking for a stable foothold in reality, something to ground us, and coming up disappointed because everyone else is going through these same shifts in perspective.

 

[Rferraris]

I think, to start, both sexes as people should share qualities. These aren't talking points, but more what I think we should all work hard at as individuals.

Integrity(say what you mean, mean what you say)

Almost redundant, honesty, loyalty, respect, honor.

There are probably some I have left out, and some that overlap, but suffice it to say, if you want to be a real woman, or man, you need to be a real person for starters.

I'm not clear on if the answer to this question is how do I change myself so I am a real man or women. Because I think somethings are the way you are born and just how masculine you are physically is limited to the way you are born. How masculine you are mentally is maybe something you have learned to be.

With that said, I think there are some qualities that are driven by hormones and there are just some things about being a guy you can't fake. It might look interesting from the outside, and evolution being what it is, we are born chemically driven and there are times I wake up and feel the adrenaline run through me in a rage. I could put a helmet on and play until I'm almost dead. I don't know if my wife ever wakes up feeling that way.

So is a real man a product of how hard certain hormones run through him?
How maternal a women ever feels?
Obviously, I haven't made conclusions.

But I think there are other components.
I think men and women should do things because it's what we have come to expect from each other. I open every door because its polite, because I'm chivalrous, because I'm a guy and that's what I do.

I think women should be classy. I think they are grace. I think they are compassion and etiquette.
Maybe because they can be opposite to the brute force guys can be. Maybe because that's what we have come to expect from them. Maybe because they are our mothers.

Not that guys shouldn't have those qualities, too. I like to think I have class, not sure about grace, but compassion, and etiquette. But maybe women are this by nature where guys have to learn it. I was born with respect. Maybe that made class and etiquette easy to learn.

After reading what I wrote, I don't think I've delineated it well, or maybe answered your question. It's clear in my mind, I just have to work harder at expressing it. But maybe you get my idea. But I would say be who you are, do it well, and do it with respect and I bet you're as true a women or man as anyone can be.

 

[toska]

A real man or a real women is someone who can take care of him/herself. The funniest thing is how so many people seem to be so focused on external things like looks, money, and social status to the point where they fail to notice innate personal qualities and personal interests. It's like they just don't care about really getting to know someone and only want to project whatever they want onto people. And then they get angry when a person they're sexually attracted to isn't who they want them to be. I don't get it.