I met an INFJ via an internet dating portal. From the first message, then phone call it was something unique. I’m an INTP so it takes time for me to feel comfortable with someone new, in this case I was chatting all the time. Our first date took 8 hrs, we were talking all the time, the same happened on the next dates. Our first kiss was incredible for both of us (he tole me that - we both got lost in place and time). He even once mentioned he was surprised how well I understood him and by his intonation I could understand that he felt misunderstood by others. It was incredible to find out we looked at the world in the same way, read the same books, are interested in the same stuff, music etc. After our last date he texted me that it was his best evening since a long time, so spiritual and erotic at the same time. We both suspended our accounts on the dating portal. I knew he was to go through a divorce soon so we were acting slowly, not meeting very often (he also takes custody over his 2 kids) but texting quite a lot. Suddenly his messages became rare and I could feel they were more distant - it happened when he was actually having his first hearing in the court. He texted me the divorce was really tough so I texted him back saying I fully support him and he could get back to me any time, if he needs just to be listened to, kicked in his butt or anything else - I would be there for him and once the dust settles I would take him for a weekend trip we once planned. He did not respond to that but after a couple of weeks he sent me some photos from a coral reef saying he went there as he finally needed to do something for himself and that he would call me. I knew he was a very sensitive person so I thought he might need some more time due to the circumstances. Apart from the divorce he was struggling with taking care of his kids (he’s a part time father, not only during weekends which I really admire). He also took over the mortgage he had with his wife and was looking for a plot to build a small house for himself. Due to the pandemic and the crisis we are going through (high costs of credit, inflation etc) I thought it might be too much for him and that it was normal he withdrew and I was fine with it. After a few weeks I realized he unblocked his account on the dating portal. I must admit I was devastated by that but as I like being straightforward I texted him asking if he decided to start looking for someone else and if so - I was sorry to discover it that way instead of hearing that directly from him. He did not reply but suspended his account. After some time I texted him again and said I felt confused and would like to know if there was a place for me in his life or not. I said I felt it was worth to wait and I was ready to do so, that I understood what he was going through, just needed to know if he felt the same and there was indeed something to wait for. As he did not reply I decided to call him one evening although I knew as an INFJ he might not answer which indeed happened. Instead he texted me the next day in the morning saying sorry that he was not replying, that he behaved like a small boy and nothing could explain his behavior. He said he would text me in the evening (he was at work that moment). I felt happy for a while thinking he might have been “in the grip” hence the strange behavior. But in the evening his message said that he thought that what was between us was just meeting of 2 single people and that he thought I was seeing it the same way too. He said he was sorry and thanked me for the time we had spent together. It was a few months ago. I’ve unblocked my account on the dating portal trying to forget about him and meet someone new. I saw him there 2 times but only for a day or two, his account is still suspended besides that. He still keeps me marked as “the favourite one” (I keep him my favourite, too). Last time he unblocked his account was 2 days ago but the moment I logged in and my profile appeared on one of the first places he suspended his account again. Is it possible he might be in the grip and still needs some time to digest the situation with his divorce (I know he is not in love with his wife but he’s mad with the world that he needs to start to build his life from scratch again - he had quite a difficult childhood, left the house as a teenager) and there is a slight chance he might reach out to me once? I’m surprised with my behavior as I can’t act according to what my brain/logic tells me, which is I should get over him and his last message was clear and it’s over. I still keep thinking that in normal circumstances I would be able to forget but what if this infamous grip took control over him? How long can it take for an INFJ to recover? I feel pathetic as an INTP to write this post and to be honest it’s the first time in my life a guy put such a spell on me. I think it’s because I do not understand and can not logically explain what happened and why.
