Pet Peeves When Comunicating

MrWindUpBird

MrWindUpBird

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INFJ
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Do any of you have specific things that just drive you crazy when speaking with other people? This is less about relationships, each of which over time develops their own set of idiosyncratic triggers, and more about what triggers your frustration when speaking to friends, teachers, acquaintances, etc.

For me, it's far and away being ignored. I do much better now, but when I was younger that used to be the only time when I would lose my temper. People have told me that I'm prideful or arrogant for thinking that they owe it to me to listen when I talk. While I'm not saying I have no pride, I think I get frustrated because I will listen to someone no matter what. I'm always the last person left listening when someone tells a boring story or drones on about something, simply because I think it's horrible to ignore people.

What about y'all?
 
If someone orders me to do something, as if I'm their subordinate. The speed with which I will pull a 180 surprises even me. Note: I'm only referring to power-tripping / controlling behavior. If someone is being helpful (or trying to be) by giving useful direction, I'm appreciative.

Passive-aggression. For a few moments, I'll get so angry, I'll feel like my head is going to pop. Same with condescension.



But I'm not really capable of holding on to negative emotions. They fade away. I definitely can't stay angry.
 
When people don't let me finish, especially in an argument, and suddenly cut in. I find it jarring and quite upsetting. Even if I talk in a confused way, it's better to wait til I'm done before asking questions, so that I might answer them before they need to ask.
Putting anyone else down is something that really gets to me as well, even if it's unintentional.
 
When people jump to conclusions about what someone is saying, especially when they are trying to.

For example...

"You look good in that shirt."
"What, are you saying I look fat?!"
"No, I'm saying that's a good color for you."
"Now you're trying to get in my pants!?"
"I'm just saying it's a nice shirt."
"What, now I'm ugly!? You are such a dick!"
 
I HATE having to repeat myself or having to explain what I meant. I want to say it once and move on!! I guess I feel that if someone didn't hear me maybe they take my words with a grain of salt and don't try to listen. Also, I always feel like if you don't understand the context of what I just said then kiss my a, I don't want to explain it, people should get it. I can be judgemental of people's ability to comprehend and I generally hold it against them, unjustly, I know! I can't help it nor do I really care to lol. Of course if it's an important situation yeah, I can be patient when communicating. I do relate with you windup!

And also I do hate being told what to do sometimes, and I can't stand unsolicited advice (ok this forum is the exception!). However, everyone I know seems to think they know what's best for my life, and the funny part is, I never ask for advice from people I know. I occasionaly vent to friends and maybe they try to help me out and that's ok, but there are boundaries!
 
middle1 said:
I HATE having to repeat myself or having to explain what I meant. I want to say it once and move on!! I guess I feel that if someone didn't hear me maybe they take my words with a grain of salt and don't try to listen. Also, I always feel like if you don't understand the context of what I just said then kiss my a, I don't want to explain it, people should get it. I can be judgemental of people's ability to comprehend and I generally hold it against them, unjustly, I know! I can't help it nor do I really care to lol. Of course if it's an important situation yeah, I can be patient when communicating. I do relate with you windup!

And also I do hate being told what to do sometimes, and I can't stand unsolicited advice (ok this forum is the exception!). However, everyone I know seems to think they know what's best for my life, and the funny part is, I never ask for advice from people I know. I occasionaly vent to friends and maybe they try to help me out and that's ok, but there are boundaries!
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sounds like weak intuition types, aka 'sensors'
 
When I feel like I'm being manipulated, and when people shit talk. btw shit talking to me is when you insult random things about someone instead of just saying what you acctually don't like about them or what they did to make you mad. Like if someone annoys you and you call them ugly instead of saying "I find her quite annoying, and wish that she would not talk so much"
 
BlinkandThink said:
If someone orders me to do something, as if I'm their subordinate. The speed with which I will pull a 180 surprises even me. Note: I'm only referring to power-tripping / controlling behavior. If someone is being helpful (or trying to be) by giving useful direction, I'm appreciative.

Passive-aggression. For a few moments, I'll get so angry, I'll feel like my head is going to pop. Same with condescension.



But I'm not really capable of holding on to negative emotions. They fade away. I definitely can't stay angry.
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Man, I guess I have a lot of them. Being ordered around and passive-aggressive people really get to me, too.

I never hold on to angry feelings either... it makes me too emotionally drained to continue. The only exception is constant passive-agression... I once had a roommate who was a passive aggressive (expletive) all of the time, and it has gotten to the point where when I even see his name on Facebook I get slightly angry. There's some classical conditioning for ya.

I'm actually a real calm guy about 99.5% of the time, honest. : P
 
The only thing that really gets me is if someone is working/playing on their computer or texting while trying to have an actual conversation. Multi-tasking in this fashion does not work people!!!!

(I have run into two supervisors here that actually have done this...I've not been back to talk with them again.)
 
Biggest pet peeve: Passive Agressive Behavior.

Oh how I can not tollerate it. I sniff it out from a mile away. More often then not, it is done in situations where I can't call them on it, but I still see it. I will find ways to get around it or poke at it so they can't pull one over me with it. I am often rather good at doging it, and they can't use it on me anymore after this as they will pick up that it doesn't work on me. I will put a great distance between myself and someone else if I notice they do it a lot. I have also called a handful of friends who did it to others, and they're aware of my feelings with it. The worst kind for me is fake-nice. I abhor it with a burning passion.

The other pet peeve is rather general, and actually ties in with passive agressive communication. It is lack of communication. I'm very verbal, and I put a very high level of effort into clear communcation, and I try as hard as I possibly can to convey what I say and feel in the most clear and concice way I possibly can. When someone else does not try to meet me in the middle, or is incapable of it, I start to distance myself from that person. It just makes me strained.
 
Like a lot of people here have said, my biggest conversation pet peeves are manipulation (especially with guilt), people who don't listen, those who fight just to fight, people who think they know what's best for me without getting to know me, and people who make negative snap judgments in conversation (there's always another side!). And anything rude. I don't see any reason to be rude except to hurt someone else.
 
laurie said:
When people don't let me finish, especially in an argument, and suddenly cut in. I find it jarring and quite upsetting. Even if I talk in a confused way, it's better to wait til I'm done before asking questions, so that I might answer them before they need to ask.
Putting anyone else down is something that really gets to me as well, even if it's unintentional.
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Yeah, I concur. It is even worse when your discussing something with a group of people, I feel a bit embarrassed and really hurt about it and most of the time, even if I have more to say I just stop and " sit back down" :(

Like many here passive aggression and attempts to manipulate me using guilt or some other emotion also irks me. It is commonly quite obvious but I do not typically tell people that I am on them because I do not want to be rude or to offend them. When people just make a maraud of assumptions or immediately resort to using harsh generalisations or stereotypes also gets me upset. When people just refuse to listen as well. When I am holding a philosophical discussion with someone and they believe that they are right without justification or pulling out an appeal to tradition or an appeal to popularity.
Wow, I have a lot of these
 
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I hate, hate binary minds. I can tolerate when people have black and white perspective for themselves, but when they try to force them on me, I tend to go crazy.

Also when someone doesn't wait for me to finish my sentence or doesn't want to listen what I have to say. One of my former friends used to just cut me of in the middle of a sentence, and for some time I kind of ignored that thinking that I'll just finish mine when she finishes hers, but after a while I just didn't want to stop when she tried to cut me of and I was amazed by her reaction to that, she kept repeating beginning of her sentence, so we were kind of both speaking at the same time, and she would do that until I just give up and let her talk. What's up with that?!
 
Do you all tend to call people out on these sorts of things? I find that I generally let it go three or four times before I get slightly confrontational.

In Siamese Cat's example, after the nth interruption, I would have stopped talking and looked her in the eye and said with a slight, good-natured smile, "Can I finish my sentence?"
 
MrWindUpBird said:
Do you all tend to call people out on these sorts of things? I find that I generally let it go three or four times before I get slightly confrontational.

In Siamese Cat's example, after the nth interruption, I would have stopped talking and looked her in the eye and said with a slight, good-natured smile, "Can I finish my sentence?"
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No, I do not typically tell people, in fact I sort have to force myself tell them most of time because I realise that unless I tell them the majority of people are not going to notice that what they said irked me; I do not like having to tell them though, while what they are saying or doing may annoy or hurt me, I want to refrain from bothering them
 
Being talked over.
I'm a soft and slow talker and usually get steamrolled in group discussions.

Oh. I also hate to repeat myself.
 
I think talking is, in itself, a pet peeve for me most times. I don't know why the hell I spend so much damn time typing in this chat.
 
NeverAmI said:
I think talking is, in itself, a pet peeve for me most times. I don't know why the hell I spend so much damn time typing in this chat.
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I know what you mean though!!
Usually, talking feels like a chore. Even when I'm with people I love most, I don't like to just talk.. but here.. I shoot my mouth off all the time!

I like typing. I'm a fast typer. Maybe that's it.
 
acd said:
I know what you mean though!!
Usually, talking feels like a chore. Even when I'm with people I love most, I don't like to just talk.. but here.. I shoot my mouth off all the time!

I like typing. I'm a fast typer. Maybe that's it.
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Yea, it is probably due to the fact that I can't form any sort of cohesive thought when I talk. Instead of being 80% misunderstood, I am only about 40% misunderstood on here. Just kidding. :P
 
acd said:
Being talked over.
I'm a soft and slow talker and usually get steamrolled in group discussions.
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Me too, but I've gotten to where I'll just keep talking till ppl listen hahaha, I've grown tired of it!
 
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