Midlife Crisis | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Midlife Crisis

I could be wrong, but I don't think lack of midlife crisis has to do with being introspective. I only say this because I think it would be fair to say I've experienced some form of midlife crisis and I have been highly introspective throughout my life.

I do think though that at least in my case there had been a psychological barrier earlier in life to comfortable self-expression. An impending sense of mortality in recent years has put pressure on that previously unsatisfied need for self-expression.

Perhaps those who do not experience a midlife crisis were able to mature in an environment (inner and outer) where a more secure sense of self was achieved earlier in life?
 
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Sorry, Tovlo ... I was speaking really with relevance to my own situation rather than anyone else's. As I said I haven't experienced one yet and I think it is because I am not at the usual life stage for people in my age group. Who knows what will happen when the kids grow up and I suddenly realise I'm nearly at retirement age? "Stand by for a mood swing," as the Princess of Wales once famously said.

The other thing with being introspective is that I think you are not frightened by looking within and what you might find out through that. Having some sort of crisis in that sense is not unfamiliar to me and I've had a few over the years at different times. Maybe it helps when the tough times come again ... maybe not.

Res, what you said about people having to be in defined roles for most of their young lives is very relevant to my sister who is having the mid life crisis. She has not really had time nor opportunity to reflect too much on what she wants, where she wants to be etc. She has had to basically just "do" because that was what was required at the time.
 
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In a little over three years
 
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o_q said:
I'm not reading ur god-damned post. Your font is too small.
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[MENTION=2177]o_q[/MENTION]; Is that better? They have really good deals on reading glasses at Costco :wink:
Dave said:
I prefer "crisitunity" A Chinese word referred to by Homer Simpson that means both crisis and opportunity
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That's a much better term and more than a little fun, to be quoting Homer Simpson. It seems like there are many variables at play that may determine how severe the sense of crisis is. Like many of you, I'm sure that comfort with introspection plays a role. And certainly this could be true,
Res said:
i'm wondering if the lack of midlife crisis is similar to what you and @Norton have indicated, is that there isn't one because they've developed a level of self awareness or comfort level with change over the years so that you don't experience huge crisis moments as you get older because you've been allowed to live and be who you choose to be as a matter of choice.
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and/or
tovlo said:
Perhaps those who do not experience a midlife crisis were able to mature in an environment (inner and outer) where a more secure sense of self was achieved earlier in life?
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This makes sense,
Dave said:
at midlife crisitunity the cycle can be broken through the development of a healthier ego-Self axis. Of course this is an irrational process but is centered around previously un-integrated unconscious stuff attaining a degree of consciousness.
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But where does something like co-dependence fit it in? For many years, from the outside looking in, I may have appeared to be a selfless person. I prided myself on serving others. But in my own way I was seeking recognition. When I admitted this, I tried to change the behavior but it wasn't that easy. I had no idea how to establish boundaries. Every time I attempted it, I felt exceedingly selfish. I understand your caution about throwing out the baby with the bath water. But for me, it was necessary for cristunity to be prefaced with a time to of self advocacy. It was in many ways, more uncomfortable than what I'm experiencing now.

From what everyone has said, it seems that determining if one is experiencing crisitunity by measuring degree of discomfort would be foolish. Like so many things, crisis is relative. My experiences in my late thirties and early forties were much more traumatic than this. So I agree,
aeon said:
A crisis? No, I don
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But where does something like co-dependence fit it in? For many years, from the outside looking in, I may have appeared to be a selfless person. I prided myself on serving others. But in my own way I was seeking recognition. When I admitted this, I tried to change the behavior but it wasn't that easy. I had no idea how to establish boundaries. Every time I attempted it, I felt exceedingly selfish. I understand your caution about throwing out the baby with the bath water. But for me, it was necessary for cristunity to be prefaced with a time to of self advocacy. It was in many ways, more uncomfortable than what I'm experiencing now.
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this^^^ sounds very similar to what i've seen older family members go through for most of their life.
 
I am very aware that it is time for me to do some refining. Everything is shifting and you could say that change is in the air. I
 
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Norwich said:
But where does something like co-dependence fit in?...
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I was thinking a little more about what I said in regards to wanting to be a little wild and it’s true that’s what it feels like. But for me it’s really about shaking off responsibility without becoming irresponsible. Because it’s in relation to what was never my responsibility in the first place. And it involves new understanding of what my role actually is in any given instance and of what I don’t have control over.

Anyway, in my mind this is a lot like moving away from codependence in that it requires one to distinguish the individuals, their needs, and their individual roles and responsibilities among other things.
 
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Devils, archetypes, shadow, desire to grow, sacrifice, integration.

Norwich said:
.................. I've been thinking a lot about the devil since I've been learning about archetypes, particularly the shadow. ............. ................... desire to grow doesn't seem selfish to me. Do you see sacrifice as necessary? ............... It seems that the process of integration calls for gentleness................
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Un-integrated archetypes present in the psyche as complexes. Complexes are splinters of consciousness laden with emotion.


"...........earlier work on the association experiment and the theory of complexes treated emotion -and feeling- as an energetic, quantitative charge, the formal aspect of which was the idea or molecular group of ideas. To put it simply: the 'molecule' or complex was a form of energy, or formed energy. The energy appeared as the feeling tone, or emotional tone, of a pattern of ideas. The energy of the complex was the emotional tone which could be experienced as felt value, yet this emotional tone was not separable from the way in which the ideas or memory-images were associated. In this way, the energy and the pattern were dependent upon each other, as if two aspects of the same thing. This was demonstrated by the fact that resolution of complexes freed energy." James Hillman Emotion pg 60

http://books.google.com/books?id=C1...onepage&q=affect emotion feeling jung&f=false
 
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Well, what is at the heart of midlife crisis? It's really an avalanche of a specific formula of emotions, now spotlighted, and accelerated by eachother. And, how much of it is actually:
1) hormonal- which is not necessarilly tangible to our minds.
Then, how much of it is:
2) reevaluation and reflection (and what insues) -similar to that restless place appropriation which we endure in our early twenties. then how much of it is:
3) fear of the aging process, and mortality?

These are at the top of my head...

So certain types of people, are better at appropriating, and sculpting their core, or utilizing certain mediums, or vehicles for outward expression with the energies (like the ones stated above), that are presented to them; doing that, is often a developed skill, not a talent; regardless of your personality type. So, not unlike a syndrome, as an INFJ, it may be a good approach to treat your "condition," symptomatically. Then, once you have some control over each individual latent emotion, you can rope them together and title your symptoms of "midlife crisis," with more confidence in how you will respond.
 
Sadie said:
Middle age - what does this mean? A sea of change and confusion? Sometimes embracing, sometimes angry and disappointed, mostly confused. Trying to find a peaceful acceptance of life and self. Trying to find some kind of balance between who I thought I would be and who I became, the life I thought I would live and the life I am living. As if someone tore off the blindfold I've been wearing and I'm seeing life and myself for the first time. I am more myself now than I have ever been, but this brings with it many external changes that reflect internal changes. The younger me is a memory - almost a different person, like a child that has grown up and matured. Understanding mortality and time on the planet is not infinite. How to spend the precious time left is now a reality. Major shift in priorities. Find myself asking self discovery questions; who am I now, what is important to me now, what makes me happy now, how do I want to spend my time, etc., etc. Wondering if I'll find an internal place where I settle into this stage of life. My body is changing and external things are losing their value. So many of the other stages of life flew by or at least looking back they now feel like they flew by. This one is quite different. I find myself just walking through my life, not really attached. Constantly evaluating, but not really participating. Anyone have stories and/or experience with this type of change. Hoping to find a quiet comfort in these turbulent waters. :eek:hwell:
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.
 
i'm turning 52 in a few months and although i'm not happy about the arthritis and high blood pressure, i don't mind being this age at all.
i feel i'm much more settled with who i am, more comfortable living my life the way i see fit, wiser, happier in general.
no crisis here
 
I don't know if crisis is the right word....but it feels like I'm in one right now.

Fear and pain....loss and grief....anticipation and joy.....try to occupy the space of my heart simultaneously at times.
I have this near panic urge to die ....so I can be reborn. The cracking process is down right scary....

:scared:
 
I think many are experiencing life crises earlier because the concept of adulthood has changed so much in the last 30-40 years. Whereas, 50 years ago, your life would be pretty much figured out in some sense by what was expected of you, including schooling, work or career choices, and for most marriage, many didn't experience many life crises until later in life. But today, since there are so many more choices, and directions and options which weren't previously available, many are experiencing that sense of uncertainty or life crises even in 20s or 30s.
 
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Someone quoted me in this thread so here I am. Ahhh, a midlife crisis - that's what this is labeled. I was thinking of it in terms of just a transitional stage in life - a state of change unlike any other. I agree it is not necessarily a crisis - just something I have not experienced before in quite this way. I identify with the words reflection and re-evaluation, definitely there now. Curious about what this will evolve into. Much of life previous to this is about striving. Striving for that job, that place, those kids, etc., etc.. Now the striving is subsiding and it's more about seeing, feeling, understanding, and being. I appreciate all of your thoughts.
 
JGirl said:
i'm turning 52 in a few months and although i'm not happy about the arthritis and high blood pressure, i don't mind being this age at all.
i feel i'm much more settled with who i am, more comfortable living my life the way i see fit, wiser, happier in general.
no crisis here
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Yeah, I'll be turning 51 in April, and like you are very content with who I am, and where I am in life. Aches and pains aside.
When young, we have these preconceived notions of where we will be at a given age. Life happens and you wake up one day to find those benchmarks didn't materialize as planned.
Then you realize you need to make the best of where you are in life and stop sweating it.

If I had a crisis, it was probably in my early 30's.
 
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