[PAX] "Men Need Sex"

[Hoodie]

I agree that in some ways, people, not just men, need sex to be healthy. But I agree it also depends on the person. It does seem like maybe a higher majority of men "need" sex more than the majority of women, but there's still going to be plenty of exceptions to that, considering it is a pretty big stereotype/generalisation.

Also there's been mention of girls watching out for guys really taking advantage of and manipulating their partners into thinking that they have to give them sex. I agree, girls need to watch out for things like this- however, guys need to watch out for things like this as well. I've recently made a new friend who was manipulated into having sex, for the first time, when he was 13. This is not something that just happens to woman and girls. We need to be teaching all our young people about these sorts of things, not just one gender. And even so that it becomes more commonly frond upon to do these things.

 

[Gaze]

I think some of the abuses of sex mentioned in the thread seem to be the result of situations where someone believes they have a right to expect or demand sex from someone because they "need" it. Hmm

 

[Sloe Djinn]

I think some of the abuses of sex mentioned in the thread seem to be the result of situations where someone believes they have a right to expect or demand sex from someone because they "need" it. Hmm

Definitely. Need or not, nobody has the right to demand intercourse from their partner. If there's such a fundamental difference, the relationship should be ended. Unfortunately, some find it easier to manipulate or coerce.

 

[just me]

It is extremely difficult when a life partner and yourself have always enjoyed intimacy and sex, then one of them wants it no longer because they are unhappy with their body. The questions, doubts, and fears really mess with the mind. I think and feel it unfair to be told to take care of it yourself. That does not cover being held or being rubbed softly. It does not cover many things. It is asking a lot from a partner who still has a drive and feels empty. The mind starts working on you. I always wonder of ulterior motives.

I really believe one's needs are personal and not alike others'. One can feel like they do not want to be touched, while the other feels they are slowly dying. There are needs.

 

[CindyLou]

^ I agree with that and understand feeling that way. However, if you push a person past that or that person pushes past that and starts to have sex regularly without enjoying it, feeling insecure or whatever...without fixing what is wrong they can develop a repulsion to sex (or repulsion to sex with that partner) making the problem way worse.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Coercive monkey all like "Ahem, it's 7:45pm."

 

[just me]

This isn't "expecting someone to change". Loving someone means trying to understand them. That can become one-sided. I was talking about someone doing without for years because the other has a problem, certainly not forcing someone. The one doing without is at that point the one expected to change and accept their new life without. How difficult would that be for an infj?

 

[highlighter]

I mean this is a need just like any other need, the need for love the need for food the need to feel safe. etc. its a need just like any other need and is of equal importance.

i think the initial statement of "men need sex" is sexist but not in the way you would think, i think its a demeaning statement that many married women or marriage counselors use to state that men are weak and have a physical need that is dirty and selfish. see this goes back to the marriage thread. our society is doing everything in its power to convince young men and older men that a mans sexuality is WRONG and EVIL and bad, i mean is a MAN you are even allowed to say to his wife or partner "i need sex?" without being the victim of a LIFETIME move crazy story where hes evil, and if he doesnt get it hes gonna cheat with the hot coworker....you as man in this modern USA cant say one damn thing about sex or a womans beauty cause you will get FIRED labeled a perv, so men cant be true to their nature of being a sexual creature....but than women wonder where are all the REAL MEN? and guys all end up in the friend zone, because women never see you as nothing more than a "girlfriend in a male form"!!!!!

and dude look at all the viraga commercials!!
its a hot older chick looking ready for a middle age man that needs help to ..preform.... so wait is this pill for HER?!?!?! or for him? i am confused....
again its the perfect example they CANNOT make an Add where the GUY is asking for or addressing the sexual issue but they CAN make it come from the woman's perspective cause that is totally kosher!
and shit now a days you may as well call it totally Christian too!

in the end its just a need like any other but the need in and of it self is not what needs to be addressed its the ROOT of that statement and why it exists, at all.

 

[CindyLou]

and dude look at all the viraga commercials!!
its a hot older chick looking ready for a middle age man that needs help to ..preform.... so wait is this pill for HER?!?!?! or for him? i am confused....
again its the perfect example they CANNOT make an Add where the GUY is asking for or addressing the sexual issue but they CAN make it come from the woman's perspective cause that is totally kosher!
and shit now a days you may as well call it totally Christian too!

in the end its just a need like any other but the need in and of it self is not what needs to be addressed its the ROOT of that statement and why it exists, at all.

I's not targeting women because there is a woman in it nor does it really have the perspective of a woman. Do women look at each other like this and speak to each other like this? lol Laying on a bed? Come on. Lol

The product is for men and the product is sex. They're using a woman because women generally sell sex to men better than men can sell sex to men. If the commercial was from the women's perspective you'd have a disappointed and rejected looking woman staring in a mirror or something in lingerie with a man watching tv blurred in bed in the background somewhere then cut to her with her lover in a doctor's office speaking to their doctor, which would not sell as well I don't think. There wouldn't be so much reassurance that it's a common problem nor would it go into how often the pill needed to be taken. She's speaking to the targeted men saying - "You want to have sex with me or a woman like me? You still can! Go talk to your doctor!"

 

[highlighter]

I's not targeting women because there is a woman in it nor does it really have the perspective of a woman. Do women look at each other like this and speak to each other like this? lol Laying on a bed? Come on. Lol

The product is for men and the product is sex. They're using a woman because women generally sell sex to men better than men can sell sex to men. If the commercial was from the women's perspective you'd have a disappointed and rejected looking woman staring in a mirror or something in lingerie with a man watching tv blurred in bed in the background somewhere then cut to her with her lover in a doctor's office speaking to their doctor, which would not sell as well I don't think. There wouldn't be so much reassurance that it's a common problem nor would it go into how often the pill needed to be taken. She's speaking to the targeted men saying - "You want to have sex with me or a woman like me? You still can! Go talk to your doctor!"

I see your pov, but its still "all ok" because its coming from a woman,
women sexual needs (or any need) = Goodness and positivity
Mens needs = evil, immorality, selfishness, or men should not have needs period.

This is by modern society mind you. I dont mean that you specifically believe this.

 

[Stu]

Slut vs Stud

I see your pov, but its still "all ok" because its coming from a woman,
women sexual needs (or any need) = Goodness and positivity
Mens needs = evil, immorality, selfishness, or men should not have needs period.

This is by modern society mind you. I dont mean that you specifically believe this.

I don't see this at all. Look at the names associated with women who demonstrate a sexual appetite as opposed to the words associated with the same behavior in men.

 

[Littlelissa]

Slut vs Stud


I don't see this at all. Look at the names associated with women who demonstrate a sexual appetite as opposed to the words associated with the same behavior in men.

This is true. Control through religion and the structure of patriarchal society- when you think about it, has come about to keep women at bay and in control. In my view there is an intrinsic fear of women's instinctual nature,reproduction and sexuality, which is somehow deemed bad and something to be feared and supressed, or at the very least controlled. Women are minimalized because they are feared. The double standard of slut V's stud has always struck me as hugely unfair, but it is maintained and not thought about or questioned. It's good to be a 'good' girl and good to be a 'bad' boy, what a load of B.S.

I take the above point though. It seems that societies views about sex, and the intrinsic attitudes portrayed in the media and porn etc. almost an obsession with sex, - are becoming more and more bizarre. It's banded out like a commodity. So I can see with all that in your face sexuality we have everywhere, the opposite repressed attitudes also abound. It's a bizarre thing. So maybe male sexuality, in light of that is also made unnatural too. That's what happens when sex and the body become a commodity so to speak. It looses it's natural innocence, and we also loose our right to own our bodies and our sexuality to an extent too. All of this also affects the relationships between the genders and we become entrenched in these roles, which doesn't help much in relationships or for either gender to truly express it's natural self.

 

[just me]

Celibacy helps one to better understand the human body and its functions and needs.

Lots of older men have ED. This can be caused by the lack of desire in the woman...we are not stupid. What happened to all the caressing and little noises they used to make. Now it's like, hurry and get it over. The commercial may be way out of line, imho.
Having used those drugs, I can tell you there is a chance for the way it used to be in bed....if the woman really desires that.

There are a lot of issues going on here. Add to these possible illnesses for either or both. My wife seemed just as enthusiastic at the age they show in those ads, and I was a happy man. Time can change things. There are also those out there cheating that can lead to not wanting sex with your other half. Guilt!
Pain. Frustration. Too much on the mind.

 

[Jnd42611]

I think all people need sex. But in a deeper sense than just the deed itself. I can't speak for all but myself as an infj female need monogamous sex and often as possible. It is my way of feeling confident, connected, close and it makes me come out of my shell a bit. Men may think about it or speak out loud about needing it more than women because for women it's wrong in some people's eyes to speak of or dominate but I say the more you do it the better you feel about yourself, your relationships, and happier in life. Without sex we tend to be moody, insecure and obsess over it and that's just exhausting. Not to mention it would be no fun to such a thing alone!! That what cannot be said, will definitely be felt

 

[Asa]

Interesting thread, and some great points are being contributed by all.
I may be putting words in @invisible 's mouth, but I feel like the OP was simply asking how accurate the old stereotype is, and did not mean to start a gender war.

I've heard people say many times that "men need sex". Is this true?
If so, what are the consequences of men not having sex?
If not, then how are some men able to do without sex?
What other implications does this question have?

I think it depends on the person, regardless of gender. Psychology, hormones, stage of life, health (both physical and mental), substance abuse, fitness levels, etc, all play a role in how much a person desires ("needs") sex.
It's also interesting to read about what happens to a person's personality if they don't get it.... Psychologists have written at length about this, for example, but recently, a friend was talking about astrology and so I looked it up so I'd understand her beliefs, and learned even astrology talks about shifts in personality traits and quirks (according to your chart) if you aren't getting any.

In long term relationships there has to be balance and compromise to fit the ebb and flow. I always tell my friends not to marry anyone if you're not willing to do what they want in the bedroom at least some of the time, and vice-versa. Decades of not getting what a person wants can damage the best of relationships, and if you absolutely can't do it... allow the person to do it some other way.

 

[Gaze]

I think if there is a difference, it maybe in the whys rather than the if. People enjoy sex to varying degrees, but what they seek and get from it may be different. Having a personal connection with someone you're attracted to and knowing there is a commitment maybe the necessary ingredient for some to desire sex a great deal, while others require less. Some have a high sex drive but they may not want to have sex with many people to satisfy it. Maybe they want to find that one person they can be with then they will enjoy having it more. But sex drive is not defined by need as much as it is by want. I think the person who wants it but doesn't need it probably has more power in a sexual relationship, especially if they can get it whenever they want it. Although the person who needs it (e.g. sex addict) may use others to satisfy the desire and doesn't care who fulfills it. But that's not likely healthy in the end for either person. Because usually feelings become involved.

 

[just me]

@Asa , They called them mistresses.

 

[CosmicINFJ]

View attachment 35163
(my daughter was curious why I have this gif on my desktop, I didn't answer)

the Gif that keeps on Giffing

 

[Asa]

@Asa , They called them mistresses.

Yes, they do! There is no male equivalent title. :/
Tangent: It is interesting that 'mistress' was once a title of authority, and had nothing to do with sex. The equivalent 'master' still has the same meaning 'mistress' once did.

But ... my point before was... I think a lot of people (of whatever gender) want total loyalty, but aren't willing to compromise in the bedroom, and that doesn't work long-term. Hopefully, people learn to compromise with their partners a bit more.

@Gale - Agree.

 

[hush]

Yes, they do! There is no male equivalent title. :/
Tangent: It is interesting that 'mistress' was once a title of authority, and had nothing to do with sex. The equivalent 'master' still has the same meaning 'mistress' once did.

I've actually still seen mistress used as a title of authority and the equivalent of "master," as it's supposed to be. In (ahem) BDSM for instance, one can find the terms master/mistress quite happily still in use. Kind of makes one wonder about its most common usage nowadays, though. Given that etymologically speaking the term, essentially, quite simply stems from old French, the feminine equivalent of master, a position that implies power and authority over a person/people... It's interesting to consider how that came to be a modern term for a man's lady on the side.