Loner? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Loner?

marty44 said:
I have always hated social situations.Really hated them and like to live a withdrawn life from society.I found this quote today in relation to being an INFJ-"are affiliative; get stressed and cannot survive for extended periods without company ."
Anyone else the same and how are you surviving if you are?
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well, I also hate most social situations (I think they demand much of myself. I allways end up pretending to be like anyone else just to stop people from worrying about me). it's been a while since I actually had a good time with another person (I've been an "hermit" for the last 2 years), but now I don't feel bad. I'm already used to it, so I don't need any company :)
 
I am new to all this and have only just discovered all this about personality, but it has explained a lot about my life and why it is the way it is. I enjoy my own company but also feel the need to be alone, even though I am very social. People do consider me odd though and now I better understand why!! Are we (as a group) also supposed to have difficulties with relationships??? I often feel crowed by a relationship and have just ended one with a ENFJ because i felt swallowed! Who are the :m171:best types for us little odd bodds???
 
Overtime, I've developed a loner complex.

I may be empathetic and accepting towards most people, but I find it difficult to dream the dreams they dream, or want to live the life they want to live.

Also being a loner has served as a defense mechanism from others. I have an unusually vivid imagination for someone my age (I suppose most of them are jaded) and get made fun of for it quite often :/

Someone once confessed to me, the only reason why he and so many others were willing to befriend was because of my looks. I dislike interacting and having vapid conversations with overly shallow people.
 
I feel that I am happiest when I am left alone but still around other people.

I don't like to be ignored, but when I have a task to do and it is understood by everyone, and we are all working as a group and we are all focused--that is my favorite way to socialize.

Now if everyone was asking me questions or engaging me in small talk I wouldn't last long. But I like listening to other people talk amongst themselves. And if there is a kind E in the room, they might refer to me during the banter and I glow inside with happiness.

However, if the whole room turned and said "what do you think?" I'm looking for the door.
 
For me, its about balancing interaction with being alone. If I do either for too long I get uneasy and need to move towards the other. I really dont even like parties that much because I feel like I need to go into ESTP mode to have fun and be appreciated. I rarely feel completely comfortable and I always feel like I need to be doing/saying stuff that isn't me.
 
Zanshin said:
For me, its about balancing interaction with being alone.
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That's the key methinks, everyone has different needs when it comes to solitude/socialisation and finding the healthy balance as an individual is more important than how much any one person spends alone.

I'm contented and happy being alone but I need to interact with people on a regular basis.
 
Who has that most applicable quote in their signature block? "Solitude is my blessing' isolation is my curse"?

Very appropriate....Very accurate.
 
I enjoy being alone,or at home with just my kids and husband. But once a month(maybe twice) I enjoy going dance with my friends. It is just us really. When we are out we tend to form a circle and not allow anyone in. Big parties make me uncomfortable, because everyone wants you to interact with them and make the boring bs small talk. And then when you say what you want you are considered odd. If that makes any sense.:m092:
 
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People tend to see me as a loner, but i don't really feel like one. I bond closely to people and care a lot although i need to be alone to recharge. And, well, i like social situations such as parties with a lot of people, as long as there is a possibility to "disappear" now and then for ... recharging.
 
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Truthfully, I dislike being completely alone sometimes. And it shows when I seek out for someone online to talk to. It's a very taxing feeling that I'd like to have happen less and less. I feel like I don't know what to do, that I should be doing something, and thats rare for me to feel that way 100%. But then again it depends on your life experiences that may have taken a toll on yourself.
 
100% loner, with no feelings of loneliness. However, people easily get into my life - I don't mind that sometimes, as long as I can keep my distance if I want to.
 
There is nothing I love more than a hermit buddy. Complete isolation makes me feel what might be described as existential isolation. I feel fundamentally cut-off from humanity to a smothering degree. If there is no one I can trust, it is a nightmare. However, socializing in groups drains my energy and is something I can't do for long. I went to a boarding school during high school years and never once did someone come to my room. There is a way that I am cut-off socially by my nature. This is what makes some kind of connection important.
 
I spend all day alone with my baby, until my husband comes home from work. Sometimes my son and I will go to my mom's studio and hang out with her and her business partner. I've been lonely where I had no one to talk to or go to if I wanted to and I've been alone but had people I could go to if I wanted. I would not consider myself lonely now. I was a lonely loner when I was younger. I think that's why I got picked on in school. I much prefer to be alone, but have people close-by that genuinely care about me.
 
I dislike society because most of what society believes in I do not. It makes it impossible to relate or have any interest in society. I would say I am a 'loner' for that reason alone.
 
I have a habit of disappearing whenever my family gets together. After joking with 13 uncles and aunts, and so many cousins, I have to recharge.

:m100:
 
Julia said:
Complete isolation makes me feel what might be described as existential isolation. I feel fundamentally cut-off from humanity to a smothering degree.
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As usual, you put thought into words exquisitely. I know that precise 'smothering' feeling that stems from feeling cut off from people.
Like slant, I disagree with the consensus views and attitudes. But I really despair about not bonding and blending with people.
So, unfortunately, I am a loner.
I wish I knew how to be outgoing and vivacious.. Instead, I am dreadfully socially awkward and rigidly secretive and reclusive. I've been told I'm getting worse with it and I literally have a fear that someday, I will become a hermit. Isn't that odd? To be one way and pine to live the other?

How very Jeckyll and Hyde of me..
 
alt ctr del, I can see where you are coming from.

In my experiences I am socially anxious and almost intimidated by the thoughts of socializing but for the life of me I wish I wasn't. The few times I go to parties I sit back and observe everyone making connections and communicating and I want nothing more than to stand up and do so myself, I just can't find it in me. I try to be socially involved as much as possible (meaning I spend a lot of time with friends and 'meeting' new people) but no matter what I do I feel distanced from what ever it is people are talking about or doing.

So yes, I think that makes me a loner.
 
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