Loner? | INFJ Forum

Loner?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by marty44, Aug 10, 2008.

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  1. marty44

    marty44 Community Member

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    I have always hated social situations.Really hated them and like to live a withdrawn life from society.I found this quote today in relation to being an INFJ-"are affiliative; get stressed and cannot survive for extended periods without company ."
    Anyone else the same and how are you surviving if you are?
     
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  2. Silently Honest

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    I consider myself a loner, but have never gone a day without some kind of interaction, weather online or IRL.

    Truth is no one is an island, and everyone needs company from time to time. I find I need to go to my friends if I am stranded alone for too long.
     
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  3. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    me too. It's not healthy to be completely alone, but I dO think it is healthy for an INFJ to have a closet for as long as they need to recharge after socializing.

    I went to Colorado a few years ago with my family and my sister's hubby/kids. I skipped going to church with them to get three hours of nothing but me. I think my dad was the only one who completely understood what was going on. My mother yelled at me, as did my sis and her husband. But I didn't mind. It happened after I was "better". I had the necessary energy reserves to deal with that kind of drama. I just needed time to find them again.

    But I do sometimes crave to be more social than I am. The problem is in learning how to deal with overstimulation. I want to be social, but I don't want it to be such a drain on me.
     
  4. Silently Honest

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    This has happened to me many times. I have come to learn that It's not a concept that most understand, and it's a shame, as these are people you love and they love you.

    I still haven't figured out a way around this, they believe you should grow up, and you believe they should try to understand... really it isn't a fun place to be.
     
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  5. gokartride

    gokartride Community Member

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    I have a pretty good balance between social interaction and alone time, and that helps. I may be home all day on the weekend, but choose to dine at a local place where I know lots of folks. I get "just enough" interaction that way.

    During the week (mass transit and work) I am pretty social, but I do enjoy dining alone as a "break." I have always had a lot of acquaintances from work and commuting, but I know none of these people really know me...so internally I also have plenty of that alone time.
     
  6. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I need my human interaction to remain sane. Isolation leads to depression and boredom.
     
  7. OP
    marty44

    marty44 Community Member

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    I feel like such an introvert sometimes that I want to go live under a pillow.A big comfortable pillow.A pillow with a beach and a speedboat and a tropical bar and,and and................................. :?
     
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  8. wormheart

    wormheart Newbie

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    Oh, definitely under a nice and warm pillow.
    In winter they're freezing caves ):
    Reminds me of the time my friend grew a bubble blister after poking around in an esky.


    "Loners, if you catch them, are well worth the trouble. Not dulled by excess human contact, nor blasé or focused on your crotch while jabbering about themselves, loners are curious, vigilant, full of surprises. They do not cling. Separate wherever they go, awake or asleep, they shimmer with the iridescence of hidden things seldom seen." -Anneli Rufus
     
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  9. Shaz

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    I'm pretty similar. I need time on my own, a decent amount of it, but also some interaction. Quality interaction though (not always possible). I love spending time with people when I feel we are similar in some way, or we can exchange something, etc.

    I'd say I need more time on my own than with people though. Maybe 70/30?
     
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  10. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    I love you both so much right now!! Marty, I'd go with you, but, you know, that alone time is nice . . . ;)
    Then again, anyone like me is not likely to be emotionally exhausting . . . ? Hm.
     
  11. OP
    marty44

    marty44 Community Member

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    :oops:
     
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  12. littlesapling

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    i chose to be a loner by preference at one time or another, then again i'm sure alot of infj's tend to do this to... some, not as suddenly as others...but it happens...
     
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  13. littlesapling

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    this is perhaps, the coolest yet comforting quotes i've ever read. thank you for sharing it. :)
     
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  14. littlesapling

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    same... although sometimes i just wish i knew or life unvealed to me that one ultimate friendship that i always long for...then i wouldn't need anybody else to talk to really...
    hehe, the other infj...
     
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  15. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Sometimes I would like to have more friends than I do but I'm just not a very friendly person, I'm too distrustful in other people, I don't share much of myself and I think most people find that boring. I consider myself nice and kind but not friendly...
     
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  16. otaku

    otaku Newbie

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    I enjoy social interaction however awkward it may be. I crave intimacy (not necessarily sexual, but yes that to) but for me its always a one on one sort of thing or an intellectual thing. I have trouble making small talk and such. I'm in college now for instance and in class I'm fine its outside of class (or with people whom don't share my interest in study) that I struggle most. IN general though I do enjoy being alone with my thoughts etc but I have to know someone is near and cares etc
     
  17. Black Swan

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    This is the very reason why I've come to this website. I enjoy being around other people, but I won't willingly do it and I have to be in a forced environment (like work) for an extended amount of time before I'll get past the superficial conversation regarding myself and my life (conversations are generally focused on the other person's life). So I tend to be a loner because people think it's rude when your very sociable one day and they repeatedly invite you out to lunch and you don't want to go. If it does go to the next level of friendship and I've opened up a little and they invite me out...we'll setup things to do, and then last minute I'll find ways to back out of it even though I know I'll probably enjoy myself. It's like I have unexplained feelings of fear and dread and would rather curl up on the couch and read a book on a Saturday night. The person that I'm closest to (friend wise) is my boss, how pathetic is that? He is great and I really enjoy his company, but in about a week he won't be my boss anymore and so company policy wouldn't prevent us from being friends. However, I don't know that I have it in me to be a friend, and not only that, I don't think I'm compatible with his group of friends, I'm too eccentric and they're very straight-laced and mainstream. I don't have a "best friend" (not counting my husband). I have general friends, where I share various common interests, one I can discuss politics and religion with, another I share the same taste in books and movies, another shares my same kind of humor, etc. I'm starting to think I'm incapable of having a close relationship with anyone outside of my husband. (Sorry for the long rant).
     
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  18. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    That's quite alright.
     
  19. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    im a loner, yea... when i was growing up, i would always find a place to hide to eat. i would be hidden away behind the couch to eat anything...

    i find that occurring even now, i eat either hidden by myself or with someone that i know and trust...

    but i like to be social too... i just can't do too much of it otherwise it would just be too draining...

    i am like the cats here, whenever i just need to be by myself, i just wander off to be by myself... that's just me recharging...
     
  20. Yukon

    Yukon One

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    Extreme Loner

    I have always been a fairly extreme loner. I have some friends, but I prefer to go for weeks without seeing them, or anyone socially. I lived in
    Calgary for a couple of years, and until I ran into an old friend and we went out for drinks, I didn't realise how long it had been since I had a
    conversation with anyone. I lost my voice within 30 minutes.

    I have a hard time being around people for more than an hour or two,
    even family. As for relationships, I've been single for 4 years now. I
    don't want to be, but have a very hard time, initiating and maintaining
    any kind of relationship. I tend to be secretive. I lived with my last
    girlfriend for a while, and it was painful. I am not sure what the
    answer is for me. Right now it seems unlikely that I will meet someone
    who can, or is willing to understand
     
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