Is lonelyness a signal of extroversion?

[Kaipaus]

Myself, I'm a funny sort of introvert, because I dislike being alone. Sure, I need alone time (with my dog) every once in a while, but if I am alone for, say, a whole day or two, I become sad and lonely and I need to be around people-- but not just any kind of people. I want to be with close friends and family. I don't want to be in a big group. So that's the bit that makes me an introvert.

I also would like to have more friends than I have now... and especially friends that are closer than my current friends. For me, the quality of my friends counts more than the quantity, so that's another bit that makes me an introvert.

A third thing that makes me an introvert is that, although some people have said that I am outgoing, most people see me as peaceful and quiet. I like to talk (when I have something to say) but still, I am reserved in groups and usually just listen to what others have to say when in a big group.

What also makes me a bit extroverted-ish is that I can share my thoughts and plans even if they are not perfectly well-thought-out and well-prepared, but I suspect this could have something to do with Ne. (This quality of mine makes some people think that I change my mind a lot, which isn't entirely true-- it's just that I often communicate my thought processes, suggestions, hypotheses and ideas before I have even made up my mind about anything!)

So yeah, you can feel lonely even if you are an introvert, and you can even have some "extroverted" qualities in you and you can still be an introvert, if your introverted qualities are more prominent.

 

[Julia]

I think there are various types of introverts and extroverts. I know I'm an introvert because I get exhausted by large groups of people and any large doses of external sensory or emotional stimuli. Even shopping wears me down. Feelings of complete isolation are a problem for me also. I need a confidant, at least one true, tangible friend who loves me. I need a hermit buddy. This doesn't mean we talk all the time, but just know each other is available. It is a kind of shared introversion.

The times I went without this were quite painful. I went to a religious based boarding school for most of my high school years and experienced the deepest isolation of my life. It felt almost like being a ghost to feel so much pain and be surrounded by so many people either oblivious or simply not concerned. Thankfully that time passes and life changes.

Part of the depression of isolation is to assume there is something inherent about it that will endure for a lifetime, and that is not the case. The one certainty we have is change. When life is painful that is a hopeful truth. Even if you are shy and reclusive, this will not by its nature cause you to be alone your whole life. You will make meaningful connections in your life and feel relief from the loneliness.

 

[myst]

I know some researchers who study why teachers and other adults don't do anything about bullying, and how to change it. They sure as hell need to hurry up.

Thinking back to when I got harassed through middle school and high school, sometimes I think if I had told an adult loudly enough, they might have done something. My parents didn't know what to do. Some of my teachers didn't care. Now I think the school counselor would have been a good person to talk to, but back then I thought people would just make more fun of me if I talked to her. I don't know, she had too many students to help, but she might have helped a little.

When I went to college everything got better, and I think it's because the kids with the behavior problems didn't go to college. I wish I had known sooner how much it would help to be away from them. Now I don't think all the kids disliked me in high school. A lot of them just didn't make any effort to be friendly because they didn't think about it, or they were a little afraid of getting teased themselves, but they might have been friendly if I hadn't been afraid to try.

Being a girl, I never got beaten up, just shoved and spit at. I wish I could call the police and get all the violent bullies locked up.

 

[overainbows]

I do have interests and I will like to get involve in an activity, however , my bad reputation has been carrying with me, kids can be really cruel. since 5th grade (I was 9 and I skipped a grade). I accidentally pee myself in my pants..I'm an extremely nervous person and I just let it go..it was not my intention...Since then I been bullied by everybody, so badly that there was this huge plot formed against me, everytime I walked in the school I would be spit at or punched, then I would sit in my desk, the girl next to me will kick me everytime I would just move, the teacher wa salways out so he did not really noticed anything, and of course the girl was the most popular girl in the school so everybody would just defend her, I been kicked,punched by all the boys and right before school ended they accused me of touching girls where I was not suppose to..I knew this was a lie!!but of course majority always has to rule, luckuly nothing happened though my parents got really mad at me, blame for it and I got beaten..since then I been afraid of people, avoiding nay sort of eye contact..everyday i would just find myself reading a book, trying not to cause an problems though the kids always came from time to time to tell me how much of a looser I am..since then, everytime I tried to meet someone special who i can relate to they all turn out to not really care, when the rumor is spread about me, they always turn their back against me, and it hurts seeing that..they act like your friend completly and then suddenly act like they don't know you or they hate you just because of those syaings like ''do not talk to that kid'' etc etc..I don't get why people still do this, I try to be nice, I try to help the best way I can, I even feel guilty of letting some kids copy my homework of of me, but when the rumors spread around, everybody signals me with wrong eyes and turns their back one me. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm complaining or anything..I just needed a place to release my feelings.

I was bullied since I was 5 up to 15 and I went to many different schools but sooner or later something happened and it would start again and I was also bullied by teachers. Once I also pissed in my pants in front of everyone. I've never been beaten because I'm a girl, but once 4 boys were gonna beat me by the end of the class and I hided until my mom went picking me up.

My best advice to you is to talk to a counselor. Do it!

Back in my time studies about bullying were just starting in the US and I'm not from the US and unfortunately things are only starting to be discussed now here and it's gonna be a loooong way until the problem gets to be known as it is in our educational system.

During that time I talked to my parents and they didn't know what to do and went talking to teachers, but because of what mentioned about that time's reality, the schools had no structure to deal with it and sometimes their 'solutions' only made things worse for me.

Nowadays it is different! If you talk to a counselor (s)he will know what to do and will also know how to talk to your parents. You're really in a bad situation specially because your parents don't believe you so it's really important that you talk to a counselor, otherwise you'll continue to be alone and I can tell you by my own experiences: it does a great damage in our lives and things don't have to be like this.

And about your question, it's not a sign of extroversion. Everyone needs contact with people who'll value them. Introverts get energized by time alone but also need contact with people in order to be healthy.

 

[Top cat]

sorry this is happening to you, especially at such a young age.. did you do anything in particular that maybe sparked this? even if by accident

i'm actually just recovering from this kind of situation (several actually)... it's really frightening. and there were no children in my case-- this is from adults, 25 to as old as 60. i think evil comes out of ignorance. most people are too trusting and will believe what someone says about someone (especially if said with a lot of emotion), rather than trying to see things objectively. i couldn't get anyone on my side either. it's so frustrating that in the end, even good people think you are the bad one rather than the victim.

i think the best thing would be to find someone who will believe you and they might be able to tell your parents. you might also want to consider seeing what you can do on your own... i know it's very hard to be alone, it's normal, but you have a lot of power on your own.
i found this great blog of an introvert the other day. he talks a bit about living independently and taking better care of yourself