Is lonelyness a signal of extroversion? | INFJ Forum

Is lonelyness a signal of extroversion?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Raccoon Love, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. Raccoon Love

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    Ok, lately I been feeling very down, I don't really know anybody or have a friend or even an ''acquaintance''. I have always pretty much been by myself my whole life, no friends, no one to talk to, pretty much depressed, isolated and avoidant of any form of social communication in my daily interactions with people. Lately though, as I'm battling through depression, I been having feelings of lonelyness, of wanting someone there who I can actually talk to, who understands me, someone who's loyal, who is willing to befriends me, who is sensitive about my emotions and my thoughts and who does not back stab me, of course this has only aid to my depression a lot more. My question is, Is desiring to befriend someone so badly because you just need that best friend who's willing to understand you a sign of extroversion? I been doubting this because if I were really an introvert wouldn't I actually be energized by this, instead of feeling lonely even though I'm going trhough depression?
     
  2. Entyqua

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    everyone gets lonely...even us uber secluded hermit types...On some level we all crave human interaction, for introverts its just more intimate closeness, than random. An extrovert craves people yes, but do not care if they are close friends or complete strangers, Introverts crave people who they are close to.
     
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  3. OP
    Raccoon Love

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    Ok, thanks now My question is, if your one of those extreme uber secluded hermit types..how do you battle with this? How can you actually get yourself out of that spot and try to befriend someone? It's been very hard for me..I just can't do it..I feel shy, ike I'm going to fail, and it has done so in the past, when I try to be a little more communicative, people ignore me, they think I'm weird and hate me because of it..
     
  4. Entyqua

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    I know the feeling...I always feel so out of place in every group I am in. Luckily My ENFJ bFF always helps me out. Honestly I would have NO friends if it were not for her. All I can suggest is if you have a group of people you normally hang out with, you need to be proactive. I know its a hard thing to do when talking about socializing. But when theres a topic of conversation you can jump in on, JUMP...Sometimes I hide my very shy demeanor by being the class clown. Sometimes you have to put on a mask and let them like your alter ego, before you removed the facade and show them who you really are.
     
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  5. Gaze

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    If you can get involved in a group centered around an activity instead of putting yourself out there with the idea that you are doing it to get involved with people, it may take the pressure off and allow you to make friends. I think it is easy to be self-conscious when you are approaching a social situation with the sole intention of meeting people. By instead, focusing on an activity or common interest, you may feel less nervous.
     
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  6. foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

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    okay sry, I actually bothered to read this time. I'm really sorry for not doing so before.
    My advice is maybe start at the begining. Is their any particular reason you're feeling so unconfident to begin with? Is it due to a particular issue like low self esteem that your trying to over come, a negative expirience that you've had or is it because you just haven had much parctice in conversationand are unsure of what to say? Sort our the particualr root or roots of this problem, and then work on over coming them from there :)
     
    #6 foureyes, Oct 5, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2009
  7. OP
    Raccoon Love

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    I do have interests and I will like to get involve in an activity, however , my bad reputation has been carrying with me, kids can be really cruel. since 5th grade (I was 9 and I skipped a grade). I accidentally pee myself in my pants..I'm an extremely nervous person and I just let it go..it was not my intention...Since then I been bullied by everybody, so badly that there was this huge plot formed against me, everytime I walked in the school I would be spit at or punched, then I would sit in my desk, the girl next to me will kick me everytime I would just move, the teacher wa salways out so he did not really noticed anything, and of course the girl was the most popular girl in the school so everybody would just defend her, I been kicked,punched by all the boys and right before school ended they accused me of touching girls where I was not suppose to..I knew this was a lie!!but of course majority always has to rule, luckuly nothing happened though my parents got really mad at me, blame for it and I got beaten..since then I been afraid of people, avoiding nay sort of eye contact..everyday i would just find myself reading a book, trying not to cause an problems though the kids always came from time to time to tell me how much of a looser I am..since then, everytime I tried to meet someone special who i can relate to they all turn out to not really care, when the rumor is spread about me, they always turn their back against me, and it hurts seeing that..they act like your friend completly and then suddenly act like they don't know you or they hate you just because of those syaings like ''do not talk to that kid'' etc etc..I don't get why people still do this, I try to be nice, I try to help the best way I can, I even feel guilty of letting some kids copy my homework of of me, but when the rumors spread around, everybody signals me with wrong eyes and turns their back one me. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm complaining or anything..I just needed a place to release my feelings.
     
  8. Entyqua

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    Kids are so horrible, I had a very rough go of school as well. Have you asked for counseling, if not do. If so ask your counselor to speak to your parents about switching schools. I am very sorry your parents believe all those people above you. Its absolutely horrific. You are the victim of extreme hazing and no one will do anything about it. My heart goes out to you, because I understand.
     
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  9. foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

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    Omg I'm about to cry! I wanna hug you right now soo badly! :( </3
    Kids are just . . . people can be so cruel. They just do what . . . omg that's awful. Sry I sound like an idiot but that's terrible. I'm so sry. :(
    It's just cause people are stupid. They just do all they can to conform. It's cause they are scared weak people. They pick on you because your different, they don;t understand you so they torment you because of it. And another part of it is is that they are just doing what they think they're supposed to. They're mindless sheep. Like society tells them through movies and such that people make fun of the pee kid so that's what they do. They know not what they do. They are ignorant fools. And all the rest are scared to associate with you because they are frightened and don't want to have to suffer the same fate you have. I'm so sry sorry. That's so terrible. It's injust.
     
    #9 foureyes, Oct 5, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2009
  10. Entyqua

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    I want to cry too, but mostly I'm angry.:m140: I wanna call that school, or the parents and tell them what utter imbeciles they are. Or beat some heads in!!!

    :m133: Opps my violent side is showing again!
     
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  11. the

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    Nope everyone gets depressed, although I can see how that question is derived from a logical connection. Good thinking.
     
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  12. Faye

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    Loneliness is probably more a sign of introversion than extroversion because introverts tend to value fewer but more deep connections with others which are more difficult to come by. This is probably not absolute though.
     
  13. Goatman455

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    Perhaps, but extreme introverted people I find have less need for the friends. I think loneliness is most common in introverted extroverts, extroverted introverts, or extreme extroverts. Ok that's a bit general I know, it covers about 80-90% of people at least. What do you think?
     
  14. OP
    Raccoon Love

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    Well, My I has always been very polarized(almost all the way through 100%), nut I think there's one point in someone's life where you just can't take it anymore and need the company/comfort of someone who understands you..you don't have to be a loner to have a very polarized I, unless I think there's other factors, so in reality I think anybody can get lonely..I was not sure about this myself, but after reading some of the answers people posted here, which I thank for their understanding of what I'm going through i learned that lonelyness is something anybody can feel throughout their life and more if your going trhough something such as depression.
     
  15. Goatman455

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    Yeah think of what you miss out on if you don't feel lonely. I would feel emotionally lonely if I could never feel lonely, like that emotion wasn't there to keep me company, I am so alone without my loneliness.
     
  16. Duty

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    Humans are social creatures, and as such, we need positive validation. There is no exception I'm aware of, and even very polarized introverts (I'm very introverted) need positive validation. Go read some Carl Rogers. :)

    So no, loneliness is not a sign of any personality attribute...it is a sign that you need people who value you and share your values/outlook.
     
  17. Faye

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    That is what I would think typically, but what I was getting at is that it is the quality and not the quantity that would account for more when it comes to friends. You might need less friends, but you still need at least 1 friend.

    I'm sure there are many many lonely people both extroverted and introverted. I have no idea how we could accurately assess whether one is more prone than the other, but my guess is that the more a person wants to be deeply valued, connected, and have a high level of intimacy with someone, the more likely they are to be lonely.
     
  18. Goatman455

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    Oh yeah, everyone needs some connections you know. No one is completely introvert or completely extrovert. I am an extrovert who prefers fewer quality friends vs more quantity, so really any combination is possible.


    I have also noticed some people really need romantic relationships all the time and they tend to be lonely socially. Others need friends a lot, and can be lonely with romantic relationships.

    I wish I could eliminate the loneliness from the world, because it really is a horrible feeling. It's like being starving and then when you get some food it feels so great. You know, posting on this board is a cure for loneliness too.
     
  19. Faye

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    Yeah. I think that I am a person who really needs an intimate relationship but cannot acquire and/or maintain one easily.

    That is the metaphor that I use for loneliness as well- like hunger. I do think posting on this board helps with loneliness, which is probably why I'm addicted to this forum.
     
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