Introverted guy, extroverted girl | INFJ Forum

Introverted guy, extroverted girl

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Orion, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I need help comprehending how this could work. I bang on about it a lot and I keep going back and forth in my mind about how an introvert could get on with an extreme extrovert. It causes me anxiety to no end. It's not like I'm a hardcore I, I'd consider myself on the light side of it and occasionally dip into the E when I'm comfortable or when the situation demands it.

    I just can't seem to get round the idea of it. I know the common remarks are that an Introvert act's as a rock to an Extrovert. That they compliment their attitudes and add another dimension to their thinking but really it seems quite....wishy washy.

    I feel I can engage this person when in quiet or one on one situations but the rest of their life seems to be absolute chaos. I just can't comprehend where I would fit in. I want to know how they, as an Extrovert, would view me. I'm also worried that when said person figures out that I'm not really into parties and clubbing and all that, that she'll probably tell me to do one. I'm not ashamed of my introversion and I consider myself pretty confident as one but the extroverts on this forum and others who are aware of the MBTI, are enlightened about the whole affair. She however, maybe not be. I should probably just see what happens, that would be the best answer to my question but I wanna come across as best I can and that means settling my curiosity.
     
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  2. Sithious

    Sithious Well-known member

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    It's the perfect match. They balance each other out, and I'm personally looking for an extroverted girl.

    Besides, opposites attract.
     
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  3. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    It can be hard to make an extrovert understand that you don't like always going out or being in the center of the action, but with some patience and communication it can be done. If she's an extreme extrovert, it may be hard for her to slow down enough to accommodate, but that has to be taken on a more individual basis -- my best friend is a very extroverted ESTP, but it's worked out for us somehow.

    There's really no clear-cut "it will" or "it won't." It's very much an case-by-case thing -- it works for some, and it bombs for others.
     
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  4. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    I love E girls, if I had a preference I would choose an E over an I just because I am already an I and its nice to have a better half that is able to act as the front man for the relationship hahaha.
     
  5. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Best bet is to be as natural as you can be around her, don't vamp up the sociability too far beyond what is normal for you, if she's into you based on what she sees (and vice versa) then the differences in social lives shouldn't be a problem. Don't indicate that her preferences are yours if they're not, it's all about having realistic expectations.

    And from my pov, introverts are very, very tasty. I like one on one conversations with y'all and I like the way introverts often treat those they care about differently, cracking an introvert open is like the greatest pi
     
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  6. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I see what you're saying but everyone says that. What exatly does that mean? How do we balance each other out and why is it said to be so easy, when society deems introverts as not the ideal.

    My best friend is an ES...something something... and yeah we work well together but we don't really see each other that much. We would probably kill each other if we spent to long together. And that's just friends. If I was going out with someone then maybe we would start to grate? Obviously I wouldn't want to be around them all the time, god no.

    Lol, I was kind of hoping I would be the front man but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Do you not struggle in anyway? Have you ever met a women who found your introversion puzzling?

     
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  7. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Btw I don't necessarily agree that a relationship is better with an I and an E, it is my personal preference but I've seen plenty that work well with two of the same.

    Most of the people that I chose to surround myself with are introverts, they are who I am naturally drawn to, I'd say the biggest part of it is the fact that they hold back a little, extroverts are generally pretty easy to read and I prefer a challenge, extroverts are my go-to-gang when I want to let lose, get wild and run amok, but introverts are where I have my deeper relationships. I like discovering people slowly over time, I like being shown something that is not usually shown, I like drawing people out of themselves. Introverts intrigue, captivate and challenge me, I have to figure out what they're thinking.

    There is also nothing loudly extroverted about me, I draw my energy from external stimuli but I am not overly talkative or sociable so I don't find an introvert who isn't into socialising strange.
     
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  8. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Wow, you rock.

    But yeah, that is very interesting. But do you feel you can have fun with introverts as well? After all, deep relationships still need fun and all that.
     
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  9. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    It's because one talks while the other listens. Plus, you don't have to keep worrying about starting small talk with an extraverted person.
     
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  10. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Well...that seems quite simplistic and it doesn't really settle my question. I personally talk ALOT. I'm shit at small talk but that's because I don't really see it as a proper form of communication.

    I'm trying to move past the obvious observations and really see what it is that supposedly works between an I and a big E.
     
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  11. Lurker

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    Oh of course, my main focus is fun, adventure, discovery and all that jazz, if someone can't have fun with me then we're not going to be coming from the same place or have the same values and a friendship would never be close. Fun and humour are most important to me and something my close friends all have.
     
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  12. slant

    slant Leave me be

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    Not for me. I strongly dislike extroverts. Myself and an extrovert never work, always ends in blood....
     
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  13. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Huh. What is it exactly about extroverts that you don't get along with?
     
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  14. slant

    slant Leave me be

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    They're always interacting with a ton of people and 'busy'. If I want to hang out it always has to be with a ton of people, and if I do get an extrovert alone I have to constantly entertain them because they don't have the benefit of having five or ten people to shift their attentions on. They typically flutter from person to person and although they don't do it intentionally, it seems rather superficial.
     
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    #14 slant, Aug 14, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009
  15. OP
    Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I actually completely share your sentiments. It kind of depresses me because they all seem to have so much going on while I just have my old, boring "normal" amount of things to do. Which again is why I'm perplexed how such a relationship could work, I would've thought a busy extrovert would see my not so busy life as something to sneer at, hence they wouldn't naturally get involved. No one has satisfied my questions thus far, which strange considered where we are.
     
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  16. Moonbeam

    Moonbeam Newbie

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    Hi Yield, sorry, I won't be able to answer your question either. I was hoping someone further down the thread would have. I've asked myself that same question many times... As I am also an Introverted male. It seems that an Extraverted woman would find me quite boring, and unable to keep with her "life in the fast lane" lifestyle.

    However, I hope it helps you to know you're not alone. :)

    Along a similar train of thought, for some reason I seem to most often meet "Thinking" women. And I am way on the "Feeling" side (somewhat rare for a guy I guess), it doesn't seem to make a very good match... As if we follow stereotypes... the guy is supposed to be more "Thinking" and the girl is supposed to be more "Feeling".

    I can imagine a working couple with 2 Thinkings, 2 Feelings, or the traditional "Thinking guy/Feeling girl", however, I wonder how often the "Feeling guy/Thinking girl" combination works in real life... If anyone wants to comment on that, I'd love to read about it. ;)
     
  17. slant

    slant Leave me be

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    I think introverts are more interesting them extroverts though....extroverts burn themselves out by being around too many extroverts and not seeing the introverted point of view.

    From an extrovert perspective, introverts are mysterious and reserved. Extroverts respect introverts because usually they think through things easier alone- are more 'independent' and typically, introverts like myself, and very serious and accurate.

    My question is moreof, what appeal is an extrovert to an introvert? I see none.
     
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  18. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    I hate to disappoint you, but I think there isn't really a straight answer to your question. You know, this whole thing (extrovert/introvert), you don't have to take it too far. There are more important things about people than this. After all, you are dealing with people here and not the stereotypes you read about in type descriptions. It still depends on the person. Sure you have extroverts who don't understand a thing about being an introvert, but that doesn't apply to everyone. At all. But as I've been thinking about this myself before, I understand your concern.

    My best friend (and we live in the same building so we see eachother every day) is an extrovert and she understands perfectly that I don't like going out (for instance). She accepts it. I never had any problems with the fact that she's an extrovert. I mean, you can have very good relationships with E's, in my experience even better ones than with I's!

    What I want to say is that, if she likes you, she will accept you for who you are, you don't need to feel obligated to go clubbing etc.,.. I would say that I think it's best to be honest and to just be yourself. Because in the end, extrovert or introvert, this is about two people caring about eachother, which doesn't have much to do with types, or introversion and extroversion. I wouldn't concentrate on it too hard, it's not black and white, E's have their good sides! :) I really wish you the best with this girl, don't stress too much about this! (Which is easy for me to say, I know, but I'm giving you my best advice)
     
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  19. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    So first off, that confidence as an introvert is definately important to hold onto. Before I start going on too recklessly with this, let me just say that a lot of what makes people "complimentary" and then also to have that "spark" that may appear to be "conflict" has a lot to do with the proper directions of the peronality functions mapping to eachother in a compatible way.

    So in my experience, intitially Is and Es don't really appear to be quite so functional, but when it maps out properly, in my experience, some of that "conflict" is actually a very rewarding ground for both types to cover/defend, and actually produces a "spark" that does more to contribute to the actual attraction. The way that Es generally are, once they find their confident introvert to bang away on, just cannot believe what they have found. To find a person so comfortable to enter a space in their minds that they are reluctant to and be willing to talk about it. For an introvert to get ENERGY from those inward-facing spaces might actually drive some extraverts wild.

    Now it's really hard to account for how those relationships initially grab ahold and root themselves is the thing, but I can say from experience that once that attachment forms, the percieved "conflict" is actually hilariously rewarding to behold. It may even be more fun to be an introvert when you have an extravert railing on you and trying to pull you into experiences to get your unique reaction. It's the same for introverts, I mean, I love pouring my various ideas all over certain extraverts if for no other reason than to watch them squerm and bang around them with you! It's so hilarious, and it never really stops being engaging.

    So I'm close friends with an ESTP. I offend every little thing that this ESTP represents, and I do it confidently. This drives the ESTP... MAD! The ESTP occasionaly will admit to me that there is something about me unlike other people that they just don't get bored with. This is highly contrary to what I would expect... I do not consider myself a "fun" person. It's just not something that I feel like I relate to. Sometimes you hear people express what they want and they'll say things like "I just want somebody that wants to have FUN!"... And I'll say to myself, "uhuh... really... well... I don't think you are looking for me... moving on..." Well, often the people saying that may be some SJ type looking for their world to be lit up by an SP, but in many other cases, some of the spazziest extraverts are really just spewing something nearly meaningless, and who knew that the most engaging thing in the world for them would be their brain-rapping introvert. Me and my ESTP friend argue almost non-stop, and it continues to be hilarious for me, and it never stops being boring for them. Of course it doesn't have to be "arguing", but I'm just illustrating that their is sometimes a conflict-like "spark". The thing is, is it isn't truly compatible, since the negative parts of the ESTP, like the "wheeler-dealer" and "taker" part of them weigh down on me in a very draining way, and perhaps with an ISFJ, the ISFJ maybe distantly values that "go-getter" "wheeler-dealer" bent...

    I see it all of the time. Just look at a lot of the mature couples surrounding you. The majority of the whole world is made out of SP-SJ relationships, and pretty often, one of them is an introvert as well. They are on the same "wavelength", and yet, there is something very balancing that doesn't step on the toes of the other's more overt traits, and they are not only better equipped to stomach the "negative" things better than someone perfectly similar, but that may even contribute to the "spark".

    Even outside of E vs. I relationships you can emulate that "spark". NFs in relationships with NTs, even when both are introverts, can be really rewarding. On one angle, you still have someone you relate to strongly and is on the same "wavelength", on another angle you have someone that you feel there is still a very large rewarding ground to cover that sparks conversation, and then the other imporant angle is that they aren't too similar in a way that starts getting underneath your sking(which is a way bigger problem than you might expect). So to be able to combine that complimentary "wavelength" with the hilarious parts of introvert vs. extravert that maps-out type-wise properly(with directions of functions and so forth), then you may have something very rewarding.
     
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  20. foureyes

    foureyes Community Member

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    I actually think that your ? has been answered in full. To my knowledge, the obvious answer of their energies simply complimenting eachother is the correct answer.
    Meybe what your hung up on is the idea you've formed of what an extrovert must be. Fluttery, obvious, superficial, incapable of patience and "real" conversations. If that's what your idea of an extrovert is then you have the wrong impression. Extroverts are made up of as much substance as any introvert of their type. An ENFJ can be capable of as philosophical a conversation as you could hope for. As far as I can see, the only real difference between E and I, aside from the order of one of their functions is that extroverts naturally have an enthusiastic vibe which inclines them to act, while introverts tend to have a chilaxed vibe which inclines them to sit back. However, no one is completely extraverted and that high energy all the time, no matter howmuch it may seem that way, just like how even the most extreme introverts feel like talking and breaking loose sometimes.
    Or maybe what's hanging you up is that you can't imagine yourself dating a really Extraverted Girl because your only mildly introverted and your energies would clash?
    However, I think what your really trying to get at seeing how you were gender specific, Extraverted Girl and Introverted Guy is how as an introverted guy are you supposed to wear the pants in a relationship with an extroverted girl when she's constantly dominating you in conversation. If that's the case then you're sexist and need to get over your self. Trust me, in relationships just physically being of different genders is enough. There's really no need to bring phony gender roles into it.
     
    #20 foureyes, Aug 15, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2009
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