Introverted guy, extroverted girl

[Jana]

I know few couples with that combinations. They are fine. Don't trouble youself with MBTI more than you need.

 

[Orion]

I hate to disappoint you, but I think there isn't really a straight answer to your question. You know, this whole thing (extrovert/introvert), you don't have to take it too far. There are more important things about people than this. After all, you are dealing with people here and not the stereotypes you read about in type descriptions. It still depends on the person. Sure you have extroverts who don't understand a thing about being an introvert, but that doesn't apply to everyone. At all. But as I've been thinking about this myself before, I understand your concern.

Yes, I understand this. But from my experience most don't. The few that do turn into my best friends and those people are awesome and I value them for there understanding in me. However, when it comes to going out with someone it's just uncharted territory for me.

What I want to say is that, if she likes you, she will accept you for who you are, you don't need to feel obligated to go clubbing etc.,.. I would say that I think it's best to be honest and to just be yourself. Because in the end, extrovert or introvert, this is about two people caring about eachother, which doesn't have much to do with types, or introversion and extroversion. I wouldn't concentrate on it too hard, it's not black and white, E's have their good sides! I really wish you the best with this girl, don't stress too much about this! (Which is easy for me to say, I know, but I'm giving you my best advice)

I know I am probably taking it quite deep, but only because I want to ask questions not just for my benefit but for others as well. The classic answers to the I/E thing are only surface deep which frustrates me so I want to delve a bit deeper. And yes this thread is a product of me stressing too much but only because I want to do right by her.

So in my experience, intitially Is and Es don't really appear to be quite so functional, but when it maps out properly, in my experience, some of that "conflict" is actually a very rewarding ground for both types to cover/defend, and actually produces a "spark" that does more to contribute to the actual attraction. The way that Es generally are, once they find their confident introvert to bang away on, just cannot believe what they have found. To find a person so comfortable to enter a space in their minds that they are reluctant to and be willing to talk about it. For an introvert to get ENERGY from those inward-facing spaces might actually drive some extraverts wild.

Now it's really hard to account for how those relationships initially grab ahold and root themselves is the thing, but I can say from experience that once that attachment forms, the percieved "conflict" is actually hilariously rewarding to behold. It may even be more fun to be an introvert when you have an extravert railing on you and trying to pull you into experiences to get your unique reaction. It's the same for introverts, I mean, I love pouring my various ideas all over certain extraverts if for no other reason than to watch them squerm and bang around them with you! It's so hilarious, and it never really stops being engaging.

So I'm close friends with an ESTP. I offend every little thing that this ESTP represents, and I do it confidently. This drives the ESTP... MAD! The ESTP occasionaly will admit to me that there is something about me unlike other people that they just don't get bored with. This is highly contrary to what I would expect... I do not consider myself a "fun" person. It's just not something that I feel like I relate to. Sometimes you hear people express what they want and they'll say things like "I just want somebody that wants to have FUN!"... And I'll say to myself, "uhuh... really... well... I don't think you are looking for me... moving on..." Well, often the people saying that may be some SJ type looking for their world to be lit up by an SP, but in many other cases, some of the spazziest extraverts are really just spewing something nearly meaningless, and who knew that the most engaging thing in the world for them would be their brain-rapping introvert. Me and my ESTP friend argue almost non-stop, and it continues to be hilarious for me, and it never stops being boring for them. Of course it doesn't have to be "arguing", but I'm just illustrating that their is sometimes a conflict-like "spark". The thing is, is it isn't truly compatible, since the negative parts of the ESTP, like the "wheeler-dealer" and "taker" part of them weigh down on me in a very draining way, and perhaps with an ISFJ, the ISFJ maybe distantly values that "go-getter" "wheeler-dealer" bent...

I see it all of the time. Just look at a lot of the mature couples surrounding you. The majority of the whole world is made out of SP-SJ relationships, and pretty often, one of them is an introvert as well. They are on the same "wavelength", and yet, there is something very balancing that doesn't step on the toes of the other's more overt traits, and they are not only better equipped to stomach the "negative" things better than someone perfectly similar, but that may even contribute to the "spark".

Even outside of E vs. I relationships you can emulate that "spark". NFs in relationships with NTs, even when both are introverts, can be really rewarding. On one angle, you still have someone you relate to strongly and is on the same "wavelength", on another angle you have someone that you feel there is still a very large rewarding ground to cover that sparks conversation, and then the other imporant angle is that they aren't too similar in a way that starts getting underneath your sking(which is a way bigger problem than you might expect). So to be able to combine that complimentary "wavelength" with the hilarious parts of introvert vs. extravert that maps-out type-wise properly(with directions of functions and so forth), then you may have something very rewarding.

(Bows)

That was AWESOME Hinsoog, thanks for that. I need to read it a few more times for it to sink in but it's definitely some stuff to think about.

 

[Fizzitster]

I know an introverted couple that seems to be just fine together. The only issue was when one of their kids turned out to be an extreme extrovert, and all the others in the family were introverts. Everything turned out well, though.

 

[Orion]

I actually think that your ? has been answered in full. To my knowledge, the obvious answer of their energies simply complimenting eachother is the correct answer.

Exactly OBVIOUS ANSWER. The purpose of this thread was to dig deeper into what "Energies simply complementing" actually means. It seems like only a surface answer to a much more complex dynamic. That answer doesn't satisfy me and it shouldn't to anyone else on here.

Meybe what your hung up on is the idea you've formed of what an extrovert must be. Fluttery, obvious, superficial, incapable of patience and "real" conversations. If that's what your idea of an extrovert is then you have the wrong impression. Extroverts are made up of as much substance as any introvert of their type. An ENFJ can be capable of as philosophical a conversation as you could hope for. As far as I can see, the only real difference between E and I, aside from the order of one of their functions is that extroverts naturally have an enthusiastic vibe which inclines them to act, while introverts tend to have a chilaxed vibe which inclines them to sit back. However, no one is completely extraverted and that high energy all the time, no matter howmuch it may seem that way, just like how even the most extreme introverts feel like talking and breaking loose sometimes.
Or maybe what's hanging you up is that you can't imagine yourself dating a really Extraverted Girl because your only mildly introverted and your energies would clash?

I don't know what your problem is but let me tell you, you're making a lot of assumptions about me. Firstly, I completely respect and understand extroverts. My best friends are an ENFJ, ESFJ and ENFP. I don't have a single introverted friend. They are fucking awesome people and the relationship dynamic between us is great. I do not have a wrong or skewed impression of extroverts. According to you, the only difference between an Introvert and an Extrovert is that one is more "relaxed" then the other. Wow. That's really great insight there. Congratulations.

However, I think what your really trying to get at seeing how you were gender specific, Extraverted Girl and Introverted Guy is how as an introverted guy are you supposed to wear the pants in a relationship with an extroverted girl when she's constantly dominating you in conversation. If that's the case then you're sexist and need to get over your self. Trust me, in relationships just physically being of different genders is enough. There's really no need to bring phony gender roles into it.

Well, for all your insistence that extroverts aren't "Fluttery, obvious, superficial and incapable of patience" you've assumed that my relationship with this particular girl has her dominating me in conversation. Well it's the opposite actually. Like I said, I talk A LOT. If someone wants to listen and I like listening to them, then I love to talk about my feelings- to this girl especially. That's why I feel connected with her. She is strong, confident and assertive and so am I but both in our different ways. You've taken the distinction between Introverted guy and extroverted girl and thought that I must be some kind insecure sexist. Fuck off.

I created this thread so that I could better understand her because I want to be the best I can to her. Calling me sexist is so completely off base and insulting.

 

[foureyes]

My mistake

I'm sorry. I see that I had gotten the wrong impression for various reasons. Again, I'm truly sorry. To upset you was not my intention.
I really do make way to many assumptions when I read posts on the internet. If I can't understand something I start to play scenarios in my head where things would make more sense. It's something I really need to watch myself for.
I was just very confused because to me the answer just seems so . . . simple. (NOT trying to insinuate you're dumb) One person talks a little more, the other a little less and together they balance each other out in conversation. One person is more energized another more relaxed and . . . well the same, they just balance eachother. But that's probably just me being too practicle and lacking insight.
Do you hate me now? Fuck. Please, don't hate me. Its just my idiotic tendencies. Really. I didn't meant to be so enrageing. Wasn't my intention at all.

 

[AUM]

I'm sorry. I see that I had gotten the wrong impression for various reasons. Again, I'm truly sorry. To upset you was not my intention.
I really do make way to many assumptions when I read posts on the internet. If I can't understand something I start to play scenarios in my head where things would make more sense. It's something I really need to watch myself for.
I was just very confused because to me the answer just seems so . . . simple. (NOT trying to insinuate you're dumb) One person talks a little more, the other a little less and together they balance each other out in conversation. One person is more energized another more relaxed and . . . well the same, they just balance eachother. But that's probably just me being too practicle and lacking insight.
Do you hate me now? Fuck. Please, don't hate me. Its just my idiotic tendencies. Really. I didn't meant to be so enrageing. Wasn't my intention at all.

I know this isn't my business but don't feel bad Foureyes. I don't think Yield or anyone else in this thread will hate you for stating your point of view. I must be clear that it was kind of agressive the way you presented yourself on the previous post but that doesn't mean that it's an excuse for people to hate you. Don't worry, be yourself ok and have a nice day

P.S sorry for intruding

 

[foureyes]

Last Dawn that is soo nice of you! *Amazed by INFJ sensitivity*
I'm still waiting for Yeilds reply, but thank you. I appreciate that.

 

[Orion]

When anyone starts a thread on here, they are opening themselves up a bit. Whatever problems or issues or questions they have can be viewed and discussed respectfully. On the flip side, any random person can register and start ripping it to shreds. I was just incredulous at the manner in which you just burst on here and start assuming things. The people on the forum are awesome and understanding. We get to know each other first before we past judgements.

There are people on here with pretty extreme or alternative views, but they are respected and their opinions are taken into consideration. There are real people behind these screen names and avatars. Being called a sexist for trying have a deeper understanding of the dynamic between introverts and extroverts is simply not on. As you said, the answers seem simple to you, but when you hear it constantly, like these assumptions shouldn't be challenged or delved into deeper, the arguments start to get weak and old. So I'm looking for something more substantial because I know there is a more substantial answer.

Ugh, anyway, RIP thread.

 

[youinfj]

This may sound cruel, but how much high maintenence is an introverted guy? In other words, how much does the other person in a relationship have to keep at it to keep the relationship working? Will the introverted guy ever pick up his side of the slack and be aggressive? Some people are fine with giving love and expressing it, and I know not everyone wants to hear it all the time, but with an introverted person, will they ever hear that he cares? Show that he cares? How do introverts show love with a person they feel comfortable with? With they ever volunteer to get up and kiss and hug the person or is it always going to be the other person who does that to an introverted person? Will he always withdraw to a corner and the other person have to drag him out?

Just wondering if I should enter a relationship with an introverted guy or back out before it gets too late.

Also how lined up in interests, hobbies, ideas does one have to be with an introverted guy? Aren't they judgemental? Again, I'm not trying to be mean, just want some answers. Thanks for anyone helping out.

 

[analyst]

I've gotten to the point that I only date extroverted girls. I find that they challenge me and bring me out of my shell a bit. I mean, it's not like I don't want to go to the parties, gatherings, etc. Dating a girl who's super heavy E is really cool, because it challenges your introvert to not be so strong. And as you say, you'll open up one on one, and she'll see your side of things, understand why it makes you tired and your need for quiet time.