INFPs: Being reserved and needing space | INFJ Forum

INFPs: Being reserved and needing space

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Gaze, Oct 24, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Gaze
  1. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,385
    Messages:
    28,114
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,675
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    INFPs: Being reserved and needing space


    Are you reserved? How and when? How do people respond to this aspect of your personality?


    Are you someone needs a lot of personal space or private time? How much much and when? How do you think this affects your relationships - whether positively or negatively?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    703
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I am often very reserved, specially among those I don't know well. I express emotions easily and at times can be quite talkative, but I make sure to not reveal much of my private life to anyone. When I am home is when I am most reserved as I do not have much communication with my parents. I often don't like them to look through my stuff, and end up alone in my room, listening to music and doing my own likings.

    This has really not been a problem with others, though it can make the process of forming relationships much harder. The ones I am building know this side of me. This is mostly a problem with my parents, who believe there's something wrong with me and don't understand why I keep so much to myself.
     
    Gaze likes this.
  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,484
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    35,601
    Trophy Points:
    1,387
    Location:
    fantasy world
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    I'm reserved a lot of the time because I tend to be slow to react. I usually think about things before saying them. I also think this: "Is it worth it to even mention that, do I even want to get involved in that conversation?" Because small talk and some conversations can be really draining. So I'm usually doing a cost/benefit analysis of opening my mouth.

    I'm also reserved because I'm shy. I'd rather be overlooked than speak up and make a fool of myself. In person I USUALLY only speak when I'm convinced and confident I'm right... which takes me a long time to figure out--which brings me back to being reserved because I have to mull things over.

    People respond fine either way. I don't know. I actually don't really care unless it has to do with my work, then it matters to me if someone feels I'm distant--I mean if a client thinks that.

    I've been told by my coworkers that they were unsure if I even talked because I was so quiet with them. I've had it hinted to me that some more outgoing employees are uncomfortable with me because I'm quiet. It kind of annoys me because I'm thinking to myself, "Do you ever stop talking and think about things?" Which I'm sure is a pretty arrogant thought--but it's not like I say it out loud anyway.

    The one thing that I think is true for myself from INFP descriptions is that INFPs tend to be overlooked because of their reserved nature, yet when they open up they have "delightful" senses of humor. I do feel overlooked, but I welcome the privacy and anonymity it affords me. Those who know me see the chatty silly side.

    I do need space. Lots of mental space and physical space. I don't like hugs from acquaintences or strangers and I hate being in crowds. I can't stand having my mental space encroached upon by constant banter and questions. The close relationships that I have are not affected by this, because those I'm close to knew this when they met me. I am capable of really deep connections with people, I'm just really choosy about it....

    I let people I'm close to know that I need privacy and space in a way that hopefully doesn't make them feel like I'm alienating them. I am very careful about letting it be known... so it's not been an issue. Besides, I usually only need like one day a week of being alone and doing my own thing. It's not like I go for weeks or months of solitude.
     
    #3 acd, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    Gaze likes this.
  4. under skies

    under skies Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2010
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    637
    Likes Received:
    107
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I can be extremely open, but only with people I really, really super trust and when I'm speaking to them one-on-one. I might have one or two actual secrets that I won't tell anyone... I also tend to filter anything I would consider negative until it's coaxed out of me.

    With most people, however, I feel like they get a very filtered version of me. When I'm in large groups, I can either completely blend into the wall or I can switch into extrovert mode and play the class clown. Either way, people aren't seeing the parts of me I most strongly identify with: my emotions, my sensitivity, and what I'm truly passionate about. So, yeah, even when I'm "open" and friendly, I'm still very reserved.

    When I'm in extrovert mode, no one seems to notice that I'm blocking out parts of myself. When I just sit/stand in the corner quietly, people ignore me. When it comes to my friends, most of them are extroverts, and I don't think they quite understand my introversion... Anyway, they tend to be much closer to each other than they are to me. I accept this. I suppose I'd have to try harder to be more social to keep up with them, in a sense, but I feel like that would kind of ruin the friendship because I'd be no fun to be around, anyway.

    As for alone time, I am probably a bit more introverted than most introverts. I spend a lot of my time alone in my room. I try to make contact with my closest friends (many of them attend different schools) at least once every two weeks. If I don't think of it that way and follow that schedule, I tend to keep putting it off, and I'll easily lose touch with people I truly care about. I never mean to do that, but I can sort of... zone out quite easily because of my extreme introversion and lose track of time.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    rawr likes this.
  5. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,385
    Messages:
    28,114
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,675
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    +1. I don't mind being more extroverted if it will make someone more relaxed. But in the end, I use extroversion as a strategy. It's not a natural mode of operation. So, it's interesting when people respond to my being extroverted as if they are relating to the real person when it's really a persona.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #5 Gaze, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
  6. DefectiveCreative

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    81
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5 so/sx
    Most of the time. Like under skies I'm only ever really open with the people in my life I absolutely trust. As for how reserved I get, that can vary from only talking in response to questions to near complete silence, depending on the circumstances (usually the more strangers there are the quieter I get).

    Little kids don't seem to mind (not that I really interact with any these days) and adults just seem to peg me as "a quiet one". When I was a teen however I'd say most of my peers probably thought I was stuck up.

    Yes, lots and lots of it, practically all the time in fact. For example I'm currently living with my folks, and I spend most of my time in my room even though I get along well with both of them. I also only see my closest IRL friend for a few hours about once a week, but that's fine by the both of us (he's an INTP). If I have to spend a long time in the same space as people I'm not especially close to I tend to zone out pretty quickly.

    I can go a really long time without seeing or talking to anyone, which means it's usually them that get in touch with me rather than the other way around, which I'm sure must get irritating sometimes. But most of the people I'm closest to are introverts, so I expect my long periods of silence tend to bother them a little less than it does the extroverts.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,385
    Messages:
    28,114
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,675
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    I like interacting with people (one person or very small circle of people), and sometimes feel a little out of it when i haven't spoken with a friend in a while. But i'm not a crowd person. I do treasure my personal space. At home, with my family, i tend to be somewhat reserved. usually when i get home from work, as a way to breathe and detox, i need some alone time. But i am also one of those people who doesn't mind sharing the same space with someone as long as we can do our own thing. Just because we are in the same physical space doesn't mean we need to do something together or speak. Sometimes, people really don't appreciate the benefits of quiet, because we are socialized to think that any kind of speaking means we are saying and doing something productive, or if someone is too quiet, then something must be wrong. Which of course, isn't true.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #7 Gaze, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    acd likes this.
  8. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Threads:
    100
    Messages:
    3,861
    Likes Received:
    1,155
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4
    I tend to live in extremes, I'm very reserved, but once I feel comfortable I lose my boundaries and become not reserved enough. I say many things I wish I didn't. Also: I NEED MY SPACE. My parents think I have porn in my dresser, and on my computer. I'm always locking the door, and yelling "DONT GO THROUGH MY CLOTHES!!" (My porn is in my car... :) ) "WHY SAM WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?!" NOTHING. JUST GET OUT.


    I really do need my space, which is why I thought I was an infj.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    under skies likes this.
  9. SamE

    SamE Community Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    586
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I resent the implications, goes and finds a hammock in a basement, sips a bottle of water.
    Ha, I'm paying my ass off in rent so I can have the privilege of having my own personal space and private time.
    Relationships...lets not even go there.
     
  10. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    1,269
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Very quiet and reserved around new people or larger groups. Unless that is I find that certain type of extrovert I can play off of. Then I come alive and appear to be a different person.

    I love time alone, and cherish it when it comes my way.
    Just this past weekend my Wife went off with her friend to the cabin. That's cool, but was I was delighted when I learned my 20 year old son was going to be out of town at a conference with a group he belongs to at the same time! I had the house to myself all day Saturday and Sunday.
    Well, me and the 2 dogs, but they're good company.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Threads:
    100
    Messages:
    3,861
    Likes Received:
    1,155
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4
    INFPs:


    How does this describe you?

    INFP - The Dreamer

    Profile by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow

    INFPs focus deeply on their values, and they devote their lives to pursuing the ideal. They often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. They are creative, and they seek new ideas and possibilities. They quietly push for what is important to them, and they rarely give up. While they have a gentleness about them and a delightful sense of humor, they may be somewhat difficult to get to know and may be overlooked by others. They are at their best making their world more in line with their internal vision of perfection.



    Living

    INFP children often create their own fantasy world and live very much within it. They may daydream about what is important to them, and sometimes others wonder if they are in touch with reality. They often get lost in their thoughts and books, and may develop a special ability in communicating, such as writing. They are somewhat reserved, especially in new situations.

    INFPs decide early on what is important for them, what is of value. They tend to rely on themselves for direction and are reticent to ask others for help. They would rather do things themselves, to make sure they are done properly. INFPs have found this to be both a strength and a curse. Depending only on themselves and being careful not to show mistakes to others is important. As teens, INFPs may have a bit of a rebellious streak. They may argue with those who hold different values than they do. They are also likely to have a small, close set of friends with whom they share good times. In the comfort of those close relationships, they can relax and are often quite entertaining, since they see the world in a different and special way. Their sense of humour is readily apparent. However, unless an INFP finds an appreciation for his or her uniqueness and personal values, he or she may feel like an odd person out.

    When they set their minds on things, INFPs are not likely to give up easily, yet because of their outward gentleness, they do not show their determination. They may not take a direct path, but somehow they reach their dreams.

    As young adults, INFPs may have some difficulty finding the ideal career and the ideal mate, in part because of that very word 'ideal'. They have a vision in mind of what they want, yet reality may not follow suit. They may make several starts and stops in their career until they find a comfortable place for themselves.

    INFPs have a need for perfection in connection with their personal values. They become frustrated with those who dwell on trivialities.

    INFPs need a purpose beyond the paycheck. They become burned out easily if their job does not fit their value system; they may not feel good enough about what they have achieved and, as a result, may undervalue themselves and their contributions.

    In retirement, INFPs need to look back and feel that they have led a worthwhile life that has made a difference. They want time for a variety of activities, including travel. They may also be very attached to their family and enjoy special visits with them.



    Learning

    INFPs learn best in flexible situations where they know the teacher takes a personal interest in them. They like to be able to interact with their peers, but not too much so. They want to feel free to dig into subjects that are of interest to them. Having both flexibility and creativity rewarded is encouraging to them. While they may not enjoy deadlines, if they value the assignment, they will meet those deadlines. Deadlines may force INFPs to decide that their work is 'good enough' to turn in.

    Subjects that hold a great deal of interest for them are learned readily. They will often do extra work in their attempt to learn as much as possible about something of interest. And they often read assignments carefully and them work their creativity into the given framework of the assignment. Thus it may appear that they did not pay careful attention to the details of the assignment in their reinterpretation. It is best if they have teachers who appreciate their unique approach and who do not hold them to the letter of the law.



    Working

    At work, INFPs contribute their creativity, their value system, and their ability to work with others. They are able to see the larger picture and how specific programs fit in. They do not dwell on the trivialities or the details. Their job must be fun, although not racous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.

    INFPs like to work with cooperative people committed to the same values that they are. They can become bothered when they see others working at cross purposes, especially when conflict is overt. They do not like competition or bureaucracy. They need privacy. Calm and quiet appeal to them, as does time and space for reflection. People usually like working with INFPs even though they may not know them well.

    INFPs are quite disorganized. But when tasks at hand are important and best done in an organized way, INFPs strive to do so. Practicality is not a driving force for INFPs. Things that traditionally belong together may not be placed together because the INFP does not see it as necessary. They have trouble finishing what they start because of their perfectionistic nature. When they do finish a project, they may not consider it done 'for good.' Projects can always be improved upon, revised, and reworked, and therefore INFPs find it hard to bring tasks to closure. Because they are able to visualize the finished product long before it is done, the actual completion is of less importance.

    INFPs prefer occupations in which they can be involved in making the world better. Having their heart in their work is important to them. These occupations also allow for an element of creativity and flexibility. INFPs are particularly interested to be counselor, editor, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, journalist, psychologist, religious educator, social scientist, social worker, teacher, writer, and other occupations that engage their values.



    Leading

    The INFP leadership style is subtle, gentle, indirect, and inclusive of others. INFPs do not confront people head-on, but rather work with them and through them to get the job done. Their style is not an aggressive one but is highly persistent; only reluctantly do INFPs assume leadership roles.

    They lead with their values in mind, and these guide them. They prefer not to take a hands-on approach with others but to allow them to achieve in independent ways. They are facilitative rather than directive. They encourage others by appreciation and praise. Critiquing others does not come easily to them.

    INFPs seldom confront situations directly, in part because they do not like conflict. Whenever possible, they would rather wait for a situation to work itself out, since they trust that people will work things through. They do not like following all the rules and regulations, but they are not overtly rebellious. They seek to get things done in their own style.



    Leisure

    Leisure activities are very important to INFPs, but at times it is difficult for them to separate work from play. When a new leisure pursuit is found, INFPs typically do a great deal of research. They may read many books and make several phone calls to dig for information.

    Many of the INFPs' leisure activities are done alone --- reading, listening to music, and gardening are some activities likely to appeal to them. Reflection time and the opportunity to make sure things are right are important. INFPs often enjoy leisure pursuits with loved ones as well. When they want to be sociable, they can be exceedingly charming and outgoing. Their flexibility, gentleness, and sense of humour can make them quite popular in social situations.



    Loving

    For the INFP, love is a very deep commitment, and one that is not easily attained. They have ideals, and therefore reality may be carefully scrutinized.

    With their ideal firmly envisioned, the first date with that special person is carefully planned and prepared for, and often every aesthetic thing is taken care of. The flowers are in place, the right wine is ordered, and the proper meal is prepared.

    INFPs may have difficulty sharing their feelings about others. They keep so many of those feelings inside that they may forget to tell their partner how much they love and appreciate them. They also need reminders of their partner's love.

    When things go wrong in a relationship, the INFP takes it to heart but does not readily discuss it with others. They may not be willing to communicate to let others know how they are feeling. When scorned, they are very hurt and may overreact in an almost maudlin way.

    Profile by David Keirsey

    INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant. They have a capacity for caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a cause. One word that captures this type is idealistic. At times, this characteristic leaves them feeling isolated, especially since INFPs are found in only 1 percent of the general population. INFPs have a profound sense of honor derived from internal values. The INFP is the Prince or Princess of mythology, the King's Champion, Defender of the Faith, and guardian of the castle. Sir Galahad and Joan of Arc are male and female prototypes of an INFP. To understand INFPs their cause must be understood, for they are willing to make unusual sacrifices for someone or something believed in.

    INFPs seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect. They often have a subtle tragic motif running through their lives, but others seldom detect this inner minor key. The deep commitment of INFPs to the positive and the good causes them to be alert to the negative and the evil, which can take the form of a fascination with the profane. Thus INFPs may live a paradox, drawn toward purity and unity but looking over the shoulder toward the sullied and desecrated. When INFPs believe that they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. The atonement, however, is within the INFP, who does not feel compelled to make public the issue.

    INFPs prefer the valuing process over the purely logical. They respond to the beautiful versus the ugly, the good versus the bad, and the moral versus the immoral. Impressions are gained in a fluid, global, diffused way. Metaphors and similes come naturally but may be strained. INFPs have a gift for interpreting symbols, as well as creating them, and thus often write in lyric fashion. They may demonstrate a tendency to take deliberate liberties with logic. Unlike the NT, they see logic as something optional. INFPs also may, at times, assume an unwarranted familiarity with a domain, because their global, impressionistic way of dealing with reality may have failed to register a sufficient number of details for mastery. INFPs may have difficulty thinking in terms of a conditional framework; they see things as either real or fancied, and are impatient with the hypothetical.



    Career

    At work, INFPs are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are well aware of people and their feelings, and relate well to most, albeit with some psychological distance. INFPs dislike telephone interruptions and work well alone, as well as with others. They are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. They can make errors of fact, but seldom of values. Their career choices may be toward the ministry, missionary work, college teaching, psychiatry, architecture, psychology-and away from business. They seem willing and usually are able to apply themselves scholastically to gain the necessary training for professional work, often doing better in college than in high school. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, as do the other NF's, a remarkable facility for languages. Often they hear a calling to go forth into the world to help others; they seem willing to make the necessary personal sacrifices involved in responding to that call, even if it means asking others to do likewise. INFPs can make outstanding novelists and character actors, for they are able to efface their own personalities in their portrayal of a character in a way other types cannot.



    Home

    As mates, INFPs have a deep commitment to their pledges. They like to live in harmony and may go to great lengths to avoid constant conflict. They are sensitive to the feelings of others and enjoy pleasing those they care for. They may find it difficult to reconcile a romantic, idealized concept of conjugal life with the realities of everyday living with another person. At times, in fact, INFPs may seem fearful of exuberant attainment, afraid that current advances may have to be paid for with later sacrifices. The devil is sure to get his due if the INFP experiences too freely of success, or beauty, or health, or wealth, or knowledge. And thus, INFPs guard against giving way to relaxing in the happiness of mating. They may have difficulty in expressing affection directly, but communicate interest and affection indirectly.

    For INFPs, their home is their castle. As parents, they are fierce in protection of home and family and are devoted to the welfare of family members. They have a strong capacity for devotion, sympathy, and adaptability in their relationships, and thus are easy to live with. They are loyal to their family and, although they may dream of greener pastures, if they stray into those pastures they soon locate the nettles. The almost preconscious conviction that pleasure must be paid for with pain can cause a sense of uneasiness in the family system of an INFP, who may transmit an air of being ever-vigilant against invasion. In the routine rituals of daily living, INFPs tend to be compliant and may even prefer having decisions made on their behalf, until their value system is violated! Then INFPs dig in their heels and will not budge from ideals. Life with an INFP will go gently along for long periods, until an ideal is struck and violated. Then an INFP will resist and insist.



    Midlife

    At midlife INFPs may want to increase mastery of intellectual interests, perhaps taking advanced degrees in a chosen profession. They also may want to explore the sensual side of their natures, expanding their aesthetic appreciations to include physical sensory appreciations. Extending social activities and contacts may offer new horizons for INFPs, but they will have to guard against overextension psychologically, for before, during, and after midlife the vulnerability and sensitivity of the INFP will continue, and he or she can easily become emotionally drained.



    Mates

    The INFP questor probably has more problems in mating than any other type. Let us be mindful of the relative infrequency: about 1 1/4 percent, say two and a half million people in the USA. Their problem lies in their primary outlook on life. "Life," says the INFP, "is a very serious matter." Now when a person makes his life a kind of crusade or a series of crusades, then there's bound to be some taxing of the spouse. If the INFP takes the other tack, the "monastic" (and the same person can tack back and forth-now a crusader, now a monastic), the spouse will find himself again taxed, trying to draw the monastic out of his dark meditative cave.

    The opposites of our crusading monastic seem well equipped for this alternating-phase taxation: ENTJ and ESTJ. Both are anchored in the real world with a vengeance. The ENTJ marshaling his or her forces toward distant objectives, the ESTJ administrating in a solid, dependable, and traditional way whatever is his or hers to administer. Both provide anchorage to a person who might otherwise get lost in meditation or in crusade. Selection of a mate of irrelevant form (e.g., an ISTP artisan or an ESTP promoter) would not be the wisest of tactics in so serious a business as life.


    Sigh. That fits me perfectly. Way more than the iNFJ profile could.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Gaze likes this.
  12. orangeappled

    orangeappled Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Are you reserved? How and when?
    My default state is rather neutral and quiet. It takes a lot of energy out of me to express emotion; I avoid it. Unfortunately, I get accused of coldness or snobbishness because of it. To top it off, I am shy, and my level of timidity further inhibits interaction with people.

    My inner self is very intense though, and when this comes out in even a fraction, it can be too much for people. It's like cold or hot and little inbetween. IRL, I don't usually display this part of myself unless close to someone though. It feels very vulnerable.

    How do people respond to this aspect of your personality?
    They project all kinds of stuff on to me, ranging from "sweet" to "aloof". I've actually had people tell me I can seem intimidating, which I find hilarious, as I'm quite sure I am more intimidated by them. I'm sure some people find me dull, and others strange & awkward. I'm much better one-on-one, and it has to involve a topic that touches on something I care about. I'm hopeless when it comes to chit-chat, and a lot of social protocol feels phony to me. Despite this, I do seem to connect with some. I draw a lot of broken people, looking for "free therapy", but I also find some are fascinated by my quiet nature. It's like they know something is going on inside, and they're determined to uncover it.

    Are you someone needs a lot of personal space or private time? How much much and when?
    I need copious amounts of alone time and space. I fill this time with thinking mainly....you know, pondering the meaning of life and all that important Fi stuff :D. I also read, draw, write, listen to music, and do research into whatever topic I am currently obsessed with (Jungian Typology, anyone?). I would say that after about 3 hours of people time, I get antsy to be alone. I also require privacy; I need physical space as well as mental space.

    How do you think this affects your relationships - whether positively or negatively?
    I am definitely one of those INFPs who drops off the face of the earth every now & then, leaving friends & family to complain that they never hear from me. My concept of time is poor. I am lost in my head. I'm also extremely independent and guard my autonomy closely. I pull back from people if I feel them infringing on my freedom. In romance, this is a problem; I can be a commitment phobe, and I become resentful of someone if they demand too much of my time. My ESFP ex wanted to talk on the phone everyday for HOURS. It drove me nuts. I started to feel suffocated; breaking up with him was such a relief. I admit I am a loner also. I'm content to go places & do things alone; although, often this is because so few seem to share my interests. The thing is, I really do want and need close relationships, but balancing that need with my need for space can be difficult.
     
  13. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,385
    Messages:
    28,114
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,675
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    +1. Very similar.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Threads:
    100
    Messages:
    3,861
    Likes Received:
    1,155
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4
    How do INFPs feel about reading?


    Sorry LOL. I'm new to this "INFP" business LOL.


    I love reading new stories, or types I've not read before. However "classics," such as Shakespeare bore me beyond tears. Oh, and Shakespeare was an INFP. So naturally I actually don't read that often, because I can't find new material that often.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  15. orangeappled

    orangeappled Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    ^ Love to read (the stereotypical INFP is quite a bookworm also)....I'm not a fan of genre fiction though. I tend to prefer classic literature or literary fiction. I'd say a good chunk of what I read, a lot of people might find boring. Page turners are nice, but I want to feel like my life has been changed when I finish a book. I want a new perspective. I love that feeling when you finish a book and it continues to resonate within you.
    --------

    The first is an exceptionally good profile, IMO. It managed to not make INFPs sound fluffy or ridiculous or like saints. The Keirsey description is a little too saint-like for me though. Keirsey is very much a behavioralist, which makes his profiles feel stereotypical to me.

    I'm not really one to draw people together; I'm much more of a loner. I can seem gentle to some, but pricklier to others. It depends on their perspective, what they're projecting, and my mood.

    I think I show some determination. People around me have noted it. I've certainly been called stubborn.

    I NEED and thrive on deadlines. Nothing like PANIC to make me innovative and get me working.

    I don't think I had this problem. I never had a teacher say I did not follow instructions.

    Not inaccurate, but I want to emphasize organization when something is important can be very perfectionist. Inferior Te (extroverted thinking) is coming into play. All of a sudden, there is a right way & a wrong way, and I am annoyed if it is not done correctly. It's also important to emphasize that not finishing something is due to having extremely high standards, not laziness. I may give up if I feel that my vision cannot be adequately met in reality.

    I'm not a bad leader, I just don't care to do it. I'd rather be thinking up ideas than managing people.
    Critcism in my head is easy. I just don't like to hurt people's feelings. I am honest though, and I usually find a diplomatic way to express criticism without too much trouble.
    I'm not quite that passive; especially if something is important to me, then I will confront it very directly. I think when an INFP ignores bad situations, they've often worked the problem out in their head, without consulting the other people involved. This is because we work feelings out best alone. I also can imagine sooo many different ways a person may react that I may feel I need a ton of time to prepare for each; it's a little paranoid. A few bad experiences can set that in motion though.

    I call this a "subtle" rebellion. I tend to follow principles; rules annoy me. I may even test them on occasion.


    It's important to note these causes are not always humanitarian (although they might be). It could be anything, even small things in daily life. Often, an INFP's lifestyle reflects their values very directly.

    Important to note that logic is not the only form of reason. An INFP will see logic as serving the purposes of Feeling, or value-based thinking. Often, matters of significance have noting to do with logic, but they are still dealt with rationally through a reasoning process.

    I call BS. I love the hypothetical, and think in these terms a lot. This statement is totally off for me.

    I'm not much of a nurturer, honestly. I'm so lost in my head, that I may forget to show I care (it's bad, I know). I hate conflict, but I can be temperamental and even argumentative if pushed. I'm not a doormat at all. One thing I am good at is not insisting on my way all the time, and I am sensitive to other people's emotions.

    This paranoid martyr stuff does NOT resonate with me. I also don't take life that seriously....I see it more as something to explore.
     
  16. Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    703
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I love reading :):), I love all genres, but I mostly enjoy fantasy. I also love my science textbooks, they fill my endless curiosity. Shakespeare was was awesome, one of the historical figures I admire the most :)
     
    #16 Raccoon Love, Oct 27, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2010
  17. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,484
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    35,601
    Trophy Points:
    1,387
    Location:
    fantasy world
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    I prefer to read books that are written so that I'm able to explore a different time or place through someone else's mind, like I have to come to understand the character and how they think.. Then I feel like I'm thinking with two minds. Hard to explain, it's like I'm reading the story and thinking a lot about what I'm reading and then drawing all sorts of outside connections to the material.. hype Ne.. I'm a very active reader.
    I get pretty immersed in stories. When I was younger and in school I remember sitting in class and reading during a study hall and the people sitting across from me at the table were laughing and making fun of me because of my crazy and intense facial expressions as I read. I had completely forgot where I was and didn't notice them until someone next to me tapped my arm to bring me out of my trance.
     
    #17 acd, Oct 27, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2010
    purplecrayons likes this.
  18. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,720
    Likes Received:
    465
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    whether I'm reserved or not depends on how much accepted I feel in a group and how open and sincere they are towards me. So it varies between being invisible and being the centre of the conversation although the last one doesn't happen very much. If I smell even a little dishonesty and fakeness I shut down completely to that person and they will never see the real me.

    when I'm with someone that is very open, honest and sincere towards me, I can completely open up, say what is on my mind (sometimes to much), I'm happy, joke around, tease them and show my affection and loyalty. And if that person reacts on my in a good way, that loyalty and affection can grow very deep.

    since some months I have a new colleague (boss) who has been really honest towards me. He tells me what is on his mind, he shows me all the time how much he appreciates me, by the way he treads me and even in words. The longer I work with him, the more I feel at ease and can open up to him, the more I appreciate him and visa versa. For people like that I can go through fire if I have to
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,385
    Messages:
    28,114
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,675
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    +1
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. Chenoa

    Chenoa Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2009
    Threads:
    7
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    Unknown
    I am reserved and seem to constantly need my own space. If I don't get it often enough or if the people around me are putting too much of an emotional drain on me, I tend to disconect and withdraw. Luckily, my introverted brother and stepdad understood this growing up, but my ESFJ? mom just thought it was weird and I should hang out with people a lot more. I agree with the awesomely accurate, at least for me, INFP description. I have a lot of self-acceptance problems due to a bunch of crap growing up and, as mentioned before, severe J. tendancies on the part of my mom in regard to me, my feelings and motivations and, even, my interests, which can tend to get kind of obsessive if I really get into something. One awesome thing is that I have an extremely accepting, almost to a fault, ISFP fiance who doesn't have any problems with what I like or am interested in. He jokes around about sometimes but in a friendly teasing kind of awy. Him telling me that my interest in clasical music is "weird" isn't hurtful coming from him because I know he doesn't mean that I'm weird, just classical music, which a lot of peole think is weird. But the point is he's completely accepting of me and who I am and trying to be and, to me, that's the most important thing in a relationship, provided the one being accepted isn't deliberately hurting themselves or others. It's also such a relief to know that there are others like me out there and that it's not quite so lonely as it sometimes feels. Thanks.
    Chenoa
     
    #20 Chenoa, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
    Gaze likes this.
Loading...

Share This Page