INFJ's And Polyamory *multiamory*
- Thread starter Chessie
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Hey guys, first off, I apologize for not responding sooner, but I've been pretty busy with work lately.
ACD - That is a very good question, as I contemplated that as well. How can both of us come together and mutually choose the other? In our small circle of friends, almost all of them are poly, so we have learned a lot from their experiences, etc. I guess it all comes down this... Which one do both of us feel a very strong connection to and which one do we think would a.)benefit and accept their role in the relationship and b.)how her and I would benefit from it. I think it's a very meticulous process that will spark a lot of conversation, but I think it should be done that way (That's just ME though. Not all will agree.) Of course there will be differences, but nothing is perfect. That's when some compromise comes into play.
melatonin - What you've said has been very well put. I am very vocal and sometimes have make some judgements (there's the J coming out), but I have made it clearer than crystal that if I have a bad feeling about anything, then we'll have to end the relationship.
With that being said, I'm not trying to get on to the attack with what I'm about to say and please don't take offense to this. If you are offended, I apologize. Although I'm new to polyamory, I am very strong with myself emotionally. Everyone in the world has doubts and nerves when trying something new, but that's a given... Just a fact of life. Asking questions helps calm the doubts and nerves. To me, it seems like people are seeing me as weak and foolish, which could be further from the truth.
It's great to have an open discussion about it though because you can learn a whole hell of a lot, but I don't want my situation to cause strife among my fellow people at all.
ACD - That is a very good question, as I contemplated that as well. How can both of us come together and mutually choose the other? In our small circle of friends, almost all of them are poly, so we have learned a lot from their experiences, etc. I guess it all comes down this... Which one do both of us feel a very strong connection to and which one do we think would a.)benefit and accept their role in the relationship and b.)how her and I would benefit from it. I think it's a very meticulous process that will spark a lot of conversation, but I think it should be done that way (That's just ME though. Not all will agree.) Of course there will be differences, but nothing is perfect. That's when some compromise comes into play.
melatonin - What you've said has been very well put. I am very vocal and sometimes have make some judgements (there's the J coming out), but I have made it clearer than crystal that if I have a bad feeling about anything, then we'll have to end the relationship.
With that being said, I'm not trying to get on to the attack with what I'm about to say and please don't take offense to this. If you are offended, I apologize. Although I'm new to polyamory, I am very strong with myself emotionally. Everyone in the world has doubts and nerves when trying something new, but that's a given... Just a fact of life. Asking questions helps calm the doubts and nerves. To me, it seems like people are seeing me as weak and foolish, which could be further from the truth.
It's great to have an open discussion about it though because you can learn a whole hell of a lot, but I don't want my situation to cause strife among my fellow people at all.
My best friend is a polyamorous INFJ but I am a monogamous INFP. She attempted to get me to be in a polyamorous relationship with her but I declined. I'm up for trying new things but I could not share my lover and I don't want my lover to want to share me with anyone else either. I think it takes a special kind of person to be polyamorous but I am not one of them...although I do admit that I have entertained with the idea of it in my mind.
Quoted for truth. I'm the same way.
When I started dating my current girlfriend she was in another relationship. He lived in another country though, so they rarely saw each other. I was extremely hesitant to start a relationship with someone who was already in one but I liked her a lot and thought I could deal with it. They both agreed that it would be okay if they saw other people while they were away from each other. Turned out the only person who was truly okay with it was my girlfriend. She was hoping we'd all be happy together but I was jealous of him and he was jealous of me and it was all terrible.
I didn't deliver an ultimatum saying she had to choose between him or me. That would've been unfair (I had agreed to the relationship knowing she was dating him, after all). She eventually broke up with him though and we're still together.
That anecdote probs doesn't count as a true tale of polyamory but it's as close as I've ever come and I hated it. Polyamory indeed requires a special sort of person and that person is definitely not me.